Scanner : sex in the city

Sex (Toys) and the City's Cross Promotions Gets Carried Away

Nicole Pasulka — Wed, 14 May 2008 17:02:00 GMT

Why is Charlotte so excited? (Hint: It's not because of a sale on international orphans at Burberry's.)

No, she's psyched to finally have something "Big" and SATC-themed to ram herself with.

Top 10 "Happy Earth Day" Sex Toys

Katie Halper — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 19:51:00 GMT

Nobody wants to celebrate Earth Day by getting down with sex toys that are bad for the earth or bad for your body. A wise woman named Cher Horowitz (from Clueless) once explained that she was still a virgin becuase "You see how picky I am about my shoes and they only go on my feet." So be picky about penises AND your sex toys with the following sex toys which let you celebrate the earth and your body. Many sex toys contain phthalates, a plastic softener, which is so hazardous the European Union banned its use in children's toys. Ironically, since phlatates have been linked to cancer and damaging sperm, we are putting things in our nether regions, that may be bad for our nether regions. Luckily, many sex toys stores are phasing phthalates-containing products. But until the war against phthalates is won, and until phthalates are stamped out around the world, you can use this top ten list of phthalate-free toys.

1. The Laya Spot vibrator is water proof, has 3 buzz strengths, and is made out of Elastomer, which is phthalate-free and hypo-allergenic. Like all good lovers, Laya is eager to reciprocate: she gives buzz and gets great buzz from customers who "Love love love love LOVE!" her, for being "fantastic, reliable and silent" and durable even after "heavy, heavy use." You can buy her from Babeland (the sex toys empire formerly known as Toys in Babeland) for $48.

2. we all know and love the Rabbit Habit vibrator that was immortalized on Sex in the City. So we were heartbroken when we thought we were going to have take the old phlatate-containing rabbit out back and put him down. But we are thrilled to announce the new and improved and phthalate-free version of the Classic Rabbit Habit: The Elastomer Rabbit Habit vibrator. So you can say goodbye to phlatates and hello to the rotating pearls, glitter twirls and fluttering rabbit ears. If you want the rabbit, grab it for $90 at Babeland. And if any readers already have a pet rabbit at home, or have traded in the old one for an elastomer one, tell us if you think the vibrator is worth all the buzz.

3. For an extra $9, you can splurge on the Bunny Love Kit, which includes batteries, Babeland Toy Cleaner, two Crown condoms, and a 4-ounce bottle of BabeLube.

4. The Big O Vibrating Ring is made of elastomer and doesn't contain any phthalates, which could give off unhealthy vibes. It's available for $18 at Good Vibrations.

5. The quiet Berry Delight vibrator has with seven programmable vibration modes and, thanks to its splash-proof exterior, can be taken into the shower (but not the tub.) Get it on sale for $24.50 at Babeland.

6. More of a bather than a showerer? No woes hoes. You can bring the I Rub My Duckie vibrator into the tub with you. And he's pretty adorable. Get him for $25.00 at Babeland (I'm not being sexist. I checked and am pretty sure it's a him.)

7. Treat yourself to a gift with Babeland's $59 Eco-Sexy Kit, which includes the Laya Spot vibrator, a Babeland Massage Candle made of skin-safe soy, Emerita Natural Lube , and Mamba Condoms, produced by a well-regarded Swedish non-profit whose testing process is 15 times more stringent than any other condom company in the world.

8. Boys, you may enjoy the $80 Fleshlight vulva, the vagina-impersonating penis sleeve which goes undercover as a flashlight when closed. It's made of phthalate-free "Reel Feel Super Skin." I can't believe it's not a vagina!

9. More of a mouth man? (If you are, you're a statistical oddity.) Then check out the Fleshlight Mouth.

10. More of a neo-Luddite? Then you'll love this non buzzing good old fashioned Love Ring which is so green it's VEGAN. For real.

Previously(Green) Sex (Toys) In The City , How Green Was My Dildo: Are Your Sex Toys Safe?

Dear Iraq: I'm Just Not That Into You. -America

Katie Halper — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 22:00:00 GMT

Hey Iraq,

What's up? It's me, America. I'm sorry I didn't really plan anything for our five-year anniversary Wednesday. You know I was never good with dates, or making plans, or remembering anything, especially when it comes to your needs. I mean I could barely keep your family members straight, you know like your Shia/ Sunni thing? That was really confusing! Wow, five years is a long time. You know, when I brought you democracy five years ago, I was really into you. In fact, I had had my eye on you for a long time. I was just waiting for some excuse to pursue you. So when that whole 9/11 thing happened, it seemed like the perfect ice-breaker. And I made a move.

But I think I was maybe into you for the wrong reasons. I've been doing a lot of processing lately. Remember how I used to tell you how badly I wanted to "invade you" and "liberate you" from that abusive dictator? Well I did. And after I freed you from Saddam, I ravished you; I ravished your oil fields, and I privatized your industries and and I drilled you long and hard until you didn't have any oil left to give me... and it was great.

But I have a knight-in-shining-armor savior complex. Or really more like a knight-in-insufficient-body-armor complex. And added to that was my Oedipal pathology and the weird issues I had with failure and impotence over the fact that I had gone after you in the 1990s but wasn’t man enough to seal the deal.

Anyway, there was just a lot of baggage involved. And honestly, the thing I was most interested in was your booty. I mean, after I removed Saddam and got your oil, I didn't really have a plan or anything, because I guess I was thinking with the wrong head. I guess, I didn't really think about what it would be like between us once Saddam was gone, whether we’d still be into each other, what your friends and family would think of me and how they'd respond to me. I didn’t even bother learning Iraqi, so I couldn't even communicate with you. And I fired all my translators because they're all gay.

And so I've been kind of going through the motions with you. I'm still with you, sure, but I don't really care about you as much as an occupying power should. And I guess I'm just not that invested in my relationship with you (I’m talking emotionally here).

And before you say anything, I know I've sent you mixed messages. And I apologize for the drunk dials and texts about your weapons of mass destruction and yellow cake and all that. I was just really trying to get into you oil fields.

Which is why, on our five-year anniversary, I didn't really do anything special. I mean in all fairness I was just too distracted because there are a lot of big things going on with me right now. You know I'm not really good at communicating, so the best way to understand where I’m at, what I’m thinking about and what I'm looking for in life (and on-line) is probably by going to Google Hot Trends. You’ll see that Wednesday, while you were celebrating our anniversary, I was busy looking at naked photos of Kristin Davis, trying to figure out if Sex and the City’s Charlotte really did go “from Deck the Halls to Licking Balls.” I was also really concerned about the "child uses lunchbox as toilet" story. And, honestly, how could I think about how many of your people and my soldiers have died, when I had a much more important calculation to determine: "how many horns does a unicorn have?"

So, Iraq, I guess I just wanted to say that if you want to be friends that’s cool. But if you’re looking for a real relationship, with a country that really cares about you and is willing to put in the hard work necessary to lay the foundation for a healthy democracy, it ain’t me babe. I’m just not that into you.

~~Peace~~ Best,

America

P.S. I’m telling you now because I wanted you to hear it from me. I didn’t want you to hear it from Iran, because I know you guys have this weird relationship. And the fact that I confuse you guys and can’t keep you straight sometimes doesn’t help, I’m sure. But you guys are neighbors so I’m sure you’ve already heard the rumors. I mean, I've already been outed by Seymour Hersh who said "my wet dream is hitting Iran." (Am I that transparent, Sy?) I’m trying to keep my intentions towards Iran under wraps. But, yes, I’m kind of starting something with her.