Scanner : supermodels

Victoria's Secret Suit

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 05 May 2009 16:18:00 GMT

Hey ladies-- and gents who like that sort of thing-- do your Victoria's Secret bras bother the living hell out of you?

You're not alone, as we found out from this story out of Cleveland, Ohio...

It turns out there's a big class action lawsuit in the works, with up to 2,000 pairs of boobs claiming damages, brought about by a guy who makes the ambulance-chasing John Travolta character from A Civil Action look like John Paul the Second. (He's quoted as saying about the tit-tarnishing: "All of the women's breasts looked alike," said attorney John Climaco of Cleveland. "It brought tears to your eyes. They're scarred.") What brought tears to this po' countray boy's eyes is described as a rash in the cleavage that irritates the bejesus outta the ladies.

The lawsuit accuses the retailer and its Columbus-based parent company, Limited Brands Inc., of misrepresenting the safety of their products, failing to warn customers of problems and concealing knowledge of defective merchandise.

The women seek in excess of $5 million combined, plus compensation for medical expenses, pain and mental anguish.

At first, [plaintiffs] Ritter and Climaco attributed her afflictions to formaldehyde, a chemical used in clothing manufacturing to help retain shapes. But that strategy fell through after independent tests failed to find formaldehyde in Victoria's Secret bras and concluded that Ritter was not allergic to the chemical.

Whoops. If you have the same symptoms, you might want to start your own case-- we're better this is going to get tossed in no time.

Via the Cleveland Plain Dealer.

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The Art of the Nude Supermodel

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The Art of the Nude Supermodel

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 18:22:00 GMT

Russell James is the supermodel's photographer. He has worked for Sports Illustrated, Vogue, and Marie Claire and photographed pretty much every "name" model on the planet, including Gisele Bundchen, seen above on the cover of James' new book.

The photographer is particularly known for his nude snaps, many of which you've seen time and again on Scanner...

The 300-page self-titled book is the result of ten years of great art from the former host of VH-1's The Shot. James himself was unavailable for comment at press time to comment, but we know from reading press about him in the past that he is currently documenting the Aborigines in Australia and directing televison commericals for Victoria's Secret and others.

Here's something to tide you over before your copy arrives. In order: Adriana Lima (her second photo here may not be in the book, but you won't mind), Heidi Klum, and Karolina Kurkova.

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Miss Australia Contestant Under Fire For Being Too Thin

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 15:26:00 GMT

The Miss Universe pageant isn't for another four months, but it's already causing the usual controversy.

This time, the uproar is over a contestant who didn't even win her country's top prize, with media and observers complaining that she should have never been allowed to participate in the first place, thanks to her weight...

Stephanie Naumoska, who is 19, was defeated by Robin Finch, who is much healthier looking. But the story didn't die with the end of Australia's portion of the competition-- many are wondering why a 5' 11" model weighing 108 pounds was allowed to compete in the first place...

[A] spectator at the event at the Hilton Hotel commented: 'Side on, if you didn't look carefully enough, you could miss her - she was that thin.'

Dieticians urged the Sydney model to seek urgent medical attention because she was dangerously underweight.
And dietician Melanie McGrice said: "There does appear to be significant muscle wasting on the upper arm and legs, and individuals with a healthy BMI do not have such protruding bones."

But Ms Naumoska, who did not win the contest, has rejected the criticism, saying: "I think it is very unfair that I have been criticised that I'm too skinny."

Unfair? They wanted to take you to a hospital-- that means you're too skinny, without a doubt.

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"I have never been anorexic or bulimic I don't throw up my meals after I eat them I don't starve myself, none of that. I eat six to eight healthy meals a day.'"
The Sydney teenager added: "I'm here to defend the skinny people. I have been modelling since I was 13 and have a lot of friends who are really tall and skinny.

"It is just the way that our bodies are", she told TV show A Current Affair.

Six to eight "healthy" meals per day, girl? "A peanut" does not count as a meal, sorry. Let's look at the photo evidence:

Believe us when we say the winner isn't much healthier...

Via Daily Mail and Sky [right-click to open in a new window.]

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America's Next Topless Model Is... The Judge

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 15:03:00 GMT

Paulina Porizkova turns 44 this week-- can you believe it? Either way, hopefully you'll agree that she's as stunning as ever.

The Czech-born supermodel was recently captured cavorting topless-- on a U.S. beach, no less. This woman has nothing to hide, prove, or be sorry about, so all those who made nasty comments on blogs where these photos appeared can kiss her bikini-covered...

Here's what a handful of ungrateful children of God had to say about these snaps:

her nipples are huge compared to her breasts! She has ugly breasts in my opinion. [ugly breasts? The only ugly breasts are certan boob jobs, okay?]

around the kids? really? [right, teach those kids to be ashamed of their bodies!]

her nipples were used too much ..they are dark color...well...she is still in good shape [what do you mean? from breastfeeding?!]

You are great.I love to be able to contact you. Ayman Awwas + 962 79 556 00 22 [uh... yeah... Portizkova didn't post these herself, you know]

And a few true winners:

most people wished they looked this good in their 20s let alone at 43. She looks AMAZING.whoever said she has ugly breasts are stupid. in fact anyone talking shit about her body is stupid...

she's better looking than the competitors

Anonymous, if topless women on the beach bother you, maybe it's time for a trip to Europe to broaden your horizons.

Broaden your horizons... there's a sexual pun in there somewhere, if only we knew what to do with it.

Does This Supermodel Look Fat To You?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 23:30:00 GMT

And even if she did, so what? It's one thing if she were morbidly obese, but she's not even close to overweight-- and besides, we thought this country had better things to do than criticize a woman's weight.

Earlier this week, Heidi Klum was attacked by a publicity-starved designer for being "too fat" to walk a runway. This German designer, who is too big of a douche to be named here, lest we further his career, is well deserving of the tremendous backlash that his comments were met with.

"Wolfgang is obviously trying to revive his sagging career and get press for himself by riding Heidi''s coattails," the New York Post quoted spokesperson for Klum as saying. [Tim Gunn added] "I can wrap my hand around her bicep."

It's a shame Wolfgang isn't a female person, because we could offer a stockpile of "sagging" puns that would, unfortunately, only stoop to ~~his~~ her low. Anyway, Ol' Saggy Nuts is probably just jealous that his fellow German is more famous than he is... and that Seal won't lend her out for any of Max Mosley's orgies.

Here are some photos from Klum's recent shoot for GQ. Even if they are doctored/Photoshopped, how fake could they be? This woman will be hot until the day she dies, or at least age 67, whichever comes later.

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Top 5 Celebrities Who May Or May Not Be Attractive: Part One

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Kate Moss Stocks Up On Beer, Strips For New York Magazine

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 21:46:00 GMT

Kate Moss ruffled a few feather boas this week when she did a shoot for Roberto Cavalli in Los Angeles.

The New York Post alleges Moss showed up two hours late (don't they plan for that in advance but telling her to show up at 9 when they mean 11?) Immediately, the supermodel started polishing off a steady stream of beers (seeing as how this is the Post, it was probably two cans), sat on another model's lap and didn't look at or speak to him, which must've been hot for him. Once the last photo was taken, she stormed out.

No such rumors have risen from this New York shoot, the photos from which appeared online this week. However, there was plenty more to talk about...

Moss addressed those petty pregnancy rumors in the way we hoped she would, although we wished she had just said "can't a girl drink a beer on a Saturday night in peace?!"

I’ve got a clear idea of what I want for lingerie. I’ve just started wearing bras. It’s a miracle. Not today, but I have been. Great timing for my lingerie collection. I’ve just grown breasts. I am a woman now! It’s true. No, honestly, I’ve never worn a bra in my life. Ever! Ever! It’s so awful, even my friends are phoning me up and saying “Are you pregnant?” And I’m like, “No! I just put on a couple of pounds, and they went in the right place.” Isn’t that weird? And how perfect for lingerie. [New York]

She's a woman now, just because she has to wear a bra? Don't let anyone tell you you need boobs, Kate, but please let someone do something about that hair...

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Sloppy Seconds: As a Supermodel Goes Off the Market a Crackhead Goes On

Emily Farris — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 00:02:00 GMT

India, the Bush family's cat, is dead at 18. [Yahoo!]

Alan S. Geisler, creator of red onion sauce for hotdogs, is dead at 78. [City Room]

Oh, snap. We forgot George W. Bush was still the president. [DailyIntel]

It looks like Blake Fielder-Civil really is planning to divorce that crackhead Amy Winehouse. [People]

After numerous rumors that the couple engaged earlier, supermodel Gisele Bundchen and Patriots quarterback Tom Brady are finally, really engaged. The world is preparing for more beautiful babies. [People]

[Image]

Model Suing Google Over Blogger's Mean Remarks

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 17:31:00 GMT

Model Liskula Cohen is suing Google's Blogger.com site to learn the identity of the nasty bully who said all these horrible things about her delightful appearance...

According to the New York Daily News and other sources, the anonymous blog's entries included the following comments about the runway model:

"skank" "old hag" "#1 skanky superstar" "fortysomething" [she's 36] "may have been hot 10 years ago"
[and it's headlined] "Desperation seeps from her soul, if she even has one,"

Sounds like she has a bitter rival-- another model, perhaps, jealous of her supposed fling with David Schwimmer (you heard it here first-- but don't sue is, Ms. Cohen!)

Liskula responded in kind (well, a "liveandlove" did, but we have our theories who that is a cover for) on the post, which is now missing in action:

"Are you one of those little dumpy girls who hang off her every word? Or do you wait three hours in line at a club, when she breezes right in? [You're a] silly, silly fat girl.
"Tell me, are you easier to walk over or around?"

Sometimes, in anger, we say things that are way worse than the bullies who started the spat in the first place. Good luck in court, Liskula.

Italian Model's Virginity For Sale (And For Only $1.5 Million!)

Leryn Franco is Smokin', Has Pole

While You Were Sleeping: Mexican Beauty Queen Stripped... Of Her Title

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 14:03:00 GMT

Players and connoisseurs of music, Thelonious Monk's advice on playing in his band is an essential look at a mad genius.

Never been kissed? These kooks hadn't either, so they decided to make out in public and then tell the Daily News their real names.

Courtney Love and the Kardashians are at war...

Courtney Love faces possible legal action after accusing socialite Kim Kardashian's brother Rob of punching one of her gay employees.
In an angry rant on her MySpace page written on Wednesday, Love alleged that Kardashian's brother Rob Jr. broke the nose of her employee while calling him a "faggot" in September.

Love writes: "Rob Jr. cold socked and punched my employee right in his face for no reason and broke his nose after my guy was hanging out with his pal Brody Jenner one night outside Hyde lounge."

Talk about adding insult to injury: not only is he named Mike Hunt, but the internet makes fun of his name when he's murdered.

At last, CNN does something good with its website: it reports on a 17-year-old Maryland kid who heard about violence against Sudanese women who go looking for firewood and decided to raise money to send them stoves.

The war between Lindsay Lohan and her father, and her father and Samantha Ronson, rages on.

A Mexican beauty queen lost her title after getting caught up in a drug sweep.

$100,000 worth of cashews were stolen in Sydney yesterday.

And rumors involving the possible engagement of Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen turn out to have been false (we think.)

Agyness Deyn Looks Even More Like A Boy In Sketch Form

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 19:56:00 GMT

Ever wanted to see nude drawings of Agyness Deyn, Karl Lagerfeld and Donatella Versace?

Us neither, but they're after the jump anyway...

The point of these semi-nudes? We're not sure, although they are all drawings for Grazia Daily, a UK-based publication, and by Henry Holland. Holland, an artist/designer/fashion person, is widely recognized as the man who discovered Deyn, a feat of historic and earth-shaking proportions.

Photo via the Bosh.

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48-Year-Old Carol Alt Finally Does Playboy

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 21:55:00 GMT

To wrap up the week in nudity, we had to decide between Keri Russell's creepy shoot for Details or the Carol Alt Playboy photos. There's no question that Carol's are hotter... but is it a mirage, a Photoshopping miracle or is the former supermodel as bodacious* as ever?

You can buy a copy of the December issue of Playboy here.

*Forgive us for using that word, but we were just reading a story about how Keanu Reeves thinks a Bill & Ted sequel is possible. We really want to write that-- sort of like the Rocky Balboa for the dumb comedy set.

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E! Names Another Obscure Woman as the Hottest in the World

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 15:35:00 GMT

And, what the hell, you won't have heard of their #2 choice either...

Lingerie model Karolina Kurkova has been voted the world's sexiest woman by E! entertainment television, beating sultry actresses Angelina Jolie and Scarlett Johansson for the honor.
Czech Kurkova, ranked by Forbes magazine as one of the world's highest paid models, was dubbed by E! as "she of the mysterious belly button" due to media speculation about what appears to be an unusually smooth navel.

Of course, if you're a devoted reader of Scanner, you may have actually heard of this woman before. Remember this, from back in June?

Does this woman look "fat" to you? Well, according to one Brazillian newspaper, the #6 highest-paid supermodel in the world isn't ready for the runway, and other outrageous statements for which "WTF?" seems too polite a reply.
According to several sources, none of which named the "local paper" in Brazil that made the alleged comments about Karolina Kurkova during Sao Paolo Fashion Week, the Victoria's Secret hottie, who made $5 million last year, was derided for having
back fat, love handles, and cellulite.

Sympathy vote? Or just a random asshole who thought he'd get himself some free publicity from attacking the (future) hottest woman in the world? Either way, we don't care.

The #2? Leo DiCaprio's old flame Bar Rafaeli:

Super-Thin Supermodel Attacked For Being "Fat?"

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Hot or Not? Cindy Crawford at 42

Top 5 Celebrities Who May Or May Not Be Attractive: Part One

Hot or Not? Cindy Crawford at 42

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 18:45:00 GMT

Cindy Crawford never has to do anything again. She certainly doesn't need to prove herself as a model, since she retains the record for most magazine cover appearances. But perhaps, at 42 years young, Crawford is restless.

She's been off our radar for many years, and might as well have been a star in the 19th century for all the fashion industry cares. Which may be why everyone's going batshit crazy over these French Vogue photos-- folks don't even remember who she is...

We're a bit conflicted: the first time we saw Cindy Crawford, she was in a Victoria's Secret catalog our eight-year-old (!) cousin had stashed under his bed. Cindy reminded us of Steven Tyler in a way that was vaguely distracting, and so we moved on to Claudia Schiffer. Months later, in Vanity Fair or some place, Cindy turned up again as her usual fantastic-looking self and we started to come around.

Now we're not so sure... here she is at 42, with a spread from French Vogue... what do you think?

More photos here.

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Gisele Bundchen Finds Another Excuse To Take Off Her Clothes

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 16:32:00 GMT

Thank God there's something else to talk about today.

These were for the 30th Anniversary issue of American Photo, whatever the Christ that is. Nobody cares about you American Photo, just give us your half-naked snaps of Gisele and move along...

Seriously, though, we do dig Gisele on a non-superficial level as well, and our speculation on her personality is confirmed by the photographer:

His favorite Gisele? "It would be the chill Gisele, which is just us hanging out on vacation, with her acting silly and laughing in front of the camera," Nino Muñoz says. "Although sexy Gisele in six-inch pumps isn't bad, either."

The above totally pointless photos via American Photo, of course.

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Caption This: Agyness Deyn And Her Friend's See-Through

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 20:17:00 GMT

Golly, we just love these Fashion Week photos... not of any of these scary-looking pencils on the catwalk, but the celebutantes on the prowl after hours...

Agyness Deyn, boyfriend/alleged fiancee of Albert Hammond, Jr., was one of the healthier models to grace London's catwalks this week. My God, the woman who wore the outfit Agyness is wearing in these pictures? Please, if you're reading this, get some help.) After a show, she was out in a dress someone else wore and which was designed by her chum Henry Holland, and partying it up with Jaime Winstone in their revealing outfits.

But what's Agyness saying to Jaime in this photo... or is Jaime saying something to her? Your captions, in the comments...

Via The Daily Mail.

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Kate Moss: Unplugged, Uncensored, Uncovered

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 19:28:00 GMT

Kate Moss is our Girl of the Day, to be sure. First, she graces us with the news that she's going to get naked and perform in an orgy scene for her boyfriend's band's music video.

Then we get this Interview Magazine cover story, complete with outrageous quotes about men and sex, plus, of course, a stack of nude photos...

Were you ever too skinny?

Yeah, when I was doing shows and flying economy and nobody ever fed me... I hated it. I never liked being that skinny.... I was never anorexic, so I was never that skinny.

So, who's more diabolical, men or women?

Men for sure. 'Cause they're cunts! Absolute bastards!

What's the first thing you notice about a guy?

Oh, his eyes? The lips? I don't know.

A woman?

The tits. I'm a tit man. [They then talk about implants.] They are awful. So many of my friends have had them, and they’ve gone wrong. One of my friends’ tits started growling like the giant peach, and blood started coming out the nipple. Then another friend of mine had one that sort of moved up to her shoulder. One tit was normal, and the other was up by her collarbone. I know only one girl who has good ones. And most of them are so hard you can knock on them like a door. I’m not into them. I mean, if I got all saggy, like the sacks some women have after they have children, I’d have them done. I’m not against them, but if you have normal ones, just to have them enlarged for the sake of having big ones… I don’t really like big tits anyway.

Also, on how women over 30 are better in bed: "I could talk (dirty) when I was 20, I'm a lot better in the sack now."

What do you think? Is she hot or what?

Via Interview.

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Hot or Not: Heidi Klum Topless in Esquire

While You Were Sleeping: The Last True Supermodel

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 14:31:00 GMT

Anne Hathaway's karaoke song is rather fitting, don't you think?

The incident with his mom and sister was apparently not the only one during Christian Bale's wild Friday.

A list of the top Hollywood bachelors that in any way involves Ryan Seacrest is invalidated automatically.

Guy answers call from the cops on his cell phone by saying: "Dude, I can't talk, I'm being chased by the police," and hanging up.

Speaking of police, they arrested a man for stealing money from a fountain in a Florida mall. His total haul? 42 cents.

You're not gonna believe who Forbes magazine thinks is the best investment in Hollywood. (You were right if you said "whoever it is, it's definitely not Tom Cruise.")

And Naomi Campbell says she wasn't the "last true supermodel":

"Models need to earn their stripes - I just think the term is used a little too loosely.
"Kate Moss is obviously a supermodel but, after Gisele [Bundchen], I don't think there's been one."

Via IMDB.

Related:

Scanner Roundtable: What's Your Karaoke Song?

Sloppy Seconds: Whose Illegitimate Half Sister is This?

Sloppy Seconds: Update On The Christian Bale Story

Gisele Bundchen's Latest Nude Shoot May Be Her Finest Work Yet

Rumor Mongering (or Simple Math): Is Naomi Campbell's Vagina Infected?

UPDATE: Link fixed.

Italian Models Duke It Out In Picturesque Beach Brawl

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 18:41:00 GMT

Hottie Fight

Can someone translate for us?

The video is a drawn-out slap fest, but we just know that a bunch of Italian models screaming at and beating the Christ outta each other (while the men laugh and continue to treat them like garbage) has got to have some great dialogue.

Super-Thin Supermodel Attacked For Being "Fat?"

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 16:31:00 GMT

Does this woman look "fat" to you? Well, according to one Brazillian newspaper, the #6 highest-paid supermodel in the world isn't ready for the runway, and other outrageous statements for which "WTF?" seems too polite a reply.

According to several sources, none of which named the "local paper" in Brazil that made the alleged comments about Karolina Kurkova during Sao Paolo Fashion Week, the Victoria's Secret hottie, who made $5 million last year, was derided for having

back fat, love handles, and cellulite.

There are just a few shots of Kurkova's backside from the catwalk during the show in question:

While we see what these idiots are talking about, we still don't get what the hell's wrong with them for acting like she'd offended them in some way. This woman is beautiful. This woman is beautiful no matter what her ass happened to look like one particular afternoon on a runway in Brazil, from one angle, in one stolen moment. And even if it were true that was overweight, fuck them for attacking her for it.

Brazil, we never thought we'd say this, but you suck.

Thankfully, most of the media attacked the paper and praised Kurkova's body of huminatarian/charity work, in addition to her, um, bodywork.

Like most of us, Karolina has occasional weight fluctuations. But unlike most of us, when that happens, a lot of people notice. Looking great for the average person and looking great for a runway model are two vastly different things. There's no question that Kurkova looks amazing in the bikini she wore last week... [The Improper]

The next question is: Will Victoria's Secret agree with their Brazilian fans and dump the dumpy doll? Not a chance! Checkout these photos of her nude and you'll see why. [Post Chronicle]

Via the Improper.