Scanner : stealing

While You Were Sleeping: Update on the Pole Dancing Video Game

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 14:01:00 GMT

Check out this fake police I.D. card a man made for himself. You'll note he didn't completely paint over Chipotle's logo...

Mindy McCready capped off a horrible year with a visit to the psych ward following a suicide attempt. Let's hope the new year presents her with a clean slate.

Here's a great robbery story: a guy demanded money from a cashier at a fast food joint. The cashier laughed and said, "Get a job." The guy then pulled a box cutter and asked for the cashier's wallet, a request that was granted. The cashier had no money either, so they robber left and was quickly arrested.

There is mounting left-wing opposition to Obama's choice of Rick Warren to kick off the inauguration. We think Stevie Wonder would make a great substitute preacher.

By the way, if you just got accepted into Northwestern, you might want to read this. (Same for those who got rejected.)

A man went for a joyride with a hearse. The hearse was idling in front of a funeral home, the sick fuck.

Lindsay Lohan had a close call with a crazy. And no, her father didn't show up at her party or anything.

And it looks like the stripping video game for the Wii is on hold. Yeah, they might need to find a developer before they start, um, developing that...

Scanner Highs and Lows: So Long, Good Luck, and Pass the Turkey

Stripper Pole Company Developing Stripping Game For The Wii

This Year's Most Annoying Christmas Commercial

You Missed Out on Santacon Again...

Adorable Cat Wants To Rob You Blind

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 15:12:00 GMT

Frankie is a two-year-old black cat (oh, God, don't start in on that superstitious shit) in Swindon, England who has a collection of stolen goods to rival your average celebrity garbologist.

The Daily Telegraph reports on this strange phenom:

Julie, 52, said: 'Frankie looks very pleased with himself when he comes in with these presents.
'He's been going out of the house and coming back with all these toys for pretty much as long as he's been allowed out.

'They're all soft toys for cats I think. About 15 of them are all the same leopard. He doesn't really play with them. He dumps them down and goes out looking for something else.'

In the past year alone Frankie's haul has included teddy bears, leopards and a giant squeaky beefburger.
Now Julie has plastered her home town of Swindon with posters to try and trace the rightful owners.

Seeing as how we're guilty of this ourselves, we'd place top dollar on the idea that all these "stolen goods" are actually gifts from neighbors currying favor with the cute lil' puss.

Via the Telegraph.

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We'd Rather Be The Crazy Cat Lady Than Pimp Ourselves Out During the Super Bowl

While You Were Sleeping: Who's #1 on Yahoo?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 15:07:00 GMT

Our server had some issues this morning, but we're up and running now...

A woman showed her daughter's friend how to have sex. You know, liberal-sex-ed style.

Did you miss Hillary Clinton's historic moment?

Darwin couldn't be happier: two guys stole a car, got into a shootout with the po-po, and ended up in a high-speed chase on the wrong side of the highway, where they rammed another car head on. The other car? Stolen.

Ray Winstone approves of his daughter Jaime's nude scenes (see above photo.) In fact, he can't wait to-- yuck-- watch them.

A Colorado man is being sued by his ex-girlfriend and her attorney for libelous comments he made in the Rants and Raves section of Craigslist.

A woman was arrested in Nigeria for burning her servant's penis after the 18-year-old took off with some of her money.

It's a sad state of affairs when someone as boring and unattractive as Britney Spears tops Yahoo's most-searched list for the fourth year in a row. Guys, it's time to find someone more interesting to fantasize about.

The 50 Sexiest Movies of All-Time: 10-6

Dad Nobly Defends Son Against Rape Charges... Oh, Wait...

Mom Films Her Boyfriend Having Sex with Her 13-Year-Old Daughter

The English Are Still Too Prudish To Appreciate Nudity

Video of the Day: How To Recover Your Stolen Laptop

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 21:08:00 GMT

Has anyone tried Adeona or any other software program? And wouldn't it be worth losing your laptop for a day or two just to track down and bust the thief? How fun would that be?

Oh, uh, right. We don't condone that.

What Would You Do With a Stolen Bus?

Nicole Pasulka — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 15:34:00 GMT

Install a wet bar and get the party started? Film yourself pushing it off a cliff? We're guessing it would be a little more exciting and not quite as weird as what one man did with stolen Miami-Dade Transit buses.

The nature of his crimes revealed after the jump.

James L. Harris has been arrested for "stealing at least three county buses and driving them on their routes." That's right he made stops! Picked up passengers! This is the most endearing crime imaginable. A man who wants to drive a bus and help people get to their destinations so badly he steals one.

While You Were Sleeping: The Last True Supermodel

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 14:31:00 GMT

Anne Hathaway's karaoke song is rather fitting, don't you think?

The incident with his mom and sister was apparently not the only one during Christian Bale's wild Friday.

A list of the top Hollywood bachelors that in any way involves Ryan Seacrest is invalidated automatically.

Guy answers call from the cops on his cell phone by saying: "Dude, I can't talk, I'm being chased by the police," and hanging up.

Speaking of police, they arrested a man for stealing money from a fountain in a Florida mall. His total haul? 42 cents.

You're not gonna believe who Forbes magazine thinks is the best investment in Hollywood. (You were right if you said "whoever it is, it's definitely not Tom Cruise.")

And Naomi Campbell says she wasn't the "last true supermodel":

"Models need to earn their stripes - I just think the term is used a little too loosely.
"Kate Moss is obviously a supermodel but, after Gisele [Bundchen], I don't think there's been one."

Via IMDB.

Related:

Scanner Roundtable: What's Your Karaoke Song?

Sloppy Seconds: Whose Illegitimate Half Sister is This?

Sloppy Seconds: Update On The Christian Bale Story

Gisele Bundchen's Latest Nude Shoot May Be Her Finest Work Yet

Rumor Mongering (or Simple Math): Is Naomi Campbell's Vagina Infected?

UPDATE: Link fixed.

London Mayor May Have Looted Saddam's Deputy's House

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 12:54:00 GMT

London's new mayor, barely a few days in office, is already in trouble with Scotland Yard.

British police confirmed Tuesday they are examining an Iraqi cigar case belonging to London mayor Boris Johnson to determine whether it is a looted Iraqi artifact. Johnson says he handed over the case, which once belonged to Saddham Hussein's deputy...

Seems Boris Johnson, the wacky Conservative Mayor bringing his vast political experience as a TV host and journalist to run one of Europe's greatest cities, was at the ruined house of Tariq Aziz shortly after Baghdad fell in 2003 and discovered a cigar case there. Johnson now claims lawyers for the former deputy prime minister actually sent him a letter saying he should consider the looted treasure a "gift." Mmm hmm, a cigar case, you say? You won't bomb my home back to rubble again, right? Great, then take the damn case. Just take it!

In any case, this isn't enough of a cultural crime to warrant removal from office or even jail time, although as Johnson himself joked:

"Well, I suppose we should be grateful for one thing," he wrote in The Daily Telegraph. "It seems that a Western politician is finally going to pay the price for his involvement in the Iraq War."

Via AP.

German Monk Gets Caught Stockpiling Porn

Bryan Christian — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 12:00:00 GMT

How great is this story? You got Germans, monks, homesexuals, scantily clad women... Add a guy in a gorilla suit and you basically got the best Benny Hill sketch ever.

BERLIN (AFP) - A Benedictine monk has been caught with around 230 pornographic films in his room in a monastery in western Germany, the local Abendzeitung newspaper reported on Thursday.
The discovery was made after the monk was caught trying to steal four gay pornography DVDs from a sex shop in the Bavarian city of Wuerzburg in southern Germany, the paper said.

Here's what we love: they let a monk in a sex shop. To what? Do competitive research?