Scanner : rush limbaugh

While You Were Sleeping: Mel Gibson's Mistresses

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 13:31:00 GMT

Why are there snakes on this motherfuckin' plane?

Child labor is real and undeniably so after these photographs.

A woman turned the tables on a man who tried to rob her: she made him her sex slave.

Hey that woman from the Dominos story turns out to be a sex offender.

Will Ferrell did Man Vs. Wild.

The stupidest quote of the year is officially Hulk Hogan saying he "totally understands OJ."

Another reason to not get implants: the doctor might be using veterinary equipment.

Rush Limbaugh's ten dumbest quotes. How ever did they narrow it down? How ever did they listen to it long enough to hear all these?

And the Mel Gibson mistresses are starting to come out of the works.

American Woman: The Presidential Mistress

While You Were Sleeping: Britain's Next Topless Model

Barack Obama's "Gay Sex Scandal" Is The Gift That Keeps On Giving

While You Were Sleeping: It's A Lipstick Jungle Out There

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 13:10:00 GMT

Women in Saudi Arabia are going to other countries to shop for lingerie because of the male store employees. In other news, Saudi Arabia allows lingerie.

Prince William "can marry a Jedi," but not a Catholic.

Fake Dina Lohan and Fake Christopher Walken were outed and removed, respectively, from Twitter.

Richard Simmons never stops entertaining, even in the airport, and even if it means singing... "Single Ladies?"

What do you do if your first bank robbery fails? Go into the next bank. That way, it's easier for the cops to find you.

No one wants to have to sit through the vile, racist Rush Limbaugh show, which is why Media Matters has set up Limbaugh Wire.

John Mayer is wearing, um, a little sailor suit and, um, sniffing a mankini.

And are you sitting down? Lipstick Jungle has been canceled, if you hadn't already heard.

Lily Allen Has Something to Show You

Facebook Quickly Becoming a Raging Cesspool...

Britain's Sexual Hazing Rituals Apparently News to Some People...

While You Were Sleeping: Carrie Underwood's Dress Was Too Short

While You Were Sleeping: The Rihanna Nightmare Continues

Rush Limbaugh Cares What Women Think

Colleen Kane — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 21:47:00 GMT

Have you met Rush Limbaugh? He's the radio personality who popularized the term "Feminazi" and applies it with glee to any woman who sticks up for herself. Now he's wondering why there's a 31-point gender gap in his listenership. To find out just why he is so unpopular with the ladies, he held a Women's Summit on his program this week, where he asked women to phone in and tell him why they don't like him.

Not too surprisingly, women are not painted too well, even on this women's summit.

One caller claimed women don't like to put on a pretty skirts (um, hello? I love pretty skirts!) and "they have been given a line that they have to be unhappy, grumpy, they have to be Hillary, they have to be yelling and screaming."

Riiight. So there's only two options for women: pretty and traditional or angry and screaming. Here's more.

CALLER: Hi, Rush. I have three things you can do to close your gender gap by at least 15 points.

RUSH: Thank you. I want to hear what they are.

CALLER: Okay, get your pencil. First one. Make women believe you care more about them than their own husbands do.

RUSH: Hmm.

CALLER: Second one. You need to project an air of vulnerability. You need to let women think they can roll you.

RUSH: Well, wait a minute. Rule me?

CALLER: Roll.

RUSH: Roll or rule?

CALLER: Roll. Well, one and the same. One and the same, very clever! You can do this! It's not beyond you!

RUSH: All right, so I gotta make women believe I care more about them than their own husbands do, and I am vulnerable, I can be hurt.

CALLER: Yes. They can roll you. And you can do that by just marrying an Ivy League women from Chicago, Ivy League educated women from Chicago, that's how most Democrats do it. And the third thing to do is stop saying abortion is the sacrament to liberalism. You can still say that liberalism is a religion because women like to think they're religious, just drop the sacrament of abortion.

OK, so in addition to being pretty and docile things or angry and screaming, women are also easily manipulated saps.

Rush's conclusion? "It appears that women who have hated me have been led to me by other men and then have changed their opinion, which means something I have always known, that women do want to please their men. "

What- evvvs.

For the morbidly curious, the transcription is here.

Sloppy Seconds: Jessica Biel Finally Goes Topless

Swedish Prostitutes Complain: "We Wanna Pay Taxes, Too!"

The Human Herp: Ken Starr Returns To Defend Marriage Against People Who Want It

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 18:27:00 GMT

Ken Starr serves as a shining example for all those who believe lawyers deserve their own special circle of hell: he's arrogant, blows through cash like a 93-year-old lottery winner, has no sense of justice or fairness, and is utterly oblivious to his own hypocrisy.

Take for example his latest endeavor: he currently finds himself at the center of the gay marriage battle in California, a closeted homosexual (you heard it here first!) "defending" marriage from people who actually want to have it. This guy's hypocrisy never ceases to amaze us...

From the Los Angeles Times:

Kenneth W. Starr, the former U.S. Solicitor General who led the inquiry into President Bill Clinton’s affair with Monica L. Lewinsky, will argue the case in favor of upholding a ban on gay marriage before the California Supreme Court.

Starr was today named lead counsel for the official proponents of Proposition 8. This afternoon, the group filed court briefs defending the legality of the proposition, which was approved by 52% of California voters last month throwing into question thousands of marriages performed during the five months the practice was legal in the state.
Opponents of the proposition argued that it amounted to a constitutional revision instead of a more limited amendment.

There out to be some equivalent of the "asshole tax" for guys like Ken Starr: only it should be for not knowing their history. In other words, people like Starr, who are constantly on the wrong side of history, humanity, and the Bill of Rights should be fined every time they stick their noses in everything. (Of course, that would be unconstitutional, but Starr doesn't even know what that means, so fuck him.)

Let's just make sure this is Kenny's Last Hurrah, and send him, Rick Warren, Rush Limbaugh, to whichever circle of imaginary hell they are most afraid of ending up in...

Read more at the LA Times.

Related:

Dumbest Person Ever? Pregnant Woman Gives Birth on Rollercoaster

Blonde-Redhead Muslim Woman Sues Bar Over (Conservative) Red Dress

Is The GOP Over Yet? A New Poll Seems To Think So...

Sloppy Seconds: Jessica Biel Finally Goes Topless

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 22:51:00 GMT

Check out this weird Exorcist bobblehead doll.

Rush Limbaugh is engaged to an Ann Coulter impersonator.

The Governor of Illinois is free on $4,500 bail, which he could raise by selling one minute of his time to somebody in his waiting room.

Note to Salon: we don't need any more stories about women who are celibate because they are afraid of dating.

Hugh Hefner's daughter resigned as head of Playboy. Even she hates that shit reality show.

The housing crisis prepares to claim an Extreme Makeover: Home Edition home.

And Jessica Biel is reportedly topless in a new movie... meaning, more topless than she is in these screenshots from the trailer for her new movie. Justin's gonna be so piiiiissed.

Related:

Take Us To Detroit: Site of this Weekend's Biggest Orgy

Hot or Not: Marisa Tomei in The Wrestler

The English Are Still Too Prudish To Appreciate Nudity

"Don't Mess With My Governor" Turkey Guy From Palin Video Speaks Out

Scanner Matt — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 17:15:00 GMT

We should probably call him “Brian the Turkey Slayer.”

Brian Tomes, the man slaughtering turkeys behind Sarah Palin in the infamous video that has earned itself over 2.2 million hits on You Tube alone (PETA must be proud), has finally been hassled by the media.

If you haven’t seen Palin interviewed while some guy nonchalantly murders turkeys in the background yet, watch it now.

The hard-hitting bastion of high journalism that is Inside Edition got to him first:

Brian Tomes says he was just doing his job and "things happen."

That’s very informative.

Tomes was going about his gruesome task of slaughtering turkeys as Palin gave a TV interview, talking about her Thanksgiving plans.

Wherever animals are suffering, she’ll be there.

The farmhand told INSIDE EDITION he didn't realize he could be seen as Palin was speaking."I thought they had panned in on her face…I did try and block the process," he says.

We figured as much.

This is our favorite part:

He says Palin is being unfairly criticized over the video. "The only thing I can say is, 'Don't mess with my Governor!'"

Related:

Video of the Day: Sarah Palin Talks to the Press, Picks Out a Bloody Turkey

Top 5 Rumors We'd Like to Start About Sarah Palin... But Won't

Who Would You Rather: Nude Sarah Palin vs. Nude Sarah Palin...

Photo / Inside Edition

Swedish Prostitutes Complain: "We Wanna Pay Taxes, Too!"

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 14:58:00 GMT

In an announcement sure to explode the heads of Rush Limbaugh-John McCains everywhere, people in other countries are so happy with the government and its system of sick pay, family leave, and pensions. More importantly, it's the prostitutes that are all gung ho to shell out for those benefits...

While it remains against the law to purchase sex in Sweden, selling sex is perfectly legal according to Sweden’s unique prostitution law, which came into force in 1999.

These laws are crazier than New York's... or Texas's...

Income recorded on prostitutes’ tax returns gives them the right to sick-leave pay, parental leave benefits, and a pension.

“It’s important to pay taxes if you want to live a normal life,” said ‘Lisa’, a prostitute who spoke with the newspaper.

But Christian Democrat Riksdag member Désirée Pethrus Engström thinks that legitimizing prostitution by collecting taxes on the proceeds sends the wrong message.

Dude, it's already legal... man, some people will do anything to get other people out of paying taxes. Wake up, conservatives! Some people aren't looking forward to apocalyptic anarchy when you drown government in the bathtub... like these ladies:

Via The Local.

While You Were Sleeping: The Pregnant Prostitute Raid

Ever Wonder What It's Like to Have Sex With a Prostitute?

Sloppy Seconds: Elizabeth Hasselbeck Not Sure What A Vibrator Is For

It's Rough Enough Being A Hooker in Chattanooga...

Senator's Husband's Hooker Gets Convicted... Of Trespassing?

Sloppy Seconds: Ron Wood's Mistress In The Buff

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 21:39:00 GMT

Mrs. Corey Feldman's Playboy shoot and more, after the jump...

If you have a belly button finish, you'll probably be pissed to learn you missed Japan's navel-gazing fest.

Your worst nightmare: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are leaving Hollywood... and may be moving to Your Neighborhood.

Don't worry if you missed the orgy, it didn't turn out to be that great a time.

That nutjob who shot two people during a church performance of "Annie?" His motive wasn't he didn't like liberals. We hope Rush Limbaugh gets sued for wrongful death or ends up going crazy like Jeff Bridges in The Fisher King. Bastards.

Ron Wood, guitar player and real genius behind the current Rolling Stones lineup, almost left his wife of twenty-three-years but luckily got his act together and checked into rehab. The reason he lost his way:

A Democratic legislator from New Jersey has resigned after child porn was found on his computer. His office computer.

An Obama supporter "accidentally" made buttons with the Senator and another famous member of the Chamber: Larry Craig.

Brad Pitt declared war on the stalkers who take photographs of him.

And Susie Feldman, Corey's wife, has done a large Playboy spread that already has the internet hyperventilating. At least in porn land...

The rest of the shoot can be found here.

Sloppy Seconds: What's Wrong With This Picture Of Brad Pitt?

Vote In Playboy's Sexiest Female Blogger Poll

Sloppy Seconds: Half-Naked Woman At A Blue Jays Game

Gisele Bundchen's Latest Nude Shoot May Be Her Finest Work Yet

Magazine Fights Censorship With Nude Six-Year-Old Cover Girl

God Bless You, Mr. Russert

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 15:01:00 GMT

If Rush Limbaugh and Barack Obama both sincerely admired you, you probably live one helluva life.

We always thought you should've attacked Republicans harder, embarrassed Democratic whimps like Joe Lieberman and Nancy Pelosi more on Iraq, but now that you're gone, how many broadcasters are left that will even have the guts to attack any of them, in any manner? It'll be all kid gloves from here, since the only person like you on TV is Keith Olbermann... and John McCain and Harry Reid are too crafty to agree to that suicide of an interview.

It'll be up to independent media outlets and the blogosphere to call out the bullshit artists in politics and expose the truth that Fox News, NBC, and the rest of the phony press bury. You sought the truth and settled for nothing short of total honesty. You did your goddamndest for a guy who had a simple Sunday morning show that should have bored us back to sleep yet never did. You were 58 but seemed younger. Why not somebody with way less good karma? Why you and not someone more dispensible, harsh as that is to say?

We'll never know but, like you, Mr. Russert, we'll keep looking for the answers and make sure to ask the tough questions to get them. Thanks for all your hard work.

For more on Tim Russert, click here.

[Photo via Star Magazine]

This Week in Gayness: Al Franken's Lesbian Jokes

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 18:34:00 GMT

Last month's ruling all but totally legalizing gay marriage in California is already faced with stiff opposition.

First, the high court refused to stop the marriages from going into effect. Meanwhile, the bigots are back on the ballot-- November's election not only will feature a question about amending the state constitution to define marriage as between a man and a woman, but a question about parental notification for abortions as well. (The abortions of minors only, of course, but can parental notification for everyone be too far behind?)

Tammy Baldwin and Barney Frank introduced Congress to its first ever LGBT Equality Caucus. Shockingly enough, a lot of other Congresspersons have joined. Not so shockingly, no Republicans have yet signed on, as their is the party of the future... a future ruled by Soylent Green, of course.

The New York State Assembly proves its worth for the first time in ages by passing a law amending the state's human rights law to include protections for transgender people. Now if they could pass a law giving us our tax refunds within ten years of filing for them, that would be great.

Al Franken's campaign for the US Senate may be in jeapordy following attacks on his character by Minnesota Republicans. The GOP is running incumbent Norm Coleman (the guy who beat a former Vice President of the United States and one time Presidential candidate named Walter Mondale in a Democratic-leaning state for the seat.) Here's what they quote from in their press release about Franken's alleged attacks on women and lesbians in particular:

Franken kidded at a 1999 New York feminist event that Afghan women didn't need any more freedom, and he announced at a White House press dinner that then-Attorney General Janet Reno would perform a lap dance for $25.
He joked at a Human Rights Campaign dinner that he had asked organizers to pay him for his speech by "send[ing] a girl to my room. And they did. But she turned out to be a lesbian. Great! Next time you do that, could you at least send two?"

Of course, these were both more than seven years ago when Franken was a fucking comedian. You wonder how come they haven't found any poorly-worded off-the-cuff comments about Republicans while hosting an Air America show for several years.

Sloppy Seconds: Dita Von Teese's Lesbian Porno

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 21:20:00 GMT

Helen Mirren was on Conan last night talking about the time she almost got to perform with one of rock's greatest stars, now long gone.

"I heard this incredible crashing and banging coming from the ally where the stage door is. [T]his completely drunken guy was climbing out of a trash can, covered in trash and with a pin-striped suit on. A complete madman. Then I heard the crashing and banging coming through the stage door, and up the stairs..."

"I opened the door and it was Keith Moon. He said, 'Hello darling, I hear you're wonderful in this play.' I said, 'It's nice to meet you, but I have to go onstage now.' He said, 'That's all right, I'll come with you. I'll come and play in your band.' I'm so idiotic. I said, 'No, you can't.'

"One of my biggest regrets is that I didn't play on stage with Keith Moon." [Starpulse; and why Keith Moon was the greatest rock star ever]

Rush Limbaugh thinks Hillary's fan base is mainly feminists, defined as women who have had "two or three abortions" and as many divorces.

Speaking of terrorists like Rush Limbaugh, did you remember to submit to "Ask Al Qaeda"?

Maybe someone should ask Zawarhi if he's as excited as we are by the Jim Carrey-Ewan McGregor prison romance film. Hopefully, it's, um, not going to be a remake of "Midnight Express."

Dita Von Teese's instantly legendary lesbian porno, which apparently may get her dropped as the new spokesperson for Wonderbra, is circulating on the 'net. Above is a censored screenshot, and below the NSFW reverse angle. Again, no embed-able vids have surfaced, but click here for an external site that features it.

Michael Moore: "Morally Prohibited From Voting For Hillary"

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 15:57:00 GMT

Contrary to popular belief, filmmaker/muckraker Michael Moore did not die after binge eating during the Super Bowl. He was on CNN right after the Super Tuesday thingy and talked some serious smack about the Democrats' worst choice for President, Hillary Rodham Clinton. Check it out and let us know if you got anything to say about it. After all, it's kind of hard to argue with his logic.

In other news, Rush Limbaugh has threatened to actually fundraise for Hillary Clinton if her opponent is John McCain. This should not only hurt McCain with Republicans but Hillary with Dems. How can any lefty stomach a vote for a woman endorsed by Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, and Rupert Murdoch? Ouch.

[Thanks to Arianna Huffington for the video link.]

Scanner : rush limbaugh

While You Were Sleeping: Mel Gibson's Mistresses

While You Were Sleeping: Blake Fielder-Civil In Trouble Again

American Woman: The Presidential Mistress

While You Were Sleeping: Britain's Next Topless Model

Barack Obama's "Gay Sex Scandal" Is The Gift That Keeps On Giving

While You Were Sleeping: It's A Lipstick Jungle Out There

Rush Limbaugh Cares What Women Think

Sloppy Seconds: Jessica Biel Finally Goes Topless

Swedish Prostitutes Complain: "We Wanna Pay Taxes, Too!"

The Human Herp: Ken Starr Returns To Defend Marriage Against People Who Want It

Dumbest Person Ever? Pregnant Woman Gives Birth on Rollercoaster

Blonde-Redhead Muslim Woman Sues Bar Over (Conservative) Red Dress

Is The GOP Over Yet? A New Poll Seems To Think So...

Sloppy Seconds: Jessica Biel Finally Goes Topless

Take Us To Detroit: Site of this Weekend's Biggest Orgy

Hot or Not: Marisa Tomei in The Wrestler

The English Are Still Too Prudish To Appreciate Nudity

"Don't Mess With My Governor" Turkey Guy From Palin Video Speaks Out

Video of the Day: Sarah Palin Talks to the Press, Picks Out a Bloody Turkey

Top 5 Rumors We'd Like to Start About Sarah Palin... But Won't

Who Would You Rather: Nude Sarah Palin vs. Nude Sarah Palin...

Swedish Prostitutes Complain: "We Wanna Pay Taxes, Too!"

DC Madam Dictates Memoir From Beyond The Grave!

While You Were Sleeping: The Pregnant Prostitute Raid

Ever Wonder What It's Like to Have Sex With a Prostitute?

Sloppy Seconds: Elizabeth Hasselbeck Not Sure What A Vibrator Is For

It's Rough Enough Being A Hooker in Chattanooga...

Senator's Husband's Hooker Gets Convicted... Of Trespassing?

Sloppy Seconds: Ron Wood's Mistress In The Buff

Spencer Pratt Knows a Thing or Seven About Initiating Anal Sex

Sloppy Seconds: What's Wrong With This Picture Of Brad Pitt?

Vote In Playboy's Sexiest Female Blogger Poll

Sloppy Seconds: Half-Naked Woman At A Blue Jays Game

Gisele Bundchen's Latest Nude Shoot May Be Her Finest Work Yet

Magazine Fights Censorship With Nude Six-Year-Old Cover Girl

God Bless You, Mr. Russert

This Week in Gayness: Al Franken's Lesbian Jokes

Sloppy Seconds: Dita Von Teese's Lesbian Porno

Michael Moore: "Morally Prohibited From Voting For Hillary"