Sloppy Seconds: Amy Winehouse's Topless Problem

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 21:39:00 GMT

PETA is now protesting seal clubbing... in World of Warcraft.

We don't think this is the same story about a man having his penis bitten off (by another man!) that we told you about already. In this story, the attacker... swallowed.

Samantha Ronson has asked for a restraining order against Lindsay Lohan.

Great, we already own all these damn Beatles albums. Does that mean we'll get the remastered ones for free?

Man, some people will do anything for web traffic. Here's a really ridiculous Down Shirt (the new Upskirt?) on Taylor Swift. Good Lord, she's only 18, people...

Members of Congress met with Raul Castro in Havana today.

A guy who works for Focus on the Family in Colorado has been arrested for talking dirty with a 15-year-old girl, who was actually undercover cops.

The Bush shoe thrower's sentenced has been reduced and he'll be out of jail next year.

And Amy Winehouse went streaking "through a hotel after being told to cover up." Guests were shocked to see her racing by them in the nude, but they shouldn't have been surprised unless they didn't know she was staying there.

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Amy Winehouse is "Back in the Saddle"

While You Were Sleeping: Diablo Cody's Super Porno Limo Rides

Amy Winehouse, Topless Again, Stars in Her Most Bizarre Adventure Yet

At Least Amy Winehouse Has Good Taste in Underwear

While You Were Sleeping: Jennifer Aniston Milking It

While You Were Sleeping: Blake Fielder-Civil's 16-Year-Old Girlfriend?

Caught on Tape: Seal Molesting a Penguin

Emily Farris — Tue, 13 May 2008 16:42:00 GMT

We should probably first make it clear that we're talking about a seal, not Seal the singer.

A young male Antarctic fur seal was caught on tape trying unsuccessfully to have sex with a king penguin for at least 45 minutes. While it may not seem so strange at first, it is considering that as far as scientists are aware, this is the first known example of a sexual escapade between a mammal and another kind of vertebrate, like a bird.

"At first we thought it was hunting the penguin, but then it became clear that his intentions were rather more amorous," [researcher Nico de Bruyn, a mammal ecologist at the University of Pretoria in South Africa] recalled today via email.

The roughly 240-pound seal subdued the 30-pound adult penguin by lying on it. The hapless bird of unknown sex struggled, rapidly flapping its flippers and attempting to stand and flee, without luck.

The seal then alternated between resting on the penguin and thrusting its pelvis at the bird in vain attempts to insert its penis for 45 minutes. Natural, unsuccessful sexual escapades by this variety of seal with members of its own species may last as long as this penguin assault did, "but yes, it is quite a long time and thus unusual," de Bruyn told LiveScience.

The seal then abruptly gave up, moving to sea and completely ignoring the target of its affections. The penguin apparently did not suffer any injury.

We're glad the little guy was okay and we hope he has a good support system to help him deal with this traumatic experience. If anyone has seen the seal, who is 240 pounds with brown fur and long whiskers, please report him to your local precinct. Do not attempt to restrain him yourself; he is very dangerous.

[MSNBC: Seal caught on tape molesting a penguin]

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