Scanner : reality tv

Sloppy Seconds: Free Boobs!

Emily Farris — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 23:36:00 GMT

Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has a penchant for pretty women (what politician doesn't?). And it's a source of "suffering" for his wife, Veronica Lario, she wrote in an open letter. [Yahoo!]

Simon Cowell joked that he's "secretly in love" with fellow American Idol judge Paula Abdul. And we wouldn't be all that surprised if he jerked off to the "Cold Hearted Snake" video back in the day... or if he still does. [Us]

After her double mastectomy, breast cancer survivor Christina Applegate says she still feels sexy, especially because her boyfriend, Dutch bass player Martyn Lenoble loves her "from head to toe." [People]

Is there no more bromance in the world? Chace Crawford is apparently looking to move out of the pad he shares with Gossip Girl co-star Ed Westwick. [PageSix]

Everyone can stop worrying about Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. They're taking the necessary precautions to prevent catching swine flu (the swine flu?) while on their honeymoon in Mexico. Whew. We know we'll sleep better tonight knowing they're okay. [MTV]

Did California pageant officials buy homophobic Miss California, Carrie Prejean, new breasts? And if so, how do we get some? [Defamer]

Sloppy Seconds: Snipped Here, Screwed There

PapSmeared: Brooke Hogan Spends Daddy's Money on More Stuff She Doesn't Need

Emily Farris — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 16:21:00 GMT

[Image]

Video of the Day: Linda Hogan Has a Tramp Stamp

Emily Farris — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 18:33:00 GMT

ICYMI: Linda Hogan's Tramp Stamp @ Yahoo! Video

On this week's Brooke Knows Best (a spin-off of Hogan Knows Best), daughter Brooke Hogan proves she does know best after her mom Linda suggests Brooke get a tattoo right where she has one. Brooke not-so-kindly informs her mother that she is the proud bearer of a "tramp stamp."

[via Best Week Ever]

Video of the Day: Scary Indian Dating Show

Emily Farris — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 21:11:00 GMT

via videosift.com

While we can't understand all of what's going on in this video, we catch the important parts (including our favorite line ever: "You fucking fuck!").

Worst date ever or best?

"Help! I Think My Life Is A Reality Show!"

Ina Maier — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 19:42:00 GMT

Do you ever feel like people are watching you? Do you live your life like there are cameras catching your every move? Are you Julia Allison? Then you just might have the "Truman Show Delusion."

Two Montrea-based psychologists have diagnosed a new mental illness where sufferers believe that their entire lives are one big reality show. Like, a real reality show. The psychologists, brother Joel and Ian Gold, have treated 5 men, all between the ages of 25-34, who all believe that their lives are the focus of millions and millions of people. According to one patient, "My family and everyone I knew were and are actors in a script, a charade whose entire purpose is to make me the focus of the world's attention."

We'd say it's finally time to cut back on the reality TV, but have you seen the preview for the new season of The Hills?! But seriously, someone please call Julia Allison. We're worried about her.

[via New York Post]

Ashley Alexandra Dupre Did Exactly What We Told Her Not to Do

Emily Farris — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 21:35:00 GMT

A few short months ago, during the media circus that surrounded then-New York Mayor Eliot Spitzer's pay-per-ride relationship with Ashley Alexandra Dupre, we laid out a plan that would keep Ashley in the public eye, but in a very flattering light.

It was a simple series of events that involved her steering clear of Joe "Boobies" Francis (FAIL!), and staying away from any TV shows that are not hosted by Oprah or Barbara Walters. Then, we would write a book together.

Now Scanner Emily is going to have to get a job at McDonald's because Ash just went and fucked everything up.

Ashley is supposedly developing an "un-scripted" television show with executives at a Los Ageles production firm, Handprint Entertainment, the very same folks manage the careers of Nicole Richie and Pamela Anderson.

What does this all mean? It means she's probably going to have her own reality show any day now.

To make matters worse, it might be a dating show and apparently the phrase "the next Tila Tequila" is being thrown around.

[E! via The Remote Island]

Related:

An Open Letter to Ashley Alexandra Dupre: We're Gonna Write a Book!

Who Would You Rather? Ashley Alexandra Dupre vs. "Kristen

Ashley Alexandra Dupre: What We Want is Sensual Seduction

Get Your Ashley Alexandra Dupre Drink One

Top 10 Celebrity Moms Who Could Be Hookers

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 17:24:00 GMT

Not to insult Moms (or even celebrities), but TMZ has a list today that we must improve upon...

Most of these Celebrity Moms are actually pretty cool (well, except for Britney, of course), but sometimes with all their plastic surgery, fake boobs, and reality TV antics, they make fools of themselves. Today, we run down those who have slipped up and caused the biggest fashion faux pas of late...

10. Janice Dickinson (see above.) The world's first supermodel or Scary Aunt Spice?

9. Katie Holmes. Not because she ever dresses like a prostitute, rather her inclusion here is thanks to those "rumors" that she took $3 million from the Church of Scientology to be Tom's wife.

8. Judy Landers

7. Christina Aguilera, who normally looks much classier these days, was caught in Spitzer's-second-hooker mode by the pap's:

6. Linda Hogan

5. Lisa Gastineau

4. Tori Spelling

3. Britney Spears

2. Elizabeth Hurley. Among the classiest women in the world most of the time and arguably Britain's sexiest MILF, Hurley does, from time to time, unfortunately get mistaken for a hooker Hugh Grant might've picked up:

Photo via Babble

1. Denise Richards. This photo really says it all. Why did Charlie Sheen need to hire out again? (Seriously, who needs hookers when you have the star of "Wild Things," who happens to dress way better than this most of the time? Even a jackass like Sheen shouldn't need to outsource...)

Via TMZ.

"Foursome," Anyone?

Bryan Christian — Mon, 19 May 2008 19:22:00 GMT

A'ight, we might be totally behind the times on this one, but there's a reality show that's pretty much just about vapid attractive people doing it in a house? Like, nothing about racism? Nothing about religion? Nothing about who likes or like-likes or really likes who? Just who's gonna fuck and how? Jesus H, we're gonna have to get the Playboy channel, aren't we? Well, actually -- should we? Like, any fans of this show out there? Let us know what ya think!

Playboy TV Airs 'Foursome' Marathon [AVN]

Gary Coleman Got Married Just So He Could Go On "Divorce Court"

Emily Farris — Fri, 02 May 2008 21:21:00 GMT

At least it kind-of looks that way...

America's Top Model Cat Fight: A Show Worth Dying (And Killing) For

Katie Halper — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 20:15:00 GMT

They say a man who is not willing to die for something is not fit to live. Well, we say a woman who is willing to kill for America's Next Top Model is not fit watch America's Next Top Model. Unfortunately, a 42-year-old victim from Columbia City, Seattle, had to learn this lesson the hard way.

A woman who suffered life-threatening stab wounds to her chest and neck Wednesday allegedly was attacked by another woman who had been upset that she was too loud while watching America's Next Top Model. Police say the 42-year-old victim and her friends were in a Columbia City apartment drinking beer and watching the reality show hosted by former supermodel Tyra Banks, in which women compete for a chance to launch their modeling careers. The alleged attacker, an acquaintance of the victim, told the other woman to stop talking loudly.... When the "Top Model" fan refused, police say the other woman then opened the apartment door and told her to get out... the argument then turned physical, with one woman having a clump of her hair pulled out. The attacker then pulled a paring knife from a nearby apple and began stabbing the 42-year-old, according to a police report. Witnesses were able to pull the knife away and separate the two before police say one ran into a bedroom.

Luckily, the victim is alive. Unfortunately, the "die-hard" America's Next Top Model fan is still at large.

Hold Your Catheter For "Over The Hills"

Emily Farris — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 17:33:00 GMT

We don't watch The Hills (okay, we watched one episode back when we had cable), but we read enough blogs to know every damn detail of every episode. But we are more than okay with watching Over The Hills, senior citizens re-enacting scenes from the fakality MTV show.

Sloppy Seconds: Are Ryan Gosling and Scanner Emily Wishing Underneath the Same Big Star?

Emily Farris — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 22:17:00 GMT

George Bush and John McCain celebrated McCain's nomination by eating hot dogs. Makes us want a hot dog. Real bad. On second thought, no, it doesn't. We've just been waiting a really long time to use that Jennifer Coolidge hot dog line.

Simon Cowell will not be shilling Viagra. Not even for two million dollars. Not even for a lifetime of erections.

Though we're not big gun fans, we do like to cause trouble and really would have liked to go through the securty checkpoint at La Guardia with this gun bag this morning—especially after someone threw away our brand new tube of toothpaste!

Oh, awesome. More reality TV. All summer long.

And not that this has anything to do with anything, but we're madly in love with Ryan Gosling. Just thought we'd share. You know, in case he's out there wishing underneath the same big star. Because apparently that Michael McDonald thing isn't going to work out for us; he never called.

[Image of sexy, sexy Ryan Gosling via weblogs.variety.com]

Sloppy Seconds: Paris Hilton Gets By With a Little Help from Reality TV

Emily Farris — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 22:33:00 GMT

Is Paris Hilton engaged to Good Charlotte guitarist Benji Madden (who is also the brother of her ex-bf Nicole's husband Joel)? Anyone want to take bets on how long it will last?

Maybe Paris knows it won't last. She's looking for new BFF in her new reality show.

In the ongoing saga of celebrities fake fucking eachother and making music videos about it, Elizabeth Banks is fucking Seth Rogen. And we can't get the video to load. Can you?

Are you sitting down? Do you have a paper bag near by? OK, well, we hate to be the ones to tell you, but those profiles of women on adult networking sites—they're fake.

Porn star twin brothers were arrested in Philadelphia last week on burlary charges.

Who's Your Money On?: Rosie O'Donnell vs. Hulk Hogan

Emily Farris — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 21:39:00 GMT

We're not even going to ask "who would you rather?" That would be wrong. In so many, many ways. But TMZ is reporting that Hulk Hogan wants to throw down with Rosie O'Donnell in the new "American Gladiators." We think she should do it. This would most certainly make up for her performance in the Worst Love Scene Ever.

[TMZ: Hulk Wants to Pummel Rosie...and Not in a Good Way]