Scanner : special friends

Louisiana Teacher Gets Closer to Student By Sleeping with His Father

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 17:47:00 GMT

If you want to get in the pants of a fifteen-year-old boy, one way to make sure that happens is to first sleep with his father, then stick around for an encore.

Anna Davis, who is a 32-year-old special ed teacher at Benton High in Shreveport, Louisiana, has been arrested for having sex with a juvenile. The cops found out about it following a phone call Davis made the boy's divorced Dad, who she was also sleeping with, letting him know that she was dumping him for his son. Dad, out of either disgust or anger at having been dumped (we're kidding), immediately dialed up Davis's school, which removed her and notified the police.

Her response? "I'm in love with him and I want to marry him."

The cops? "I don't know if she understood exactly what she was doing."

Yes, officer, she most certainly does-- it's called sexual intercourse and it makes people do very strange things...

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Dr. Shrill: The New Scanner Video Column

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 18:30:00 GMT

Thanks to everyone for making our drunken orgy in the tub a big success yesterday. We're going to make a regular habit out of goofing on "Pot Psychology" and various Nerve Video Blog features while Scanner Emily is recovering from her wounds.

Two things:

1) We need better titles. "Bathtub Bloggers" is fine for now, and "Dr. Shrill" always works above a post of the super nice and super relaxed snooze-inducer pictured above, but this is going to be a long running and widely distributed cult classic of a weekly column, so we're going to pick the catchiest title and reward its creator with a collection of nude photos. Don't worry, they won't be of us.

2) Submit questions! Either in the comments section of this post or at our new dump box: scannerquestions@gmail.com. Ask us anything, even if you're not serious. Unlike our advice columnists, we don't care if your e-mails are fake... unless of course it's obvious. So, be creative, surprise us, offend us, arouse us. Especially that.

And we'll have a special guest and more insanity for you on Friday...

When Missed Connections Aren't Special Enough For Your Mystery Dream Girl

Nicole Pasulka — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 16:30:00 GMT

Patrick Moberg was riding the train Sunday night, minding his business when this girl stepped out of his dreams and onto the 5 train. Instead of asking her if it hurt when she fell down from heaven, he committed every detail of her wardrobe to memory and drew her for the Internet. We can't decide if this is a Missed Connection gone cute, or creepy. We put it to you, arbiters of taste and propriety out there on the Internets, to decide. If you were Moberg's dream girl would you call him, or start taking the 2 train from now on?

One More Reason to Put a Lock on Your Diary

Nicole Pasulka — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 16:00:00 GMT

Science is really showing up this morning. According to this study, your family spies on your relationships because of "the logic of inclusive fitness." What the shit is that, you ask. Basically, the people who share your genes care about who's getting into your jeans (sorry!). We didn't really need a scientific study to tell us why our mother Googles the names of our special friends. We'd like a study to tell us why we've been Googling Britney Spears all weekend. That is a mystery we need science to solve. (via New Scientist Blog)