Scanner : sexual assault

This Week in Sex: We Couldn't Stuff It All In

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 22:06:00 GMT

We hope this is real and not the viral marketing work of some jean company...

Sometimes the stories are too small for their own posts. Sometimes there are two many stories for one week, which is definitely the case here.

Today, we'll present: the Not Ready For Daytime Players... in This Week in Sex, featuring tales of football teams, Bollywood nudity, Melissa Joan Hart, Playboy, brothers, and... Susan Boyle?!

A minister in Florida (where else) is being investigated for possibly sexually assaulting members of a high school football team. The man allegedly promised his victims help in their athletic careers-- not sure how his religion fits into sports. Maybe he promised to rig the coin tosses?

Apparently, there will be full frontal male nudity in a Bollywood movie. (We can't confirm that this is actually the first legitimate male nude scene from that genre, but it sounds about right.)

Melissa Joan Hart says she never did Playboy because her Maxim cover caused her brother too much embarrassment.

The State of Nevada decided not to tax brothel sex, but not before this classic quote was delivered:

"I don't know why people won't recognize that we have a legal industry," state Sen. Bob Coffin, who introduced the legislation, told the Associated Press. "I'm willing to go in and do the dirty work if no one else will."

Thanks, Senator, but your sexpertise won't be required. Moving on...

Those scary-lookers had some of the loudest sex we've ever heard (of.)

In Indiana, two little girls walked in on group sex in the bathroom of their local people Taco Bell.

Unlike our cheerleading coach friend, this woman deserved get fired: a teacher was given the boot for taking a bunch of girls to a strip club. The biggest problem is that some of the girls were under 18 and could've been arrested.

And the new porn marketing gimmick is officially is to offer whomever dominates the news a role in adult film in exchange for a million dollars:

See what [Publicity-Hungry Production Assholes] did there? Set up an entire website for something that will never happen (much like the Octomom porn) and then sit back and watch the traffic skyrocket for a headline that reads "Susan Boyle Does a Porn (Maybe)." Chances are, Boyle will never even see this site, and has never been contacted by these people. But just associating their adult films with a recent phenomena is the oldest trick in the book. Although who would ever pay to see Boyle lose her virginity on camera is another story alltogether.

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"Fairbanks Man Gets Plea Deal, Wedding"

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 16:22:00 GMT

It's always disturbed me to open a link someone sends me to read this on a newspaper's website: "FAIRBANKS-- A man charged with sexual assault is getting married." Thanks, but I'd rather not have either of those crimes attributed to me in dictionary definition form (i.e. FARRIS-- A woman charged with maintaining a stable of bearded men received probation today.")

Seriously, though, check out "my" quote in the paper today: “I’m dumbstruck to even have my name put in this situation,” he said. “This doesn’t begin to describe the caliber of man I am.” That about covers it. It also reminds us of the time we e-mailed Anton Newcombe, he the famed frontman for The Brian Jonestown Massacre about his having been convicted of murder in Australia. (It's true-- a man named Anton Newcombe is a convicted murderer.) His entire response: "Woah. Trippy."

Anyway, the actual story out of Fairbanks, Alaska is bizarre enough to warrant its own post, even without my name:

A 32-year-old man was charged with forcing his girlfriend to have sex with him by knifepoint. The three felony accounts were reduced to three misdemeanors after a strange and unforseen twist: the girlfriend says she's "hazy" on the events and never said that the act was nonconsensual. Even these are not uncommon. What really shocked the judge was this:

The woman, who asked not to be identified, briefly spoke at Thursday’s hearing and announced that she and Pignataro plan to get married soon.
“It’s very unusual for someone at sentencing to announce they’re getting married,” Downes said. “That’s the first time I’ve heard that for 40 years I’ve been doing this.”

Pignataro briefly spoke, attributing the charges, his only run-in with the law, to problems with alcohol. He vowed to stay sober in the future.

So, there you have it folks. How did the Judge fall for that ol' trick? Slash your girlfriends tires, force her to have sex with her, and then make her tell the judge you're going to marry her "one of these days" so he can get off with time served. It's the Fairbanks way.

More on this case via Daily News-Miner.

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Semen Now Considered A Dangerous Weapon In Oregon

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 15:35:00 GMT

Last June, a woman who had recently broken up with her boyfriend was shopping with her young daughter at the Portland, Oregon Target, just minding her own business. Out of nowhere, her scorned lover approached her and threw-- not acid-- but his own spunk in her face, while the little girl looked on in horror.

The man's eventual convicted for assault wasn't enough for Oregon legislators. Earlier this week, they made it a crime more akin to sexual assault, with greater punishments, and passed a bill making the act of throwing your semen at someone a crime. (The state House passed it unanimously; now the moves on to the Senate, where it will likely have smooth sailing.)

We're not entirely pleased with what we expel during sex either and are always surprised (but in no way appalled) that our partners haven't minded handling it. But having it thrown on you in a public place? This is one of the few bills in the history of humankind that we can all get behind.

Meanwhile, men the world over continue to glorify an arguably degrading practice. The most popular photos of the morning were these Got Milk "parodies" from a Russian tease magazine:

Story via OregonLive.

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Jersey Girl's Torrid Love Affair With An Eighth Grader

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 15:08:00 GMT

23-year-old Jersey Girl Lindsay Massaro was a student teacher at a K-8 school in Frankford, about 60 miles west of New York City. He was a thirteen- or fourteen-year-old eighth grade guy who may or may not have been special ed. (According to unidentified sources, Massaro is working toward receiving her certificate in special education.)

They were totally non-sexual... until, out of nowhere, they fell into a torrid affair...

Massaro was arrested only a few days ago following a surprisingly-recent crime. (Usually with these cases, it's month later, after the boy's parents become suspicious or the student can't keep it quiet any longer and brags to his friends.) The timeline given to the media indicates March 21st is the day they first slept together, with the relationship dissolving exactly one week later, which would be this past Saturday. Massaro is charged with "second-degree sexual assault, third-degree endangering the welfare of a minor and fourth-degree criminal sexual contact" steaming from "acts of sexual penetration and sexual contact with the intimate parts of a minor male," according to this source. If she's convicted, which she may not be given the fact that there seems to be very little evidence, she faces an expected ten years in prison.

In any case, Massaro's teaching career is over. She's been fired from her job, is out on $75,000 bail, and has no hope of convincing another school to hire her unless this all turns out to be a horrible prank to which the culprits confess.

What do you think about these cases where the teacher is barred from having anything to do with children, thus barring them from working? Murderers out on bail are not barred from owning knives, for example. Just wondering...

Photo via this link.

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Spanking Judge Is Going To Have A Rough Ride in Prison...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 16:25:00 GMT

An Alabama gent named Herman Thomas, known in the national news as "The Spanking Judge," was finally charged on Friday with a whopping 57 counts, including extortion, sodomy, kidnapping, and a host of ethics violations. Several hours later, Thomas was out on bond and told to have no contact with young people.

So... how did ex-Judge Herman Thomas get his nickname?

According to various source, Thomas is accused of bringing prisoners from jail to a storage closet next to his office for "paddling sessions." (What, they weren't good enough to be paddled in judge's chambers?) How he got away with that once, let alone multiple times, is beyond us. After all, inmates will sue if their soup is so much as lukewarm one afternoon-- you'd think they would've all filed multimillion dollar civil suits by now.

On top of that, Thomas is accused of trading sex for lighter sentences to violent felons...

We began digging through court documents, one of Thomas's alleged victims was tried and convicted of robbery. Records show instead of locking him up, Thomas gave him probation. Then, that same man was arrested for burglary. Thomas tossed that case out just weeks before it went to trial. That man is now back in jail, accused of murder. Thomas joined him behind bars this afternoon. [MSNBC]
Thomas resigned from the bench in October 2007 amid allegations that he manipulated a jail sentence for his cousin, swapped cases on other judges dockets, and paddled prisoners from Mobile Metro Jail. [WKRG]
[N]umerous individuals... claim Thomas used his position as judge to coerce them for sexual activity, or would punish them for denying such activity. Kulakowski’s investigation also uncovered individuals who claim Thomas engaged them in illegal drug trade and actively used his office to protect drug dealers working with him. [Lagniappe Mobile]

Now we understand why Thomas's bail terms bar him from having any contact with men under the age of 21... and it also sort of explains the paddling.

Here's the full, 57-count indictment.

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Idiot At Fox Degrades Sexual Abuse Victims With Her Politicking

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 21:04:00 GMT

Just about every line of this Fox News clip is hilarious. It's hard to top the opening line, with its incredibly twisted take on why a government inquiry is going on. (They "may make a play [for a company] if it doesn't like the way it's doing business. Huh?" Right-- we should have just let Enron and WorldCom get away with everything-- got it, Fox.)

Then this bonehead comes on and, at the end of this video, makes an analogy involving sexual abuse that's so out of ~~left~~ right field, it's enough to offend anyone who's ever been sexually abused. Congrats, Fox, a new low in political blows.

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English High School The World's Most Sexually Dangerous

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 18:51:00 GMT

Headlands School in Bridlington, Yorkshire has the highest rate of teacher-student sexual encounters in, we're guessing, the first world.

On Friday, British police charged a staff member, which sounds wrong, with having sex with a teenage girl, bringing the grand total of arrests to...

FIVE.

Five teachers or staff members at Headlands High have been charged in less than three years. Here's a breakdown of how the endless scandals have all played out:

Three years ago, an art instructor by the name of Ian Blott (man, these stories can't be real, can they?) received a blot on his record and four years in prison for forcing himself on a teenage girl. The girl claimed that she was traumatized from the encounter and left with bulimia and other medical problems.

In 2007, Steven Edwards, until then a science teacher, was convicted of having sex with three students (their genders not identified here) and is now serving a five-year sentence. The abuse/relationships occurred over the course of four years, but only came to light after Blott's trial.

Even after two such cases in as many years, school officials did nothing to or were unable to stop the tidal wave: two more teachers were arrested last year. Terry Mann, a teacher, had sex with a student from another school and somehow managed to escape with a suspended sentence, possibly because he plead guilty and admitted everything immediately. One of his colleagues, a teacher's assistant, also received a slap on the wrist for carrying on a long-term relationship with a boy at school.

Again, the school did nothing to successfully control its staff.

The fifth case came to light last week, when Chris Reen, who works as a substitute or fill-in at the school (what, the janitors are getting in on this, too?), was arrested for seven sexual encounters with a girl throughout the end of 2008. Parents were understandably outraged, since the school is apparently on probation for failing to properly protect and educate its charges. This is about as solid a case for homeschooling as any...

By the way, according to this story, Reen is "a newlywed." Wow, way to bring shame to your family, dude.

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We Had No Idea the Catholic Church Could Be This Scary...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 16:46:00 GMT

We don't specifically set out to attack the Catholic Church, Catholicism itself, or any specific religion or practice. But when we see hypocrisy or any other repulsive public behavior, we'll call it like we see it...

A nun in India, like the ones pictured above, is speaking out about what goes on in her country. Sister Jesme claims that when she joined the Church in Kerala, she discovered priests were forcing the "novices," or new nuns, to have sex with them. She also says she was forced to have a lesbian relationship with another nun because, that way, nobody would get pregnant and be expelled.

Apparently, her Church wasn't the only one engaged in "unpermitted sex": a priest whom she met while traveling the country showed her there was an orgy of heavy petting going on in his backyard, then took off his clothes and demanded she join him, according to the Independent.

The allegations are not the only controversy to rock the Catholic Church in Kerala. Last summer, a 23-year-old novice committed suicide and left a note saying she had been harassed by her Mother Superior. Reports suggest there have been a number of similar suicides. And in November, police in Kerala arrested two priests and a nun in connection with the killing of Sister Abhaya in a notorious 1992 murder.

Sister Jesme recently resigned as the principal for a Catholic college and has written a book entitled Amen, in which she details all the alleged sex, sexual harassment, and general distaste that she experienced in the Church. Church leaders tried to get her committed to a mental institution but she ultimately prevailed and her book is too widely publicized to be supressed.

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Britain's Sexual Hazing Rituals Apparently News to Some People...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 15:17:00 GMT

The most shocking part of this story is that parents and administrators still find it "shocking" that hazings are happening all over campus...

According to the Sun, ahead of the curve on hot button issues like Craiglist sex and vicars with potatoes up their bungholes, breaks this incredible news story over the weekend:

Education chiefs were “horrified” as girls were snapped on their hands and knees using their mouths to roll condoms on bananas hanging from boys’ trousers.
The girls belong to the Newnham Nuns — a drinking society at the all-female Newnham College.

Stop right there. There are drinking societies... at college? Why... why did we not attend Newnham College?!

[S]naps, taken last year, show an undergraduate proudly holding jugs filled with his own VOMIT while two toffs are seen frolicking with midgets dressed as Oompa-Loompas from the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory film. [Emphasis added by the Sun.]
Other traditional booze society ceremonies include drinking a pint of water containing a live goldfish, downing gin and port filtered through a condom and staging a mass brawl.
Hospital consultant Adrian Boyle said: “In the last ten years the number of female students coming in extremely drunk and incapable has shot up. More are being assaulted too.”

Thank you, "hospital consultant" Boyle, for playing the part of Captain Obvious today. Then again, if parents are "shocked" that gals such as the one pictured above are involved in "drinking" and "playful hazing," maybe we needed to hear from you after all...

Via the Sun.

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Enterprising Teenager Amasses Collection of Solicited Nude Photos

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 14:44:00 GMT

If you were to read only that headline, you would be forgiven for mistaking this tale for one of those "heartwarming" Good Morning America segments about the teens that turn their jewelery hobbies into multimillion-dollar online businesses.

Unfortunately, that's decidedly not the case with this creepy story...

According to a local AP report out of the Milwaukee, Wisconsin area, an eighteen-year-old boy named Anthony Stanci is in cuffs today, charged with "five counts of child enticement, two counts of second-degree sexual assault of a child, two counts of third-degree sexual assault, possession of child pornography, repeated sexual assault of the same child, and making a bomb threat."

And what did he do, except for that last charge, to warrant such a rap? He started a Facebook account and pretended to be a hot teenage girl, then got more than 30 (that is, 30 known) male victims to send him nude photos of themselves. When they did so, he stayed in character and threatened to take the pics to the proper adults-- and/or forward them widely over the internet-- if they did not comply with "her" demands to see the boys have sex with another boy-- Anthony Stanci, as it turns out.

Several of the boys actually went through with it. This went on for several months, until Stanci took things too far-- he concluded this sick sexual game wasn't enough to get back at his high school, so he called in a bomb threat that shut down classes. That's when the cops decided to snoop into sicko boy's background.

The maximum penalty if convicted on all charges is nearly 300 years in prison. [AP]

Stanci is facing a very rough life in prison, regardless of the length of his sentence-- an eighteen-year-old homosexual convicted of raping boys is about the worst imaginable setup for an inmate...

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While She was Sleeping, Woman Got Herself in Another Fine Mess

Colleen Kane — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 20:10:00 GMT

A Canadian woman and her four children were seeking shelter from an abusive relationship and staying with an elderly couple. Their story takes a turn into the newsworthy when the woman went sleepwalking in an "erotic dream state," then removed some of her clothing and began grinding on her host, 35 years her senior. The host began reciprocating her behavior, when the woman woke up and realized her hijink. She asked the man to stop, which he immediately did.

The question that was then hashed out in the courts was whether the host, Paul Kut, was guilty of sexual assault.

No, says Justice Ron Millls: "The evidence does not suggest that he took advantage of an obviously sleeping person for his own sexual gratification being reckless or wilfully blind that she was not consenting."

Still, it's very creepy.

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Woman Attacked With Ghetto-Ass Dildo

Emily Farris — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 23:29:00 GMT

No, we don't mean ghetto ass dildo, we mean ghetto-ass dildo—as in the most ghetto dildo we've ever heard of.

On Monday, a man in Australia broke into a woman's home only to assault her with a "large rubber dildo wrapped in duct tape."

While the woman has only minor injuries, unfortunately, that's where the hilarity ends (not that assault is hilarious).

After the man attacked the woman with said ghetto-ass dildo, he tied her dog to a tree, where it choked to death.

The intruder faces life in prison, though it is not clear whether he will be charged with sexual assault.

[Courier Mail: Burglar used sex toy to beat woman victim, court told]

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Florida Teacher Says, "Oh, THAT Student I Molested In 1983... He Was 16, It Was Okay"

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 14:46:00 GMT

Sorry, Wanda Smith of Orlando, Florida, it turns out the kid was only 11... and the fact that you videotaped him while you two had sex isn't going to help your case, either...

Here's the Cliff's Notes version of the Orlando Sentinel story about Smith's arrest:

In 2005, Smith's stepson discovered a decades-old video depicting Wanda's sexual battery of a boy who may or may not have been underage. Smith and her ex-husband would not fully cooperate with the police, claiming it was an undetermined male they had once employed, and so the investigation stalled.

It would have remained unresolved if not for a chance encounter-- a woman dropping her son off at school realized Smith was still teaching there. Having been told of the sexual abuse by the now-grown man, who had been her ex-boyfriend, the unidentified mom ratted Smith out to the cops, who interviewed the alleged victim and learned that the boy had indeed been videotaped by Smith while the two had sex. He had been in sixth grade detention when the assaults began. According to the poor guy, Smith molested him for years afterward.

Smith denies these allegations, stating that the boy was at least sixteen at the time. However, that didn't stop the 57-year-old from retiring immediately after the school launched an investigation into her alleged lifestyle...

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That's Some Scary Voodoo Sh*t Right There...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 19:58:00 GMT

Astrology, religion, tarot cards, a left-wing President, voodoo-- all hoaxes to us. But although we would never fall into a trap set by a black magic healer and his wife, we understand that some people are so desperate to make changes in their lives, that they would even give up their bodies on the off chance it could turn things around...

(Remember-- there are no gods, curses, angels, miracles, Chicagoan saviors, or legitimate fortune tellers. If ever a man approaches you and offers to remove "a curse," tell him "that's the worst pickup line you've ever heard," kick him squarly in the groin, and take off running before the police arrive.)

According to the Sydney Morning Herald, Frances Psichogios and her husband Tony Golossian tricked at least two women into having sex with them over a period of several years in order to "cure" the woman of a supposed curse. When the women's lives didn't seem to turn around, they went to the police, who arrested the voodoo king and queen for forced non consensual sex.

We'd like to know what it was that these women were trying to get rid of. A painful breakup? An STD? Or did it have absolutely nothing to do with sex at all? Scary stuff in any case...

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Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 19:29:00 GMT

The victims would like to assure us that she was a lot hotter pre-mugshot...

The trial of Sandy Brinkley, a public high school teacher, is taking the state of Tennessee by storm.

Yesterday went off like gangbusters for the prosecution, with three-- count 'em, three!-- male students coming forward to testify about getting it on with their math teacher. Jesus-- another math teacher-- who knew they had it in 'em?

One of the lead witnesses for the prosecution is a seventeen-year-old boy who served as Brinkley's teacher's aide. She had sex with him on the desk in the girl's volleyball office. Ah, every male's #1 fantasy right there-- except, of course, this kid... who told his parents he had sex with his teacher, which immediately caused our minds to spontaneously combust.

(While we completely understand that he might feel that he was molested and that he should report her to the proper authorities... but to tell your parents first? We don't even want to think about the words "sex" and "parents" in the same sentence, let alone to tell them straight out, without warning, what's been going on.)

Another student made the mistake of taking his shirt off around Brinkley and they either had sex in her new truck or in her house while her family (yep, she's a married woman, apparently) was at church. Same for the third victim.

The best part of all this is that Brinkley claims she was raped by the first student and the other two are just covering for her. For perhaps the first time ever, the justice system isn't falling for that claptrap: no one is investigating these kids for some sort of vast high school boys conspiracy club.

We'll have more as this story continues...

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Dad Nobly Defends Son Against Rape Charges... Oh, Wait...

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 19:09:00 GMT

What did one forty-year-old Dad do to prove his son was innocent of rape?

Why, show a school administrator the kid's sex tape, of course...

Early reports first indicated Cary, North Carolina father Dwayne Anthony Frazier (who is either 41 or 42, depending on which report you believe) brought a sex tape involving a son to a school official (likely the principal) in hopes of clearing the boy of rape allegations. Instead, he's been arrested on charges of second-degree and third-degree sexual exploitation of a minor.

It gets weirder: Frazier's son is only 17, which would make this child pornography. And weirder: the girl is rumored to be only 14-years-old. Whoops.

And now there's a rumor going around that Mr. Frazier himself filmed the supposedly consensual sex.

If Dad is trying to help his son stay out of jail, maybe he should just stop now.

Photo via WRAL.

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Sex Crimes Prosecutor Charged With Twelve, Count 'Em, Twelve Sex Crimes

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 17:37:00 GMT

From the Hypocrite Files: Martinez, California prosecutor Michael Gressett with twelve sex offenses, ranging from forced oral copulation to rape, stemming from an incident that took place back in May.

But Gressett says the woman is making up the story in a vengeful attempt to ruin his career.

The counts are as follows:

(3) forced sexual penetration

(4) sodomy by force

(2) forcible rape

(1) false imprisonment

(1) forced oral copulation

(1) some undetermined threatening charge

The victim is basically accusing him of the male version of the Sharon Stone character from Basic Instinct, claiming he used an icepick (and handgun, just for the hell of it) to keep her from struggling. But she was already tied up, so why did he need both a handgun and an icepick?

Something stinks about this whole case, and it's not just the fact that she waited five months before going to the police, which often happens in cases of acquaintance rape. It's just too simple-- a sex crimes prosecutor commits as many sex crimes as are humanly possible in one afternoon and not only ties the woman up, but uses a gun and a sharp object to keep her from fighting back. Then he just lets her leave his house and no one hears about it for five months.

In other words, we wouldn't be surprised if the charges are true, but in this case, we wouldn't be surprised if this woman's story starts to come up apart immediately...

Via Mercury News.

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What Kind of Sick, Psychosexual Experiment Is Going On at El Modena High?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 15:58:00 GMT

High school teacher Carlie Rose Attebury, a music teacher, was arrested after a sexual encounter with one of her male students.

Unfortunately, there's a lot more to this story than Attebury's alleged conduct and subsequent apprehension...

We're speechless on this one because, it turns out, Attebury is the third staffer to leave the school in bracelets in just five years:

Former Principal Brent Bailey resigned in February 2007 after a misdemeanor charge against him alleging lewd conduct in public. Bailey, accused of trying to engage in lewd activities at a park in Fullerton, pleaded guilty in June 2007 and received three years' probation.

Former band director Jason Cawelti was arrested on Dec. 5, 2003, on charges of unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor. Cawelti pleaded guilty to unlawful sexual intercourse and oral copulation of a person younger than age 18 in June 2004. He was sentenced to 180 days in jail and three years' probation, which he completed in June 2007.

Seriously, what's happening at El Modena High School in Orange County, California? If any school needs to be taken over by the state, this one is it...

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Republican Ex-Assemblyman, Tough On Sex Offenders, Busted For...

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 14:12:00 GMT

Three guesses as to what Republican Chris Ortloff, a former member of the New York State Assembly, is facing life in prison for...

1) Ortloff served twenty years in the State Legislature before he was appointed to the parole board by Gov. George Pataki, a position he retains to this day.

2) Ortloff discovered the cursed internet, invented by his nemesis Al Gore, and decided he liked it. Well, he liked the part about being able to e-mail (what he thought were) 11 and 12-year-old sisters in hopes of arranging hotel sex.

3) The perv went to a hotel with "condoms, lubricants, a vibrator, and a camera" to capture the illicit sex with the underage girls. Of course, the underage girls were actually cops who were legally allowed to kick his door down and haul his ass downtown, which is exactly what they did.

4) Now Ortloff faces ten years to life in the slammer for his attempted night of sin. He's due back in court today for a bail hearing. Good luck with that-- see you at your first parole board hearing, dumbass!

Via Newsday.

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Sex Offender Running For VT Senate Seat

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 13:08:00 GMT

Every day, we read more than one hundred stories from around the globe and eventually concentrate on four or five that really stand out.

This is not only the most unusual, interesting, heartbreaking, and, ultimately, frightening tale we've come across in months, but it also may been too good for a simple blog post... but we're going to try...

Larkin Forney (his real name) was born in Virginia. When he was nine years old, he was struck by a car traveling at approximately 50 MPH. The accident put him in a coma for weeks and caused a traumatic brain injury (TBI.) He spent the next several years catching up on the previous nine, since they were all but erased from his memory. Predictably, his grades plummeted and he ended up broke, unemployed, and playing out the role everyone else cast him in.

Cut to the early 21st century (Larking was born in 1977) and Larkin is arrested for sexually assaulting a 14-year-old girl. Larkin claimed in court that he was guilty but that he was ignorant of the girl's real age, since he simply took her word for it. Soon after, despondent and confused, he set fire to himself and, ultimately, a room in his parents' home; badly disfigured, he survived, only to wind up charged with arson and reckless endangerment-- talk about adding insult to injury. (We don't dispute the state's right to prosecute him on this one, just the necessity of doing so.)

Normally, a story like this would jump to today's news, about Forney's run for the State Senate on his own party's ticket, Justice For Vermonters. However, in the course of our research into Forney's background, we dug up a little more dirt (from October 2004) that shows, regardless of Forney's injuries, the fact of the matter is he may be more dangerous man than sympathetic sinner:

Defendant has been incarcerated since July 2003 when he failed to post $50,000 bail after being charged with arson and misdemeanor reckless endangerment... Defendant has other charges pending against him because of acts he allegedly committed while he was released on bail prior to his trial on felony counts for a third DWI, and a refusal to take an evidentiary breath test for a third DWI. While on release from the DWI charges, defendant initiated a consensual sexual relationship with a girl whom he met on the internet and whom he allegedly believed was of age. A police investigation conducted after defendant and the girl had been hospitalized for drug and alcohol overdoses revealed that the girl was under the age of sixteen, and that the two allegedly engaged in sexual intercourse on two occasions. These revelations led to two charges of sexual assault on a minor... Defendant could not post bail and as a result was briefly incarcerated until bail was raised. While out on release, defendant was charged with violating the condition that he not use the internet. Finally, out of frustration with his predicament, defendant apparently attempted to commit suicide by dousing himself in gasoline and setting a fire in his room at his parent' s house. The ensuing fire badly burned defendant and left his face and arms visibly disfigured. The fire also seriously damaged his parent's house. As a result, defendant was charged with arson and misdemeanor reckless endangerment of his mother, and the high bail was set.

When we first sat down to write about this guy, the post we had in mind was more along the lines of "this piece of trash thinks he can run for public office? Anybody can run for public office, but not a sick perverted idiot sex offender." Now, we're not so sure that's how we feel. Is the fact that he's obviously brain damaged, possibly mentally incompetent, and a prime candidate for psychiatric treatment enough to overshadow the fact that he's clearly-- pardon the term-- a "menace to society?" Moreover, does he have any business running for elected office either way?

"I want to be a senator because I think I could bring integrity and honesty back to the justice system which I believe is failing us because I have been a victim of false reports and false accusations," Forney said.

He spent 21 months behind bars for his sex crime conviction... And he says he will address the hot topic of the day-- dealing with sex offenders.

"I agree that there should be tighter restrictions for sex offenders who are real predators... a danger to society. I had testimony from professionals that I am no predator or a pedophile," Forney said.

That's something you don't see every century: a convicted sex offender running for office on a tough-on-sex-offenders platform. What do you think? Is this guy too scary to be on the streets or should we just incarcerate where he'd never be heard from again... such as the Vermont state government?

More on his run here, via WCAX. Campaign website is here. His brother's plea to treat Larkin with respect. And the court papers.

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Junior High Teacher Charged With... Oh My...

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 16:44:00 GMT

A South Carolina middle school teacher is in custody today after sexually assaulting a drunk 15-year-old girl from an area high school in his apartment.

He picked the girl up via MySpace, took her to his place, got her drunk, and had his way with her. The facts of the case are simple and the man is almost certainly guilty. But there's one thing we don't understand...

According to the local news:

...Craft told her that he was only 16 and wanted to meet her [and] she invited Craft to her Bishopville home.

Craft drove to Bishopville on Friday, picked up the girl at her home and drove her to his apartment, Metts said. The girl told deputies that she arrived at Craft's apartment at about 6:30pm on Friday.

The girl told deputies that she played card games with Craft, drank alcohol and had sex with him throughout the night.

The next morning, the girl left Craft's place and called the police...

We're sorry, but there's a big ? mark hanging over this girl's tale: what happened when the girl realized that her MySpace dude wasn't the teenager that he claimed, but a 47-year-old middle school teacher from another town? Did Craft lie to the girl and say he was taking the young lady to meet her 16-year-old boy? Did she just realize what was really going on and didn't care? Was she kidnapped or threatened? Something about this is very, very off, to say the least. Not that we're saying this guy is in any way innocent, but this girl better get her story together for the cops or otherwise, this perv is going to be back on the web, trolling for young ladies of the easy prey variety...

Via WISTV.

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Man Charged After Drunken Sex Leaves Woman Dead

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 13:41:00 GMT

A man is charged with murder in St. Paul, Minnesota after a one-night stand gone wrong. Barely even news these days, right?

Of course, if you're seeing it here, it is. The man, Michael Carrasco Sontoya, faces 40 years in prison for having what many believe was consensual, drunken sex that involved fisting and anal sex. The victim, 31-year-old Gabriel Patricia Romo, was found in her home the next morning, having bled to death. But she had no stab or gunshot wounds, signs of struggle, or any other indications of murder. So what the hell happened here?

According to the local Fox affiliate, Sontoya told police he may have torn the woman's vaginal walls while having intercourse, but police find it suspicious there was no blood on Sontoya's thighs. Also, there were strange signs of blood having been cleaned up, plus blood on some shoelaces found in Romo's closet. Sontoya explained the situation: the couple had had 90 minutes of vaginal and anal sex, which included Sontoya sticking his fist inside of Romo, then got up and noticed Romo was bleeding.

He said he cleaned himself off in the bathroom while Romo cleaned up her vomit on the floor.
Sontoya then said the two went to sleep before we woke up, realized the situation, called his brother and called 911. Sontoya’s brother is a Ramsey County deputy, who advised him to call police.

What do you think? Did Sontoya fall asleep, thinking the bleeding was minor, and woke up to find Romo dead and that's it? Or did he let Romo die (or even willed it somehow) and cleaned up after himself? Or something in between? Whatever the case may be, we hate to have to be the jury on Sontoya's murder trial... this ain't gonna be easy...

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Hero of the Day: Dad Who Killed A Sex Offender Turned Home Invader

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 20:59:00 GMT

The Brew Board website wants to buy this guy's killer a beer. We couldn't agree more that, if ever there is a case where someone needs to be put down for someone else's self defense, this is arguably the one...

Apparently, in the wee hours of this morning, wanted sex offender David T. Meyers was found dead in a relative's hallway in Indianapolis, his killer still clutching him by the neck. Police soon learned that Meyers, who was found wearing rubber gloves and carrying rope, condoms, had climbed into the bedroom of a 17-year-old girl whose family is renting the house. The girl immediately screamed-- Meyers ran for it and was tackled in the hallway by the girl's father, Robert McNally. At some point, McNally wrapped his arm around Meyers' neck, eventually draining the life out of him.

The police have not ruled out a heart attack as the cause of death, although we hope that whatever way Meyers died, he suffered all the way.

"If a person breaks into your home, you are justified in using deadly force in defending your family," said Mount. "In this situation, I don't think he was trying to kill him, he was trying to hold him down."
Meyers had served 10 years in prison for criminal confinement and sexual deviate conduct and was wanted in Boone County for failure to register as a sex offender. He was registered as a sex offender in Marion County. [Fox IN]

The story adds that one observer noted that Meyers had family of his own, and therefore it was a lose-lose situation. Our response: fuck him. He gets no sympathy from us... although we are sincerely sorry for his family's loss. Seriously. They shouldn't have had to go through any of this.

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Mom Gets Five Years In Prison For Going Down On Her Daughter's Friend

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 17:21:00 GMT

A woman in Ohio has been sentenced to five years in jail for having oral sex with her daughter's underage female friend.

Oh, but it gets so, so much better...

Becky Jo Tatum, 42, was arrested recently for going down on the girl at a wild, drug-fueled party for her teenage daughter at their home in Bexley. When police raided the party, they found a shotgun, cocaine, and an underage female who had been Tatum's sex partner. (The age of consent in Ohio, by the way, is 16.)

Tatum was booked for posession of cocaine, sex with a minor, and on weapons charges. Tatum is not allowed to own or carry guns because she had prior drug and prostitution convictions on her record. Wow. These must've been some parties...

So, we're guessing, that might be why she ends up with a whopping five years behind bars-- it ain't just the oral sex that brought down her empire...

Via WTVN.

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Arkansas Televangelist Busted For Child Sex Acts

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 15:12:00 GMT

The leader of a Jonestown-like cult, who once served four years in prison for tax evasion, is in jail again today after being arrested for transporting minors across state lines for sexual purposes. (Warren Jeffs, you've got a friend.)

Tony Alamo, who was celebrating his 74th birthday when the cops stormed his hotel room, who got his start on the streets of L.A. in the late 60s, is believed to have filmed and/or molested a series of underage women on videotape, one of which came forward to accuse him this week. The Feds also removed a group of 10 to 17 year old women from the Alamo ministries headquarters. Alamo, by the way, has said the age of consent is "puberty."

The Southern Poverty Law Center, which tracks hate groups, describes the ministry as a cult. Alamo's church rails against homosexuals, Roman Catholics and the government, and Alamo has preached that girls are fit for marriage once they are sexually mature.

"Consent is puberty," he said in an interview with The Associated Press last week from a telephone registered in the Los Angeles area while agents raided the compound. He denied any involvement with pornography.

The rest of the highlights:

1) When Alamo's wife Susan died, he left her body out for six months so mourners could pray for the resurrection he promised them.

2) Bill Clinton wrote in his autobiography that Alamo got involved with a young lady shortly after his wife's death. "Lo and behold, God spoke to him again and told him Susan wasn't coming back after all, so he took her out of the glass box and buried her."

3) Alamo's real name is Bernie Lazar Hoffman. Yep, he was born Jewish.

Via AP.

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Girl, Molested By Teacher And Guidance Counselor, Is Kicked Out Of School

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 14:09:00 GMT

Here's a case you don't see every day: a guidance counselor is convicted of molesting a teenage student and, a year later, the girl's history teacher is charged with the same crime. The next thing you know, the girl, who was 15 at the time of these assaults, is being kicked out of school...

According to the Salt Lake Tribune, this high school student is no saint:

During a Sept. 18 bail hearing for Fanjul, prosecutors acknowledged the girl was "sexually posturing" with a third teacher. While arguing to reduce Fanjul's bail, defense attorney Kenneth Brown pointed to that allegation and the girl's subsequent departure from the school.
An administrator reportedly said, "I hope that she never comes back because she is a predator," Brown told 3rd District Judge Ann Boyden.

Luckily for all involved, the third teacher reported the come-on to the proper authorities, who immediately removed the troubled child. The question the judge has to weigh now, of course, is to what degree does the girl's seduction techniques weigh in on the charges, if any? Of course, the law doesn't give a rat's turd about how the incident occurred (unless, of course, the girl raped the teachers or something similar), it's going to punish these fools for a long time. (The guidance counselor was sentence to three terms of up to 15 years each.)

Here's something else to keep in mind in our People's Court out here: Jose Fanjul, who protests his innocence, is also accused of sending a text to another student asking if he can be her boyfriend. This guy doesn't sound like he was helpless to the teenage girl's charms... again, not that it matters. What do you think?

Via the Salt Lake Tribune.

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Woman Gets Life For... Sex With A Five-Year-Old Boy?!

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 18:09:00 GMT

Do we think it's fair that a 33-year-old woman, who was then only 21, got such a harsh punishment for having sex with a five-year-old under her then-husband's direction?

Here are the facts:

Kelly Lumadue, seen above, was barely legal herself when she had sex with a five-year-old boy. Lumadue claims her husband, now since passed away, all but forced her to get it on with the kid for her husband's leering camera.

In 2003, a garbageman found the tape, watched it, and reported Lumadue and her husband to the authorities. Bud, the hubby, died soon thereafter, of cancer. The boy, now a teenager, has no recollection of the events... at least not yet... and no one seems to know how he ended up in Lumadue's house.

Under Florida state law for capital sexual battery offenses, life in prison without the possibility of parole is the only permitted sentence, which is exactly what Lumadue received.

The question is not whether the crime was heinous. The question is whether we believe the crime was cruel enough to permit what's basically a death sentence. What do you think?

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Today in WTF: Female Stripper Charged With Raping Customer

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 17:24:00 GMT

We're going to have to tread lightly with this one...

A woman in Australia named Linda Maree Naggs was performing a striptease and or a lapdance at a bachelor party amid a parade of entertainers. The next thing she knew, she was charged with raping a man who was at that party. Here's what we think could have happened:

1) She actually did rape the guy. Duh, obviously it's possibly the charge is true. She could have taken off his pants and sat on his dick or roughed him up or maybe blown him when he was drunk. Anything could've happened, really.

2) The guy in the story is actually the groom and his fiancee found out, so he told her the stripper had raped him. Unlikely, but we're exploring all options out of a sense of fairness.

3) Maybe the newspaper reports of Naggs having "sexually penetrated the man" are poorly worded. Maybe Australia's sex laws are phrased in such a way to include inappropriate dancing/touching/blowing as rape, instead of something closer to a misdemeanor.

What do you think? Obviously, no one knows the exact details of the case-- for one thing, both parties have placed gag orders on themselves, despite the magistrate's decision to allow the facts be made public-- so we can only speculate... but are we missing some possibilities here? (Obviously, we'll provide more details if they ever become available...)

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Sloppy Seconds: Carmen Electra's Stripping Tips

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 20:43:00 GMT

A Baltimore cult starved a 19 month old to death for not saying "amen" before eating dinner. His mother, who was a member of 1 Mind Ministries, has been charged with first-degree murder, which suddenly seems insufficient for prosecuting criminals of this magnitude.

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The members of Velvet Revolver may have chosen their new frontman...

...we hope the rumors of Lenny Kravitz being spotted in a recording studio with the band turn out to be totally untrue.

Is this condom ad too bizarre to be sexy or what?

Let's hope Scarlett Johansson doesn't try another cover album.

This woman lost part of her lawsuit settlement because she'd had some amount of alcohol, any amount of alcohol, at the time she was sexually assaulted.

And not to make light of the above, but we conclude with Carmen Electra's stripping tips, some of which include:

"There's a little trick that I've learned from a few dancers, if you wear thigh-high boots, then you don't hurt your legs as much if you're doing pole work. If you do it, you've got to let go and just feel it. It's okay to sort of learn the steps and know what you're going to do with your movement, but once you get there you just have to let it all go. Don't fake it," she said...

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Missouri Republican Resigns To Spend More Time With Family, Soon Gets Arrested For Sexually Assaulting 14-Year-Old

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 19:33:00 GMT

We've heard plenty of stories lately of hypocrites in public office being exposed by arrests, lawsuits and/or divorce. None of them can compete with the unsettling, sad, and just plain laughable (not at the victim-- at the numbnuts who are alleged to have committed these) crimes Rep. Scott Muschany, R-Frontenac, was charged with yesterday...

Muschany surprised Missouri politicos by declining to run for re-election following last sessions expiration, citing family reasons. Note that the session ended on May 16. The very next night, Muschany allegedly plied his mistress' 14-year-old daughter with alcohol and sexually assaulted her while his mistress, an employee of state government, watched over them. (Jesus-- guess he wanted to have a sick retirement party.) Let's go over that again: says he's above wanting more power over family obligations, immediately goes out and not only returns to cheating on that wife and family, but rapes an underage girl.

Muschany, 42, was booked into the Cole County Jail today at 2:50 and he was released after posting a $5,000 bond. If convicted, Muschany faces a fine of up to $5,000 and a prison term of up to 7 years.

What the fuck? What is this, Bermuda or Switzerland? Correct us if we're wrong, but this takes place in Missouri... which is in the South... which, in some places, consider heroin possession an automatic lifelong prison sentence and that it's okay to protest the funerals of dead American soldiers as long as they have a religious motive for doing so. SEVEN YEARS? Better yet-- five thousand dollars?! This guy is a greater danger to society than Osama Bin Laden's thermonuclear detonator...

Won't someone think of the children? We're not kidding. What the hell is this?

More from the St. Louis Post-Dispatch story:

The girl’s father told the Post-Dispatch that his daughter told a sibling about the alleged assault a few days after it happened, and the sibling told the father on May 26, the father said. He called the child abuse hotline the next day.

"I believe what my daughter told me," the father said.

The girl’s 17-year-old brother told the Post-Dispatch his mother told him she has known Muschany for about two years and that they had been seeing each other romantically for about a year. The woman is a former House employee who now works in a different department in state government.

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