Scanner : ratings

This Blog Has Been Rated NC-17

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 15:14:00 GMT

See why after the jump.

As Emily noted in yesterday's Sloppy Seconds, some idiots over in the UK (rapidly become the near-police state we have across the pond) think it's wise to give blogs ratings. If so, we'll circulate a petition saying every blog will agree to rate themselves XXX, rendering the internet entirely useless for most people until a law is passed abolishing the ratings.

We've always hated the concept of blog, movie, or even video game ratings (for one thing, way to give away what we're going to see-- "Rated R for strong graphic violence and sexual content" and there hasn't been any of that in the first forty minutes? Well, we know how this is all going to wrap up, see?) However, we were unable to resist One Plus You's attempt to rank blogs in advance.

Here's how Scanner stacked up:

So, wouldn't a religious (wacko's) site railing against pornography, abortion, and women actually enjoying sex be NC-17 as well? Gotta love indiscriminate censorship...

Top 10 Reasons To Watch 30 Rock

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 20:20:00 GMT

As if you need a reason besides the above-pictured lass, the year's #1 entertainer, according to various publications...

Instead of posting much today, we've been checking out last week's episode of 30 Rock and wondering why you haven't done the same. Here are the first ten reasons we could think of (there are at least 2,000 more) for why you should heading to your Netflix account immediately and ordering up the Complete First and Second Seasons, then checking out the show on NBC Thursday nights, starting again January 8th.

10. Although Fey was forced to fire Rachel Dratch in order to cut costs (how much could a cameo as a little blue monster run them?), you can catch the old episodes via DVD-- we defy you not to watch the entire season in one or two sittings.

9. Will Arnett. Will Arnett. Will Arnett, Will Arnett. Better yet, a maniacal Will Arnett with a lust for a chipper NBC page boy.

8. You owe Tina Fey for making your year with her Sarah Palin imitation. This is how you'll thank her.

7. The bit players aren't the stock sitcom types-- they're memorable and ridiculous without being entirely unrealistic.

6. Tracy Morgan's one-liners are so out-of-left-field and off-the-cuff, you'll wonder if he's reading off cue cards or just making this madness up as he rolls along. Seriously, does he?

5. Even the hokey celebrity walk-ons are inspired. From Steve Martin's reclusive rich kook to Jennifer Aniston's bombshell nutcase, this season's earliest episodes may never be topped for sheer consecutive star power.

4. Elaine Stritch's recurring role as Jack's mother, for which she was awarded an Emmy last year, are the highlights of every season. (She was the guest star on last Thursday's Christmas show, which was dynamite. A clip can be found below.)

3. Because the frumpier they try to make Tina Fey look, the more adorable she is.

2. Alec Baldwin is the best comedian working in television today.

1. They're desperately seeking your ratings. Hell, if Oprah can't save them, nobody can...

Sure, we understand that the critically acclaimed yet ratings-challenged "30 Rock" has to do what it can to wrangle viewers, but many of the A-list cameos the show has employed for that purpose have been seriously subpar. Jerry Seinfeld's and Jennifer Aniston's appearances on the series were equally lukewarm. Oddly enough, the standout cameo of 2008 came courtesy of non-comedian Oprah Winfrey, who played herself, opposite an advice-hungry Liz Lemon during a plane flight. Was it a gimmick? Yeah. Did it work? Totally.

Check it out at NBC.

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: Kate Winslet's Underage Sex

Golden Globe Nominations Even Worse Than We Expected

5 Reasons SNL Is Finally Worth Watching

Sloppy Seconds: What is Jennifer Hudson Smiling About?

Emily Farris — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 22:18:00 GMT

We never really thought of China as a big dairy land, but whatever dairy it has is staying there. The US has banned milk and milk-derived products in an effort to keep products tainted with the industrial chemical melamine off our shelves. [Washington Post]

Three female employees of KMBC 9 News in Kansas City—our former and future home—are suing the station over age and sex discrimination after being told they are 'no longer part of the future' and are oppressively criticized, targeted and harassed after they reach their 40s.' [Plog]

Jennifer Aniston "knows" John Mayer. Biblically and, you know, emotionally. [People]

Speaking of Jen, did you catch her on 30 Rock last night? It sure didn't boost the show's ratings. [Us]

Dr. Green, er Anthony Edwards, coming back from the dead wasn't enough deliver top ratings for ER, either. [Radar]

In the wake of the murders of her mother, brother and nephew, Jennifer Hudson decided to go forward with a GAP ad campaign she, er, shot before the tragedy and thanked fans for their support on her MySpace page. [Yahoo!]

No, How Would _You_ Rate in 1939?

Emily Farris — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 18:24:00 GMT

As Scanner Brian just showed you, back in a time when sex was called "marital congress" people had some pretty interesting — and terrifying — ideas about how their spouses were supposed to behave. And when we say "spouses" we mean women.

George W. Crane's Marital Rating Scale from 1939 makes this frighteningly clear, offering a series of merits and demerits for a wife's ability to keep up her house and her appearance.

How would we rate, Scanner Brian asks? Very poorly!

If there was such a thing as the equivalent of the blogger back then (the romance writer with a male pen name?), she'd be in big, big trouble. Demerits, demerits, demerits for wearing "soiled or ragged dresses and aprons around the house."

At least we'd get merits for being able to carry on an interesting conversation, but we'd get — fuck! — five demerits for using slang or profanity? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Infuriating, yet hilarious, right?

Luckily, there's a chart for the husband that makes us feel a little better about being such a poor potential spouse (can you really blame a guy for snoring?).

How would you rate, men?

Maybe a very poor wife and a very poor husband could be a very happy couple.

See all three pages of each chart at tiabla's flickr.

[Monitor via Thrillist and via Scanner Brian]

Related: How Would You Rate in 1939?