Scanner : sluts

Is Dora The Explorer's Weight a Thing?

Emily Farris — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 21:11:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: Earlier this month, our minds were semi-blown when the newly slimmed down Miss Piggy appeared as a guest on The View, and now it seems even Dora the Explorer is bringing skinny back to Saturday morning cartoons.

Here's a look at the new, sexier Dora...

Read more...

Bedpost Beta Will Make You Feel Like The Slut You Really Are

Emily Farris — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 20:55:00 GMT

I don't know how many men I've slept with. This is not because the number is ridiculously high (it's just sort-of high) but because after a certain number that I will not divulge, I stopped counting. And that was years ago. While there are certainly good reasons for keeping track of these things I'm happy to remember the good times, drunkenly dish about the bad ones ("He called me 'little girl' while he was inside of me!") and have an honest non-answer when someone asks how many partners I've had. It is a system that works for me.

As you can imagine, I'm not so into the idea of Bedpost Beta, the new application that helps you keep tabs (and tags) on your sex life.

In order to better track your sex life, the Bedpost application provides an overview of your sexual encounters using a calendar format. Data regarding your sex life can be better compared using Bedpost's charts and graphs so you can see how your sexual experiences stand up against previous months. And, just so you can keep you sex partners separate both in your mind and between the sheets (as long as that's what you're into), you can create individual profiles for each of your sexual partners, allowing you to see the progression of each sexual relationship and analyze how one sexual partner compares to another.

You can also include the name of the partner you had sex with, for future comparative purposes, and enter descriptive tags to help trigger your memory about the sexual encounter. You can use this field to record the sexual positions you experimented with (think kama sutra), use of props and sex toys, "orgasm" or "norgasm", or simply use adjectives like "wow" or "mind blowing" or […] "disappointing".

Does anyone else think this is a little creepy? Also, do I really need an application to remind me that I haven't been laid in an excruciatingly long time? No. No, I do not.

[Bedpost Beta via Jezebel]

Related:

New York Women: A Bunch of Sluts?

Ask Scanner: Sexy Statistics

See, Dad? Having Tattoos Does Not Make Me a Drunk Slut.

We Don't Endorse Dressing Like a Slut Until the Ripe Age of 8

While You Were Sleeping: Paris Hilton Is Not A Slut

That Slut America Totally Gave Europe VD

Image via hownowdesign's flickr.

Tom Jones' Wife is Rich But Rather Tragic

Colleen Kane — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 21:50:00 GMT

Seeing a Tom Jones concert is still on my bucket list, but lets just say I won't be throwing any knickers, especially considering some of the revelations of his interview in the Times Online about his illegitimate son, groupies, and his wife of 51 years.

So what's new with this pussy-hound? For one thing, he and wifey have a don't-ask-or-I-will tell arrangement regarding groupies.

He also finally admitted in this interview that his nearly 20-year-old love child is in fact his son, after not acknowledging him previously or ever meeting him, saying "I was tricked." Come on now, he was tricked? Can old Tom be fooled so easily?

But more troubling was the description of his wife as a sort of agoraphobic Stepford wife, happy just to vaccuum or organize at home while sipping Dom Perignon.

Read the full Times Online interview here.

Related:

Tom Jones Insures His Chest Hair for $7M

Sloppy Seconds: Prostitution Is Now Rape in the U.K.?

Sloppy Seconds: Lindsay Lohan's Commitment Ring

Art Students the Biggest Sluts, Study Says

Emily Farris — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 18:37:00 GMT

According to a new study out of Australia, and an even more disturbing article about said study, art students are the most sexually active and know the least about STD's.

A pilot study at the University of Sydney asked 185 students aged 16 to 25 about their sexual history and awareness of the sexually transmitted disease chlamydia, the national AAP news agency reported.

Arts students were “more likely to be sexually active and to report having little or no knowledge of chlamydia,” said the study, published in the journal Sexual Health.

“Males in the study were less likely to have had sex as a group compared to the group of females in the sample.” Science students were also less likely to have had sex compared to their counterparts in other faculties, the study found.

What sluts! The best part, however, is the blogger's prespective on all of this:

Parents take note of this Australian study. Here, finally, is the reason to discourage your teenage daugther not to study art: she’ll be having sex, lots of it, not studying and she may even catch sexually transmitted diseases. I don’t think this finding comes as much suprise to parents.

We don't know. We've known some slu-tay physics majors in our day.

[Minor Matters: Art students very sexually active, science nerds study]

Related:

New York Women: A Bunch of Sluts?

See, Dad? Having Tattoos Does Not Make Me a Drunk Slut.

Escape From New York: 1 In 4 New Yorkers Has Genital Herpes

Emily Farris — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 20:28:00 GMT

Yes, apparently one in four New Yorkers have the genital herpes virus. Fun stuff, right? We know 26% seems high but it's not really that much higher than the national average of 19%. New Yorkers have more sex with more partners, so it makes sense.

But this is what confuses us the most:

Among New Yorkers, the herpes rate is higher among women, black people and gay men.

So, are women in New York having lots of sex with black people and each other? We know New York women are a bunch of sluts, but we're not only sharing it with each other, right? Or maybe, like us, other New York women have to leave the state to get laid. Not that we have Herpes and are spreading it along I-70, because we absolutely do not and are not.

[AP: Study: 1 in 4 adults in NYC have herpes virus]

Related:

You've Got Herpes!

"I had bedbugs, you had herpes."

New York Women: A Bunch of Sluts?

Stuff Nobody Likes

[Image]

See, Dad? Having Tattoos Does Not Make Me a Drunk Slut.

Emily Farris — Fri, 16 May 2008 17:31:00 GMT

Our dad cut us off when we came home from New York at age 19 with a lower back tattoo and a lip piercing. Maybe he thought we were joining the ranks of drunk sluts. And maybe in his day that kind-of reason might have applied. But not anymore. Not too long ago — and today in many circles — tattoed and pierced women were perhaps perceived as a little slutty. Even a recent study found that women with piercings and tattoos were viewed by college students as "more sexually active and more heavily drinking (and less attractive) than their peers. In fact, these students assume women with three tattoos (on the arm, hip, and ankle) chug eight drinks in a night out, versus only four for women with no ink."

Eight?! We'd say more like 5, but anyway...

That theory has been somewhat debunked by the fact that soccer moms sport tattoos (or "tramp stamps") these days — even if they were slutty in college. But a tattoo doesn't make you anything but tattooed.

We think the real point here is that tattoos and piercings don't make us drunk sluts; we were drunk sluts long before we were pierced and tattooed. Not necessarily because we got something(s) pierced or inked when drunk (come on, who hasn't?), but because, as the author of the Psychology Today article pointed out in an email, "sensation seeking and promiscuity are correlated with body modification, and sensation seeking is correlated with alcohol use."

Yes. We like sensation. Don't you? Actually, we love tattoo pain. It's the most empowering kind-of pain as far as we're concerned, probably because it's not very deep and it's self-imposed.

Do you like tattoo pain? And are you a drunk slut? (Just joking about the slut part.)

[Psychology Today: Your Skin is Your Canvas]

[Image]

Obama Girl's New Crush

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 08 May 2008 16:37:00 GMT

We usually hate on Amber Lee Ettinger for using Barack Obama to get herself famous while not bothering to actually vote in the Democratic Primary.

Now we'll hate on her for making more videos that are not quite interesting but also not quite embarrassing enough to make fun of...

WARNING: This video contains the most uncomfortable use of the phrase "laying pipe" that you're ever likely to hear (and see):

Link of the Day: Miss Bimbo

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 17:04:00 GMT

Fox News is throwing a fit over the latest online gaming craze: Miss Bimbo. The site, which teeters between obvious satire and disgraceful manipulation of preadolescent females, is downright nutty on all fronts...

Miss Bimbo is a virtual fashion game (is there anything more superficial or offensive to thinking people everywhere?) geared toward 9 to 16 year olds and, according to Fox, has hundreds of thousands of susceptible wannabe's on its roster.

[Users] are told to buy their virtual characters breast-enlargement surgery and to keep them "waif thin" with diet pills.
Players keep a constant watch on the weight, wardrobe, wealth and happiness of their character to create "the coolest, richest and most famous bimbo in the world."

You mean cooler, richer, and more famous than bimbo Paris Hilton? We seriously doubt it's more possible to more famous than her-- as for the rest of that sentence...

Anyway, as a friend put it in his e-mail forwarding this link: "Feminism just took a giant step backward." Then again, if it can be proved that these people are monstrous anti-feminists, maybe it'll help...

Link: Miss Bimbo

Thanks, Marco!

Sex Blogger Fired From Lesser Sex Blog

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 13:39:00 GMT

We're pretty good at writing about sex. One of the reasons for that is that we actually know something about it, apparently unlike Mike Cherico, who was fired from Glamour Magazine's Man Needs Date, which we will not be linking to.

The Post and other sources have already covered this, but none of them got down and dirty with the smutty details like Jezebel did...

To get himself fired, Cherico did the following:

1) He blogged about groping some girl while on a date with his lovey-dovey girlfriend, who also wrote for his blog.

2) He sent his gal an e-mail telling her he was going to blog about the groping and "please don't be mad."

3) He backpedaled in a later e-mail to Miss Smarty Shoes, the gal, by saying he was "probably drunk" when he wrote the previous e-mail. It was sent at 3:30pm.

4) He came over her place and watched TV while she cooked (hey, "Lost" must've been on) and then told her they couldn't have sex because he'd boned twice already that day, including at least once with a really "hot" bimbo. What a flatterer!

5) And what did his blog post say that got him fired? He thought a cut on Miss Smarty Shoes's lip meant she had herpes.

Miss Smarty Shoes is no hero in this, however. She continued to see Cherico, even after he cut short an earlier date to "go make a drug deal" and, on their first date, made her listen to his ex-girlfriend ranting and raving while their end of the line was muted. To top it off, she had unprotected sex with him later that night.

Lesson learned, ladies. Only trust female sex bloggers...

[Photo: Glamour]

Paris Hilton Punks the Paparazzi

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 20:00:00 GMT

Paris Hilton has had a spiritual awakening. She was seen in a trance, wandering the streets in her bra and panties and without her beloved chihuahua, Louis Safer, under her arm. She was escorted by a guy who looks way too much like a drugged-out Pat Moriata for our sanity.

TMZ has the video, but the joke was on them... and the rest of the paparazzo:

Paris is seen in the video with a shaman, whom she says had "changed [her] life." He has her give a diamond necklace to a total stranger at an LA coffee shop because "the greatest gift is to give." The shaman is full of shit, as the frumpy non-celebs know at first inspection during Parishaman's stop at a spritualist bookstore. The Huffington Post describes how the media had a field day with this story over the last week, with several sources outright calling Hilton brainwashed and crazy. Well, it was about time somebody took these fucksticks to task:

Turns out, as some outlets later discovered, the "mystic" was an actor named Maxie Santillan Jr., who has appeared on CSI and My Name Is Earl. And though some accused Hilton of getting Punk'd, the joke's on them: The entire scene was staged for a new show from Punk'd producer Ashton Kutcher premiering Sunday on E! (10:30 ET/PT).

No word on whether Paris asked for the necklace back when the shoot was over.

We Don't Endorse Dressing Like a Slut Until the Ripe Age of 8

sarahhepola — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 13:30:00 GMT

You know how they say you can't judge a book by its cover? Well, that's true, but the little known followup is that you can still blog about it. We have no plans to read this book--just won't do it, still slogging through Underworld and Kavalier and Clay--but that won't keep us from telling you that we wholeheartedly endorse the title of Celia Rivenbark's book, Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Slut. (By the way, we also wholeheartedly endorse the name "Celia Rivenbark." Everyone should be name with such euphony, says the blogger whose name sounds like a veneral disease.) We know a few moms out there who could use this book. Although we should add that their daughters looks smashing in that pirate whore costume. (Thanks to Kim)

The Sluts Stole Our Halloween. We’re Stealing It Back.

sarahhepola — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 19:49:00 GMT

LA Times columnist Joel Stein wants to reclaim Halloween, taking it back from the sluts who have run amok with the pagan holiday.

“I understand that the masquerade ball is a classic that faded away, and that people need an opportunity to hide behind a mask in order to safely express their hidden selves. It makes sense that once a year I get to peek into your psyche and find out whether you think of yourself as a whore nurse, a whore pirate, a whore angel or a whore whore. That's fine. But not on the kids' favorite day. It's transforming formerly child-friendly costume shops from fun-creepy into Chris Hansen-creepy.”

We couldn't agree with him more, especially after seeing those ridonculous sexy children's costumes earlier today. Stein suggests a holiday in August called Slut Day, when everyone reveals their inner sluts with costume parties and theme drinks. Or, as we call it at Scanner, “Monday.”