Scanner : robbery

While You Were Sleeping: It's A Lipstick Jungle Out There

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 13:10:00 GMT

Women in Saudi Arabia are going to other countries to shop for lingerie because of the male store employees. In other news, Saudi Arabia allows lingerie.

Prince William "can marry a Jedi," but not a Catholic.

Fake Dina Lohan and Fake Christopher Walken were outed and removed, respectively, from Twitter.

Richard Simmons never stops entertaining, even in the airport, and even if it means singing... "Single Ladies?"

What do you do if your first bank robbery fails? Go into the next bank. That way, it's easier for the cops to find you.

No one wants to have to sit through the vile, racist Rush Limbaugh show, which is why Media Matters has set up Limbaugh Wire.

John Mayer is wearing, um, a little sailor suit and, um, sniffing a mankini.

And are you sitting down? Lipstick Jungle has been canceled, if you hadn't already heard.

Lily Allen Has Something to Show You

Facebook Quickly Becoming a Raging Cesspool...

Britain's Sexual Hazing Rituals Apparently News to Some People...

While You Were Sleeping: Carrie Underwood's Dress Was Too Short

While You Were Sleeping: The Rihanna Nightmare Continues

While You Were Sleeping: Paula Deen Moons Her Audience

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

Memo to Citibank employees: if you receive a letter requesting $27 million for the Bank of Ethiopia, check to make sure it wasn't posted in Nigeria.

The GOP attacked Obama on the stimulus... but this guy couldn't name a single piece of "pork," not even a general category.

You have to wait till the end of this Walker: Texas Ranger clip for the payoff-- and it's laugh-out-loud, knee-slappin' good times...

Ah, young love: these days, it entails sex with your teacher dozens of times in several locations, including the parking lot of a K-Mart.

A man accidentally shot himself during a robbery attempt. He proceeded to lose the loot... and his pants.

Prince dedicated his secret Hollywood concert after the Oscars to Penelope Cruz.

Authorities busted 500 people and freed 48 child prostitutes in a major raid yesterday.

And, in perhaps one of the greatest YouTube moments so far, Paula Deen mooned her fans at the Miami Food and Wine Festival...

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Amy Winehouse, Topless Again, Stars in Her Most Bizarre Adventure Yet

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 18:50:00 GMT

You'll never guess in a million years what tattoo-covered topless Amy Winehouse is looking at-- and don't say that woman's gigantic bosom...

Amy Winehouse, who flies back to her burglarized home in England today to try to salvage her marriage to Blake Fielder-Civil, spent her last hours in St. Lucia not doing drugs, not stealing drinks from the hands of tourists, not even falling over some frat douche on the beach.

She was playing Scrabble.

Winehouse told the Sun:

But perhaps the recovering junkie’s strangest move is her new love for Scrabble.
"I am trying to think of something clever. No, I ain’t got the right letters for rehab."
Amy’s holiday wasn’t all good clean fun though – she’s regularly been seen drinking and openly smoking joints.
Two weeks ago The Sun printed pictures of Amy crawling up to holidaymakers on all fours and grabbing their drinks after hotel bar staff deemed her too wasted to serve.
She also put on a number of performances for guests in the lobby...

Scanner Emily, looks you'll now have an online Scrabble partner when Parker Brothers finally allows it to start up again...

Via the Sun.

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While You Were Sleeping: Adam Sandler Loses

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 14:08:00 GMT

Five banks were robbed on Monday in New York City. So far, no Depression-style Bonnie and Clyde types have emerged from these robberies or any others during the economic collapse.

Roland Burris, a former Attorney General, has been appointed as Obama's Illinois replacement in the Senate.

What is up with a country that starts putting diapers on its animals? Egypt, you have a lot of living to do.

Remember Tiffany Shepherd? She was the teacher who claimed to have been fired for having sexy pictures on her MySpace and a supposedly risque moonlighting gig. Now she's been arrested for harassing her ex's new girlfriend.

Never mind Jennifer Aniston, who took a backseat to a dog in that Marley movie anyway, Clint Eastwood and Tom Cruise were the surprise winners at the box office this weekend. The loser? Adam Sandler.

A soldier is suing the military for its "Christian bias."

Warner Brothers and Fox are unable to see eye to eye on the Watchmen movie, which means it may not be released any time soon.

And Iranian students, upset at Britain's support for Israel, stormed the UK's embassy in their country.

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Teens Identified In Robbery After Mom Walks By

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 14:02:00 GMT

Here's your dumb criminals of the month: not only were they caught preparing for the robbery, chased out of the targeted store by a woman with a flyswatter, but after being tackled by a random security guard who was on to them before they even put on their "masks," one of them realized his Mom was one of the gawking bystanders.

The weirdness continues below...

1) Herman Sakaria, a local security guard, was heading toward his car when he noticed two sixteen-year-old males covering over their license plate. Sensing something was up, he lurked in the shadows and watched as the youths put plastic bags over their faces (!) and pulled out steak knives.

2) The youths ran into a store and demanded cash. For some reason, Stuff.co.nz's version of the story insists upon describing the store's proprietors as a "a Korean man and woman" (while, at the same time, ignoring the ethnicities of the culprits and their captor, depicted above in a censored photo taken by an onlooker.)

3) The shopkeepers chased the kids out without using a weapon, apparently, although the woman did beat one of the kids with... a flyswatter. Meanwhile, Sakaria was waiting for the robbers and tackled them as they left the premises.

4) Sakaria held the boys down until police arrived (in America, the story would've gone: "he eventually was forced to release the boys after twenty minutes because the police hadn't respond to the 9-1-1 call, assuming someone had dialed it at all.") While one of the boys was moaning and groaning under the guard's knee, he looked up and noticed a woman walking by. "Oh shit," he said, "There's my mum."

5) The boys could received up to 14 years in prison apiece.

Coda) The bizarrely-written story concludes:

"Police say the incident is a reminder for Rodney residents to batten down the hatches during the Christmas and holiday period to divert potential robberies and burglaries."

A reminder based on what? This incident, which closer to theater than crime, is a reminder that someone might burglarize our apartments? Whatever you say, coppers...

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While You Were Sleeping: Update on the Pole Dancing Video Game

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 14:01:00 GMT

Check out this fake police I.D. card a man made for himself. You'll note he didn't completely paint over Chipotle's logo...

Mindy McCready capped off a horrible year with a visit to the psych ward following a suicide attempt. Let's hope the new year presents her with a clean slate.

Here's a great robbery story: a guy demanded money from a cashier at a fast food joint. The cashier laughed and said, "Get a job." The guy then pulled a box cutter and asked for the cashier's wallet, a request that was granted. The cashier had no money either, so they robber left and was quickly arrested.

There is mounting left-wing opposition to Obama's choice of Rick Warren to kick off the inauguration. We think Stevie Wonder would make a great substitute preacher.

By the way, if you just got accepted into Northwestern, you might want to read this. (Same for those who got rejected.)

A man went for a joyride with a hearse. The hearse was idling in front of a funeral home, the sick fuck.

Lindsay Lohan had a close call with a crazy. And no, her father didn't show up at her party or anything.

And it looks like the stripping video game for the Wii is on hold. Yeah, they might need to find a developer before they start, um, developing that...

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Sloppy Seconds: Prostitution Is Now Rape in the U.K.?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 22:23:00 GMT

The Frisky points us to a study that determined that Playboy Playmates get "older, heavier, and taller" in these, um, lean times.

Tom Jones spent the day busking for charity. Unfortunately, he would have raised more money by auctioning off a pair of tighty-whities.

Our hero of the day: a woman was robbed of the purse containing her green card. At the risk of great personal safety, she did what again?

A feisty Harlem woman turned the tables on three subway muggers, chasing down two of the thugs while snatching back her purse - because it had her green card in it, cops said yesterday.
As she continued to grab at the muggers, they decided they had enough. One of them begged Conde to let go of his accomplice.

"Leave him alone!" the thug cried out. "He's my friend!"

The gang gave up and ran away, leaving the purse on the ground. [NY Post]

Speaking of dumb robbers, this guy may be the dumbest ever: he robbed a convenience store, his stolen getaway vehicle broke down, and the taxi took him right back to where he started, where he was promptly arrested.

If you have sex with a prostitute who was human trafficked to the U.K., you could be charged with rape under a new law. Quite rightly: if a guy knows a hooker is being held against her will, he should do serious hard time. Didn't you guys ever see Lilya-4-Ever?

And as the world readies for the imminent release of Chinese Democracy, MTV looks back at Axl's finest hours.

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While You Were Sleeping: Barack Obama's Big Move

64-Year-Old Woman's Nude Picture Sells For 10,000 Euros

While You Were Sleeping: Nude Photo Hoax

Man Claims He Was Robbed By Gang Of Topless Women

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 15:34:00 GMT

A man in Martin County, Florida told the police he was roughed up and robbed of $100 in cash by a gang of shirtless, braless women.

The man insisted that he had been awake the entire time and was not making this up...

Here's the rundown: Olmar Morales, 18, was riding his bike to work on Saturday morning when a woman wearing overalls jumped out of nowhere and grabbed his, um, handle bar. Instantly, another four women surrounded him and took $100 from his back pocket. Riiiighht...

As if this story were unbelievable already, Morales claims that although the overall-wearing one was overweight and unattractive, the foursome were "thin and blond" and wore "overalls with no shirts and no bras." (The suspect could not positively identify Keira Knightley, seen above, as one of the suspects.)

The kicker-- the cops arrived at the scene soon after and could not find any of these alleged blondes in the area. Hmmm...

Sounds like he spent his 100 on a lap dance and then reported it stolen...
Right! This article left out one significant sentence....."and then he woke up".
Sounds like a Candid Camera episode complete with the clown car song playing in the background.

...that's pretty much the local reaction... and ours, as well...

Via TCPalm.

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RNC Delegate, Robbed By Hooker, Speaks Out In Favor Of More War

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 20:29:00 GMT

Have you guys heard about this smarmy, sniveling Republican toolbox who got robbed of "$120,000 worth" of crappy personal effects during the Republican National Convention? Yeah, he deserved it...

Check out this video that's been floating around, thanks to LinkTV, of Colorado schyster Gabriel Nathan Schwartz discussing the foreign policy he'd love to see John McCain enact:

For the sake of sanity, we're hoping he's being satirical. Something, anything.

Anyway, if you haven't heard about this guy's story, here's the rundown: Schwartz, an RNC delegate, met a woman at a bar during the convention in Minneapolis and took her back to his hotel. Red flag #1: she made the drinks. Red flag #2: she told him to get undressed. In case you don't know, these are clear indications she was attempting to subdue, rather than seduce, the dashing young buck.

He's not sure what happened next, since the prostitute (see Red flag #2: she "ordered" him to get dressed, according to his report to the police... sounds like pro talk to us) had slipped some sort of pill in his drink. When he awoke, he was out of the following:

$30,000 watch, a $20,000 ring, a necklace valued at $5,000, earrings priced at $4,000 and a Prada belt valued at $1,000

Um, yeah. He had a thousand dollar belt and he's worried about his taxes under Barack Obama?! Dude, you better worry about your shopping insanity, first...

Via Minnesota Independent.

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Armed Robber In Wheelchair Going To Have A Blast Tonight

Whatever... He's My Kind Of Criminal

Emily Farris — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 20:32:00 GMT

Meet 21-year-old Antonio Vasquez. He was arrested in Fresno over the weekend after he broke into a home, robbed its inhabitants of $900 and...

a) humped their dog.
b) beat a man with an 8-pound sausage.
c) threw spices in a man's face.

B and C.

The bizarre crime is detailed in a Fresno County Sheriff's Department report, the funniest document you'll read this month. According to investigators, Vasquez, pictured in the mug shot below, robbed the home of a group of farmworkers, two of whom were assaulted during the 8 AM confrontation. Santiago Cabrera told deputies that he was sleeping on the home's front porch when he "felt something hit him in the face," the report notes. Struggling to awake, Cabrera found "an unknown male bent over him. The male continued to strike him in the face and head area with a sausage." Santiago, deputies reported, "said the sausage was about 8" long." Another resident, Cesar Macias, recalled that he was sleeping on a futon in the family room when the intruder threw Pappy's seasoning in his face. The Fresno-based Pappy's specializes in "high quality all purpose spice blends, sauces and marinades," according to its web site. Before fleeing the residence, Vasquez, for some reason, removed his shorts, which contained his driver's license, credit cards, school IDs, and cell phone. He ran into a nearby orange orchard, but was soon apprehended by a deputy who noted that the suspect was wearing "a white sleeveless tee shirt and green boxers." However, cops were unable to recover Vasquez's principal weapon. "I asked Santiago where the sausage was," Deputy George Ozburn wrote, "he advised his dog ate it."

[The Smoking Gun: Assault With an 8-Inch Sausage]

Armed Robber In Wheelchair Going To Have A Blast Tonight

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 17:38:00 GMT

An armed man in a wheelchair robbed his local convenience store in Dallas the other night. (We know it's his local store because, as witnesses noted, he's in there "stealing" and bothering employees on a near-daily basis.)

But it's not the fact that he is in a wheelchair that makes this story so memorable... because, hey, the disabled can be criminals, too!

"All the elements of this offense are a little out of the ordinary. However, it was a robbery, because he was wielding that bat and actually swung toward the clerk," Dallas Police Department Sr. Cpl. Kevin Janse said. "And he hit the cash register several times."

Out of the ordinary is putting it mildly, Cap'n. What struck us most was what this guy thought it was necessary to incriminate himself for (as, again, everybody in the store knew who he was, so it's not like he could've expected to get away with the robbery):

The robber threatened the clerk before taking off with condoms and energy drinks, police said.

Energy drinks and condoms! All you need for your Friday night o' fun...

Via MyFox.

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Nicole Pasulka — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 17:22:00 GMT

Oh! This poor clueless man. 40-year-old Robert Stones claims some young girls came up, flashed him and then, as all the blood rushed from his brain down below his belt, he got the shit robbed out of him. We can see it now, but as you'd expect, he is calling it a conspiracy (and yeah, yeah, we'll give you the full flash after the jump)...

"One blonde lifted her top to attract my attention and then fondled me in front of everyone," said Richard. "While another girl kissed me she went round the back and took my wallet from my pocket.
"This was organised stuff. They boasted that they do it to a lot of people. I lost £30 in cash and it cost me £10 to cancel my cards.

Aw. Turns out a lady requires some cash if she's going to show your her endowment. But it looks like Stones has learned his lesson:

The divorcee warns other men: "Women touching men in bars are only after one thing – your money."

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Today In WTF: 22-Year-Old Guy Robs A House... His Mom's House

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 19:31:00 GMT

Sometimes news stories make you beg for more. Sometimes they make you beg to figure out why the reporter didn't ask some majorly important, obvious questions.

In this case, our first one would be: how the hell does a kid rob his own house? Why didn't he just wait for everyone to definitely leave the house, open the front door so it looks like somebody came in, then takes everything out the back, load up a car, and drive it to the pawnshop?

But we're getting ahead of ourselves. Here's the story, in order:

1) A 22-year-old and his 15-year-old friend (wha?) break into a house on Tuesday.

2) The 22-year-old's mom comes out, since it turns out to be her house, and says, "Like, what the hell are you doing, boy?"

3) The boys flee, but not before firing shots in the air to warn the multiple family members now entering the front of the house to see what's going on.

4) The family called the police, who dispatched a dog, which captured and bit the 15-year-old. The 22-year-old gave himself up without a fight some time later.

5) This was only the coda to their long rampage: the gunslingers are being questioned about a string of earlier robberies that took place earlier on Tuesday.

Much of this info was gleaned from the very thin Seattle Times story.

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Sloppy Seconds: What Happened To Harvey Dent?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 21:18:00 GMT

No wonder it was so easy to change votes: we had no idea Ohio allowed random people to babysit voting machines at their own homes prior to the election. Anyone who thinks Ohio voted fair and square can at least admit that was a pretty stupid idea, right?

Speaking of Ohio and politics, Stephanie Tubbs-Jones was pronounced dead, then that was retracted, following a brain aneurysm. Tubbs-Jones, a black Congresswoman and hardcore Hillary supporter, is currently in critical condition.

Britney's condition has improved, so much so that people actually want to read about her latest diet...

"I have no sugar. I don't eat fruit or even fruit juice because of the sugar. I eat chicken and salmon and rice. I eat avocados. I'll have egg whites for breakfast and sometimes turkey burgers for lunch.

"I try to do just 1,200 calories a day. It may sound like it's not much, but it's actually a lot of food if you eat the right things.'"

The famous two-headed turtle was turtle-napped last night. How much ya wanna bet it won't be two days before the idiot who stole it will brag to one too many of his friends...

Another bet: How long before they make a movie of the woman who spent her 37th birthday robbing gas stations with her teenage son?

Maybe she spanked her kid too much or something. After all, according to Strollerderby, spanking is just a gateway drug to hardcore beat-downs.

Meanwhile, Paul McCartney denies he has plans to marry a virtually unknown "American socialite."

And finally: Moviegoers have been arguing for weeks about the open-ended climax to the Dark Knight-- spoiler alert! Haven't seen The Dark Knight? Then skip the next paragraph and go straight to the Related section, please...

The script for the blockbuster sequel was made available for purchase on Tuesday and soon after found its way online. It's a long read at 167 pages, but fans looking for confirmation on the fate of Dent need only look at page 163.
"Dent lies at the bottom of the hole, his neck broken," the stage direction, written by brothers Jonathan and Christopher Nolan, reads. "DEAD." (Capital letters their emphasis, not ours.)

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How Young Is Too Young?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 19:21:00 GMT

No, not in that way...

An 11-year boy was arrested for armed robbery... at a Florida Walgreen's... Apparently, our boy took after our favorite Charlie Scene movie* and tried to rob a convenient store last night.

According to FoxnewsOrlando:

The incident started around 3:30am Monday when the youngster entered the Walgreen’s. Police said the boy was able to make it out of the store with a backpack with an undisclosed amount of cash.

“Officers were able to locate and arrest the child approximately five minutes after the robbery occurred.”

Unconfirmed reports has it that the boy led police on a high-speed chase through the playground on his bicycle, no word yet if he was able to have sex with a girl* while riding however.

Orlando Police said the boy did not steal any prescription drugs or medication; only cash.

The child has been charged with commercial robbery.

First of all, what is this kid doing out at 3am? In a sane society we’d also ask why he had access to BB guns, but this is Florida we’re talking about.

The good news is that, according to the police, the boy “did not steal any prescription drugs or medication; only cash.” For a second we were worried he might have an OxyContin addiction.

[Full disclosure: Before you load up your Netflix queue, The Chase is only my favorite Charlie Sheen movie because of a similar experience late one night on the way home from a country bar in Jersey (don’t ask). I was driving my girlfriend’s 1985 Dodge Charger down some dark highway when she decided to hike up her skirt, zip down my fly and climb on top of me. By the time we finished I looked down to notice that my foot had the pedal floored and we climaxed together at 110 mph. I have an affinity for Grease 2 for similar reasons. Otherwise both films are rather forgettable.]

VIDEO: Police: 11-year-old child robbed Walgreen's

-this post was written by substitute blogger Byron Dafoe

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Sloppy Seconds: Kelly Rowland's Booty Implants?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 21:50:00 GMT

Break out the Big Suit: "Psycho Killer" is among the dozens of tracks on Rock Band 2. Also on there: a new Guns 'N Roses song, Sonic Youth, and more 70s craptastic rock.

A businessman in Florida is being chastised for putting up a billboard with the words "Don't Vote For A Democrat" accompanied by an image of the Twin Towers falling. The man, whose website has a $5 CD with a track entitled "The Republican Song," is only doing what the GOP did in 2004 by hosting their convention in New York City. Oh, right, that was pretty disgraceful, too...

Kristin Bell signed up for the third season of "Heroes." She said she's thrilled to be "electrocuting people again!"

Are Jenny Lewis and Conor Oberst together or something? Well, anyway, they're touring together later this year, following the release of the new Jenny Lewis solo album, which features an incredible all-star lineup.

A teen pregnancy movie played in Korea long before Ellen Page popped one out. The title? "Jeni, Juno."

Headline of the Day: Not News: Pizza place robbed. News: Robbed by your husband while you're working there. Fark: Your parents helped and it was their idea...

Society has grown too superficial, even for us, if anyone's resorting to getting ass implants to stay relevant. (By the way, we're not saying this story is true-- Kelly Rowland getting implants-- but we're worried it might be...)

Today in the Apocalypse: Man Injured in Mooning Prank Gone Wrong

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 19:13:00 GMT

Continuing signs of the coming apocalypse today in a variety of bizarre arrests and other News of The Weird exclusives. The Tampa, FL area continues to be a source of great amusement for Scanner bloggers-- today's story features a man brought in on felony charges for building a treehouse on a chemical company's forested property so he could feed his addiction to horse racing.

Raymond Rogers built hisself a fifteen-foot-high tree house in what he probably thought was some abandoned forest so he could use binoculars to eyeball the track. Rogers told police he had been banned from entering the grandstand itself after "causing problems with the customers." Hmmm...

Other signs of the coming apocalypse include:

Gawker reported on the above photo, which they claim is a real candid of a drunk driver showing up late to watch a Mexican bike race.

A mugger was chased down and busted by a man in a motorized wheelchair. And a 71 year old man.

Speaking of John McCain, he will try to steal the spotlight from the Democrats tonight by making a big speech about-- wait for it-- "change in America."

A Dutch 21-year-old male mortified patrons in a local restaurant by pressing his ass against the glass. The glass, as you probably guess, shattered into a bazillion pieces... and cut his ass off.

And in India, a man ordered his father murdered so he could ascend to his job on the day before the man was going to retire anyway and a married couple accidentally divorced ten years ago and they didn't even know it. Guess they saved a boatload on legal fees down the road...

The Craziest Fans In Sports?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 06 May 2008 17:39:00 GMT

The Terror Alert Level has been elevated again after the President warned of possible sectarian violence between Yankees fans and Red Sox fans.

This follows the arrest of Ivonne Hernandez of New Hampshire on charges of second-degree murder and drunk driving, stemming from an incident on Friday night at a Nashau sports bar...

According to prosecutors and various reports... Hernandez drove at a group of people outside Slade's Food & Spirits... hitting and killing 29-year-old Matthew Beaudoin... The incident was reportedly sparked after Hernandez identified herself as a Yankees fan and someone in Beaudoin's group started chanting "Yankees suck!"

What happened to a good ribbing at your rival's expense? (More importantly, when did Lizzie Grubman get out on bail?)

When we were kids, we were really into baseball... and deathly afraid of Yankees fans. A friend's Dad told us this story (which we have put in our own words):

In the late seventies or early 80s, when Rod Carew was still playing for the Twins, I went to a Red Sox game at Fenway Park with an old friend of mine. This friend knew Rod Carew and Rod got us seats near the dugout. He came out to say hello before the game started and at the end of the conversation, asked us if we wanted anything, you know, from inside the baseball inner-world. I brazenly requested a Red Sox baseball cap from the actual Red Sox dugout. Rod nodded and went straight to their bench to ask for one.
I kept that cap for years-- you could say it was my most prized possession. Rod went on to the California Angels and although I've always been a Sox fan, I supported and admired him all his career. One year, I was at Yankee Stadium for a Yankees-Red Sox game and wore the hat Rod Carew had given me. At some point, as the game heated up, a man approached me with a knife in his hand. After a pause, he said, "Give me that hat." When I gave it to him, he set it on fire.

Sloppy Seconds: Paris Hilton Gets By With a Little Help from Reality TV

Emily Farris — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 22:33:00 GMT

Is Paris Hilton engaged to Good Charlotte guitarist Benji Madden (who is also the brother of her ex-bf Nicole's husband Joel)? Anyone want to take bets on how long it will last?

Maybe Paris knows it won't last. She's looking for new BFF in her new reality show.

In the ongoing saga of celebrities fake fucking eachother and making music videos about it, Elizabeth Banks is fucking Seth Rogen. And we can't get the video to load. Can you?

Are you sitting down? Do you have a paper bag near by? OK, well, we hate to be the ones to tell you, but those profiles of women on adult networking sites—they're fake.

Porn star twin brothers were arrested in Philadelphia last week on burlary charges.

Seattle Sex Shop Robbed

Emily Farris — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 15:14:00 GMT

Of all the places to rob, a sex shop isn't the first that comes to mind. Sure, vibrators are a little over priced, but if we were going to pull off a robbery (which we're not), we'd probably choose a different kind-of business. Anyway, someone apparently really wanted sex toys and ripped off a Babeland in Seattle, but the joke is on the thieves.

The sex toys they stole—the ones on display—were mostly broken. From Babeland's blog:

Also, I hope they have fun with the sex toys they stole because I’ll let you in on a little secret: they’re mostly broken! The sex toys used in the window displays are old toys that have seen better days. We recycle them by putting silly hats on them or doll clothes or sunglasses. Unless the person who stole them has the most unusual doll-house collection I’ve ever seen, they’re not going to get much use out of their purloined goods.

It's also possible that someone raided the store in an act of protest, or that it was a drunk person from the pub next door, but we'd like to think some stupid robber is sitting at home wondering why her vibrator won't vibrate and wishing she'd held up a McDonald's for some cash instead.

[Babeland's Blog: Vandalism and Theft at Seattle Babeland]