Scanner : stephen colbert

The Gaythering Storm Against Anti-Gay Organization NOM

Colleen Kane — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 17:33:00 GMT

Hecklers had a field day this month with the anti-gay-marriage video from the National Orginization for Marriage, "Gathering Storm", inspiring a spoof video and website created by Reddit readers, numerous YouTube videos, and an anti-gay marriage ad by Stephen Colbert, who said "Gathering Storm" was like "watching The 700 Club and The Weather Channel at the same time."

Funny or Die has entered the ring with their response, "A Gaythering Storm," and like many FOD vids, this one is star-studded: Lance Bass, George Takei, and Alicia Silverstone. Side note: we're concerned about Alicia after seeing her in this video. Girl does not look healthy. We know it's Earth Day and all, but please eat some cheese and get some meat on those veggie bones.

Now for that video:

A Gaythering Storm from Jane Lynch

Related:

BREAKING: Gay Marriage Now Legal in... IOWA?!

This Week in Gayness: Don't Ask... Just Don't Ask

The Gay Marriage Debate Rages on in California

Sloppy Seconds: Gisele's "Wake-Up Call"

Emily Farris — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 22:13:00 GMT

R.I.P. New York Times City Section. [Jossip]

A couple in the UK spent 20 years making a model of the town where they first met. Now that's true love, suckers. [Telegraph]

When NASA started an online contest to name the International Space Station's new living quarters, they had no idea Stephen Colbert would start a little campaign to have it named after him. And that he would succeed. [Yahoo!]

Pete Wentz (and his PENIS!) hopes that his wife Ashlee Simpson will "play the bitch" when she stars on the new Melrose Place. [Us]

Gisele Bündchen says that the arrival of hubby Tom Brady's child with Bridget Moynahan was "a wake-up call." In a good way. [People]

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Sloppy Seconds: The Most Amazing 9-1-1 Call Ever (AUDIO)

Emily Farris — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 00:50:00 GMT

Hey, geeks (or people like us?): it's National Grammar Day. [National Grammar Day]

We were totally pissed we missed this last year and we're actually considering entering this time. It's the third annual Peeps Diorama Contest! [Washington Post]

Barbie got a tramp stamp! [Jossip]

Justin Timberlake and his lady love Jessica Biel will celebrate her birthday with... George Bush? [Us]

Mariska Hargitay has been hospitalized—again!—for a collapsed lung. [Yahoo!]

Evan Rachel Wood topped VenusZine's list of 25 Under 25. Also on the list: Adele, Zoe Kravitz. [VenusZine]

We know Scanner Brian mentioned this in While You Were Sleeping, but it's so good we wanted to make sure you heard it (plus, we have the audio): a woman in Florida called 9-1-1 after a McDonald's employee told her the chain had run out of chicken McNuggets. Apparently, she had already paid and wanted her money back instead of some other food. Is it bad that this woman is sort-of our hero and that we also really want chicken McNuggets right now? [The Inquisitr]

Stephen Colbert Will Not Give Up on Beer Pong Herpes

Emily Farris — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 00:16:00 GMT

Didn't you hear the news that beer pong can give you herpes? While news organizations around the country let the story die, one man refuses to give up on it.

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Beer Pong Herpes Outbreak

Colbert Report Full Episodes
Political Humor

Rap Battle
Joke of the Day

Related:

Beer Pong Video Game Falls By Way Of Lenny Bruce, Poop Paintings, Janet Jackson's Nipples

One Couple, 90 Breweries, One Year, Many Beers

Stephen Colbert: Humankind's Only Hope Should Sarah Palin Destroy the Earth

Stewart Goes After Huckabee Over Gay Marriage

Scanner Matt — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 16:16:00 GMT

These are the clips you'll be watching twenty or thirty years from now. They'll be edited as scenes and sound bites into documentaries and mainstream news stories the way old footage of the first civil rights movement is still very present in the media today.

So who wants to be the asshole who preached "separate but equal" again, only to look like an ignorant hate-monger a few decades later? Bigoted born-again Fred Flinstone does.

Jon Stewart must be having one hell of a week. We can't stop posting clips from The Daily Show, but we promise this will be the last one of the year (The Daily Show is on hiatus until 2009).

Is it us or does Mike Huckabee look like he was molded by the creators of Gumby? His clay skin, the odd way he expresses himself with his prominent eyes, that creepy laugh...

Watch Stewart enlighten Mr. God.:

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Mike Huckabee Pt. 2

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

eHarmony, Let The Gays Begin!

Sloppy Seconds: Jerry Lewis Continues to Hate on the Gays

This Week In Gayness: Wanda Sykes Has Something To Say

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 14:55:00 GMT

Anti-Prop 8 rallies, in pictures. Meanwhile, grade-A pollster Nate Silver claims seniors are to blame for the initiative's success.

A mother with a five-year-old in Catholic school was forced out of the PTA after it was revealed that she had protested at one of those rallies.

Ellen Degeneres referred to straight man Chris Matthews as "grope-y."

Prince is pissing everyone off these days: his neighbors are upset that he wants them to join his religious cult, while the gays are miffed that he said homosexuality is not okay in God's eyes. Pretty much every blog and media outlet has made the same joke about "how could Prince hate the gays, with the way he dresses-- and that mustache!"

Our favorite story of the week, by far: female koalas in Australia no longer want to mate with males and are having lesbian orgies, with up to five partners, to the horror and/or amusement of everyone.

"In the future, if a gay person in California wants to get hitched, he'll have to do it the way God intended, to Liza Minnelli" - Stephen Colbert

Wanda Sykes is so pissed about Prop 8 passing, she came out of the closet. Speaking of pissed off people-- workers at Focus on the Family must be furious to find themselves laid off after the ministry spent so much money to carry Prop 8 over the finish line.

This Week In Gayness: Lesbians Under Attack

This Baptist Minister Thinks You Should Be Having More Sex

Sloppy Seconds: Blake-Fielder Civil Escapes (More) Prison (Time)

Introducing the Australian Sex Party...

Cure For AIDS Discovered? Or Is It HIV?

Get Your Muslim On

The Confessions of St. Colbert

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 21:15:00 GMT

Stephen Colbert rarely breaks out of his Stephen Colbert character. Often, we wonder if the TV Show Guy has overwhelmed Guy Who Is Probably Sane In Real Life Guy. This Huffington Post live Twittering/blogging report from the New Yorker Festival reveals some incredible tidbits from Colbert's past, including the hilarious first-time meeting with Jon Stewart...

Check out our favorite moments:

"Jon deconstructs the news, I falsely construct the news."
[On Jane Fonda's infamous lap-only interview] Backstory: Colbert copped to having had a thing for Fonda, and had had her on the show before (with Gloria Steinem). It had been a cooking segment, and both women had kissed him, and Evie, he said, wasn't thrilled. (Yes, she's of a certain age, but as Colbert said, "there's a little Barbarella left.").
Cut to the Fonda show. Said Colbert: "She brought a game...she was a virago, she was gonna out-character me." And that is precisely what she did (see here) . She nibbled and blew in his ear, stroked his hair: "I was completely off my game...it was fun. And I was truly uncomfortable." And after it was over he discoverd that one of thecrew members had run out and bought flowers for me to bring home. He said, "Hey, man, bring these home to your wife." And he walked in and she took one look at the flowers and said (sternly): "What happened?" And he said, "Well...Jane Fonda..." and she said "I don't want them!"

And the real highlight:

[H]e was hired but had yet to meet Jon [Stewart], who had just been hired as host. There was a press conference with the head of Comedy Central to announce it, and Colbert, newly-minted correspondent, said, "Shouldn't we be covering this?" So off he went, and asked a question, announcing himself as "Stephen Colbert, Daily Show" and asked something like, "It was my understanding that I was in the running to host the Daily Show, how does your appointment affect my chances?" Jon looked over at the head of Comedy Central and said, "I thought you said he wasn't funny." Pretty auspicious beginning, I'd say.

Really, you should just read the whole thing here.

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: Colbert '08 Is On Again

Top 10 Celebrities Who Are Probably Cool In Real Life

We Didn't Watch The Emmy's, Here's What We Missed...

Jon Stewart Takes Your Degrading Sex Term and Raises You A...? (File Under: Greasy Sanchez)

While You Were Sleeping: Colbert '08 Is On Again

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 13:08:00 GMT

Bruce Springsteen is playing the Super Bowl, a free show for Obama in Philly on Saturday, and a show with Billy Joel in New York next month.

Paris Hilton's new song "My BFF" has been called a "musical abortion."

A teenager was named prom king, coaches ice hockey, gets good grades, and works a steady job. The news here? He has down syndrome.

Megan Fox is... a man with a vagina. We're not against that.

Megan Fox reckons she will be the perfect wife because she is just like a man – except she has a vagina. [Entertainment Wise]

Stephen Colbert is running for the White House again... this time in comic book form.

As a joke, Colbert had tried but failed to get on both the Democratic and Republican presidential primary ballots in his home state of South Carolina. The consolation prize is a fictional appearance as a major candidate on a make-believe ticket in Spider-Man's world.

The Game isn't going to jail.

The case against OJ Simpson is going to the jury. Wonder if they'll get it right this time...

And Bill Clinton is finally helping out with the Obama campaign. And this time, his "helping" is actually legitimately helping.

Related:

Arkansas Televangelist Busted For Child Sex Acts

Who Would You Rather: Megan Fox vs. Gemma Arterton?

Top 10 Celebrities Who Are Probably Cool In Real Life

Naked Women of Curling... 2008!

Sloppy Seconds: Pete Wentz Puts His Money Where His Penis is Not

Crush of the Week: Kate Middleton, Rollerskating Queen

Top 10 Celebrities Who Are Probably Cool In Real Life

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 19:21:00 GMT

Feel free to weigh in and add your own... especially if you can correct (or add) based on personal experience...

10. Neil Young-- because of-- or in spite of-- the fact that he is obsessed with model trains

9. Heidi Klum-- showing us her ass bruise yesterday is what got us thinking about this list in the first place

8. Anthony Bourdain-- the only man who works in a kitchen that we probably couldn't take in a fight... but he wouldn't start one with us... because he's cool like that

7. Simon Cowell-- once he steps out of character, he might be a pretty good wingman... same with Ryan Seacrest (just kidding!)

6. Elvis Costello-- if you've seen him in concert recently, you know he still has the same energy and kickass attitude that seemed so fresh in 1976

5. Bill Clinton-- unless, of course, you have a busty blond with you, hanging out with Bill Clinton is rumored to be a great time, where dirty jokes are always welcome... as long as they don't involve "interns"

4. David Bowie-- then again, David Bowie could sneer at us and it would kind of awesome

3. Wanda Sykes-- now here's somebody who you actually wouldn't mind it if she were "on" all the damn time

2. The dudes from Flight of the Conchords

1. Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert (tie)-- this we know from reliably sources... and, because, if they weren't cool in real life, it would break out poor widdle liberal hearts...

Also, a good way to tell if a celebrity might be an all right person in real life is to scan through this page of stories from waiters all over the country. They weight on whether a celebrity was a great tipper (Bill Murray, Joe Pesci, Stevie Nicks) or one who ordered "many bottles of wine" and still stiffed the help (Don Henley, big surprise.)

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: What Did Tina Fey Lose at the Emmys?

John Mayer And TMZ Make A Funny Video: "Do You Love Celebrities? I Sure Have."

What Celebrities Would Look Like if They Moved to Missouri

11 Celebrities at Their Poignantly Drunkest

Sloppy Seconds: Woman Who Delivered Baby In Car For VP?

While You Were Sleeping: Posing Nude For Fun Or Charity

While You Were Sleeping: Olympic Mania

We Didn't Watch The Emmy's, Here's What We Missed...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 14:52:00 GMT

It was a historic night for the Emmy's, and we're pretty sure no one, including us, saw any of it...

Due to the usual record-breaking low ratings this show gets, it was probably lost on the country that Emmy history was made by Don Draper and the rest of the "Mad Men," who took home the Best Drama prize for AMC. This marks the only time a basic cable show has won a "Best" Series award.

Other highlights, according to sources who actually witnessed the program:

1) Ed McMahon said "Herrree's Johnny!" to introduce one of those mundane clip shows from when television was actually watchable. Hopefully, Ed received some sort of a check or at least an uptick in donations, as the poor bastard is in danger of losing his home.

2) Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert introduced something and weren't allowed to say anything political. Yawn.

3) Howie Mandell said he was on Sarah Palin's Bridge To Nowhere, a reference to the fact that his opening host's monologue had to be entirely ad-libbed. Speaking of poor bastards.

4) Bryan Cranston, Laura Linney, Glenn Close, and Tina Fey won well deserved acting awards. And, of course, so did the amazing Alec Baldwin.

5) Lorne Michaels took home another Emmy, as "30 Rock" received a well-deserved Best Comedy award.

6) Tommy Smothers was the only one who got political in an acceptance speech:

"It's hard for me to stay silent when I keep hearing that peace is only attainable through war. And there's nothing more scary than watching ignorance in action," he said, dedicating his award to "all people who feel compelled to speak out, and are not afraid to speak to power, and won't shut up and refuse to be silenced."

Actually, we're going to shut up now and redirect you to Remote Island (see the sidebar), because those guys probably saw it and have much more to say... but there you have it.

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: You, Like Us, May Think...

Live from New York: Fey and Poehler do Palin and Clinton

Sarah Palin Thinks Global Warming Is Polar Bear Sh*t

While You Were Sleeping: Ciara's Naked Vibe Cover

Cultural Clusterf*ck: Gossip Girl Meets 30 Rock

Stephen Colbert: Humankind's Only Hope Should Sarah Palin Destroy the Earth

Emily Farris — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 14:51:00 GMT

If McCain and his new girlfriend actually manage to beat the Democrats in November, we could be facing a clear and present danger: environmental apocalypse. As we all know, this would quickly lead to the demise of humankind. Luckily, one man will send his DNA into outer space, so that, if nothing else, aliens can clone him.

"I am thrilled to have my DNA shot into space, as this brings me one step closer to my lifelong dream of being the baby at the end of 2001," Colbert said in a statement, a reference to "2001: A Space Odyssey."

That, ladies and gentlemen, is exactly the kind-of person we need to save humanity. Because seriously, look where having no sense of humor has gotten us.

Now, if we can just get Britney Spears to send her DNA up there, Stephen and Brit could be the new Adam and Eve, and look at the beautiful babies they'd make, they'd probably do really well up in space:

[Yahoo!: Stephen Colbert to have his DNA sent into space]

Related:

Stephen Colbert Is Better Than Maureen Dowd (And So Can You!)

Marvel Universe Residents: Be Sure to Vote Colbert '08

Colbert For President...Yeah, Maybe Not

Developing: Will Ferrell For President

Who Would You Rather: Stephen Colbert vs. Jon Stewart?

Top 5 Sexiest Daily Show Moments

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EXCLUSIVE: Toby Keith Worships Satan, Ted Nugent, And Lynch Mobs

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 15:57:00 GMT

Toby Keith, America's highest-rated terrorist, is sending the liberal blogs into a tither after his appearance on the Colbert Report last night.

And it isn't even for anything he said-- actually, it's for a song he's been singing for years and which was a smash hit single after 9/11, containing lyrics that most thinking people would find insane and dangerous had they not been avoiding country music radio since 1976...

Why Stephen Colbert, who out of character is a practicing liberal and would never be caught dead allowing a person like Toby Keith to get away with ruining what little is left of this country's well-being, should allow this guy to sing this song, "Beer For My Horses" (God, what a cheesy ass song, not even including its cultural ignorance) and not goof on him mercilessly is beyond us:

Grandpappy told my pappy back in my day, son
A man had to answer for the wicked that he'd done
Take all the rope in Texas
Find a tall oak tree, round up all of them bad boys
Hang them high in the street
For all the people to see

Yo, that's about lynching, okay? Not cool, Colbert! Why didn't you attack him on that? As Max Blumenthal pointed out at the HuffPo:

During the days when Toby Keith's "Grandpappy" stalked the Jim Crow South, lynching was an institutional method of terror employed against blacks to maintain white supremacy. According to the Tuskegee Institute, between the years 1882 and 1951, 3,437 African-Americans were lynched in the United States, mostly in the heart of Dixie. Felonious assault and rape (read: corrupting "the flower of white womanhood") were the two most frequent justifications for lynch mob actions.
Georgia was ground zero for lynch mob activity. Though most of the Peach State's victims were black, one of its most high-profile hangings claimed the life of a Jew, Leo Frank. Frank, a college-educated Northerner, was wrongly convicted in 1913 of murdering a 13-year-old girl after a show trial in which his prosecutor portrayed him to a grand jury as a bisexual pervert. Before the trial, one juror remarked, "If I get on that jury, I'll hang that Jew for sure."

You can imagine what happened to Frank and others like him, in Keith's glorious, Hitler-esque vision of the South. By the way, if Toby Keith loves lynching, then we can also correctly assume he worships Satan, who is a big fan of eye-for-an-eye anarchic lawlessness, and Ted Nugent, who is a racist pigporker and will kill us all with his 2,227 guns.

PS. Besides being a world-class shitbag, Toby Keith is also a talentless wanker we'd easily take in a fight, with a Guantanamo hood over our heads... bring it on, indeed.

Via the Huffington Post.

Top 5 Sexiest Daily Show Moments

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 15:48:00 GMT

Don't miss Ed Helms teabagging Tom Cruise! Or the moment Kristen Schaal realizes she'll have to remove all of her clothing. Or... well, we don't want to ruin #1 for you...

We're really surprised Comedy Central bucked the censors and allowed correspondent Ed Helms to attach a nut-cam to himself. (Yes, we're kidding. Not about the nut-cam, though. Check that out.)

Is it wrong to drool over a piece on sexism?

Well, if nothing else, Stephen Colbert can write for the Penthouse Letters column after Fox buys Comedy Central. This is one of our favorite Daily Show clips of all time-- watch as both Colbert and Jon Stewart lose their shit toward the end...

Gay hockey players, boob flashes, grab ass... this one's got it all.

And now... your Moment of Zen.

Well, there you have it: our five favorite sexy moments from The Daily Show. Check out the full list of 25 on the Comedy Central blog, which includes some shots of Jon Stewart that make him look ten years younger.

Oh shit, has he been on that long already?

Related:

Who Would You Rather: Stephen Colbert vs. Jon Stewart?

Video of the Day: Rush Plays Rush... In Rock Band

Funniest, Most Cringe-Worthy Video of the Day

Jon Stewart As Guest Blogger (In A Roundabout Way)

Who Organized The Arkansas Gay Wrestling Match?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 20:30:00 GMT

The internets thinks it has unmasked the jokester who promised $1 beer and brutal cage fighting in Arkansas, only to make the large crowd sit through grown men tearing each other's clothes off and furiously making out.

"We had a contract for cage fighting. We were deceived," said Dwight Duncan, president and CEO of Four States Fair Grounds in Texarkana...

The day after the cage fight in Texarkana, a similar gay-themed prank was pulled in nearby Fort Smith, featuring

a character named "Straight Dave" would goad a planted audience member into the ring for a fight.
The two men would then wrestle, rip away some of their clothes and share a brief kiss reminiscent of one between Baron Cohen and Will Ferrell in the film "Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby."

Producers said "it was kind of to essentially make fun, poke fun at wrestling— two guys rolling around on the floor, all sweaty."

An elaborate array of mounted and handheld video cameras caught the crowd of 1,600's reaction as the two men "went right up to the line" of the city's morality laws.... The two men stripped down to their underwear, kissed and rubbed on each other, the sergeant said.

As soon as the audience realized they'd been duped, they started lobbing beers at the participants... ha ha, suckers-- the pranksters saw this coming and only handed out plastic cups. The wrestlers, meanwhile, had been hastily removed from the building, unscathed.

Those in attendance were told by several signs on display that they'd be filmed, Holland said, and signed waivers before the event. Convention center sales director Karin Hobbs declined to name the event's sponsor Monday.

But the Associated Press is dead certain that Sacha Baron Cohen is behind it, possibly filming for "Bruno" or even a new, unknown production beyond that.

If the cage match visits came from Baron Cohen, it wouldn't be the first time Arkansas fell for a practical joke. In 2000, then-Gov. Mike Huckabee fell for a prank and congratulated Canada for preserving its icebound Parliament, calling it a "national igloo."

And that guy's being considered for the 2nd-in-Command of the United States?! Reason enough to vote for Bob Barr, for God's sake...

Via Starpulse/AP.

Colbert: Kids Are A Bunch Of Fruits

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 19:36:00 GMT

On last night's Colbert Report, sexy Stephen ranted about the latest indignity: fruit has overtaken cookies as the number one snack food for kids.

Then came one of the great cameos in the show's history... the perfect video ending to your week. Mmmm... cookie!

Scanner Highs and Lows: In Which We Consider Prancing Around in Stripper Shoes to Survive the Recession

Emily Farris — Fri, 23 May 2008 22:01:00 GMT

It was a long, cold winter and nothing says fuck me (and tip me) like a pair of stripper shoes, right?

Highs:

We got to look at naked, bearded, burly men.

We crushed on vegetarians even though we obviously love meat.

We have so many feelings about the new 90210 we're not sure whether it goes in highs or lows.

We cyber-visited the Icelandic Penis Museum.

We looked at some old pictures of Scarlett Johansson.

We learned you really, really love Jon Stewart. And Stephen Colbert, too. Just not as much.

We briefly considered purchasing a pair of stripper shoes.

This woman is probably going to have some seriously swollen breasts—a small price to pay for saving so many lives with them.

Ellen Degeneres very politely made John McCain look like an ass (who really didn't look like he believed in what he was saying, right?)

Lows:

For the first time in our lives, the New Kids on the Block let us down. But only just a little.

Um, did Mike Huckabee encourage shooting Barack Obama?

The Father-Daughter Purity Ball really freaked us out.

Apparently Hulu.com is too pure to allow embedding at Nerve.com.

We learned that R. Kelly's sex tape was set to the tune of the Backstreet Boys and the Spice Girls.

And that he's probably going to jail.

We're glad we had no part in this date.

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Who Would You Rather: Stephen Colbert vs. Jon Stewart?

Emily Farris — Wed, 21 May 2008 22:21:00 GMT

And we're not talking about who you'd rather watch on Comedy Central. This is a question we've been asking ourselves for a really long time and we still can't come up with an answer.

People Magazine Apparently Saw Korean Pop Star Rain On "Colbert" The Same Day They Saw "Speed Racer"...

Bryan Christian — Wed, 14 May 2008 14:05:00 GMT

... and were all like "How many hot Korean-ish dudes can there be with English speaking parts, really?" Well, People, there's at least 5 that we know of: Harold, the guy from Lost, the puppet Kim-Jong Il from Team America, and the two dudes -- not one! -- that you're picturing up top, one of whom is Korean-American actor Karl Yune, who appeared in Speed Racer, and one of whom is Kpop sensation Rain, who we hope is finally finished with the bloody and homoerotic beef that nearly destroyed both him and Stephen Colbert. (Click through for the video blow-by-blow of that epic throwdown.)

Sloppy Seconds: Heather Mills, Liv Tyler, and... Roseanne Barr?!

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 09 May 2008 21:33:00 GMT

Facebook is causing all sort of problems in England: first, a bunch of crazy water-fight participants destroyed a famous garden; more importantly, an ex-girlfriend broke into her guy's account and wrote all about his douchebaggery.

Liv Tyler is getting divorced. Liv, you can message us through Facebook anytime.

The McGreevey's finally settled their custody battle. We'll resist the temptation to make any jokes about their multiple fathers, orgies, sex with staff members, and any other crimes we've already covered exhaustively.

Heather Mills is going to pursue a spot on "Celebrity: Apprentice." We've never so badly wanted that show to be canceled...

Hugh Hefner wants Miley Cyrus or whatever her name is to appear in Playboy. When she's legal, of course. Sorry, Hugh, but we've already seen more of her, the Olsen twins, and Suri Cruise than we'd ever want to see. You dirty old perv.

Possibly the most repulsive pickup line imaginable, not just because of the source: Roseanne (Barr/Arnold/n/a) came on strong to George Clooney when Clooney debuted on her rad 80s TV show: "You're really good looking, why don't you take me out behind the stage and make me stink." [Starpulse]

And, finally, why not end your week with a laugh, as this video does:

Arianna Huffington: Iraq is McCain's Viagra...
Stephen Colbert: I suppose the warning on that should be: "If your erection lasts more than a hundred years, pull out!"

Marvel Universe Residents: Be Sure to Vote Colbert '08

Bryan Christian — Fri, 02 May 2008 16:28:00 GMT

Hey, remember when Stephen Colbert was dropped from the ballot in South Carolina, causing him to formally withdraw from a presidential campaign that was barely actual enough to begin with? Yeah, well, Marvel Comics never got the memo; Colbert is still a'running for the C.I.C. slot in the Marvel version of the U.S., where campaign billboards and bumper stickers -- and occasionally the candidate himself -- have been turning up with some regularity. "And So Can You"? Great slogan, but unfortunately: no, we can't. Ah well; yet another reason to wish were actually bloggers for the Daily Bugle.

Click through for the full reveal of the image above, which comes from The Incredible Hercules (it used to be Incredible Hulk, but, well, that's a long story) and which is actually way funnier and way more awesome with the humongous gold robot in the background.

Funniest, Most Cringe-Worthy Video of the Day

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:30:00 GMT

Conan O'Brien makes a great case for ending the writers strike with this video. Not because this hilarious extra-long clip co-starring Stephen Colbert and John Stewart isn't hilarious at times. Rather, the length of this sketch is clearly meant to cover for the fact that no one is writing gags for the redheaded Wilt Chamberlin.

"Love and Sex With Robots" Author on The Colbert Report

Emily Farris — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 16:52:00 GMT

Remember back in November, we wrote about the book "Love and Sex With Robots?" The book's author, David Levy predicted we'd be engaging in hot, consensual robot sex within 30 years. Recently, Levy was on The Colbert Report, uh, defending his hypothesis.

Stephen Colbert Is Better Than Maureen Dowd (And So Can You!)

sarahhepola — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 15:38:00 GMT

Every time we are late to a big internet story, perhaps because we were on deadline, or perhaps because we were passed out on the F train, cuddling an empty bottle of Goldschlager, we feel the need to aplogize. Sorry we’re late to this story! Sorry we didn’t download the memory chip that beeps in our brain every time something interesting happens on the web! Sorry we drank all your Goldschlager! Okay, so sorry we are late to this.

But however, we are here. Stephen Colbert wrote a guest column for Times’ Op-Ed writer Maureen Dowd, and it is hilarious. It is, in fact, much, much better than Maureen Dowd’s columns. Her columns are riddled with enough cheap puns to land her a consulting gig on the Sex and the City movie. What is going on with that woman? She would make a pun about genital mutilation if she could. Check out her intro to Colbert’s piece: “I had staged a coup d’moi”? Please. The headline: “A Mock Columnist, Amok.” If you want to know the real and honest-to-goodness reason we were late to this story, it’s because we saw the piece seated proudly atop the Times' Most Read list for two days, and all we could think was, “Gag! Why does Maureen Dowd insist on burying her insight in an avalanche of cheap wordplay?” It makes her seem shallow and gimmicky. It turns her sexy critiques into something dowdy. We’re sorry we just made that pun. We, sir, are no Stephen Colbert.