Scanner : sam ronson

Sloppy Seconds: Why Sam Won't Leave Lindsay

Emily Farris — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 23:47:00 GMT

We refused to read "Eat, Pray, Love" but that doesn't mean we won't see the movie. Julia Roberts is set to play the memoirist/author Elizabeth Gilbert. [Reuters]

An arrest warrant has been issued for Joe "Boobies" Francis and he faces up to 10 years in prison if convicted on charges of tax evasion. Which reminds us, we need to get our taxes done so we can afford to keep our meager boobies safe from Francis. [Yahoo!]

Is naked Obama riding a unicorn officially a meme? [Jossip]

We're not really fans of fake retro anything. But Shaun of the Dead is one of our favorite movies, so we're really excited about this 1960's paperback book cover artwork. It's sort of reverse adaptation. [LaughingSquid]

Staten Island's groundhog, Charles G. Hogg (known by locals as Staten Island Chuck) bit Mayor Bloomberg at a press conference today. We bet that's the last time Bloomie gets on a Ferry. [Star Gazette]

Are we the only ones who don't find the MacGruber SNL skits funny? [Vulture]

Unless you're really cool (we're not) you probably didn't know who Sam Ronson was before she started dating Lindsay Lohan. And according to FOXNews's ever-reliable sources, that's exactly why Sam would never leave LiLo. [FOXNews]

Sloppy Seconds: "I Don't Need Your Sex, I'll Masturbate"

Emily Farris — Fri, 26 Dec 2008 18:21:00 GMT

It's the end of the year as we know it...

Self-proclaimed "sex kitten," singer ("Santa Baby"), actress and all-around cool chick, Eartha Kitt, is dead at 81. [AP]

Our old friend Scanner Sarah, now Salon Sarah (Hepola) explores the death of the celebrity scandal in 2008—a year chock full of, well, celebrity scandal. [Salon]

Jezebel rounds up their top eight Lezebels (girls who like girls who are liked by the ladies at Jezebel) of 2008. We have a hard time believing they couldn't have made it a top 10, though. Hello? Wanda Sykes? Maaaaybe Queen Latifah? [Jezebel]

Hollywood.com rounds up The Good, The Bad and The Ugly of 2008—mostly a bunch of people we've never heard of, or at least pretend not to know. [Hollywood.com]

The Village Voice rounds up the worst lyrics of 2008. While we're sort of partial to T-Pain's "I don't need your sex/I'll masturbate" from Therapy we have to agree with the choice of Nickelback's "You look so much cuter with something in your mouth" from the aptly titled Something in Your Mouth, and even Usher's "You order Chinese food right before you do me" from Trading Places. [Village Voice]

Stay tuned for Scanner's round ups when the year is actually over...

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Scanner Roundtable: The Best and Worst Couple Halloween Costumes

Emily Farris — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 15:23:00 GMT

Our friend and her very new boyfriend, who she's not ready to call her boyfriend, are dressing up as Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson for Halloween. While we tried to convince her that if she's dressing up with a guy, and especially as a couple, he's absolutely her boyfriend, we were also thinking about what fun Halloween costumes for couples can be. Dressing up alone is fine, but playing off of someone else makes it even better.

The most creative we ever got was dressing as a mouse while an ex-boyfriend dressed as a cat. It made for some fun later in the night, but it was pretty boring and overly cute as far as couple Halloween costumes are concerned.

So what do you think? Will the streets be filled with Brangelina wannabees this year or do any of you have amazing couple costumes in mind?

A few ideas, both good and bad, after the jump.

Related:

Because It's Never Too Early to Start Thinking About Slutty Halloween Costumes

**Today in F*ck Yeah: Pacman Halloween Costumes**

Cute Overload Keeps the Pets in Costumes Coming

MyZombiePinup: Get Ready For Halloween '09

Scanner Roundtable: The Costumes That Got Us Laid

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Sloppy Seconds: It's a Cold, Black Friday

Emily Farris — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 20:55:00 GMT

Last night's vice-presidential debate was the highest rated, televised VP debate ever. [Yahoo!]

Even Hillary Clinton had some nice things to say about Palin's performance. [Faded Youth]

And we kind-of hate Sam Ronson a little right now. [People]

“Nailin’ Paylin” is a “naughty adventure to the wild side of that sexy Alaska governor,” featuring “girl-on-girl lovin’,” “nailing the Russians, who come knocking on her back-door,” and a younger Palin getting seduced by her creationist college professor who “will explain a ‘big bang’ theory even she can’t deny!” [The Frisky]

Things are just as exciting, but less fun at Gawker Media where 19 people are about to lose their jobs. [Gawker]

Just in time for the bailout to be approved by Bush. [NYT]

An “expressionless” seven-year-old boy broke into a zoo, bludgeoned to death giant lizards and fed them – and other live animals - to a crocodile named Terry in Outback Australia this week. What the hell is going on in the world!? [MollyGood]

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LiLo Snubbed by Obama

Emily Farris — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 20:04:00 GMT

Lindsay Lohan has ben an outspoken critic of Republican vice-presidential nominee, Sarah Palin. She's also a big fan of Barack Obama. Unfortunately, the Obama camp doesn't share Lohan's sentiments.

After reaching out to the Democracts and offering her to help out the Obama-Biden ticket by hosting a series of parties to support the Democratic duo, a campaign staffer said Lohan ''is not exactly the kind of high-profile star who would be a positive for us.''

Ouch.

[SunTimes: Barack Obama campaign nixes Lindsay Lohan]

Related:

Lindsay Lohan Takes Time Out of Her Busy Day to Remind Us It's 9/11

Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson Would Like You to Know What They Think of Sarah Palin

Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson: "A Lovely Couple"

Samantha Ronson and Her Trusty Fingers Take Care of Lindsay Lohan

Everyone Attacks: Obama and Hillary

Sloppy Seconds: Barack Obama's Hip Hop Cameo

Scanner Highs and Lows: Even Sarah Palin's Breasts Want You to Vote for Barack Obama

Emily Farris — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 22:01:00 GMT

Oh, those aren't Sarah Palin's breasts? Well, with all the nude pictures of the Republican veep nominee floating around the Interwebs, you could have fooled us.

Highs:

We learned to love Matt Damon. A little.

We helped spread some rumors about the Palin kids. And that was fun.

We did what we could to help the giant penis man.

We got super sappy over Ellen Degeneres and Portia de Rossi's wedding video.

We just can't get enough Photoshopped pictures of Republicans.

We found the most ~~inappropriate~~ amazing slide ever.

We know what you're getting for Christmas.

We learned some new ways to talk about masturbation.

Lows:

Sam Ronson and Lindsay Lohan reminded us that yesterday was September 11. And then it got worse.

We learned the war on sex may last longer than the war in Iraq.

We were completely overwhelmed with nude pictures of Sarah Palin.

We saw our future flash before our eyes, and devised a plan to change it.

Minnie Driver still won't tell us who her baby daddy is. But we have some ideas on the subject.

We sold out on our local Fox station.

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Lindsay Lohan Takes Time Out of Her Busy Day to Remind Us It's 9/11

Emily Farris — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 18:07:00 GMT

We'd almost forgotten that today is the seven-year anniversary of the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center... otherwise known as the cringe-worthy phrase "nine-eleven." Actually, we tried to forget, not that we can get too far away from it. And it's not so much that we want to forget what happened, as that we want to avoid interacting with people who like to take pictures of "Ground Zero" and wear "We'll Never Forget" t-shirts. Unfortunately, we have Us Weekly and Lindsay Lohan (and Sam Ronson, too!) to remind us.

“I am in New York and I would like to remind everybody to take a moment today for those lost in tragedy that occurred on 9/11/01," Lohan blogs.

Ronson adds that "waking up in NYC this morning, seven years later ... feels like just yesterday this city and our worlds were turned upside down."

Ronson recalls what it was like witnessing the attacks.

"Never in my lifetime had I ever believed that I would see such horror - the kind that you see in documentaries set in far off places and read about in text books," she writes.

"Never in my life had I ever thought that I would wake up and fall asleep afraid, watching things on television that felt like a film, walking through a city that felt like a war zone," she goes on.

Adds Ronson, "There were army vehicles on Houston Street, barricades dividing neighborhoods and lines around the block of people waiting to donate blood -- set in front of a backdrop of smoke, filling a space where two of the largest buildings once stood.

"Two buildings that shaped one of the most famous skylines in this country, or in the world... seven years later, and I will never forget," she writes.

"I don’t really know what to say," she says. "To all those we lost, we will never forget, and never take for granted, the sacrifices that you made."

Well, if Lilo and Sam have to talk to Us Weekly about 9/11, we guess that was as good a way as any to do it.

[Us Weekly: Lindsay Lohan Remembers 9/11]

[NYT: The Ceremony at Ground Zero]

Related:

Caption This: Lindsay Lohan's Boobs And Sam Ronson's Eyeline

Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson: "A Lovely Couple"

This Week In Gayness: Sam Ronson's Gay Tell-All About Lindsay?

Sam and Lilo Sittin' in a Tattoo Parlor... I.N.K.I.N.G.

Michael Lohan Sells Out Lindsay Once Again

Sloppy Seconds: And Just How Will Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson Make a Baby?

Emily Farris — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 21:28:00 GMT

Lily Allen says she's "dying inside" after telling Elton John to "fuck off" while presenting at an awards show. [Handbag]

Mrs. Ellen DeGeneres opened her show with two firsts today. 1. It was the first time she was wearing a thong and 2. It was the first time she opened her show as a married lady. Congrats on both accounts, Ellen! [People]

We're going to hurry this up so we can go get our Sarah Palin action figures, so hurry up and click through. [SarahPalinActionFigure.com]

Good, bad, or ugly? Madonna dedicated "Like a Virgin" to the Pope at a recent show. [MTV]

Okay, we admit, Lindsay Lohan is too young to have kids, but if the rumors are true, she wants to get knocked up. Now, condsidering she ("supposedly") has a girlfriend, this might involve a few more steps than your average Hollywood starlet. And if the rumors following the rumors are true, Lilo and Sam are considering some of Lindsay's exes for sperm donors. [FameCrawler]

Previously:

Sloppy Seconds: Lily Allen Would Very Much Like Sir Elton John to F*ck Off, Seriously

Caption This: Lindsay Lohan's Boobs And Sam Ronson's Eyeline

Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson: "A Lovely Couple"

Ina Maier — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 19:40:00 GMT

It's official, people! Lindsay Lohan is a lesbo. You know why? Because Daisy Lowe says so...

Even though the couple has been seen kissing, cuddling, canoodling, and pretty much openly declaring their love for eachother, apparently Lindsay and Sam's sapphic symbiosis is now actually official, as they've finally been given the stamp of approval by both Mark (Samantha's smoking-hot DJ of a brother) and his girlfriend Daisy Lowe (Gavin Rossdale's smokin' hot model of an illegitimate daughter).The Mirror reports that Mark, Daisy, Sam and Lindsay all went on a double-date the weekend before Coachella. According to Daisy, "Lindsay is really down to earth. Her and Sam make a lovely couple - they seem really happy.Their relationship is totally genuine. And they're just so sweet together. Mark totally approves."

Hear that everybody? Lindsay and Sam are lesbos. And they love eachother. That might just melt our hearts as much as Christian the Lovable Lion. Eh, probably not.

We Will Not Make Oral Sex Jokes About the Knee Pads on Lindsay's Lohan's Leggings

Samantha Ronson and Her Trusty Fingers Take Care of Lindsay Lohan