Scanner : sex addicts

Kanye West's Crazy Sex Addiction is Neither Crazy or an Addiction

Emily Farris — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 17:24:00 GMT

Kanye West is on the cover of the March issue of Details and in typical Kanye West fashion he said lots of really flattering stuff about himself, including but not limited to:

"Put this in the magazine: There's nothing more to be said about music. I'm the f--king end-all, be-all of music.”

"Oh my God, I'm one of the greatest rappers in the world. I'll get on a track and completely ee-nihilate that track, I'll eat it and rip it in half. I wouldn't have to think of it.”

"I have, like, nuclear power, like a superhero, like Cyclops when he puts his glasses on."

But what's the secret behind all of this, uh, success? Why, his sex addiction, of course.

"People ask me a lot about my drive," he says. "I think it comes from, like, having a sexual addiction at a really young age. Look at the drive that people have to get sex—to dress like this and get a haircut and be in the club in the freezing cold at 3 a.m., the places they go to pick up a girl. If you can focus the energy into something valuable, put that into work ethic..."

Ummmmm. Hi, my name is Scanner Emily and I'm a sex addict? (Except without the clubbing.)

[E: Kanye West: Being a Sex Addict Fueled Success]

Related:

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Kanye Porn Update

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Sam Rockwell Too Busy Having Sex With You To Learn Your Name

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 15:39:00 GMT

Sam Rockwell, who stars in this weekend's newest well-hyped movie, Choke, gave a very revealing interview to Parade Magazine in which he discussed his sex life (or lack thereof?) and uttered this immortal phrase:

"I personally didn't have time to get nervous. I was so busy having sex."

He was so busy having sex, it seems, that he only had enough time to greet the girls before he boned them, and nothing more. Of course, we're talking about the sex scenes in Choke here.

"A lot of them were there just for one day to do a sex scene with me so it was like, 'Hi," and then the director would be saying, 'Let's go. We've gotta do this.' And it was over and then it was on to the next one."

O to be a movie star! Among the articles other stunning revelations about Rockwell:

"Well, I don't think I've ever been one [a sex addict], so it took some work," he jokes. "I couldn't really identify with what my character was doing at first. I went to some sex addict rehab meetings just to find out more about what these people are all about. I went anonymously and I think I was only outed one time. Thank goodness TMZ didn't see me."

Click here to read the full interview, which ends with Rockwell discussing his next film, to be directed by David Bowie's son.

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Top 10 Places To Have Sex... This Week

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 15:19:00 GMT

Although the list on Playboy concentrates on the Top 10 Places To Have Sex Before You Die, we gotta say, "Why are you spreading these out over the rest of your life? You should do all ten of these this week."

Besides that, the Playboy list is kind of lame, with many obvious choices (and it begged the obvious #11 and #12 additions on Digg: "In the ass" and "in the boobeez.") We came up with our own list, which is based on experience...

10. On a kitchen table-- anybody remember Bull Durham? What about the scene in Fatal Attraction on the counter? You know why we remember these? Because they were fuckin' hot.

9. In a car... a moving car... that you're driving-- while we don't encourage this kind of behavior, it has apparently worked for several of our readers. And Charlie Sheen.

8. In a limo-- roll up that screen... unless you get off on the chauffer watching in the rearview mirror.

7. In the subway-- there's always a chance the train is going to stop in the next station and a top of up-all-night tourists are going to step into your previously deserted car. But that shouldn't stop anyone from having a quickie!

6. In an abandoned house-- not like a crack house or anything. (Although we're not against sex anywhere.) Do you have a kind of ghost town, such as the Salton Sea, near you? Drive out to a rundown motel and find a bizarre place to have sex-- a bizarre room to have sex in, that is, funny guy.

5. In the jacuzzi-- just don't let the other bed and breakfast guests catch you. Remember: it's hot when you do it, gross when someone else does it.

4. On the floor-- this would be obvious, except when there's a bed nearby, 99.9999% of the time, couples will choose the bed. Hey, live a little...

3. At a stadium event-- if you're at a Miley Cyrus concert, there are going to be so many teenagers getting it on, you won't even be given a second glance.

And, ah, what the hell... two we agree with from Playboy's list:

2. On the beach-- although if you haven't already done this, this should be your next one to try out: you have one more weekend of summer left, after all...

1. At the mile high club-- just make sure Ralph Fiennes isn't already lurking in the loo and this should be a good time.

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Sloppy Seconds: Stripper Shoots Boyfriend Over $150

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 21:09:00 GMT

A top Superior Court official in Cobb County, Georgia resigned after the following allegations were made public:

Sex in a judge's chambers, trysts at local hotels during business hours, obscene phone calls to female workers and a desire to see lesbian sex are among the many accounts of what was going on... for the past two decades.

A new study indicates the pill may lead women to make incorrect mating decisions. Hmm... no comment.

And Paris Hilton is being sued for

declining self-promotion for the first time in her life, TMZ reports that she's being sued for it:
Her 2006 "comedy" "National Lampoon's Pledge This!" was apparently so bad, even Paris wouldn't shill for it. Worldwide Entertainment Group says she got paid a mil — a mil, folks — to act in the movie and then push it on TV and radio. They say she didn't do the latter and so they're going after her in Federal court.

A stripper and another possible shooter wounded the stripper's (ex-)boyfriend over a whopping $150 debt.

Ha, ha: A judge in California allowed the state's colleges to deny entry to Christian students who learned about the Bible instead of evolution.

Obama supporter or just crazy idiot? An overzealous supporter sent Cindy McCain to the hospital today with a "crushing" handshake.

Wait, aren't Pam and Tommy Lee still together? Guess not.

And George W. Bush is sending US troops and sexy socialite Condi Rice to rescue Georgia from a ~~Soviet~~ Russian invasion.

Sloppy Seconds: Hillary Clinton's Latest Theory

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 21:00:00 GMT

Women in Nigeria are walking naked in the streets to protest the questionable circumstances surrounding a monarch's death.

Two wrestlers from the University of Nebraska are under investigation after it was reported they are both gay porn stars.

Some dudes in Sweden have lodged formal complaints against pharmacies that sell sex toys, complaining that most of these shops discriminate against men with their female-focused stock. Wait, they have sex toys in pharamacies over there? Hell, you can't even buy Plan B at pharmacies in the States!

Did John McCain copy his speech today from Wikipedia?

Salma Hayek is planning a wedding reality show. Judging by how few people cared about our post about her singledom, the show should do real fine...

Selma Blair thinks Americans are deluded.

Hillary's team's 845th theory as to why they lost: the media's lack of investigation into the Edwards affair rumors when they first surfaced.

And Daniel Craig may be getting married. Although since when does a man buying champagne mean he's getting married and not a very lucky, soon-to-be-drunk friend?

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Brad and Angelina and the French Brawl

Sloppy Seconds: It's Friday And Salma Hayek Is Single

Top 10 Things Younger Than John McCain

The Media Thinks It's Finally Figured Out Why Hillary Lost (Hint: It's Not The Media)

Scanner Highs And Lows: Sweden Or Sexism?

16 Year Old Boy Figures Out How To Rip Off Sex Offenders, Get Rich

America's Most Sexually Satisfying Cities

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 05 May 2008 19:51:00 GMT

We love any survey that gives us a pile of (smack) talking points about Jersey, our sister state and, by default, bitter rival. Poor Jersey City and Newark... you are at the top of a list no one wants to be on: the Least Sexually Satisfied Cities in America.

Jersey City, NJ ranks 93rd and Newark, NJ 95 on the Men's Health list, with dreary old Lexington, KY rattling around at 100, the absolute worst place to get laid, according to its eternally horny residents.

The most sexually satisfied city, then? At #1, it's...

Huh?! Indianapolis, Indiana... where couples could be hatefucking thanks to the divisive Democratic primary. However, the state of Texas may be having the most sex in general, with Austin at #1 and San Antonio landing at #2 in condom sales. (Austin and San Antonio both fall into the Top 10 of the most sexually satisfied cities. Guess we should spend less time at SXSW and more time at the local bars, huh?)

There are other interesting and probably totally debatable results at Men's Health.

Christians Having Better Sex Than You

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 19:01:00 GMT

Don't you love the sacreligious pic, via PhotoDisc?

Created in 1997, the site covers topics like anal, oral and phone sex; masturbation and role-playing; fetishes; bonding; and spanking.

No, they're not talking about Nerve, silly. It's actually the website of Pastor Paul Byerly of Salem, OR, entitled TheMarriageBed.com. And it's just the latest sign that Christians are opening up to the idea of exploring sex and enjoying some hot anal action in the name of Lord Jesus...

Among the highlights of this astonishing article from ABC News (all right, we're grossly exaggerating):

On Pastor Paul and his wife Lori: "The couple talks openly about their inability to enjoy sex because of Lori's history of sex abuse and his involvement in pornography." Wait-- Pastor Paul was involved in pornos?! Please explain, ABC! (Alas, someone didn't do their follow-ups.)
These loveable old Christian weirdos even have some wit left in them at their age: "As pastor of the 15,600-member, nondenominational church -- one of the largest in the nation -- [Reverend Kerry Shook] recently delivered a popular sermon titled 'How to Make Your Marriage Sizzle.'" The witty part? "We were cooking beef burgundy with a reduction sauce." Get it? Sizzle fo' shizzle-- zing!
Shook: "One of the things we cover in scripture is how to meet each other's needs in bed." Damn! Who knew the Bible was dirtier than the Kama Sutra. (Proabably someone who's actually read it, unlike us.)
"Folks who are married and people of faith tend to have more sex, more often than people who are swingers." Sign us up for this crazy Christian nonsense if there is any proof whatsoever it'll work!
Dallas psychotherapist Melanie "is also critical of Christian attitudes toward premarital sex, which she argues encourages teens to marry young out of guilt. She also veers from the standard position on homosexuality." Is she single, perchance?

Okay, enough. Just read the damn thing-- although we've already spoiled all the best parts.