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While You Were Sleeping: Laura Croft To Get Naked

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 14:02:00 GMT

How is that we haven't found a reason to share this clip of Ryan Seacrest trying to high-five a blind American Idol contestant?

The former director of faith-based initiatives for the state of Ohio was busted for operating an online prostitution ring.

If you're a high school sports coach and you're going to text an underage girl, try not to do it while you're in the same room as your wife, who is hanging out with one of her parents. Okay?

The guy who killed Oscar Grant pled... not guilty.

Hey, Rhode Island: did you know prostitution is legal indoors in your state?

What do you do if your video game isn't hot anymore? Have your main character walk around naked, which is apparently the plan for the next edition of Tomb Raider.

And 90210's latest attempt to boost its ratings is a guest appearance by Diablo Cody, pictured above.

We Wish They'd Shut Down American Idol Instead of Stripper Idol

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 23:56:00 GMT

Did anyone else see this train wreck, pictured above, who somehow manage to squeak by the competition and land a trip to Hollywood? Not only did she skank it to the max to highlight her vocal shortcomings, but then she tried to make out with Ryan Seacrest-- twice. Bleech.

30.1 million people tuned in for Tuesday night's season premiere of American Idol. Among those who were not watching-- patrons at the Austin bar The Palazio Men's Club, who had better things to do...

(Sure, the contest is on Thursday nights, but it's not like the patrons were watching Fox the other night, what with glorious stripping right in front of them.)

American Idol's lawyers, who apparently have infinite amounts of money and time, decided to shut down the Texas competition which pits amateur topless females in 60-second strip-offs for a cash prize of $500. (That's it? Hell, strippers used to make $500 a night each... and now there'll only be one and everyone else gets zilch?) The bored lawyers claim that the "color scheme, design and font" of the Austin competition is too similar to the Fox one-- we're sure it's identical, but that's not the point-- and then this gem:

"There is a substantial likelihood that consumers will be confused, misled or deceived as to the sponsorship ... of the defendants' stripper talent contest."

Right. Grandma who wants to see another Jordan Sparks wannabe is going to go to a bar, thinking that the show is no longer on TV, and will somehow miss that the word "American" has been changed to "STRIPPER." Of course, the judge will side with whomever has the highest-paid lawyers, so Texas is screwed again.

Related:

Famous A-hole Puts His Name Where It Doesn't Belong... Again

This Blog Has Been Rated NC-17

Sloppy Seconds: Stripper Feels the Crunch

Holiday Shopping Tips From A Stripper

Sloppy Seconds: Even Winning 'American Idol' Won't Help You in this Economy

Emily Farris — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 00:02:00 GMT

Say goodbye to our old friends at MollyGood and please cross your fingers and hope that your favorite Scanner bloggers still have jobs come next Monday. [MollyGood]

Lynne Spears admits she was a bit of an enabler when raising Britney. [Jossip]

Madonna is suing the Mail for publishing pictures of her wedding to soon-to-be-former husband Guy Ritchie. You know, so she can have even more money to flaunt in front of him when they split. [BBC]

Our neighborhood (read: Scanner Emily's neighborhood) is totally contaminated. Yum. [NYT]

Fist Ed McMahon had his house foreclosed on, now it's American Idol winner Fantasia Barrino. Is Tyra Banks next? [Us]

Yet again, we are forced to tell you that Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson have not broken up. [People]

Our blog reader is down. That is all we have for you today folks.

Top 10 Celebrities Who Are Probably Cool In Real Life

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 19:21:00 GMT

Feel free to weigh in and add your own... especially if you can correct (or add) based on personal experience...

10. Neil Young-- because of-- or in spite of-- the fact that he is obsessed with model trains

9. Heidi Klum-- showing us her ass bruise yesterday is what got us thinking about this list in the first place

8. Anthony Bourdain-- the only man who works in a kitchen that we probably couldn't take in a fight... but he wouldn't start one with us... because he's cool like that

7. Simon Cowell-- once he steps out of character, he might be a pretty good wingman... same with Ryan Seacrest (just kidding!)

6. Elvis Costello-- if you've seen him in concert recently, you know he still has the same energy and kickass attitude that seemed so fresh in 1976

5. Bill Clinton-- unless, of course, you have a busty blond with you, hanging out with Bill Clinton is rumored to be a great time, where dirty jokes are always welcome... as long as they don't involve "interns"

4. David Bowie-- then again, David Bowie could sneer at us and it would kind of awesome

3. Wanda Sykes-- now here's somebody who you actually wouldn't mind it if she were "on" all the damn time

2. The dudes from Flight of the Conchords

1. Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert (tie)-- this we know from reliably sources... and, because, if they weren't cool in real life, it would break out poor widdle liberal hearts...

Also, a good way to tell if a celebrity might be an all right person in real life is to scan through this page of stories from waiters all over the country. They weight on whether a celebrity was a great tipper (Bill Murray, Joe Pesci, Stevie Nicks) or one who ordered "many bottles of wine" and still stiffed the help (Don Henley, big surprise.)

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: What Did Tina Fey Lose at the Emmys?

John Mayer And TMZ Make A Funny Video: "Do You Love Celebrities? I Sure Have."

What Celebrities Would Look Like if They Moved to Missouri

11 Celebrities at Their Poignantly Drunkest

Sloppy Seconds: Woman Who Delivered Baby In Car For VP?

While You Were Sleeping: Posing Nude For Fun Or Charity

While You Were Sleeping: Olympic Mania

While You Were Sleeping: The Last True Supermodel

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 14:31:00 GMT

Anne Hathaway's karaoke song is rather fitting, don't you think?

The incident with his mom and sister was apparently not the only one during Christian Bale's wild Friday.

A list of the top Hollywood bachelors that in any way involves Ryan Seacrest is invalidated automatically.

Guy answers call from the cops on his cell phone by saying: "Dude, I can't talk, I'm being chased by the police," and hanging up.

Speaking of police, they arrested a man for stealing money from a fountain in a Florida mall. His total haul? 42 cents.

You're not gonna believe who Forbes magazine thinks is the best investment in Hollywood. (You were right if you said "whoever it is, it's definitely not Tom Cruise.")

And Naomi Campbell says she wasn't the "last true supermodel":

"Models need to earn their stripes - I just think the term is used a little too loosely.
"Kate Moss is obviously a supermodel but, after Gisele [Bundchen], I don't think there's been one."

Via IMDB.

Related:

Scanner Roundtable: What's Your Karaoke Song?

Sloppy Seconds: Whose Illegitimate Half Sister is This?

Sloppy Seconds: Update On The Christian Bale Story

Gisele Bundchen's Latest Nude Shoot May Be Her Finest Work Yet

Rumor Mongering (or Simple Math): Is Naomi Campbell's Vagina Infected?

UPDATE: Link fixed.

Sloppy Seconds: Is Ryan Seacrest Out?

Emily Farris — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 21:21:00 GMT

Hey Ladies, reading most women's magazines is probably bad for your mental health. [Jezebel]

Why is it ok to publish paintings of boy and girl parts but not photographs? [Jossip]

Something new-ish to read while you're sitting alone at the bar trying to make eyes at the bartender: "Draft Magazine." [Fishbowl NY]

We might make fun of Amy Winehouse on occasion, but we love her music and we're super excited that she's supposedly working on a potential James Bond theme. [Yahoo!]

The Sex and the City movie will not open in New York City. [People]

No, no, no. I hope you didn't think we implying that— Anyway, rumor has it that Ryan Seacrest may be out at American Idol soon. [MollyGood]

[Image]

Sloppy Seconds: The Baldwins on Gay Marriage and the Unfortunate Pairing of Heidi Montag and Britney Spears

Emily Farris — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 22:39:00 GMT

Alec Baldwin is apparently fine with his born-again Christian brother Stephen's views on gay marriage. We, on the other hand, are not so fine with this creepy picture of the Baldwin brothers.

Will The View''s Elisabeth Hasselbeck just shut the hell up already? Gloria Steinem is evil? Really, Elisabeth? We know it's The "View" and all, but you're not helping women here.

Perhaps we were too quick to diagnose Amy Winehouse with The Herp. Turns out it's probably impetigo, a highly contagious bacterial skin infection that generally affects infants and children.

We listened so you didn't have to: The Hills' Heidi Montag and US Weekly's Britney Spears recorded a song (if you want to call it that) together. Titled "Dramatic," it debuted on Ryan Seacrest's morning show today. If that link doesn't work for you (Mac users) you can try this one. If, after listening for about nine seconds, you want to stab your ears out with a rusty screwdriver, you're not alone.

Marry, F*ck or Kill?: American Idol Judges

Emily Farris — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 15:01:00 GMT

Last night's premiere of Season 7 of American Idol rolled out the red carpet for the good the bad, the ugly and the crazy.

And, oh what a night! There were drag queens, goth kids, jokers and one farm boy we're pretty sure we'd go to jail for looking at twice. And we're wiling to take that chance.

Ryan Seacrest may have had a homoerotic experience toward the end of the show, and it did not go unnoticed that Paula Abdul did not appear to be under the influence of anything.

But as always, the real stars of the show were the judges, Paula Abdul, Randy Jackson and Simon Cowell. So, which American Idol judge would you marry, fuck and kill?