Scanner : rachael ray

Rachael Ray Grabs Some Rockstar Ass

Emily Farris — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 22:59:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: Trust us, it happened. Pagesix.com reported on it. But we saw it go down.

Read more...

Caption This: Mariah Carey is Gon' Cut Rachael Ray

Emily Farris — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 17:01:00 GMT

[Image]

Scanner Highs and Lows: We're This Close to Losing it to Sarah Palin

Emily Farris — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 21:29:00 GMT

In a month we'll either get to stop hearing about Sarah Palin forever or we'll be stuck hearing about her for four years. It kind-of feels like that time when you decide you're ready to lose your virginity and just need to find someone to lose it to. You know it's either going to be really great or really terrible, but you just need it to happen already... Right? Anyone?

Highs:

We may have found a man to keep us warm this winter.

And if it doesn't work out with that guy, we might still have a chance with Michael Cera.

If we get really desperate, we got hit on by this guy (even though they guy thought we were Sarah Palin).

We finally got our hands on the Sarah Palin swimsuit competition video.

We were on the local news, and this time there were no microwave dinners in sight.

We heard that Anne Hathaway liked anal. Then that she didn't. Then you told us you like Anal Anne better.

Lows:

We were forced to think of Hugh Hefner as a classy man (damn you, Joe "Boobies" Francis!).

We got in trouble for showing peen and had to take it down. Sorry.

We let ourselves be momentarily amused by Rachael Ray.

We had to listen to Sarah Palin talk for a really long time.

And we saw her nude. Sort of.

This guy gave us nightmares.

We lost a sweet, wonderful, beautiful man.

Video of the Day: Rachael Ray Corn Porn

Emily Farris — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 16:12:00 GMT

We don't like Rachael Ray. You should know that by now. In fact, the last line of our author bio says "Comparisons to Rachael Ray are highly discouraged and may result in violent outbursts."

However, we can't help but giggle a little over this Rachael Ray Corn Porn.

Related:

Who Would You Rather: Nancy Grace vs. Rachael Ray?

What's Worse Than Chicken Pox in Your Vagina?

Today in Probably Fake Things We Wish Really Happened

Rachael Ray Sex Tape Best YouTube Parody In Ages

Sloppy Seconds: The Pregnant Man is No Longer Pregnant

Emily Farris — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 20:02:00 GMT

We have to admit, we'd be pretty fucking scared if Hulk Hogan was stalking us, so we feel you Linda. We do. [People]

We don't know what you're doing this weekend, but we're going to the vagina spa. [NYT]

Rachael Ray's people want you to eat lots and lots and lots and lots of hamburgers this weekend. Or else you're fired. [TMZ

Michael Lohan sure does like stage moms. Apparently the mother of his "secret love child" is already shopping around a record deal for the 13-year-old. [dListed]

How do we get an invitation to Lindsay Lohan's gay wedding? Because why else would she be shopping at Cartier, right? [PopSugar]

What would happen if a 500-kilometer meteorite hit Earth? For starters, we'd be fucked. [Neatorama]

Mandy Moore is single again. And oh so pretty. [GabbyBabble]

Thomas Beatie, the "pregnant man," gave birth to a healthy baby girl on Sunday. [ABC]

In Defense of Cindy "Cookie Monster" McCain

Emily Farris — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 18:57:00 GMT

Recently, Cindy McCain, wife of Republican presidential candidate Sen. John McCain, submitted a recipe to Family Circle for her oatmeal-butterscotch cookies. Only it turns out, they weren't exactly her oatmeal-butterscotch cookies. Or if they were her oatmeal-butterscotch cookies, they happen to be made the same way as someone over at Hershey's makes them — because the same recipe appears on the company's website.

Forgetting for a moment that oatmeal-butterscotch cookies sound pretty gross, I have to say, this kind of shit happens in the culinary world.

For example, I grew up thinking that my mom's green bean casserole was hers. It was creamy on the inside, crunchy on top and just plain delicious. Of course my mother had created it! Except, she hadn't. Once I started making it myself, I learned it was the recipe from the Durkee onion can. Was I devastated when I learned this? Sure. But had I not been writing a casserole cookbook and actually had to investigate and pay close attention to these things, would I have gone on thinking that my mom had created the green been casserole I grew up on? Probably.

Unfortunately, as the Huffington Post reveals, the similarities are too close for comfort. McCain didn't even bother to change anything about the recipe, save taking the name Hershey's out of it. So unless her mother passed down this recipe without telling a young Cindy that it was ripped off from the company, it's possible Cindy ripped off Hershey's on her own.

Now considering this isn't the first time the McCain clan has come under fire for stolen recipes, she should have been more careful. A few months ago, Cindy got in trouble for posting a Rachael Ray recipe as her own on John's campaign site.

But can you blame her? With all the time she spends putting on her make-up do you think she really has the time to create recipes?

[Us: Cindy McCain, Bill Clinton Plagiarize Cookie Recipe, Website Reveals]

Recently:

Spoon or Spork: Cindy McCain?

Top 5 Things McCain Should Do Now

Unauthorized Bio: McCain Had Awesome HS Nickname, Called Wife A "C-Word" In '92

Who Would You Rather: Nancy Grace vs. Rachael Ray?

Scanner Highs and Lows: The Week That Was All About The Ladies

Emily Farris — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 23:03:00 GMT

Well, it was about all of the ladies but one, and we were pretty okay with that. But seriously, if you like ladies, you'll love this week's Highs and Lows.

Highs:

Scanner Emily finally met and then got a booty call from ~~Scanner~~ Salon Sarah.

We finally understand what trust is.

Bob Dylan commented on a presidential election for probably the first time in our lifetime.

We found a new TV show about sex to obsess over.

Babeland is one step closer to Scanner Nicole, one giant step closer to a bunch of babies.

We watched a totally fucking hot Dita Von Teese striptease. A Dita Von Tease?

We agreed to show Jon Lajoie our girl parts.

2 Girls, 1 Cup birthday cake. Need we say more? Except we'd be totally down for 2 Girls, 1 Cake.

The "Sex and the City" movie made a pretty penny.

We clicked for boobies, but you should continue to do so.

We learned Scanner readers have big hearts: as of Friday afternoon, 53% of you wanted to comfort Lily Allen by sporking her.

We also learned that Scanner readers have not only a good knowledge of viruses and their plural forms but that you have good taste as well: as of Friday afternoon 88% of you would rather have chicken pox in your vagina than a Rachael Ray tattoo on your back (whew.)

Scanner Brian was really nice to Hillary Clinton.

And we saluted her.

Lows:

In the end, Clinton lost the Democratic nomination. Probably a high for the party, but a low for the Clintons (though we bet Bill is a little secretly relieved).

But we celebrated the women's vote.

Scanner Bryan left us for an Island.

We were a little saddened to hear a woman say that women can't cook and fuck well.

But this made us even sadder for women.

We asked you to help us figure out what the hell is up with all the springtime break-ups. But we still don't really know.

The man who put women in sexy pants died in France.

What's Worse Than Chicken Pox in Your Vagina?

Emily Farris — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 13:13:00 GMT

You think it couldn't get worse, right? Oh, but it can, because chicken pox ~~are~~ is only temporary.

And other things are forever. Like Hell, if you believe in such places. And if you don't believe in Hell, there's always this:

Rachael Ray on your back. Which leads us to the inevitable...

Previously:

Who Would You Rather: Nancy Grace vs. Rachael Ray?

Rachael Ray Sex Tape Best YouTube Parody In Ages

[Via Best Week Ever]

[Image]

Rachael Ray Sex Tape Best YouTube Parody In Ages

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 20:15:00 GMT

Rachael started to get us very excited and so we were ultimately disturbed by this audio clip from the sex tape Rachael Ray made before she was famous.

NSFW, but too funny to miss. You will also probably lose your (sexual) appetite for the duration of the day, so please listen with earplugs fully enabled, like Odysseus if the sirens were screeching TV "chefs" with giant teeth.

Scarf is to Terrorist as Leather Jacket is to Gay?

Katie Halper — Fri, 30 May 2008 14:22:00 GMT

Scanner Emily and Scanner Brian did a great job breaking the Dunkin' Donuts story. But there's a new twist nobody is paying attention to.

Michelle Malkin outed Rachael Ray, as the Jihadi we always suspected she was. But now, thanks to Malkinian journalism, we have the proof: an incriminating Dunkin Donuts ad in which Ray dons a Keffiyeh, a traditional head scarf worn by Arab men.

We still have to be vigilant. Who knows what cell Ray is really with. Since the Keffiyeh is worn in several countries, Ray could be worse than just a Yasser Arafat fan. She could be a Bedouin sympathizer, a Somali apologist, or even a die-hard Laurence of Arabia fan, whether man or movie? In fact, couldn’t the Keffiyeh be Ray’s red herring? Could Ray be hiding Osama Bin Laden? If not, how do we explain this terrorist gesture which was first popularized by Osama Bin Laden?

Dunkin’ Donuts tried to play on Americans’ natural freedom-loving and paisley-loving sensibility by insisting that the scarf was “a black-and-white silk scarf with a paisley design.” But Michelle Malkin saw through that silk facade and exposed the truth about Ray’s scarf: it’s cotton. And it’s an accessory of mass destruction. Malkin explained the air tight slam dunk intelligence which proved Rachael Ray’s Arab/ Muslim/ Palestinian/ terrorist affiliations:

The keffiyeh, for the clueless, is the traditional scarf of Arab men that has come to symbolize murderous Palestinian jihad. Popularized by Yasser Arafat and a regular adornment of Muslim terrorists appearing in beheading and hostage-taking videos, the apparel has been mainstreamed by both ignorant and not-so-ignorant fashion designers, celebrities, and left-wing icons.

We appreciate Malkin’s heightened post 9/11 patriotism. But we were sickened to find incriminating photos of Malkin in a leather jacket. The same woman who vilifies and conflates all Arab men, is actually promoting gay leather subculture. Let me explain:

...a Leather Jacket, for the clueless, is the traditional jacket of Gay leather men that has come to symbolize the homosexual jihad against our values. Popularized by Glen Hughes of the Village People and a regular adornment of Gay liberationists appearing in pride parades and Queen videos, leather has been been mainstreamed by both ignorant and not-so-ignorant fashion designers, celebrities, and INTERNMENT-OF-JAPANESE-AMERICANS-DEFENDING RIGHT WING PUNDITS.

Ms. Malkin. I was prepared to boycott Dunkin Donuts, as you suggested. But unless you apologize for mainstreaming gay sub culture and leading a gay jihad, I’ll have to boycott you.

Previously: Sloppy Seconds..., Losers of The Day: Dunkin' Donuts

Losers of The Day: Dunkin' Donuts

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 29 May 2008 14:10:00 GMT

Scanner Emily alerted you to the Rachael Ray ad fiasco that came to light yesterday. But we can't let the story go that easily, since there is a political element to this and now, thanks to us, a boycott of Dunkin' Donuts in the works...

First, let's take a look at the photo evidence, if you can call it that:

The above screenshot is from a Dunkin' Donuts ad that Rachael Ray appeared in recently, an image which did not go over well with Fox News, Michelle Malkin, and the rest of the right-wing do-gooder community. But what was it about this ad and this image that upset them so much?

Apparently, it's Rachael's poor fashion choice. Her black-and-white scarf, insignificant to the average eye, was spotted immediately by Fox News and others for what it really is: a terrorist beacon.

The scarf, or keffiyeh if you are a Republican crusader, "...has come to symbolize murderous Palestinian jihad. Popularized by Yasser Arafat and a regular adornment of Muslim terrorists appearing in beheading and hostage-taking videos.

"The apparel has been mainstreamed by both ignorant and not-so-ignorant fashion designers, celebrities, and left-wing icons."

If that's the case, genius, and the keffiyeh is defined the way you see it (which, thankfully, it's not) then you must also include Lawrence of Arabia, the innocent citizens of Iraq, Trent Reznor, and those Saudi Arabians your President loves so much. That's right, George Bush coddles terrorists in the Middle East. We said it first.

Dunkin', for their part, first disputed the offensiveness of the ad, saying, You people are goddamned idiots and should be run out of town like Joe Fucking McCarthy, eventually caved to The Stupids and issued the following press release:

"Absolutely no symbolism was intended. However, given the possibility of misperception, we are no longer using the commercial."

They were afraid of a boycott or something? Well, they're certainly getting one now...

Via SFGate.

Previously: Sloppy Seconds...

Sloppy Seconds: Are Donna and David Still Married?

Emily Farris — Wed, 28 May 2008 21:56:00 GMT

Wow, we knew Rachael Ray was an obnoxious freak, but a terrorist? [LA Times]

Have we mentioned how screwed R. Kelly is? [MTV]

If we ever get in a fight on the street, we hope we have a box of moon pies readily available to use as a weapon, too. [KansasCity.com]

The good people at Fleshbot would like you to meet Vicktoria, the world's hottest amputee, and so would we. [Fleshbot]

After watching the trailer we want to see "He's Just Not That Into You" more than we want to see the "Sex and the City" movie. Who'da thunk it? [Entertainment Weekly]

Apparently we're the only ones: the SATC movie opened to much hullaballoo last night. [Yahoo!]

Kirsten Dunst claims she checked into Cirque Lodge treatment center for depression, not drugs. Aaaaand, nobody's buying it. [Jossip]

Okay, apparently Tori Spelling really is coming back to 90210.. as... Donna Martin. We imagine David would have dumped her ass by now, but nobody knows! [People]

Today in Probably Fake Things We Wish Really Happened

Emily Farris — Thu, 01 May 2008 16:58:00 GMT

[Defamer: Why Oprah And Rachael Ray Hate Each Other, In Words And Pictures]

While You Were Sleeping: Bruce Springsteen Endorsed Somebody, And it Wasn't McCain

Emily Farris — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 12:49:00 GMT

Apparently Beyonce is planning to retire. Yeah, like Jay- Z retired all those times? We don't buy it. [GabbyBabble]

Don't want to be all hunch-backed when you get old? Stand up straight. Or try this crazy ergonomic undershirt. [Gizmodo]

If Ashlee Simpson has a baby bump, this is the first ever picture of it. Like, first. Ever. That or she just had a burger and fries, which we can totally get behind. [FameCrawler]

Now that you mention it, yeah, why are most bodyguards black? [StereoHyped]

We knew it: Rachael Ray is a Repubican. [Radar]

Bruce Springsteen, however, is not. He endorsed Obama. We're pleased, but not really surprised. [Yahoo!]