Scanner : sarah silverman

Sloppy Seconds: Did Barbara Walters Out Whoopi Goldberg?

Emily Farris — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 23:02:00 GMT

Because Paris Hilton absolutely needs more puppies. [People]

We've heard that women reach their fertile peak at 27 but maybe that's actually the case for men, too. A new study has shown that children of older fathers have lower IQ scores than those with younger fathers. In contrast, children born to older mothers scored higher on the same tests. This really is the year of the cougar! [Reuters]

Two cheepskate brothers have been exchanging the same birthday card for 36 years. At this point, why even waste money on postage? Just send an ecard, dudes. [Colorado Springs Gazette]

Did Barbara Walters out Whoopi Goldberg on The View last week? Was she already out? Did anyone even notice? Does anyone really care at this point? [VIDEO: AfterEllen]

Related:

Paris Hilton, You and You Alone (and Maybe Nicole Ritchie) Can Stop Puppy Mills

Christian Bale's Rage: The Gift That Keeps On Giving

[Image]

10 Hottest Funny Women

Colleen Kane — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 14:30:00 GMT

"Hot," especially used in conjunction with the factor "funny" regarding women, is highly subjective. Remember when Jenny McCarthy was trying to market herself as a zany, goofy-face-making, comedic actress? Although J McC was a woman, and she was making clown faces, and was considered hot by many, this writer was not having it.

And for this writer, a great sense of humor makes someone more attractive. So in this list, when using the term "hot" for women, hilarity weighs more heavily than conventional perfect-10 looks.

10. Maya Rudolph

Maya's mom sang that song "Lovin' You." Maya herself played a mean Donatella Versace on "Saturday Night Live," generally excelled on the show playing exotic oddballs, and also starred in the sleeper hit Idiocracy.

9. Chelsea Handler

Chelsea is good with the funny interviews, but I can't get that into her because she reminds me of this one fluffhead from my high school who had platinum-blonde CC DeVille hair and orange pancake makeup, who would routinely zero in on some poor slob in our class, then verbally eviscerate them under the guise of being "funny." Not saying Chelsea is that mean, but she still reminds me of that girl.

8. Kristin Wiig

Kristen joined the SNL cast in 2006. What's known so far: this gal is conventionally very pretty, she's good with impressions and acting in sketches on "SNL," also good guesting on "Flight of the Conchords." Bigger roles are coming for her, we thinks.

7 . Sarah Silverman

Sarah is a striking beauty, and would probably be more like number one on other such lists made by people who are bigger fans of her comedic stylings. Emphasis on NUMBER ONE. GET IT?! She makes poo-poo and pee-pee jokes.

[Image: HEEB]

6. Alex Borstein

Best known as the voice of Lois Griffin on "Family Guy" and Ms. Swan on "Mad TV," Alex is one of two women among mostly men on the "Family Guy" writing staff, and is also a standup comic who isn't afraid to call herself a C. "Call yourself a cunt first, then it doesn't matter who else does," she says. Or so claims this interview.

[Image: Playgirl]

5. Niecy Nash

Niecy Nash, better known as Raineesha Williams on "Reno 911" and the host of "Clean House," is hilar. Also, she wore a huge prosthetic booty with a thong bathing suit on the red carpet. Love her.

4. Amy Poehler

"SNL." Weekend Update. Baby Mama. This photo says it all.

3. Margaret Cho

Ms. Cho has been fighting the good fight for years and continues to perform and tour regularly. One of the world's best fag hags, she will be hosting the GayVN Awards at the end of this month.

2. Janeane Garofolo

1990s: amazing standup and (less amazing) movies. 2000s: raging against the Bush regime on Air America. Always awesome.

[Image: celebs101.com]

1. Tina Fey

Before her uber-glamorous turn at this year's Oscars cemented our girl crush on Tina, her Liz Lemon on "30 Rock" was one of the only the only real, identifiable female characters on prime time. And there's the Weekend Update, the Sarah Palin impression, the Mean Girls, and being the first female head writer on "SNL."

Then there was this dress.

Le sigh.

(Who else would you expect on Scanner for #1?)

[Image: AP Photo/Chris Carlson]

The 5 Hottest Men And 5 Hottest Women Of The 2008 Summer Olympics (Part Two)

The Top 5 Hottest Female Politicians

Will Conan Suck When He Gets to L.A.?

Scanner Matt — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 22:43:00 GMT

You may have heard that Jay Leno is going to move to the 10:00 spot on June 1 when Conan O'Brien takes over the "Tonight Show", and while Leno is going to keep his (or Johnny Carson's) Burbank studio, O'Brien will be moving into a new studio... 3,000 miles from New York.

And as the New York Post points out:

TV shows reflect the places where they are made - think of Oprah and Chicago or the "Today" show and Rockefeller Center. It's part of their show- business DNA.

That means the "Tonight Show" will be changing more than its host when it moves from Burbank to Universal Studios this summer.

So will Conan keep his cool and stay (relatively) funny or turn into the celebrity kiss-up willing to pander to a more traditional audience at an earlier time slot as did the unfunny Leno?

Does this mean no more "masturbating bear" or sneaking knowing stares to the camera when the celebrity being interviewed is a complete moron?

Although "Late Night with Conan O'Brien" has mostly been a mainstream program and like all late night shows a promotional tool for the movie industry, it seemed to take a few chances with bizarre comedy bits, the occasional offensive joke and generally sought to push mundane television comedy a little further than the others when permitted. Will it keep it's edge, though fairly blunt in comparison to cable, when O'Brien reaches La La Land or will Letterman regain the ratings title?

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: Emma Watson To Get Naked?

Stop Saying the New Tina Fey Catchphrase

Scarlett Johansson Sells Snot on Ebay

Leaked Photos: Jessica Alba Airbrushed, Before and After

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VIDEO Handful of Akon on 'Jimmy Kimmel Live'

Scanner Matt — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 17:16:00 GMT

Another video today? Why not? This one's a shorty. When rapper, Akon, decided to jump into the adoring crowd at "Jimmy Kimmel Live" while performing his atrociously boring single, "Right Now" (not a Van Halen cover), a random hand reaches up and begins massaging his crotch.

It's at 3:22 on the video after the jump.

We assume the audience member was just making things easier on Akon. Why should rappers have to grab their own crotch all the time? We always thought the tough-guy pee pee dance was a passing fad, but it never seems to go away.

Related:

Out to Lunch With Akon and T-Pain

Italian Dude Fined For Grabbing Crotch; Salon Gives the Background

Cheap Army Uniforms Causing Crotch Blow-Out

Sloppy Seconds: Jerry Lewis Continues to Hate on the Gays

Emily Farris — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 21:19:00 GMT

Would you like to watch Britney Spears work out? Here you go. [Faded Youth]

We went from being not so into Matt Damon to wishing we were fucking Matt Damon. He's doing GOTV in Florida this week! [People]

More sad news for Jennifer Hudson and her family. [CNN]

Considering we've never seen him live, we should probably see Michael Jackson in concert before his face implodes. [FameCrawler]

Speaking of Mr. Jackson, 3,960 people dressed as zombies got together to do the "Thriller" dance in Austin. [Thrill the World Austin]

Prepare for cute overload: a dog risked his life to guard a box of kittens in a burning home. [Neatorama]

82-year-old Jerry Lewis continued to hate on the gays, calling cricket "a fucking fag game" on Australian TV. [Radar]

Related:

Video of the Day: Sarah Silverman Makes a Funny

Top 10 Worst Celebrity Plastic Surgeries

Here's Why We Want to Eat Cute Things Alive

While You Were Sleeping: The Death of Scrabulous

Sloppy Seconds: Where Joe Biden Stands on Prop8

Emily Farris — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 21:22:00 GMT

Attention Mad Men fans, the show has been renewed for a third season. [Radar]

Lil' Wayne is expecting an even lil'er Wayne in just a couple of days. [MTV]

Maybe it's just the hair in this picture (and the bad facial hair and hats in other pictures) but are we the only ones who think Brad Pitt is not getting better with age? [People]

Scarlett Johnansson will host the 15th Annual Nobel Peace Prize Concert on December 11 in Oslo, Norway. Set to appear are Diana Ross and Feist. [Faded Youth]

Apparently Sarah Silverman is not so popular in the U.K. [BBC]

Our Internet was out for most of the day, so we watched a lot of television and we heard it with our own ears: Joe Biden said he'd vote "No" on Proposition 8 if he lived in California. So, just because he may think personally that a marriage should be between a man and a woman, he doesn't want to inflict that on other people. And we can at least live with that, we guess. Also, we're pretty sure he kissed Julia Louis-Dreyfus on the lips.

Sloppy Seconds: Has Colin Powell Finally Made Up His Mind?

Video of the Day: Sarah Silverman Would Like You to Schlep Your Jew Ass To Florida and Save the F*cking World Already

[Image]

Sloppy Seconds: Queen Latifah on Being Gay

Emily Farris — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 21:23:00 GMT

We would absolutely agree that Eminem was the best rapper in "Eight Mile." We even stood up and cheered at the end... but the best rapper in the world? [FadedYouth]

We have a much easier time believing that Halle Berry is the sexiest woman in the world. [Yahoo!]

We're also surprisingly happy that Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel are back together; mostly because we know how much break ups suck. [People]

Howard Stern married his girlfriend Beth Ostrosky. [MTV]

Is somebody going to knock Elisabeth Hasselbeck off any time soon? Off The View, people! Off The View! [MollyGood]

"I don't have a problem discussing the topic of somebody being gay, but I do have a problem discussing my personal life," Queen Latifah told Sunday's New York Times magazine. [Us]

Video of the Day: Sarah Silverman Would Like You to Schlep Your Jew Ass To Florida and Save the F*cking World Already

Emily Farris — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 19:03:00 GMT

According to Sarah Silverman, it's up to the Jews to get Barack Obama into the White House, because black people and Jewish people are just the same. For example, they both say "yo" all the time, except Jewish people go right to left, "oy."

[The Great Schlep]

Scanner Highs And Lows: Nudie Shoot City

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 22:02:00 GMT

This week we welcomed Verena Von Pfetten to the Scanner fold, although this photo and caption has nothing to do with nudie shoots or this post.

There were a couple of nude photos, including rugby players and supermodels, but more memorably... there were animal sex photos!

HIGHS:

Scanner Nicole may have found the love of her life. A few readers will be fighting her for him, for sure.

We found some gay animals. Better yet-- we found pictures of gay animals fucking!

We took it from behind while playing Super Mario Bros.

A porn star solved the Catholic crisis.

A whole shitload of British tourists were busted after an oral sex contest went so, so right.

We fawned over the greatest pet story ever told.

Mischa Barton almost looked kind of hot (sort of) in her latest almost-nude attempt at relevance.

LOWS:

We dug some mispellings. Not just in our posts-- in tatoos!

Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel broke up. Should this one be in the "Highs?"

Officer Dick would fine Gisele Bundchen for her droopy pants. Although we're not going to stop her from taking these photos.

We found that 63% women have been unnecessarily groped on the subway. We would put "getting jizzed on" under "unnecessary" as well.

Sienna Miller stole a husband... and our hearts. Well, not really, she just kind of rubbed us the wrong way while going topless.

We were disappointed British lesbians did not pick Susan Sarandon as their "dream date." However, the winner is still pretty tantalizing at 62.

And the self-proclaimed "World's Greatest Dad" was arrested. Wanna guess what he's in for?

Sarah Silverman And Jimmy Kimmel Split After 5 Years

Ina Maier — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 21:20:00 GMT

UsMagazine is reporting that Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman have called it quits after more than 5 years of being Hollywood's most humorous couple.

According to a source, "the break up was mutual."

UsMagazine has a whole lot of other seemingly useless tidbits, like how Jonah Hill was seen stopping by Silverman's table (where she was, of course, accompanied by an unknown male companion) at Hugo's restaurant in the Hollywood Hills and the fact that Silverman ate vegetarian quinoa topped with fruit.

All we want to know is - was Matt Damon involved?

Via UsMagazine.com

Sarah Silverman Makes A Funny

Russell Simmons On Jimmy Kimmel (Because We Have To)

Jimmy Kimmel And Ben Affleck Throw Sex-Crazed Oscars' After-Party

Photos courtesy of NYmag.com.

Christopher Hitchens and Gawker are SOOO Right About Women Not Being Funny!

Katie Halper — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 22:04:00 GMT

Dear Hamilton Nolan,

Thank you for having the courage to say today what nobody else, besides Christopher Hitchens and most males, will say: women comics Suck! And Christopher Hitchens Rocks! You write The problem they [female comics] have is they often talk about things that women can relate to—relationships with men, babies, periods, shopping, love. As a man, I can't relate to all that. That puts women comics at a distinct disadvantage when trying to win over me and my fellow men. This is obvious day, right here. THANK YOU! I can't STAND when Sarah Silverman talks about her babies and periods, or when Tina Fey talks about her relationships or shopping. BORING!

And I too wonder why "girls" bother getting their frilly pink panties all up in a bunch over Christopher Hitchens. I love your point that Chris [that is SOOOO cool that you call him by his nickname!] Hitchens is a brilliant, repugnant slob of a man, and any argument he makes should be taken as one from a male point of view. For him to say that women aren't funny is for him to say that they're not funny to him, a man. THANK YOU! That reminds me of when the PC Nazis spit up their fair trade soy organic lattes over my occasional harmless observations about black people's inferior intelligence. See, I'm a brilliant, appealing, slob of a white person, and any argument I make should be taken as one from a white point of view. For me to say that black people aren't that smart is for me to say that they're not smart to me, a white person. So take a chill pill ladies... and black people.

Previously: Vanity Fair Capitalizes Yet Again On Totally Being Wrong

Video of the Day: Sarah Silverman Makes a Funny

Emily Farris — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 21:29:00 GMT

(Thanks, Bill!)

Scanner : sarah silverman

Sloppy Seconds: Did Barbara Walters Out Whoopi Goldberg?

Paris Hilton, You and You Alone (and Maybe Nicole Ritchie) Can Stop Puppy Mills

Christian Bale's Rage: The Gift That Keeps On Giving

10 Hottest Funny Women

Top 10 Hottest Women Size 10 and Up

The 5 Hottest Men And 5 Hottest Women Of The 2008 Summer Olympics (Part Two)

The Top 5 Hottest Female Politicians

Will Conan Suck When He Gets to L.A.?

While You Were Sleeping: Emma Watson To Get Naked?

Stop Saying the New Tina Fey Catchphrase

Scarlett Johansson Sells Snot on Ebay

Leaked Photos: Jessica Alba Airbrushed, Before and After

VIDEO Handful of Akon on 'Jimmy Kimmel Live'

Out to Lunch With Akon and T-Pain

Italian Dude Fined For Grabbing Crotch; Salon Gives the Background

Cheap Army Uniforms Causing Crotch Blow-Out

Sloppy Seconds: Jerry Lewis Continues to Hate on the Gays

Video of the Day: Sarah Silverman Makes a Funny

Top 10 Worst Celebrity Plastic Surgeries

Here's Why We Want to Eat Cute Things Alive

While You Were Sleeping: The Death of Scrabulous

Sloppy Seconds: Where Joe Biden Stands on Prop8

Is it me, or is Brad Pitt not as hot as he used to be?

Sloppy Seconds: Has Colin Powell Finally Made Up His Mind?

Video of the Day: Sarah Silverman Would Like You to Schlep Your Jew Ass To Florida and Save the F*cking World Already

Sloppy Seconds: Queen Latifah on Being Gay

Video of the Day: Sarah Silverman Would Like You to Schlep Your Jew Ass To Florida and Save the F*cking World Already

Scanner Highs And Lows: Nudie Shoot City

Sarah Silverman And Jimmy Kimmel Split After 5 Years

Christopher Hitchens and Gawker are SOOO Right About Women Not Being Funny!

Video of the Day: Sarah Silverman Makes a Funny