Scanner : reality shows

The Flavor of Love Sex Tape

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 12 May 2009 16:54:00 GMT

Hoopz, the winner of Flava Flav's fake reality show Flavor of Love on VH-1, is open to all offers of free publicity. We haven't seen or heard from the first-season winner of that show since her 2008 triumph on another VH-1 program, I Love Money. She must be enjoying the $250K prize she took away from that little-seen competition and holing up with her boyfriend, James "Boo" Jackson, a basketball player of minor standing, in Louisville, Tennessee.

Now comes a report (and photo evidence, albeit the teasing, censored kind) that Hoopz has appeared in a sex tape with some dude, presumably Jackson, and that a nefarious character plans to release the footage on DVD any day now...

This twerp, who goes by Mr. ZZee, offered us four horribly-blacked-out photos of a woman resembling Hoopz, who is seen acting out what can only be described as "obvious porn moves." In the video excerpt (also censored), linked below, Hoopz acknowledges the camera, leaving us to wonder: was this staged for private use or, as it seems from the photos, deliberately designed to work as a full-blown porn movie, complete with the various positions seemingly required by all modern grade-Z adult films?

WARNING: Although Mr. ZZZZZZZZZ blacked-out the "naughty bits" in these graphic images, they're still not safe for work...

Here's the link to a 15-second clip-- again, it's almost unwatchable due to black-box blackouts.

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Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 08 May 2009 15:20:00 GMT

We were beginning to think he might actually get away with it: Drew Peterson was arrested yesterday and charged with the murder of his third wife.

John Mayer is playing a series of intimate concerts, featuring only his new material, for his staff.

Gotta love this guy: A bar owner lit up a cigarette at the Ohio health department as a protest over the bar smoking ban. Of course, to top it off, he threatened to have the department fined for allowing him to smoke.

Next on the block for porn parodies: 30 Rock!

Memo to hideous-looking billionaire divorcing Stephanie Seymour: it's all uphill from here.

Believe it or not, kids, pictured above is the cast of The Goonies. And yes, Chunk is the little bald man in back-- at least, that's what everyone says.

Rich Berliners complained about a local brothel, so judges "expected" it and found it to be "discreet." We're not making this up.

Kiefer Sutherland's California probation could be revoked because of his misdemeanor arrest in New York.

Dude, you were making a lot of money off of the Body World thing-- why did you have to go and show two dead people having sex?

And an ex-boyfriend of Deanna Hummel, the woman alleged to have had an affair with Jon Gosselin from the reality show we'd never heard of and think is desperate for some publicity, has released a sex tape of a woman he claims is Hummel. (Very NSFW link here.) At this point, we're guessing there was no affair and, even if there was, this sex tape looks fake.

Look at This F-ing Nude Hipster Grifter Behind Bars

Emily Farris — Mon, 04 May 2009 18:24:00 GMT

We may be walking proof that honest hard work gets you nowhere, but we still cannot (yet) endorse lying, cheating and stealing as a way to get through life. Especially because, as Kari Ferrell, the Hipster Grifter, will probably tell you in her memoir (or VH1 reality show) someday, that shit will just land you in jail.

That's right, Doree Shafrir, who has been following the story for the New York Observer, has confirmed that Kari Farrell is in the slammer.

Here's how it all went down.

Apparently, Farrell turned herself in to Philadelphia police last night then called and called ANIMAL New York’s Bucky Turco at 2:30 a.m. this morning to let him know. She, of course, made this call from her super-hip iPhone. And according to a spokeswoman for the PPD, Ferrell has been arrested.

Perhaps this is where the Hipster Grifter's story ends. Though we sort-of think not.

[The Observer: Confirmed: Grifter in Slammer]

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Look at This F-ing Nude Hipster Grifter

Look at This F-ing Email From This F-ing Nude Hipster Grifter

Sloppy Seconds: The Hipster Grifter Speaks (And She Wants Money)

Sloppy Seconds: Hand Jobs Involving the Mouth

Former Disco Dancer Shocks British TV Audiences With Latest Routine

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 16:12:00 GMT

A woman whose story reads like a 50's pulp novel survived multiple rapes, beatings from her mother, and a forced performance in a porno to become a disco dancing champion, before retiring to become a housewife. On Saturday night, she staged her second comeback on Britain's Got Talent, the Simon Cowell-run spectacle that has seen some serious competition lately.

But Fabia Cerra takes them all down, easy, in our book-- watch what happens when this polite, nervous size 20 sweetheart does after taking the stage for the live taping...

We apologize for this bootleg-quality YouTube video, but the others have embedding disabled. (You can watch the HQ version here.)

Here's what those pesky Union Jacks were covering up:

See you in the finals, Madame Cerra, although it seems some stuffy Brits won't be tuning in:

Ofcom revealed it has received 39 complaints since the programme aired while a further 40 viewers complained to ITV, according to the Telegraph.

Photos via the Daily Mail.

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Do Not Love: "More to Love"

Emily Farris — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 22:16:00 GMT

Fox is developing a new reality dating show for what producers call "average-looking" people. The show will be similar to The Bachelor but instead of under-fed, over-tanned people desperate to date, the contestants will be over-weight weight women competing for the love of a man who resembles...

Kevin James. (Producers describe him as a "Kevin James-type." Kevin James is that guy from The King of Queens, by the way. We'd prefer a Drew Carey-type, but whatever.)

“For six years it’s been skinny-minis and good-looking bachelors, and that’s not what the dating world looks like,” Mike Darnell of Fox said. “Why don’t real women —the women who watch these shows, for the most part—have a chance to find love too?”

This is a good question, and one that's been ignored too long. But doesn't making a point of singling out the "fatties" just contribute to the bigger problem? If "normal" people are lovable, too, why do they really need their own show? Perhaps the producers could take a cue from Tyra Banks and America's Next Top Model and let some "average-looking people" compete against the "hotties."

[LiveFeed: 'More to Love' -- Fox orders dating competition series for the heavy set]

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MTV Wants To Give YOU "A Shot At Love"

Emily Farris — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 21:33:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: Break out your bi-kinis and your dental dam, because MTV is casting for Season 4 of A Shot at Love. No details about whose bisexual "love" you'll be vying for, or whether [redacted] will be returning to the show in any capacity, but does it matter? We're confident that MTV will deliver an equally imbalanced, equally barely dressed fameball... So, could you someday wind up having beautiful bathroom sex with said fameball? Here are the details...

Read more...

So You Think You Can Dance... Topless?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 18:14:00 GMT

So You Think You Can Dance? is a hit around the world, even though not one person has ever admitted to watching it. So, to stir up some interest in the Australia version's second series (a.k.a. "season"), contestant Penny Higgs decided to pose topless for an online magazine.

Surprisingly, her producers didn't have a problem with it...

According to local news source Adelaide Now, Higgs posed for the photos over a year ago and, remarkably enough, the producers were actually cool with it. (By the way, we're surprised not because we disagree but because you almost never hear about "reasonable" reality show producers.)

While producers were unaware of the photographs until contacted by Confidential, a spokesman later determined they were 12 months old.

"We would have been concerned if she'd done it without telling us but they're old shots," he said.

Penny Higgs is favored by some to win the self-promotion competition, with host and #1 recording artist Natalie Bassingthwaighte the major competition to become the show's breakout star.

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The Rise and Fall of Lindsay Lohan

While You Were Sleeping: Britain's Next Topless Model

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While You Were Sleeping: Is This The Dumbest Woman in the World?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

Some band called The Fray has the #1 album in the United States. Remember what we said yesterday about Lily Allen having #1's and no one knowing who she is? It's a trend.

Mandy Moore and Ryan Adams are engaged. Mark our words-- these two will stayed married forever, or at least four months.

Want to know how much Facebook is worth? Nothing, and dropping. (Okay, really, it's allegedly in the billions... until Twitter takes over the social networking market.)

Here she is: the first famous homeless woman.

Wait, how do you get into a relationship with possible murderer Drew Peterson, go on TV, tell the whole world you were just using him, and then go right back into a relationship with him? We hate to say it, but we have no sympathy left for what might happen to this woman, who may be the dumbest in the world. She's been warned.

One reality show contestant showed San Francisco liberals can be just as awful at dealing with humans as everyone else.

Nicolette Sheridan is quitting Desperate Housewives.

Headline of the day: "Zorro in custody."

Today in Unlikely Couples: David Spade and....

While You Were Sleeping: Sex and Chocolate

I Hate Myself For Loving You: Lily Allen

McCain's Fem-bot Wife Wants to Go 'Dancing With the Stars'

Scanner Matt — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 16:22:00 GMT

Today Page Six claims their "impeccably placed source" says, "Just before Thanksgiving, Cindy McCain started talks with producers to appear as a dancer on the show (Dancing With the Stars)."

Really?

This impeccably placed source also claims, "She wanted to do it very badly." But this week, Sen. McCain "put the kibosh on it."

Booooooooooo

What is this, Footloose? (If you haven't noticed the giant movie poster we published with this post)

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We Wish They'd Shut Down American Idol Instead of Stripper Idol

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 23:56:00 GMT

Did anyone else see this train wreck, pictured above, who somehow manage to squeak by the competition and land a trip to Hollywood? Not only did she skank it to the max to highlight her vocal shortcomings, but then she tried to make out with Ryan Seacrest-- twice. Bleech.

30.1 million people tuned in for Tuesday night's season premiere of American Idol. Among those who were not watching-- patrons at the Austin bar The Palazio Men's Club, who had better things to do...

(Sure, the contest is on Thursday nights, but it's not like the patrons were watching Fox the other night, what with glorious stripping right in front of them.)

American Idol's lawyers, who apparently have infinite amounts of money and time, decided to shut down the Texas competition which pits amateur topless females in 60-second strip-offs for a cash prize of $500. (That's it? Hell, strippers used to make $500 a night each... and now there'll only be one and everyone else gets zilch?) The bored lawyers claim that the "color scheme, design and font" of the Austin competition is too similar to the Fox one-- we're sure it's identical, but that's not the point-- and then this gem:

"There is a substantial likelihood that consumers will be confused, misled or deceived as to the sponsorship ... of the defendants' stripper talent contest."

Right. Grandma who wants to see another Jordan Sparks wannabe is going to go to a bar, thinking that the show is no longer on TV, and will somehow miss that the word "American" has been changed to "STRIPPER." Of course, the judge will side with whomever has the highest-paid lawyers, so Texas is screwed again.

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This Blog Has Been Rated NC-17

Sloppy Seconds: Stripper Feels the Crunch

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PapSmeared: Brooke Hogan Spends Daddy's Money on More Stuff She Doesn't Need

Emily Farris — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 16:21:00 GMT

[Image]

Mini-Me Makes Up For Size With Stamina In Bed

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 16:22:00 GMT

Memo to the ladies: never marry a man who has sex with you ten times a day-- it can only lead to disappointment.

In an interview with News of the World, Verne Troyer's ex-wife, incredibly hot Playboy playmate Genevieve Gallen pays her rent for a few months with an unrestrained (and unnecessarily TMI-filled) rant about her former lover. Gallen, who was dumped just a few months after her wedding to the Austin Powers star and featured contestant on the upcoming Celebrity Big Brother (UK), reveals more than you ever wanted to know about the B-list actor:

“We had to be creative—but because of my yoga experience I could get into the right positions to make it work. And I was soon head over heels in love with Verne.
“We could have sex up to 10 times in a single day. We’d do it for 45 minutes and he would just keep on going as I had orgasm after orgasm.
“He was a sex addict. He was then only the second man I’d ever slept with. He told me he’d had huge numbers of girls.”

Only the second man she'd ever slept with? A 30-year-old Playboy bunny barely not a virgin? For some reason, we're not sure we buy that, but whatever, moving along:

“I would dress up in my sexiest lingerie every day and try all sorts of role-play games. Sometimes I dressed as a prostitute, other times a cheerleader—and even a schoolgirl. I once put on a dark wig, some sexy lingerie and put on a Russian accent so he would think I was a high class call girl.
“There was no doubt in my mind he was the man for me.”

Based on what? The sex? After all, that's all she seems to use as a qualifier.

“I was nervous but determined we would do it that night. I had even researched what condoms to use for a little man... We made love three times that night. For me it was emotionally satisfying... But I was surprised when I saw him naked for the first time that night—I had expected him to be better endowed. But Verne’s body is proportional all over, so he was smaller than I expected.”

However, it went downhill in a hurry:

"...he was so drunk he passed out wearing his socks and boxers. At the end of the day, I think he was more in love with alcohol than he was with me.
"I heard he was in hospital and when I got there he was lying in bed covered in vomit and diarrhea...
He demanded an annulment, claiming he would only land a part on an American reality show if he was still single.

Ouch! Did Troyer really believe getting married made any difference to his career-- as if the women of the America would stop lining up by the millions if the read the news on the front page of their tabloids. Poor Genevieve...

Via News of the World.

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Kelly Osbourne's Crazy Train Makes a Stop at the Nursery

Nicole Pasulka — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 18:40:00 GMT

Looks like Kelly Osbourne is engaged. Who, you ask, could be exciting, unmarred, and fresh-faced enough to win this 23-year-old's heart?

Answer: This, man, er, guy, ahem, child.

No, that is not the elf from Lord of the Rings. That is 18-year-old model Luke Worrall. Who is, did we mention, 18 years old and, according to Facebook, engaged to Kelly Osbourne who we could have sworn was older than 23, but hey whatever being Ozzy's kid probably prematurely ages you.

Luke likes skateboarding and has his lip pierced and Kelly is like so in love with him and they are going to make tons of babies just as soon as he gets sperms.

Sloppy Seconds: Blake-Fielder Civil Escapes (More) Prison (Time)

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 22:25:00 GMT

Patrick Dempsey didn't dig the doc firing on Grey's Anatomy. Perhaps he knows something we don't about ABC's true motives?

This guy will either be dead or a legend by 27.

Eddie Izzard made the really dumb decision, as he is not a US citizen, to donate to Obama. He made an even dumber one when he admitted to doing so on CNN.

Michael Crichton died of cancer, a battle which was kept entirely private.

Who gave 50 Cent a reality show? Jesus Christ. Well, at least it's a positive show for a change.

And Amy Winehouse's husband ("Blakey," we think his name is) was released from jail after a year of hell... or, if you're married to Amy Winehouse, womb-like bliss.

10-Year-Old Boy Is the Lone Protester of Nude Sunbathing

Obama and McCain Supporters Bring Out the Worst In All of Us

While You Were Sleeping: Amy Winehouse's Scientology Cure

While You Were Sleeping: Minnie Driver Pops Out A Future Celebrity

Sloppy Seconds: The Naked Lesbian Bubble Bath

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 21:36:00 GMT

Barbara Walters hit on-- oh God, make it stop-- Michael Phelps.

McCain continues to close in on Obama in the popular vote... at least according to CNN and other journalists desperate for an angle. Meanwhile, Obama is way ahead in the Electoral College. (By the way, don't miss this newly-resurfaced story from the Chicago Tribune, published in 2006, about the chances of an Obama Presidential bid... and the glorious response, in its comments section.)

The Strollerderby shattered a myth about your boobs... letting us know that a new study

disproves the popular conception that nursing results in sagging breasts - a condition technically known as breast ptosis.
The real causes of sagging breasts, according to the researchers, are far less noble: increased age, higher BMI, number of pregnancies, bigger pre-pregnancy cup size, and smoking.

JuicyCampus.com, a controversial gossip site, may be getting banned at Georgetown.

There was a "naked lesbian bubble bath" on America's Next Top Model last night. Of course, ANTM does not air on HBO, so nothing to see here, move along.

After all that, Denise Richards isn't being put out to pasture.

And that nutjob who carved the "B" (backwards!) into her own face and said Obama did it is going to join R.P. McMurphy and The Chief.

While You Were Sleeping: More Pregnant Celebrities

Top 10 Celebrity Moms Who Could Be Hookers

Men's Health Should Worry More About Men's Sanity

Sloppy Seconds: Phillies Fan Gives Her Team A Big Boost

Cloris Leachman Makes Bad Reality Show Halfway Watchable, Sexy

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 20:10:00 GMT

82-year-old Oscar and Emmy-winning actress Cloris Leachman has taken our popular culture by storm with her latest comeback role... on a reality show.

Leachman, who starred in Young Frankenstein and on the Mary Tyler Moore Show, is back in the spotlight again after surviving four elimination rounds on Dancing With the Stars, a show she was, according to today's New York Times, the star was rejected from twice...

If you can't understand why we'd find an 82-year-old still sexy, check out this excerpt from the Times story. Speaking to a male reporter on what she might do next:

“I could get pregnant,” she said in an interview in her trailer, where, completely coincidentally, she insisted on changing out of her ballroom gown in front of a reporter. “I’ve got a bit of time before my next project. Maybe I’ll be on ‘American Idol.’ ” [New York Times]

What idiot was it that said "only men get better with age?" Whoever it was, they've just been proved completely wrong...

Here's Leachman in 1971's the Last Picture Show, in which she somehow makes prim and plain look sexy as hell...

Warning: You probably shouldn't watch this at work.

I Love Myself For Loving You: Patricia Clarkson

Today in WTF: Ex-Candidate For Kentucky Gov. Arrested For Sex Offenses After Obvious Joke

Move Over Lazy Young People, Persephone Lewin's Day Puts Yours To Shame

While You Were Sleeping: Is The CW Finished?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 13:23:00 GMT

A DNC member and prominent backer of Hillary Clinton will endorse John McCain today.

Here's why some men think "yes" when they hear "no." Not that we're siding with the men on this one...

Eva Mendes claims to have had sex in just about all of the 50 States. How did this mindblowing feat come to pass without our knowledge (and involvement)?

The Hitch star admits she took a raunchy road trip across the country when she was younger and managed to have a sexual encounter in nearly every one of the different states.
She says, "I've had sex in all 50 states. A lot of it was on a road trip I took when I was younger."
And Mendes admits that her best experiences took place in Arizona and Colorado, adding: "Maybe it was the clean air."

Vote for Miss St. Pauli Girl-- it's the only vote you'll have this year that might actually count.

Paris Hilton is denying the naysayers their day: contrary to popular opinion, the socialite has been seen hanging out with the winner of her upcoming reality show, My New BFF. Of course, she could be totally making it all up.

A woman tried to poison her roommate, a la Wedding Crashers, with eye drops in his drink, nearly murdering him. Her punishment? She had to pay his hospital bills.

Even with Gossip Girl and One Tree Hill, the CW is probably doomed.

22-Year-Old Woman Auctions Off Virginity On Howard Stern

The Josh Hartnett Sex Tape: At Least It Won't Be In Night Vision

EXCLUSIVE: McCain-Palin Internal Talking Points Memo Leaked To Scanner

"Paris Hilton's Vagina Bites Penguin" And Other Classic Celebrity Spam Headlines

Sloppy Seconds: Eva Longoria's Lingerie Past

Cultural Clusterf*ck: Gossip Girl Meets 30 Rock

Hot or Not: Jodie Marsh's Boobs?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 17:07:00 GMT

Lest we forget that Britain has its own terrible reality show (stars) that never cross the Atlantic, this is Jodie Marsh of the UK's Celebrity Big Brother. (We'll trade anyone on America's Next Top Model for any of yours, guys, at least so we can have a change of pace.)

She is the subject of much debate, mainly because she presents the usual annoying paradox in the sense that, much like the boy whose father is killed in a car crash but can't be operated on because the surgeon is his mother, Jodie Marsh is a person with gigantic bosoms who we'd normally enjoy having sex with except she is totally repulsive^.

So, your Hot or Not work assignment for today (you know, rather than actually doing work) is not just about Jodie Marsh's boobs. It's about whether Jodie Marsh herself is hot or whether or not a) fake boobs mean she's automatically not, b) boobs this fake mean she's automatically not, or c) being this annoying means she's still not automatically not hot. Confused? Never mind, just let us know if she's hot or not.

Marry Me Jodie Marsh was launched with the teaser "I'm getting married this September... Only problem is that I don't have a man!". Men were invited to submit an application for a series of open auditions for the chance to marry Marsh that September. MTV filmed the search and subsequent wedding.^[7]

The reality series featuring Marsh entitled Totally Jodie Marsh: Who'll Take Her Up the Aisle?, premiered in July of 2007 documenting Marsh's search to find a husband.^[8]Marsh eventually chose Matt Peacock, an ex-boyfriend of fellow glamour model Jordan.^[9]

[Except...] In the final episode of the show, MTV executives confronted Marsh and Matt Peacock with taped footage of Peacock's audition claiming he and Marsh had been dating for months and living together for three months, contrary to the show's claims. "I'm not hiding the fact I did the TV show for money. Of course I did". ^[14]
On Friday 13 January, Marsh was first to be voted out of the Big Brother house — with 8 out of 10 possible nominations (the highest ever margin)... She cried during her post-eviction interview with Davina McCall describing the experience as "horrific" and her housemates as "vile jealous bullies".^[5]

Um. We'll pass, thanks.

Via the Superficial.

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Hot or Not: PETA Protests?

Hot or Not: 32K Boobs?

Hot Or Not: Skinny Actresses

Hot Or Not: Jamie Lee Curtis: The Results

^it's ridiculous that we have to say this, but... "we're kidding..."

This Week In Gayness: My Boyfriend Won't Put Out

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 18:50:00 GMT

If your Dad is a fervent anti-homosexual zealot, best not to brag to his face about having come from the Pride parade.

What, you thought they'd let gay couples on the revamped "Newlywed Game"?

A woman who worked in the Georgia General Assembly claims to have been fired after telling her boss she was "going to live as a woman."

Guess which reality show host is joining the cast of "The L Word" for Season Six?

According to Michael Ausiello of EW.com's the Ausiello Files (Entertainment Weekly online) Elizabeth Berkley, who flirted with the L word during her Showgirls days, is joining the Showtime hit for a multi-episode arc. [Lesbiatopia]

Today is the day our do-nothing Democratic Congress will finally do something: they're planning to take a peek at "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

Unsurprisingly, the Lesbos of Lesbos island lost their cast against the, um, lesbos of the world. Nice waste of paper, kids.

A Turkish honor killing (aka hate crime), in which a 26-year-old gay man was the victim, shows no signs of any future bright spots: apparently, as is the case in most honor killings, the family left their son's body to rot and the boyfriend has fled the country after warnings from his consulate.

In a Dear Mona column posted today on About.com, one guy asks "Mona" why his boyfriend can say "I still love you" while abstaining from sex and watching a steady stream of porno. Is it a porn addiction or the relationship itself that's the problem? Read the response here.

Step Brothers Will Be Terrible, Step Clones Would've Been Way Funnier

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 20:08:00 GMT

PosterBoyNYC is a Flickr photographer who, as you can see above, doctors those enormous and always obnoxious subway ads.

After the jump, a look at our favorite cut-and-paste jobs from this Urban Prankster...

There are plenty more, even a handful that are arguably better than all of the ones we've included above, at Flickr.

Via Urban Prankster.

While You Were Sleeping: Poor Bret Michaels

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 14:16:00 GMT

An Austin frat owes somebody $4.2 million after one of their pledges drank himself to death. Should we make this rubber check out to the state of Texas or what?

Perez Hilton has photos of Andy Dick from an outing just prior the fateful arrest. If it had fewer girls, more laughing gas, and lots of crystal meth, it would be just like our roommate's bed on a Wednesday night.

Is George Bush going to have to try and pardon Mister Cheney? Or commuter him? Or whatever it is I can do because I am installed by God?

A woman is suing a bar after burning herself with-- ready for this one?-- a flaming shot. The McDonald's Coffee Lawsuit Lady and the Put A Knife In My Subway Sandwich Faker unavailable for comment.

Remember that kid who was a total dick at his former high school's graduation? Yeah, the judge wasn't too thrilled to see him.

The Malaysian opposition leader we told you about was finally nabbed for having practiced the ancient art of sodomy on a male aide. Or so his government keeps saying, in hopes they can jail him for all eternity...

Vh-1 is very excited to report that Bret Michaels and "Ambre" have broken up! They are excited because now they get to announce Rock of Love Season 3! Coincidence?

Want Revenge On Your Old High School?

Malaysian Opposition Leader Accused of Sodomizing Male Aide

What Do We Think About Britain's Missing Top Model?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 18:21:00 GMT

Our first reaction was three words: a new low. But the more we think about the BBC's latest model reality show, premiering Tuesday night, the more we think it may be a largely positive idea...

The show, which is obviously a takeoff of America's Next Top Model, is unfortunately called Britain's Missing Top Model, which you would think means it's a detective show with the English version of Hayden Panettiere or something. Nope-- instead, it features

a woman whose arm was severed in a bus crash, another who is profoundly deaf and an aspiring film director who suffers from a degenerative neuro-muscular disorder, which means she is largely confined to a wheelchair. [News.com.au]

Great, promoting disability awareness by putting the cattiest girls alive in one apartment together? Once again, our assumptions seem to be incorrect:

Anyway, the title’s not the only baffling element of Britain’s Missing Top Model. To be frank, Britain’s Missing Top Model is a mess, and it all boils down to one, elemental problem: no lunatic sassy bitches. [Times UK]

Apparently, the producers put together mature, thoughtful, good-looking disabled women for the show-- there's no fighting or other fake drama on this show. Even so, are the producers still exploiting them for profit in the cruelest way or actually trying to have a decent reality show that presents the disabled in a positive light (i.e. "we can be cool and good looking, too" or whatever)?

What do you think?

Top 10 Celebrity Moms Who Could Be Hookers

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 17:24:00 GMT

Not to insult Moms (or even celebrities), but TMZ has a list today that we must improve upon...

Most of these Celebrity Moms are actually pretty cool (well, except for Britney, of course), but sometimes with all their plastic surgery, fake boobs, and reality TV antics, they make fools of themselves. Today, we run down those who have slipped up and caused the biggest fashion faux pas of late...

10. Janice Dickinson (see above.) The world's first supermodel or Scary Aunt Spice?

9. Katie Holmes. Not because she ever dresses like a prostitute, rather her inclusion here is thanks to those "rumors" that she took $3 million from the Church of Scientology to be Tom's wife.

8. Judy Landers

7. Christina Aguilera, who normally looks much classier these days, was caught in Spitzer's-second-hooker mode by the pap's:

6. Linda Hogan

5. Lisa Gastineau

4. Tori Spelling

3. Britney Spears

2. Elizabeth Hurley. Among the classiest women in the world most of the time and arguably Britain's sexiest MILF, Hurley does, from time to time, unfortunately get mistaken for a hooker Hugh Grant might've picked up:

Photo via Babble

1. Denise Richards. This photo really says it all. Why did Charlie Sheen need to hire out again? (Seriously, who needs hookers when you have the star of "Wild Things," who happens to dress way better than this most of the time? Even a jackass like Sheen shouldn't need to outsource...)

Via TMZ.

Michael Lohan Sells Out Lindsay Once Again

Emily Farris — Tue, 27 May 2008 15:09:00 GMT

We were going to do something very cheesy — put quotation marks around that "out" in the subject line — but if what Michael Lohan says is true, his daughter's relationship with Samantha Ronson is "evident to anyone with half a brain." And if he's right, those aren't peace signs Ronson and Lilo are flashing.

Okay, maybe they are peace signs, but wouldn't it be more fun if they weren't?

There's been lots of speculation that Lindsay Lohan and D.J. Samantha Ronson's relationship might be more than platonic, and we've mostly ignored the gossip, because like we've mentioned before, as long as she's found love, we're happy for her one way or the other.

But Daddy Lohan wouldn't miss an opportunity to get his name in Us Weekly, and then make himself sound like the great father we all know he is.

Days after photos of them nuzzling necks in Cannes, France, surfaced, he tells Usmagazine.com their romance "is evident to anyone with half a brain."

Still, he adds, "Just like the [topless] Marilyn Monroe spread, Linds is my daughter and there are just some things a father doesn't want to see or hear, regardless of whether they are true or false." (See more spring flings.)

His daughter, 21, "is a big girl, and she can make her own life choices. Then it is between her and God."

Michael — who volunteers for a Christian-based rehab organization — couldn't help but take a swipe at his ex Dina (who just debuted her new E! reality show).

"Maybe her mother's life revolves around the tabloids and reports, but mine doesn't," Michael says. "I am into setting a good example and doing good things that don't deceive or exploit my kids.

"But I will say this: While we were a family, you never even saw or heard a negative thing about any of us.

Okay, new idea for a reality show: Michael Lohan and Dina Lohan locked in a padded room with only three year's worth of Us Weekly and a wooden spoon each. They'll paper-cut and spoon each other to death. Then the winner can rub the spoons together to make fire when it's time to eat. Wouldn't it be fun?

[Us: Michael Lohan: Lindsay, Sam's Romance "Evident to Anyone With Half a Brain"]

[Image]

Hot or Not: Heidi Klum Topless in Esquire

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 17:41:00 GMT

Okay, there really isn't much question on this one, is there? We were kind of kidding about the "hot or not" part just to make you click.

In our latest installment of hot topless women on the covers of American magazines, we have Heidi Klum in Esquire. Unfortunately, we are sick to death of all reality shows and, in particular, reality show hosts. Especially ones that are married to Seal, whom we dislike for that song of his we hear every time we're in C-Town with a hangover.

In any case, fans must wonder why these photos are going up online now-- perhaps to celebrate Project Runway's move to-- gulp-- the Lifetime Television Network? Well, if this is the new look of Lifetime, we may finally stop for more than four seconds when we get to it...

The rest of the photos by Rankin are archived here in a blog post from over the weekend.

These were mainly unavailable online until then, so so what if the original Esquire feature is two years old? You want us to take these down? We thought not.

And don't forget to vote in our Who Would You Rather? poll, featuring two other reality show stars...

Video of the Day: Japan's Got Talent

Emily Farris — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 19:28:00 GMT

Why aren't American reality shows this entertaining? The FCC probably wouldn't let someone peel a banana with his mouth let alone his ass... While the feat itself isn't that impressive, the judges' reactions and the peeler's lack of modesty make the video.

via videosift.com

Would You Watch?: Denise Richards' Reality Show

Emily Farris — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 22:01:00 GMT

TMZ is reporting that Denise Richards will ask a judge for permission to appear in her own reality show with her two daughters, the fruit of her and Charlie Sheen's combined loins. Sheen, of course is against it.

Via TMZ:

We're told the ground rules in the ongoing custody dispute are that either parent must get permission if the kids are goin' on camera. We're told Charlie feels it's exploitive and will draw a clear line in the sand, objecting to any appearance by three-year-old Sam and two-year-old Lola.

The real question is, who would even watch this show?

[TMZ: Charlie to Denise -- Reality Show My Ass!]

The Hills' Disclaimer: This is Total BS

Emily Farris — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 18:46:00 GMT

We haven't written a lot about "The Hills," the MTV realifake show chronicling the lives of Heidi, Lauren and Spencer, because we haven't watched enough episodes to form a real opinion of the show as a whole. But we have watched enough to know it's pretty much petty, made-up bullshit. Petty, made-up bullshit that we maybe, sometimes enjoy watching.

Now, "The Hills" is being aired in the UK, with the following disclaimer.

‘The following programme may contain scenes that have been created purely for entertainment purposes.”

You don't say? Hey, it's almost like real TV, when we had writers.

[via Songs About Buildings and Food]

File Under: The Worst Thing That Could Possibly Happen

Emily Farris — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 17:00:00 GMT

With the writers' strike going on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, The New York Times reminds us of that which Scanner Bryan has already told us once: we're facing a harsh winter chock-full of bad reality shows, including but not limited to, the return of "American Gladiators."

Luckily, "Lost" will be back.

Previously:
Not Another Writers' Strike Video

America's Next Dumb Stupidest Prettiest Girl of America's Next Real America

Emily Farris — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 18:47:00 GMT

Mark your calendars. ABC Family is coming to New York City on or around December 12 to conduct a casting call for its newest reality show America's Prom Queen:

"Living together in a storybook mansion, these high-school-aged girls will face a new prom-related challenge each week, and then hope to make the Prom Committee's cut."

You go round up every over-tanned, underfed high school senior you know and become their manager before someone else does. We'll sit by and wish this show was about real high school queens.