Scanner : real or fake

Mel Gibson's Mistress Begins the Obligatory Photo Leak Phase of Her Stardom

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 21:33:00 GMT

Who is Oksana Pochepa and why is she, of all the women in Mel Gibson's life since his 28-year-long marriage began, the one to break up his happy union?

According to ShowBizSpy:

Oksana Pochepa claims that she had a romantic relationship with the 53-year-old actor and has now fallen in love.
“This is serious and I hope that our union will be real and strong and long-lasting,” she told British tabloid The Sun.
Pochepa also confirmed that she is the mystery brunette photographed kissing Gibson on a Costa Rican beach in March.
And according to Us Weekly, Gibson met Oksana last August when she was hired to compose a song for the actor’s upcoming thriller Edge of Darkness.

Wait, she's so big that American film producers asked her, a young Russian pinup, to compose a song for their major Hollywood blockbuster? Something's fishy about her story, and we won't know until either a) Mel Gibson breaks his silence or b) the men with butterfly nets take her off to a secret KGB warehouse for brainwashing. No?

By the way, based on these photos alone, would she be able to break up your marriage?

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Wacko Right-Wing Politician Hit With Nude Photo Scandal

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 16:02:00 GMT

Pauline Hanson has railed against an "Asian invasion" in Australia, been to jail for electoral fraud, appeared on Dancing With the Stars, and made a strong political comeback, all over the course of a relatively brief career.

Now, Hanson's bid "as an independent at the upcoming 2009 Queensland state election" may be in jeopardy after a series of nude and raunchy photos have surfaced...

When Hanson was 19, she posed for another teenager who she fell for thanks to his awesome Harley Davidson motorcycle. At least, that's what her now ex-boyfriend told the Australian papers that originally published these photos. At some point, he convinced her to pose for his camera:

Unfortunately, these censored pics are the only ones released by the media.

Two things: one, this girl looks older than 19 and two, how can we be sure this is her? Hanson denies it, flat out, although that's the obvious talking point for a right-wing politician. The publisher of the original photos claims that his paper did "a very, very extensive checking process which... involves stripping out colours, looking at the pixel count in images. These images are not doctored. They are not fakes, it's not her head stuck on somebody else's body."

While the model may be entirely human, how do we know the model is Pauline Hanson?

Australia's major political parties could care less-- they were in unanimous agreement that the photos will not affect this weekend's election...

Read more about this story here.

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Barack Obama's "Gay Sex Scandal" Is The Gift That Keeps On Giving

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 16:28:00 GMT

...for liberals.

Because the "Barack Obama is gay" narrative is entirely the work one deranged and entirely unlikeable character, he can only embolden Democrats with his bizarre and unbelievable claims...

Larry Sinclair, the same transparent wacko whose story of doing cocaine off the cock of Barack, has apparently returned to save the Globe from plummeting newsstand sales. "Well, what have we got? There's nothing going on right now, so let's recycle the Obama Is Gay story-- just don't mention Sinclair on the cover, so everyone will think these are new allegations from someone actually slightly believable." Or something like that.

It turns out Sinclair is putting out a book, according to his frightening and laughable website. (Why is his shirt on backwards on the homepage, for starters?) Here's the Globe's obnoxious tease for the issue:

PRESIDENT Barack Obama is caught up in a new gay sex and drug scandal - and his loving wife is heartbroken, sources tell GLOBE in a blockbuster world exclusive. Find out all the details of the letter Michelle Obama received from the MAN who claims to be her husband's lover - and how America's devastated First Lady is fighting back against a shocking new tell-all book. It's must reading!

If Michelle Obama were devastated by these allegations, she would have been over them this summer, as they are nothing knew. Nonetheless, check out the desperate right-wing kooks that come out to support Sinclair. These are the same people that thought illegal wiretapping, war crimes, the pointless deaths of thousands of American troops, rumors of W's people having wacked W's mistress (we're not making that up), and Dick Cheney's shooting of a hunting partner were all nothing to cry about over the past eight years. Oh, but one guy without a shred of proof that he had gay sex with the black Democrat in the White House... the outrage!

-Congratulations to you and my thanks to the Globe. I appreciate the magazine for their consistency in taking and printing updates on your narrative and the constant endeavor to expose the truth about Barack Obama.
-Heee heeee!!! America's "First Lady," is heartbroken! Well, diddums! She must have known about the book quite some time ago, though I guess she was hoping that if there were enough threats to Larry, the book would disappear. Well, Mrs Oscammer, why not invest in a few cardigans to cover those arms of yours because with any luck you'll be out in the cold before too long!
-Since Senator Byrd is criticizing our "king scum", I wonder if he will just suddenly die? Supposedly in the future, we will not have the freedom of speech to criticize him.bkw
-Rock on Larry !! I hope mo hits the wall and explodes with barry soetoro right behind her ! They are nothing but crap on the face of the earth !

The more these twits carry on, the better it makes Obama look. Read more, if you can stomach it, at Larry Sinclair's blog.

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The Rise and Fall of Lindsay Lohan

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 14:45:00 GMT

We try not to dwell on the weight fluctuations of celebrities, since our greatest collective fear on this blog is-- shot in the dark-- that someone will point out our own problems with bacon cheeseburgers and failed diet plans.

But when the entire internet is worried that Lindsay Lohan is starving herself to death, we really have no choice but to investigate. Thankfully, we didn't have to spend all our waking hours on this or stare too hard at the evidence... it's pretty clear from this topless shoot Lohan did recently for Hedi Slimane that there's at least one thing wrong with her...

Drumroll, rimshot... she has fake boobs.

For years, scientists and other observers (i.e. mean bloggers) have commented that Lindsay's bust enhanced at precisely the time she transitioned to "adult" roles. (Unfortunately, not that kind of "adult" role.) No one could say definitively... until now, at least, according to those same mean bloggers. They're playing the "told you so" song and pointing out that the new ultra-skinny Lindsay should have sagging breasts, what with all the weight loss.

In other words, if we were going to title this article more inappropriately, it would be headlined: "The Rise and Rise of Lindsay Lohan's Boobs."

Here's what they're referring to-- the only two boob pictures from the shoot:

What do you think? Does this prove, disprove, or have no bearing on the theories? Also, um, should we give her one of our bacon cheeseburgers or something? Disturbing stuff...

Via Hedi Slimane's website.

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How To Tell If She's Faking It, By An Orgasm Faker

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 22:35:00 GMT

We have to confess, there have been times when our female partner is having an orgasm that we raise an eyebrow and all but blurt aloud, "You expect me to believe that? That's the pillow case touching you down there!" Or something like that.

Anyway, one woman has finally come forwarded with the information we've been waiting for: a list of signs to watch for if you suspect your partner of faking it when doing it...

Are her lips red?
When women climax, their lips (both sets, but most noticeably her facial ones) turn a little bit redder and slightly swell.

Has her breathing and heart race increased?
While it's easy to fake moaning and groaning, it's harder to fake physiological symptoms. During orgasm, her breathing should sound faster -- almost slightly erratic -- and her pulse should quicken.

Is there an increase in lubrication?
You shouldn't have to reach for the KY, her juices should be flowing freely at this point.

Does her vagina feel tighter?
During orgasm, women experience pelvic muscle spasms and vaginal contractions.

Did her nipples harden?
Almost all women (around 95 percent) have hard nipples during climax.

Can she hold a conversation?
If she is truly having an orgasm, aside from the occasional "Ohmygod" or animal-like grunt, she shouldn't be able to say much. If she's talking in complete sentences, chances are she's not coming.

Is she smiling?
OK, while this reaction isn't guaranteed, most women reactively smile after achieving The Big O. We feel relaxed and satisfied, so really, what's not to smile about?

The only problem with this post is the author's assumption that fakers are only doing it out of genuine love for their partners:

Here's the thing Bros: women will not fake it for just anyone. If we did not care about you, we would not waste the time or energy. If we did not want a repeat performance, we would not stroke your ego and let you think that your maneuvers left us trembling. Because honestly, if I really didn't care about you, I'd say, "This isn't working for me" and draw you a diagram of the female clitoris.

By a show of hands, how many of our readers are fakers? That is, you fake it on a regular basis... for those of you without anonymous logins, how about you tell us a story about your "friend..."

Via the BroBible.

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Michael Cera Flips Out... Or Does He?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 14:45:00 GMT

Is this video of Michael Cera on a movie set a real, leaked clip from a not-so-hidden camera or merely a not-funny parody of the Christian Bale incident?

If it's a fake, Cera's a way better dramatic actor than we thought...

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Real or Fake? Katy Perry Nude Photo

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 17:26:00 GMT

This supposed Katy Perry nude candid has been floating around the internet today. Our immediate reaction was "absolutely not her," but then we started to second guess ourselves...

Has the "I Kissed A Girl And I Figured No One Would Remember Jill Sobule" singer had a nose job? That could explain that minor problem. Of course, then you'd have to figure this was taken at least two years ago, maybe three, to account for how her body has, um, completely changed. Normaly, we wouldn't even bother with this if not for the fact that 50% of blog comments we've come across claim "with absolute certainty" that it's the Brit pop artist.

What do you say?

One thing we can say with relative certainty: this was not Photoshopped. And now if someone would please leak the Zooey Deschanel sex tape to us-- you all know it's gotta be out there...

Top photo via CNET.

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Drug Charges

Scanner Matt — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 17:14:00 GMT

Oh, that wacky, lovable Palin family... what have they got themselves into this time? Drugs? You betcha!

We never learned too much about Levi Johnston, except for a few gems of info found on his myspace page and the fact that he knocked up Sarah Palin's daughter, Bristol. Here's an intimate look into his family life. The Anchorage Daily News reports Levi's mom was (ready?):

...arrested Thursday at her home by Alaska State Troopers with a search warrant in an undercover drug investigation. Sherry L. Johnston was charged with six felony counts of misconduct involving a controlled substance.

Troopers charged Johnston with second-degree misconduct involving a controlled substance -- generally manufacturing or delivering drugs -- as well as fourth-degree misconduct involving controlled substances, or possession.

When asked about the arrest, Palin's spokesman, Bill McAllister, issued the following statement by e-mail: "This is not a state government matter. Therefore the governor's communications staff will not be providing comment or scheduling interview opportunities."

And oh yeah, eighteen year-old Bristol Palin is likely due on Saturday.

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[image]

While You Were Sleeping: 93% Prefer Real Boobs

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 14:01:00 GMT

A woman who selflessly built homes for Katrina victims is CNN's Hero of the Year, an award which is obviously way cooler than Time's Person of the Year.

However, you look at it, this company is in deep shit: a radio station is being sued after a Win A Date With A Great Guy contest ended in the unlucky winner being raped. One commenter: "Is the radio station [really] responsible for doing a through criminal background check? What's a 24 year old woman dating a 46 year old man anyway?" Answers: possibly and we have no clue whatsoever.

Here it is, the annual annoying survey of the Top 10 stars you'd like to invite over for Thanksgiving...

1. Jennifer Aniston
2. Tina Fey
3. Ellen DeGeneres + Portia De Rossi
4. Patrick Dempsey
5. Suri Cruise
6. Tyra Banks
7. Jonas Brothers
8. Keira Knightley
9. Beyonce Knowles
10. Robert Pattinson

Barack Obama joked he's going to throw his "weight around" regarding college football playoff rules. Isn't it great to have a President(-elect) whose kidding doesn't make you scream in horror?

Remember that big Hollywood wiretap scandal involving Tom Cruise and some other celebrities? The culprit was sentenced to three years in prison.

Biden does appear to be setting up his Senate seat for his son to take over in 2010.

93% of respondents to a Fark survey said they prefer real boobs to fake ones. Duh. It would've been more of a story if the question was, "Which do you prefer: small natural boobs or big enhanced boobs?"

And you could win a $500 gift card to Ikea and a date with one of the guys from Pavement.

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Yes, We'd Like A Lifetime Supply of Pronto Condoms, Please

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 14:54:00 GMT

This post is about to change your (sex) life...

Are you, like us Scanner bloggers, not so secretly bitter about how much condoms ruin the mood, with their thin and therefore dangerous packaging, painful and epic unrolling process, and so on? Then prepare to have your mind and your wad blown...

Our first reaction: fake! Second reaction: That must rip 4 out of 5 times. And a YouTube commenter, who is either speaking from experience or a troll for Trojan and other panic-stricken condom makers, warns us that that our fears are not unfounded:

Inginitto (1 month ago)

where can i order those online?

weissgyz (1 month ago)

Don't order them, they rip so easy.

Well, maybe the revolution hasn't arrived after all. In any case, these are only available in South Africa, so no use in getting all hot and bothered about them anyway... (Disclaimer: By the way, please continue to practice safe sex even if you think someone should invent a perfected model of rubber ASAP.)

Via Pronto Condoms.

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The Funniest Craigslist Personal Ever?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 19:49:00 GMT

This had better be a fake, dude...

From the Toronto Craigslist's m4w section comes the personal ad of the century. This guy must've received hundreds of responses-- yeah, from guys playing a joke on him...

Check out his ad, titled

"INTELLIGENT, cultured, 22y/o wm seeking Asian women (pref. Nihonese)"

(really, no need to read further, especially after he capitalizes "intelligent.")

Hello ladies of the internet! [Translation: Hello Nerve readers making fun of me!]
I am here today, as are you, to find the love of my life ideally. Now, I am an introspective and reflective man so over my life I've come to realise exactly what I'm looking for in my ideal woman.

Personally, I am 22 years old, my name is Perseus, I am attending U of T in the final year of my Engineering degree, and I am a little on the chubby side. I am a dedicated Green party voter and staunchly opposed to the Conversative hordes dashing themselves against the impregnable Liberal/NDP/Green keep of our fine enlightened city. I am fond of discussing philosophy and the meaning of life over a glass of wine in the 'even. (Honestly, we had no idea people refer to nighttime hours as "the 'even.") As hobbies go, I am an avid gamer and enjoy delving into the myriad artistic realities of animé (the origin of my affinity for Asian culture, which is frankly superior).

Really, that whole last sentence is redundant-- we figured out hours ago you were an "avid gamer," probably somewhere around the word "Asian" in your headline.

You MUST fulfill the following requirements:
- Asian
- Woman
- Aged NO MORE THAN 23
- - and NO LESS THAN 16
- Petite build. Ideally no more than 115 lbs.
- - but no 'Paris Hilton' bulimics please! I like my women with some meat on them. [Trying... not to die... laughing...]
- Like sushi, animé, and video games.

BONUSES include:
- Japanese heritage [As if you weren't picky enough already, guy]
- Large collection of animé and manga [...reducing the list of available women who meet these guidelines to zero]
- Glasses [sort of factored in if you're into manga and video games]
- Interest in cosplay and roleplaying [why do we get the feeling his idea of roleplaying is different from ours?]
- Traditional Ladies' education [What, like Miss Porter's School For Girls?!]

Let us reiterate: this has to be a fake. If it's not, whoever whipped it up is sharper than any writer for Saturday Night Live, especially for their brilliant inclusion of the following photo with the ad:

I must stress again that this is for a SERIOUS, long term relationship. Not some 'fling' as though I were a boy toy to be tossed aside.

Hey, Pegasus or whatever your name is: if you're out there, let us know how it's going... in the non-computer generated world, of course...

Via Craigslist.

Real or Fake? Nude Photos of Obama's Mother

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 13:08:00 GMT

We're serious-- these could actually be real, although one blogger has an interesting theory that would cancel out that possibility.

Of course, the real question is: why are we seeing these photos now, less than two weeks till Election Day? Could this be some sort of ruse by the Right, now that the Ayers-Socialism-Muslim smear campaign has obviously failed? We found this on a radical right-wing website that claims Islamofascists and left-wingers are one and the same:

It's amazing what there is on the internet. A geneological researcher has emailed me with three pictures of Obama's mother in the nude. That would be of trivial interest except for the setting in which the picures were taken. They were clearly taken in a sophisticated mid-century apartment and my correspondent suggests that the apartment details could be used to identify the photographer. He feels that the photographer is the Communist "Frank" whom Obama mentions as his mentor. That Frank was so intimate with Obama's mother would support the contention that Frank was in fact Obama's father. Various bloggers have pointed out how similar Obama looks to "Frank" and the coverup of Obama's birth certificate is certainly very suspicious...

Yep, these people will say anything to drag Obama through the mud (since they can't win on things like issues, facts, and reality)... and apparently they'll take as fact what "a geneological [sic] researcher" e-mailed them. Groovy.

One Google blogger ("Anna") disagrees:

Sorry, I just don't see it. For one thing Obama's mother always wore her hair long and the woman in the photos had short hair. I think
they are barking up the wrong tree here which is so sad because there are so so many right trees that they have available to them.

Ah... yeah... there's so much else they can hit Obama on... such as... uh... that he once shook hands with a guy at a rally who did time for unpaid parking tickets. Terrorist!

Anyway, back to the photos... here's one. Compare it to the one at the top left and decide for yourself...

Her face kinda looks photoshopped here, so we're going to call bullshit where no one else is. That's a shame, too, because someone needs to call these despicable right-wingers out on this continued nonsense-- guys and dolls, if you have to resort to disgracing somebody's mother in order to win an election, it's time to admit you may been on the wrong side of the aisle...

Here and here are the other pictures. We don't have the heart to post them.

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Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 13:07:00 GMT

When in Atlantic City, it's probably best not to approach total strangers about marijuana purchases:

Police said the drug deal went sour when the man took them to a desolate road in Egg Harbor Township near the Atlantic City International Airport, pulled and gun and forced them to strip before dumping their purses and robbing them.

Every time Obama speaks, an angel... has an orgasm?

How does Hugh Hefner choose his Playboy bunnies?

“We don’t go for glamour — what we are looking for is a very natural girl-next-door look,” he told Pop Tarts. “I think that’s what set things at the very beginning — what set the Playmate centerfolds apart.”
“Scarlett Johansson and Angelina Jolie,” he said [are the hottest women in the world.]

Damien Hirst sold a painting of a pickled shark for almost ten million pounds. We're not sure what a pickled shark is, but it sounds mighty tasty!

Comedian Al Franken is tied with incumbent Senator Norm Coleman in Minnesota's hottest (not in the "sexy") race.

Speaking of SNL, Amy Poehler is not returning to the show after her planned maternity leave.

And what do we think of Katherine McPhee's outfit? Hot or... dreadful?

Photo via Egotastic.

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Who Would You Rather: Nude Sarah Palin vs. Nude Sarah Palin...

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 19:55:00 GMT

There are so many nude photos of "Sarah Palin" floating around the web, photos that are either of Palin's head on some unknown model's body or Julia Louis-Dreyfus's. Readers previously debated this very question, unprovoked, in our first post of the supposed leaked photos, all of which are doctored or mislabeled in some way.

Now, we're going to ask you for real, with four naked photos of our next (Vice?) President to fight over...

Set of four photos via Fleshbot.

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No, These Are The Real Daniel Radcliffe Nude Photos

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 14:19:00 GMT

I, Scanner Brian, resisted posting these nude photos of Daniel Radcliffe from the opening night of Equus on Broadway for two reasons:

1) Ever since I saw Radcliffe in Tailor of Panama with Jamie Lee Curtis and Pierce Brosnan, back before the Harry Potter gig, he has looked exactly like-- gulp-- my younger brother. Thankfully, with these recent photos, he isn't looking so creepily/eerily similar. Phew-- got that off my chest.

2) Scanner Nicole had posted what we thought were real photos of Radcliffe in the buff from the London run, but admittedly, they are too professional looking to be stealth camera phone nudes or whatever. Here's the real thing, after the jump...

Compare to the original and... well, not too disappointed, are we?

Via Perez Hilton.

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Real or Fake: Nude Sarah Palin Photo?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 16:02:00 GMT

Sarah Palin is already an historic figure. As the first female on a Republican Presidential ticket, she will never be forgotten... or, when it comes to Democratic bloggers, forgiven.

They have already spread rumors of her having lied about her fifth child's true origins, attacked her fitness to be President, Troopergate, etc. etc. Now the McCain-Palin campaigns deny the following nude photo is of Palin (allegedly from her beauty pageant days):

It's either her or Julia Louis-Dreyfus. In fact, we're pretty damn sure it's Julia Louis-Dreyfus, who is currently getting her biggest career boost since Seinfeld. In fact the above two photos are both clearly fakes...

The picture emerged hours after Sarah was named as Republican John McCain's running-mate, and has been used by hundreds of websites and blogs.
Sarah’s camp, however, insists that the picture is fake, reports News of the World.
Other forged snaps of Sarah are also said to have also fuelled the frenzy on the net since the relative unknown was pushed into the Presidential spotlight. Sarah, who married her high-school sweetheart Todd and now has four kids, was once a teenage beauty queen in her home state of Alaska. [Sify]

Here's one that we're pretty sure is real. Hot or not?

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Ina Maier — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 20:35:00 GMT

Pressure Point Knockout - Watch more free videos

That said, we have some concern over the credibility of this video. Any black-belts out there who can elaborate and/or enlighten us?