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Campus Sex Mags All Talk, No Rock?

Bryan Christian — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 21:00:00 GMT

You know all those college sex journals and blogs that keep cropping up? Yeah. Newsweek thinks they might be full of crap.

As Dr. Jeanne Brooks-Gunn, codirector of the National Center for Children and Families, says, "What's interesting is, why are these journals gaining such popularity even though you're not seeing a big increase in sexual activity among college students?" One answer is that in an era of online exposure, where changing definitions of privacy have shifted sexual mores for the young, enterprising students no longer see a distinction between their bedroom behavior and their publishing activities. Rather than something to destroy upon graduation, they may even consider their magazines, blogs and columns résumé builders.
Apparently, when it comes to sex, write what you know doesn't always apply. "Everyone assumes because of the magazine that I'm sleeping with everything that walks," says Alecia Oleyourryk, editor of Boston University's Boink, who posed nude for the first issue. The magazine claims 40,000 subscribers, and has spawned the new book "Boink: College Sex by the People Having It." "It's not the case. Respective to my girlfriends, I'm the most prudish."

First off: it makes perfect sense to us that people would read more about doing it at a time when they're not actually doing it. Wasn't that, like, kind of why porn was invented in the first place?

More importantly, though: what's disconcerting about this article isn't that people who work at sex publications aren't getting as much sex as you thought -- e-mail anyone@nerve.com and they'll probably tell you they could use more action than they're getting. What's depressing about this piece is the inescapable impression it leaves that so many of these kids are writing about sex solely to advance their career -- but they can't even figure out how to make that work.

These publications are not purely academic exercises: their creators hope they lead to professional opportunities after graduation. "People think it's a stigma, but I think we're in changing times, and it can open doors for me," says Oleyourryk, who recently moved to New York and is looking for work as a waitress while she continues publishing Boink. "I continually tell my mom this is a great résumé builder," she says, though she's vague about what she'll use her résumé for.

So, suddenly sex writing is, like, the new metro desk? Great place to get your hands dirty but can't wait to move on, whenever that is? We're not gonna go so far as to assume that's what Alecia Oleyourryk actually thinks, you understand; could easily just be Newsweek's mom-and-dad-friendly spin on the topic. But either way, it sure does take some of the fun out of Boink Magazine, don't it? And maybe that was the point.

Yet another illustration of why Penthouse Forums is the best smut ever: it doesn't break your heart to learn that it's all total bullshit.

Marisa Miller is Sports Illustrated's 2008 Swimsuit Issue Cover Model

Bryan Christian — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 18:01:00 GMT

We've always been kind of fascinated by the SI Swimsuit Issue, but like the Victoria's Secret catalog or Playboy Magazine, we have to confess that as an erotic object we've generally found it a bit lacking. Maybe it's from how we grew up right when porn was starting to be everywhere? Like, it's great and all but... it's just so... nice. Sure, every once in a while they'll get a gal in there whose dewy, volcanic sexuality or inarguably perfect physique make for something truly remarkable -- Josie Maran and Elle MacPherson come to mind in those respective categories. But there's generally a lot of filler, too -- dozens of shots where you can imagine the photographer going "Great, great, now just give me a little giggle," and it comes off like a smutty Applebee's ad or something.

So we're pleased as punch to report that Marisa Miller will, at long last, make her debut as the cover model of this year's edition, following in the sandy footsteps of MacPherson, Heidi Klum, Christie Brinkley, and Cheryl Tiegs. Not only does she wield her implausibly hot body with a welcome bit of sly attitude, but, if you read our Victoria's Secret Fashion Show Wrapup, you'll know that she got her start in Perfect 10 magazine, meaning that as of today she's officially gone all the way from underpaid erotic model to the top of the fucking pops.

Are we tempted to say she's the Jackie Robinson of smut? Absolutely. Will we? No, probably not. Is she even the first model (that we know of) to make such a transition? We don't know; we're not so great with research. But we don't care. Let's just say she is!

So Hooray for Marisa Miller and hooray for us! God bless us, every one!

Sports Illustrated

Outtakes via GoldenFiddle

Gisele Skips VS Fashion Show to Shill Shoes, Wear Water?

Bryan Christian — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 17:39:00 GMT

Remember yesterday how we were missing our former favorite non-Klum Victoria's Secret model Gisele at the VS Fashion Show? It went something like this:

Hey, where's Gisele? Didn't she used to do this show too? Isn't she still plastered all over the VS catalogs on our bathroom floor? Oh, maybe they tried to pay her in US Dollars! Dollars! Ha ha! Can you imagine!

...or something like that. Anyway, we found her: posing in a dress made of nothing but water. Oh and probably lots of Photoshop. All to promote what appears to be a Gisele-branded line of shoes.

Normally, we wouldn't just put any smutty Brazilian advert up here, you understand, but we were kind of missing Gisele last night... And now it's painfully clear why.

Click through for the hi-res-ness.

FOX News Porn: "This is over the top. Roll the tape."

Bryan Christian — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 13:08:00 GMT

Behold -- two minutes (well, like a minute and a half) of borderline-NSFW smut, gleaned entirely from Fox News broadcasts. Sadly, like most soft-core smut, there's too much story, but still: pleasantly arousing. Oh, also: terrifying.

Hey Scanner Sarah and Nicole: y'all find any more candidates for this in there?