Scanner : scientists

Tropical Ants Have Completely Done Away With Men

Emily Farris — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 14:34:00 GMT

A species of ant has decided they don't need men anymore. And have done away with them. Completely.

Biologists from the University of Arizona have found that the Amazonian Ant (otherwise known as the Mycocepurus smithii), has "dispensed with sex."

Not only is the Amazonian Ant now an all-female species—basically genetically cloning their daughters to reproduce—the ants are no longer capable of mating even if they had male counterparts. An essential part of the ants' reproductive system, called the "mussel organ," has "degenerated."

[Yahoo!: The all-female ant species that doesn't need sex to reproduce]

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Everything You Never Wanted to Know About "Horrific Beetle Sex"

Emily Farris — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 00:40:00 GMT

We should probably preface this by letting you know that the article that sparked this post is called "Horrific beetle sex: why the most successful males have the spikiest penises."

So, why is it that the most successful males have the spikiest penises? A possible answer and a terrifying picture after the jump.

According to the blog, Not Exactly Rocket Science, Mother Nature graced the male seed beetle with that monstrosity to the right—which obviously injures the female seed beetle—because:

It's possible that the injuries directly benefit the males, either because they stop the females from mating again or spend more efforts in raising their fertilised eggs to avoid the strain of future liaisons.

The alternative is that the spikes could give the males an edge in "sperm competitions", where they compete with rivals not through direct combat, but through fertilising as many eggs as possible. In this theory, the spines are important for winning these competitions, and the wounds they inflict are simply a nasty side-effect.

Sounds a little like some men we know: beating up their women so they'll be in no shape for another man. We can't imagine seed beetles care about monogomy, though, so we're going to go with the second "sperm competition" theory. (But what do we know about beetle sex? Absolutely nothing.)

Also, you've heard of a fluffer right? Well, to find out exactly what a bettle penis looked like, two lucky scientists got to fluff some male beetles:

The duo studied beetles taken from 13 countries across the tropics, from Brazil to the USA, and from Nigeria to Oman. The genitals of these different populations are very varied and to study them under a microscope, Hotzy and Arnqvist first had to fluff their subjects. They anaesthetised the males with carbon dioxide, and erected their penises with an "artificial inflater" - a microscopic plastic tip connected to a pump. Under a microscope, they measured the length of the longest spines and the size of the entire spine-bearing area.

Even after examining the males and females, however, scientists are still unsure of why the male beetle has a penis covered in spikes.

Luckily, for the female seed beetle, she can hold her own. She apparently has a huge amount of connective tissue lining her sexual tracts, so that whatever terrible sexual act the male beetle performs on her, she's not affected too badly. And (this is awesome) when she's had enough, she kicks the male until he lets go, it gets him to cum faster and get that spiky shaft the fuck out of her beetle juice.

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Microchip To Make Sex Fiends, Nerds Out of All of Us

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 17:35:00 GMT

Are you one of those people who doesn't derive any pleasure from sex and/or eating?

Oxford University is all set to provide eyesight to your romantic blindness...

The chip works by sending tiny shocks from implanted electrodes in the brain.

The technology has been used in the United States to treat Parkinson's disease.

But in recent months scientists have been focusing on the area of the brain just behind the eyes known as the orbitofrontal cortex - this is associated with feelings of pleasure derived from eating and sex.

It turns out, a scientist implanted a microchip in the brain of a woman who doesn't enjoy sex and made a wild, insatiable beast of her.

A research survey conducted by Morten Kringelbach, senior fellow at Oxford University's department of psychiatry, found the orbitofrontal cortex could be a "new stimulation target" to help people suffering from anhedonia, an inability to experience pleasure from such activities. His findings are reported in the Nature Reviews Neuroscience journal.

There you have it, ladies, soon penis size won't matter, because you'll be pre-programmed to enjoy any stimulation whatsoever. Welcome to Stepford....

Via the Telegraph.

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Italians Find Your G-Spot, Promptly Lose It Again

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 17:20:00 GMT

A group of Italian scientists have located the g-spot. We repeat: men have found the g-spot.

By the way, those lousy scientists claim that if you're one in four women, you don't have a g-spot for a guy to lose his mind attempting to locate...

According to their research, just published in New Science, the quacks claim only eight of the thirty women who participated in their study could be found, via ultrasound, to have a g-spot. All but one of those eight were able to have vaginal orgasms, if you count the two who were given assistance in finding their zone by the Eye-talians.

Interestingly,

Women capable of orgasm during penetrative sex have a thicker tissue area in the region between the vagina and the urethra – meaning it’s now easy to medically tell the difference between the lucky “cans” and the “can-nots”. [Live News.com.au]

Don't despair, "thin-tissued females," you can still give yourself vaginal orgasms... "through practice." Of course, the scientists couldn't be bothered to elaborate on what that means.

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Caught on Tape: Seal Molesting a Penguin

Emily Farris — Tue, 13 May 2008 16:42:00 GMT

We should probably first make it clear that we're talking about a seal, not Seal the singer.

A young male Antarctic fur seal was caught on tape trying unsuccessfully to have sex with a king penguin for at least 45 minutes. While it may not seem so strange at first, it is considering that as far as scientists are aware, this is the first known example of a sexual escapade between a mammal and another kind of vertebrate, like a bird.

"At first we thought it was hunting the penguin, but then it became clear that his intentions were rather more amorous," [researcher Nico de Bruyn, a mammal ecologist at the University of Pretoria in South Africa] recalled today via email.

The roughly 240-pound seal subdued the 30-pound adult penguin by lying on it. The hapless bird of unknown sex struggled, rapidly flapping its flippers and attempting to stand and flee, without luck.

The seal then alternated between resting on the penguin and thrusting its pelvis at the bird in vain attempts to insert its penis for 45 minutes. Natural, unsuccessful sexual escapades by this variety of seal with members of its own species may last as long as this penguin assault did, "but yes, it is quite a long time and thus unusual," de Bruyn told LiveScience.

The seal then abruptly gave up, moving to sea and completely ignoring the target of its affections. The penguin apparently did not suffer any injury.

We're glad the little guy was okay and we hope he has a good support system to help him deal with this traumatic experience. If anyone has seen the seal, who is 240 pounds with brown fur and long whiskers, please report him to your local precinct. Do not attempt to restrain him yourself; he is very dangerous.

[MSNBC: Seal caught on tape molesting a penguin]

[Image, Image]

When Panda Porn Just Won't Do, Bring in the Bears

Emily Farris — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 19:17:00 GMT

As Scanner Katie mentioned yestrday, panda bears are cute—so cute that they just want to cuddle with each other and whisper sweet panda nothings across their bamboo pillows. But in order to keep the panda population up, they need to copulate. Considering there are only about 1,600 giant pandas left in the wild, desperate scientists have tried many things, including panda porn and teaching the pandas new sexy time moves, to help them overcome their notoriously low sex drives.

But we think we have a better idea (NSFW).

BEARS!

Yeah. We're a little obsessed with Alex and Ian today.

Previously on Scanner:

"Pinups" Issue No. 5 Gets a 10

Panda Sexercise Moves: Say Jazz Paws!