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Believe It Or Not, One of the Best Sex Advice Columns is Brought to You By... Detroit

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 11 May 2009 17:03:00 GMT

The Detroit Free Press has always been one of our favorite parts about the Motor City. It's only natural that their sex advice column would do what no other paper does-- actually have intelligent conversations, many of which don't necessarily pander to the readers who just want a giggle-ready piece of entertainment.

This week, the Press tackles real topics like Viagra for women, lopsided boobs, and lies and the lying liars who tell them...

The column is hosted by the great and amusing Isadora Alman, who wrote that book "Doing It: Real People Having Really Good Sex," which is hidden in your bookcase behind the Charles Dickens box set. She's a certified sexologist (I'd love to have been at that meeting) and has done some psychotherapy, which helps when people ask you questions like this (emphasis added):

Dear Isadora: Why can't the drug manufacturers find something that will work on women the way Viagra does on men? For that matter, do Viagra and the other pills like it ever work for women?
Answer: Viagra does seem to work for some women. The reason is that it sends blood to engorge the genitals. Where that creates an erection on men already feeling desire, for women it simply sends blood to the area, which can feel like arousal to some women, but doesn't for most. Viagra and its like do not affect desire in men either, just the ability to have sexual intercourse. Because most women always have that ability (excluding painful conditions such as vaginismus), creating desire is what's complicating the creation of a magic pill. For many more women than men, the desire for sex is bound up in relationship issues and beliefs about appropriate behavior, and there can be no magic pill to deal with those psychological factors.
Dear Isadora: Is there any way to tell for sure whether your partner is lying to you?Answer: For sure? No. There was a rumor that one could tell always when a certain politician was lying. It was whenever he moved his lips! In all other cases you have to rely on what you know of the person's record of truth-telling...
Dear Isadora: My daughter's breasts are beginning to grow and they are coming in lopsided. Are they likely to even out when she is through maturing? She is 11, by the way. Isn't that early?Answer: Young women are maturing much earlier these days. The average age for first menstruation in the 19th Century was around 16; now it is 12. Better nutrition is one probable cause. If you look carefully at your own body, you will see that things that come in pairs are not exactly equal. ...

What do we think about her view that, for women, "the desire for sex is bound up in relationship issues," etc.?

You can read her full responses to these questions here.

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John Hodgman Has Great Taste In Women

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 16:54:00 GMT

We've known John Hodgman since the old days, the pre-Daily Show, pre-PC guy in the Mac-PC commercials, even pre "The Areas of My Expertise," his bestselling fake almanac. Now he's back with another apparent classic, "More Information Than You Require," which will hilariously live up to its title, we're sure.

This month, he served as Glamour's love advice columnist (how loveably nerdtastic of them-- our hopes for humanity have been elevated)... discussing marriage, asking guys out, ethical dilemmas, and, of course, hot airline pilots...

Here's a taste:

Q: I'm an airline pilot, which means I'm around lots of men. The problem? It's tough to flirt and still be seen as a professional in my industry.

A: You have overlooked an important fact, which is that you are a female pilot, and thus automatically 1,000 percent hotter than most women. Therefore, I'd say the problem is not your job, but the fact that you're looking for love with a colleague, a move often fraught with ethical dilemmas and hardly ever worth it. Instead of checking out coworkers, the next time you spot a cute passenger, ask him out over the loudspeaker after you announce the altitude. This always works. Trust me.

Q: I haven't had a boyfriend in years! Got any advice on grabbing male attention?

A: Have you considered becoming a pilot?

You can check out the rest here. His book, which includes a chapter entitled HOW TO BECOME A MINOR TELEVISION PERSONALITY, is available via this link.

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Crush of the Week: Jamie Clayton, The Hottest Transsexual

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 20:29:00 GMT

Here she is, the second most beautiful girl in New York City. At least, that's what this week's New York Observer calls Jamie Clayton in their in-depth profile. (By the way, if you find a better looking woman in the entire state of New York, please let us know.)

As you've probably surmised from our headline, Jamie is not like other girls... except she is, in every way except on her birth certificate...

Clayton was indeed born male, with a schlong she wanted no part with, and when she was finally about to obtain the necessary funds (some 15 g's), a doctor gave her a vagina so real and perfect, she's able to orgasm like so many natural-born women wish they could. Of course, even a woman this beautiful and spectacularly self-assured (why are there so few single women in New York City who have self-confidence without coming off snotty?):

“I remember a very specific moment when we were literally in the middle of having sex and he asked me if I was in love with him. I had just broken up with [the photographer] shortly before, and I was like, ‘Why are you asking me that right now?’ And he said he knew that I liked him a lot, and that we got along really well, and he thought I was falling in love with him. So I said to him, ‘Are you in love with me?’ And his response was, ‘I can’t be in love with you.’ And I literally got up and put my clothes on and left and never spoke to him again.

Shazam! If we didn't already have the world's hottest and best love/sex advice columnist, we'd say this super cool chick would totally pull it off in spades.

And that's why Jamie Clayton, full-time woman, is our Crush Of The Week.

Via the Observer.

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Dear Margo Unsure What Sex Coupons Are

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 15:15:00 GMT

DEAR MARGO: I found a sexually explicit card and sex coupons from my husband's lover. He insists nothing went on and that it was just a fluke that he received such cards and coupons. If I can't get him to tell me what went on, is it OK to go after the "other woman" and get her to give me some details? I want to work through things to save my marriage, but I need to know what happened in order to do so.

The woman who wrote in to Dear Margo this week signs her letter "AT A LOSS FOR WORDS." We're unable to speak, as well... from laughing. Here's Margo's response:

DEAR AT: Forgive me, but I am unfamiliar with "sex coupons." My best guess is they are like the ones for the supermarket, only you redeem them for ... well, never mind.

The rest of her response is classy snark, but she fails to seize upon the insanity of the situation. This woman's husband is cheating on her-- clearly. We don't need a public confession, John Edwards-style, to come to the conclusion that he's no good. It's called "a gut feeling." Margo suggests therapy or "hasta la vista" but the problem is, he won't admit to the affair. There's no couples therapy in that situation-- it's either he confesses and you work it out (we're assuming you say "you're never to see or speak to this woman again") or you dump his ass at once. No exceptions.

Ladies-- don't ever give guys an out like "therapy" when he won't even admit that there's a problem beforehand. DTMFA, as another advice columnist would say...

Via Yahoo.

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Hilarious Sex Advice From Your Mom

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 18:31:00 GMT

Our Moms are pretty funny, too, but thankfully they don't get involved in our sex lives...

We can't embed the video, but it's worth linking to. Check it out, even if you don't have speakers-- besides the moaning, there's very little sound. Just remember that it's still visually NSFW.

Here are some screenshots to tide you over, in case you can't watch it now...

I'll Have the Sea Urchin Bukkake, Please

Emily Farris — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 17:14:00 GMT

So what exactly is sea urchin bukkakae? And where can you get some?

Unfortunately, or fortunately, it's not what you think. Apparently bukkake is a kind of cold udon. If you'd like to try it, head on over to Matsugen in New York.

Or, you can make it yourself:

Has anyone ever had bukkake?

Now, we don't know much about bukkake — the sea urchin kind, anyway — but one food writer we recently interviewed does think part of the sea urchin is the sexiet food. Click the picture to read Dating Advice (formerly known as Sex Advice) from Food Writers.

[Eater: Menus Gone Wild: Matsugen's Sea Urchin Bukkake]