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The Kinky Sex Murder At ABC News Radio

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 15:39:00 GMT

Last summer, we seriously considered an offer for a job at ABC News in New York. While on tour of the building and my "future office," I met a guy named George Weber, who was cracking jokes and insulting colleagues who were within earshot when I came across him. My first thought was, "This is one of those characters. Every office has one."

The next time we saw him was yesterday morning, when he was the top story in New York City. Weber was murdered by "a date" he picked up via Craig's List and the details couldn't have been more shocking...

According to stories in the New York Daily News over the last 36 hours, Weber's alleged killer is an unidentified 16-year-old boy who Weber found via a Casual Encounters ad. Weber wanted someone to smother him and the boy offered to do it for $60. It's not known whether this was premeditated murder or the boy just didn't know to stop using the pillow when his victim fought back. Either way, the police say the killer suffered enough retaliatory injuries to bleed all over Weber's apartment on his way out.

What stands out the most for us is that a knife was involved-- reports indicate Weber's body hand multiple stab wounds, which at least confirms murder, whether the boy planned it in advance or tried to finish him Weber off after realizing he'd done serious damage.

Seriously, let this serve as a reminder to all of us to use extreme caution when inviting strangers home...

Latest updates here, via the NY Daily News.

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From Porn Stars To Prostitutes... The Latest Ads

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 19:45:00 GMT

Remember how, just the other day, we were speculating on the next form of desperate advertising? We predicted that, what with all the full frontal nudity in American Apparel ads, the only thing left for marketing people to try was blatant hardcore sex.

While we were only half-serious, we couldn't have realized how close we were to the truth. For the very next day, a story broke about an ad agency using actual prostitutes in a campaign...

It appears to be a legitimate activist attempt to start a discussion about legalizing prostitution, right? Actually, it's yet another not-so-guerilla stunt by a ratings-starved radio station without anything else to offer. (You can see the logo for Toronto's CFRB 1010 in the bottom right corner of the signs.)

In an interview with local media, the Bad Date Coalition of Toronto, which advocates for sex workers, attacked the ad and its producers:

“It’s to give that radio station attention. It has nothing to do with helping out the sex worker … It’s using them,” she said. “If we wanted to have an actual discussion … have the sex workers come in and have it in a place where it’s safe and where people can call in and respectfully ask questions.”
She said having the women display a sign on the street “sets them up” to be targeted by police and predators.

While we don't disagree with her on the radio station bit, it's a bit silly to say the signs set them up to be targeted by police-- after all, they were already standing there, working as prostitutes, being targets for police, when the ad agency waltzed by and asked if they wanted to earn an hour's wage without doing anything illegal, which can't be a bad thing.

Via Toronto's National Post.

Related:

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Sasha Grey Completely Naked in New American Apparel Ad

Unemployed? How About Applying For the Best Job in the World?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 15:16:00 GMT

If we told you that there was a job that involved feeding fish, looking hot on a beach, and shooting the breeze on a casual and entirely trivial blog, and that the job was available and pays a hundred grand for a mere six months of "work," and that job was on the Islands of the Great Barrier Reef, how many rival applicants would you personally bump off to have a better chance of landing it?

Seriously, though, this job is even more awesome than getting paid $10,000 a week to post nipple slips...

Between NPR coverage, Weird News stories, and the website's constantly-crashing home page, we were able to cull a top ten list of reasons to apply for the temporary position:

1) It pays $100,000 a year.

2-10) Holy Christ-- a $100,000 to lounge about in a bathing suit! That's better than having a sugar mama/daddy...

That's no exaggeration-- your job would be to show potential tourists how freakin' awesome the Great Barrier Reef is and to lure travelers from all over the world via your lavish and ridiculously enjoyable lifestyle. Of course, the fine print here isn't the fact that you are a 24/7 spokesperson/model for an island, it's the insanely fierce competition to even be noticed for an interview in the first place...

"I guess we expected there'd be a certain percentage of nutters and nudies,"

A woman in Greece promises - via a scroll of words across the screen - to wash all of Australia's laundry and even clean up up after the kangaroos.

Another video shows a woman standing on a street belting out an original song. Some applicants simply stare at the camera and beg.

On Thursday, a team of 10 people - whom, Hayes noted, were starting to look "pretty nervous" - were sifting through the 2,000 video applications the department had already received, with tens of thousands more expected before the Feb. 22 deadline. [Weird News]

Still want to wade into this (cess?)pool? Click here to read more about the position and to apply... assuming the site hasn't crashed again from all the desperate jobseekers...

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Disney Denied Work to "Girls"

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New York Senator Insults Porn

Emily Farris — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 17:27:00 GMT

While trying to make a statement about the fairness doctrine—and, really, conservative talk radio—the senior senator from New York (and king of the Sunday press conference, as we know from our New York Sun days), Chuck Schumer went and insulted the porn industry.

During an Election Day interview on Fox News, Senator Chuck Schumer (D-New York) took a jab at critics of the Fairness Doctrine, and suggested radio stations should be required to be "fair and balanced."

"The very same people who don't want the Fairness Doctrine want the FCC to limit pornography on the air," Schumer stated. "I am for that. I think pornography should be limited. But you can't say 'government hands off' in one area to a commercial enterprise, but 'you're allowed to intervene' in another. That's not consistent."

We beg to differ, Senator Schumer. Conservative radio is far worse than porn.

True, he might have been trying to insult conservative radio, but in doing so, he insulted porn. Comparing conservative talk radio to "Girls Gone Wild" would have been one thing, but Chuck Schumer, you owe the porn industry an apology.

[One News Now: Schumer equates conservative talk radio with porn]

[Image]

While You Were Sleeping: The Lapdancers And The Prime Minister

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 14:08:00 GMT

A New England Patriots cheerleader was booted from the squad after Facebook pictures showed her drawing penises and swastikas on a passed-out girl's body.

The New York Times wants you to know that stretching before exercise is actually a bad idea.

And so it begins... check out what this Floridian DJ did to "celebrate" Obama's victory...

Mark Larsen, who is white, dressed in blackface makeup at the start of his show.
“This gives me that Uncle Tom feel,” said Larsen, who also joked about changing his name to Marcus Washington Larsen. “Are you sure this comes off? Because I don’t feel like running for president.”

Before Tuesday’s election, Larsen talked about seeing a long line of black people waiting to vote at a Tampa Bay area polling place, saying they “looked like the line for takeout at Big Tim’s Barbecue” in St. Petersburg. And shortly after putting on the blackface makeup Wednesday, he told a caller he presumed to be black that “You love (America) because you have a man of color going to the White House. Before that, you probably were a malcontent." [Tampabay.com]

Lost in all the election hoopla yesterday: Massachusetts decriminalized marijuana of less than one ounce.

Why do we get the feeling this is going to be terrible? Antonio Banderas may be playing Salvador Dali.

Even these exotic dancers were unable to get the British Prime Minister's attention.

And Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling are over... are you reading this, Scanner Emily?

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Sarah Palin Gets Punked

Emily Farris — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 15:57:00 GMT

Sarah Palin received a call this weekend from French president Nicolas Sarkozy, or so she thought. It was really a comedian in Montreal, but somehow, even with her extensive foreign policy experience, she let the call go on for five minutes. In fact, even after the comedian said his hot wife was good in bed, and that he loved the documentary on her, "Nailin Paylin," she still had no doubt (er, clue) she was speaking to anyone but President Sarkozy.

Full transcript, and a recording of the entire phone call, after the jump.

A: Just hold on for President Sarkozy, one moment.

P: Oh, it's not him yet, they're saying. I always do that.

A: Yes, hello, Gov. Palin.

P: Hello, this is Sarah, how are you?

A: Fine, and you? This is Nicolas Sarkozy speaking, how are you?

P: Oh, it's so good to hear you. Thank you for calling us.

A: Oh, it's a pleasure.

P: Thank you sir, we have such great respect for you, John McCain and I. We love you and thank you for taking a few minutes to talk to me.

A: I follow your campaigns closely with my special American adviser Johnny Hallyday, you know?

P: Yes, good. Obviously clueless about Hallyday, who is actually a French actor / singer.

A: Excellent. Are you confident?

P: Very confident and we're thankful that polls are showing that the race is tightening and...

A: Well I know very well that the campaign can be exhausting. How do you feel right now, my dear?

P: I feel so good. I feel like we're in a marathon and at the very end of the marathon you get your second wind and you plow to the finish.

A: You see, I got elected in France because I'm real and you seem to be someone who's real, as well.

P: Yes, yeah. Nico, we so appreciate this opportunity.

A: You know I see you as a president one day, too.

P: Maybe in eight years.

A: Well, I hope for you. You know, we have a lot in common because personally one of my favorite activities is to hunt, too.

P: Oh, very good. We should go hunting together.

A: Exactly, we could try go hunting by helicopter like you did. I never did that. Like we say in French, on pourrait tuer des bebe phoques, aussi (that means, approx., could kill baby seals, also)

P: Well, I think we could have a lot of fun together while we're getting work done. We can kill two birds with one stone that way.

A: I just love killing those animals. Mmm, mmm, take away life, that is so fun. I'd really love to go, so long as we don't bring along Vice-President Cheney. (That comment about taking away life should have been a big clue).

P: No, I'll be a careful shot, yes.

A: Yes, you know we have a lot in common also, because except from my house I can see Belgium. That's kind of less interesting than you.

P: Well, see, we're right next door to different countries that we all need to be working with, yes.

A: Some people said in the last days and I thought that was mean that you weren't experienced enough in foreign relations and you know that's completely false. That's the thing that I said to my great friend, the prime minister of Canada Stef Carse.

P: Well, he's doing fine, too, and yeah, when you come into a position underestimated it gives you an opportunity to prove the pundits and the critics wrong. You work that much harder.

A: I was wondering because you are so next to him, one of my good friends, the prime minister of Quebec, Mr. Richard Z. Sirois, have you met him recently? Did he come to one of your rallies? (Besides the fact Sirois is a Canadian comedian, there is a Canadian, not Quebec PM)

P: I haven't seen him at one of the rallies but it's been great working with the Canadian officials. I know as governor we have a great co-operative effort there as we work on all of our resource-development projects. You know, I look forward to working with you and getting to meet you personally and your beautiful wife. Oh my goodness, you've added a lot of energy to your country with that beautiful family of yours.

A: Thank you very much. You know my wife Carla would love to meet you, even though you know she was a bit jealous that I was supposed to speak to you today.

P: Well, give her a big hug for me.

A: You know my wife is a popular singer and a former top model and she's so hot in bed. She even wrote a song for you. (Like Sarkozy would tell Palin how hot his wife is).

P: Oh my goodness, I didn't know that.

A: Yes, in French it's called de rouge a levre sur un cochon, or if you prefer in English, Joe the Plumber...it's his life, Joe the Plumber. (In English it actually means lipstick on a pig.)

P: Maybe she understands some of the unfair criticism but I bet you she is such a hard worker, too, and she realizes you just plow through that criticism.

A: I just want to be sure. That phenomenon Joe the Plumber. That's not your husband, right?

P: That's not my husband but he's a normal American who just works hard and doesn't want government to take his money. (Except that Joe the Plumber would do better under Obama's plan than under McCain's plan. Oh, and let's not forget his unpaid taxes.)

A: Yes, yes, I understand we have the equivalent of Joe the Plumber in France. It's called Marcel, the guy with bread under his armpit. (Oh, come on, she didn't catch on yet?)

P: Right, that's what it's all about, the middle class and government needing to work for them. You're a very good example for us here.

A: I see a bit about NBC, even Fox News wasn't an ally as much as usual.

P: Yeah, that's what we're up against.

A: Gov. Palin, I love the documentary they made on your life. You know Hustler's Nailin' Palin?

P: Ohh, good, thank you, yes. (Clearly missed that one.)

A: That was really edgy.

P: Well, good.

A: I really loved you and I must say something also, governor, you've been pranked by the Masked Avengers. We are two comedians from Montreal.

P: Ohhh, have we been pranked? And what radio station is this?

A: CKOI in Montreal.

P: In Montreal? Tell me the radio station call letters.

A: CK...hello?

Related:

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Transcript via SNAFU-ed.

Now We're Mad: George Carlin Dead At 71

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 14:08:00 GMT

George Carlin, who carried on the legacy of Lenny Bruce with a fight for free speech, died at 71 on Sunday of heart failure. Today, we reflect on some of our favorite moments in the great funnyman's career...

In 1973, Carlin went on the radio with his "Seven Words You Can't Say On Television." Whoops-- you couldn't say them on the radio, either. (He'd already been arrested a year earlier for simply reciting them in public-- see above photo.) The prudish Supreme Court ruled against Carlin, a fact that history will surely judge the 1978 Court harshly for.

We loved the "Class Clown" album, which contains the above-mentioned routine. You can hear Part 1 of this recordo on YouTube.

The first time we ever heard George Carlin on the radio, he was doing a bit called "People I Can Do Without." (In other words, "People I would kill if it were legal.") Some of our favorite lines:

A pimp who drives a Toyota Corolla.
People who actually know the second verse to "The Star-Spangled Banner."
Any lawyer who refers to the police as the "Federalies."
A cross-eyed nun with a bullwhip and a bottle of gin!
A brain surgeon with "Born to Lose" tattooed on his hands.
Couples whose children's names all start with the same initials.
A man in a hospital gown directing traffic.

We'll miss you, George. There's no one out there half as crazy or half as brilliant (well, Chris Rock's pretty talented, but still...)

Top 10 Things Younger Than John McCain

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 14 May 2008 20:17:00 GMT

A reader sent us this delightfully ageist, partisan hatchet job on the candidate attempting to become the oldest President ever (no, not Hillary Clinton, c. 2013), Senator John McCain.

John McCain is older than the word "old." When John McCain was a child, his granpappy was referred to as "ye olde man." Note the difference in spelling. John McCain is older than nylons, which means he is older than boners. Do we sound too much like "The Late Show With David Letterman?" We apologize-- although you should still check out our hilarious little list, stolen straight from the website "Things Younger Than John McCain."

10. Velcro

9. Plutonium

8. Both of Barack Obama's biological parents

7. Dick Cheney. Dick Cheney, for God's sake. Support somebody else!

6. Cheerios. Cheerios... Jesus Almighty, we thought the caveman had been the one to figure out what to do with little oats.

5. Scientology. Take that, John Travolta, Tom Cruise, and that embarrassing woman from "Cheers"-- Scientology is a figment of our cultural imagination and not to be taken any more seriously than, uh, Christianity, for example.

4. Spam. Not only the internet annoyance... the food made famous by Monty Python!

3. The Golden Gate Bridge

2. Alaska

1. The Chocolate Chip Cookie

Runners up: AARP, Mount Rushmore, McDonald's, nylon, and FM radio, as well as many other shockers at "Things Younger Than McCain."

Thanks to Rachel R. for the link!

Radio Station Gives Away Free Divorce for V-Day

Emily Farris — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 14:51:00 GMT

This is a Valentine's Day promotion we can get behind. A radio station in Charleston, WV is giving away a free divorce today, because, hey, divorce is expensive. And the station's program manager admits that Valentine's Day has a darker side "where maybe you despise your spouse and resent the entire day."

Hm, maybe he has had a dark V-Day or two? But his best line? "Sure we can give away concert tickets, and we do. That's going to make you happy for a little while. This is the chance to make someone happy for the rest of their life."

Yeah, he was definitely in an unhappy marriage.

Anyway, if you want to apply, they're taking applications until 4 p.m. today.

[Yahoo!: Radio station giving away free divorce]

[Image via christian-dating-service-plus.com]