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Top 10 Hottest Women Size 10 and Up

Emily Farris — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 16:57:00 GMT

Late last year, as men's magazines were coming out with their hottest women on the planet lists, we started to put together a list of hot, normal-sized women. As much as we hate the idea of having to create a separate list for women size 10 and up, we can't imagine the editors of FHM or Maxim drooling over a size 10 or 12. You can call Beyonce curvy all you want, she's probably still only a size 6. Hence the need for this list.

Unfortunately, we got stuck at around seven. We couldn't come up with ten relevant, prominent women who were the size of the average American woman (14) who could turn heads. Frustrated, we gave up on it. But last week, when we heard that Anna Wintour—who, to put it plainly, does not like fat girls—was going to fill the pages of Vogue with pictures of British songstress and former Crush of the Week Adele, we enlisted the help of our girlfriends to complete the list. It turns out most of them were frustrated, too, that they couldn't contribute more than one or two names. "This is sadly hard!!!" wrote one, to which we replied, "Actually, it's infuriatingly hard." But three months and 37 emails later, we have a list of ten amazingly hot women who we assume* wear a size 10 or larger. We know we've left plenty of beautiful women off of this list (and we hope you'll list them in the comments section), but we hope you'll enjoy Scanners Top 10 Hottest Women Size 10 and Up.

10. Keely Shaye Smith
Though she has an acting career of her own, we really only know Kelly Shaye Smith as Pierce Brosnan's wife—and unfortunately only because tabloids made terrible fun of some bikini photos of her. But we give Brosnan two thumbs up for his beautiful buxom bride of eight years.

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9. Missy Elliott
We have a hard time imagining Missy Elliot in anything but a trash bag, but once she ditched that getup, she got pretty damn hot. (Okay, she was hot then, but the trash bag really wasn't doing much for her.)

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8. Janet Weiss
Is there anything hotter than a chick who plays bass? How about a chick who plays drums? Janet Weiss, former drummer for the now defunct riot grrrl band Sleater-Kinney, now plays with Stephen Malkmus and the Jicks.

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7. Sara Ramirez
She was hot as George's wife, Callie Watts on Grey's Anatomy, but now that she's bringing some hot, lesbian action to the show, we imagine Sara Ramirez has earned herself a whole new set of fans (including us!).

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6. Adele
Had anyone heard of Adele before she made an appearance on what will forever be referred to as Sarah Palin's Saturday Night Live episode? Lucky for her, and us, everyone was watching. Just a few short months later, she took home a Grammy for Best New Artist.

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5. Jennifer Hudson
From American Idol to Dreamgirls to her 2009 Grammy Award for Best R&B Album, whenever we see Jennifer Hudson, we can't help but be proud of our own curves. We usually also put on a tight dress and dance around the house to Supremes albums.

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4. Neko Case
Men want her and women want to be her. Neko Case is a woman you can't help but like, and the ~~former~~ front woman for the New Pornographers is beautiful with her firey red hair and pale skin. At first we had a hard time believing Case was a 10, but we have it on very good authority (a friend who works in the music industry) that she is. And we like it.

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3. Queen Latifah
Easy, breezy, beautiful CoverGirl, actress, singer and rapper Queen Latifah has managed to reinvent herself enough to remain relevant—and smokin'—for 20 years. Here's hoping for another 20.

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2. Nigella Lawson
Without the T&A we all love so much, Nigella Lawson could probably squeeze that little waist of hers into a size 6. But we would hate for that to happen. Not only is she gorgeous, Lawson has gone through so much shit in her life (she lost her mother, her sister and her first husband to cancer) yet still manages to make sure we all eat enough chocolate.

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1. Christina Hendricks
We have to bow at the feet of Christina Hendricks for bringing Joan Holloway and her gorgeous curves into our lives, and back into the mainstream popular culture. While she likes her dresses snug, we heard from someone who used to share her clothes that she's most certainly a size 10. And on a scale of 1 to 10, a 10.

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*Disclaimer: This size thing is based purely on our own assumptions and/or input from people who claim to know. But being a size 10 ourselves, we're pretty good at guessing these things.

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Sloppy Seconds: Stripper Feels the Crunch

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 23:12:00 GMT

We just want to start out by saying you need to see the following three movies this weekend: Slumdog Millionaire, Milk, and The Wrestler, supposing they are out where you currently reside. Mickey Rourke's performance is one of the greatest so far this century, although Sean Penn is equally good on a more subtle level and could steal an Oscar from him, while Slumdog Millionaire is barely not cheeseball Bollywood/Hollywood, but the story hooks you almost instantly and the end-credit dance-off is the most eye popping in ages. Check out movie showtimes here.

In other news, we have a final result in the $54 million dry cleaning lawsuit...

Roy L. Pearson, the former administrative law judge who sued his dry cleaner for $54 million over a misplaced pair of pants, lost his final appeal in the District's highest court.
"Appellant failed to establish either that the Chungs' 'Satisfaction Guaranteed' and 'Same Day Service' signs constituted false or misleading statements, or that they lost his pants.

Next, we hope he gets sued (and loses again) over all this...

A stripper in Colorado has been making $18 a day thanks to the recession.

Want to have a day of hookey with your girl? Just call in anonymous threats to her school!

Wall-E seems to be benefitting the split votes among the critics, who can't decide on a favorite that any of them pick as their #1. Instead, they end up with everybody's second or third choice, the Pixar film that delighted audiences and baffled the gluttonous.

And Janet Jackson broke up with Jermaine Dupri, according to the tabloids.

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Top 5 Celebrities Who May Or May Not Be Attractive: Part One

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 16:43:00 GMT

You ever hear a friend raving and drooling about a celebrity that you check out and say, "Why the hell are you attracted to that person?" (Fess up, Backstreet Boys anti-fans.)

Sometimes it's the media trying to make a hottie out of a starlet or reality show contestant forced on them by an overworked publicist. Or it's a massively successful makeup team turning a Plain Jane/Joe into a model so that the readers of Us Weekly can reassure themselves that they, too, can be prince(sse)s.

First up: the Ladies Edition.

5. Ivanka Trump. The fact that she's even related to the Donald is strike one-- strike two are the similar features to him, which is too creepy for us. Nonetheless, she's classy, self-assured, and apparently without a monstrous ego, which is more than we can say for most people.

4. Angie Stone. Great singer, looks snazzy in a hat, and her music doesn't depress the shit out of us. That's all gotta account for something. But, as with the rest of these choices, we can't decide whether she's attractive or not.

3. Mariah Carey. This would've been a no-brainer if we'd showed a screenshot of her video for the "Fantasy" single (maybe it's being brought up on The Dukes of Hazzard, but we've always had a thing for jean shorts and short shorts), but nowadays, with the fake boobs, terrible movies, and the other fiascos, we're not feelin' it anymore...

2. Nicky Hilton. We're learning toward the "not" on the "Hot or Not" scale of things, but it does help that she has beautiful eyes and is not her sister in almost every imaginable way, which probably makes her more appealing than she would be otherwise.

1. Alanis Morrisette. How many times have you gone out with someone and kept it going because you thought the person was an awesome conversationalist and you didn't want to lose that? That's the likely predicament we'd find ourselves in if we ever ended up dating Alanis-- she's well-read, world weary, and able to hold her own over a couple of vodka cranberry's until the wee hours... which may be why we'd rather best friend her than anything else. (Con: She dated Ryan Reynolds. Ouch.)

(P.S. We didn't include Britney Spears on this list because there's no question that she is not currently appealing on any level.)

What do you think? Are we crazy for not wanting to get it on with all these very pretty women? And who did we miss?

Top photo (of Charlize Theron) via Esquire. By the way, in case you were wondering, Charlize Theron is unquestionably hot.

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The John Edwards Affair And Love Child Scandal: The Sequel

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 12:50:00 GMT

John Edwards, two-time Presidential candidate and John Kerry's Vice-Presidential pick in 2004, has been dogging a sex scandal for months, since December 2007, in fact. Now, as polls continue to show the former Senator as the most effective running mate for Obama (in terms of which states he helps pick up), his chances at a second nomination for VP is in serious jeopardy following these latest allegations...

According to the National Enquirer-- wait, stop. This is a serious story, being picked up by mainstream media, that comes from the National Enquirer? Well, it's not exactly trustworthy until you find out they're claiming they did their own reporting on this, following Edwards around and even attempting to corner him in a bathroom for a photo.

A team of ENQUIRER reporters caught the married ex-senator visiting his mistress and secret love child late Monday night at the Beverly Hilton hotel in Los Angeles hotel.

...Edwards got out of the passenger side, walked around the front of the car and went in a side entrance near the swimming pool. [A friend of both Edwards and his alleged mistress rented two rooms and, the Enquirer claims, stayed in one of the rooms alone so the couple could spend time alone.]
Edwards' advisers are "spitting mad and furious" that his late-night escapades have made international headlines because it could derail his chances of becoming Barack Obama's running mate. Edwards has not explained his whereabouts to any members of other news media outlets who have been trying to follow up on the story.

His mistress, blonde divorcee Rielle, meanwhile... is "in despair" that Edwards might cut off contact with her because their latest rendezvous has been exposed in the media.

You may recall that this story came and went during the run-up to the Iowa caucuses. First, the love child allegations surfaced; soon after, they were "buried" when a close (married) friend of Edwards' came forward to say, "Hey, wait a minute. It was actually me." The story quickly vanished from even the conservative blogosphere, although no one seemed to believe it. We all acted like the detective does when a death row inmate takes a rap for somebody else-- he may have his suspicions but he's happy just to close the case and move on.

Word on the blogs is that, by the time you're reading this, most major media will cover it-- at least with reservations similar to the ones we voiced in the second paragraph of this post. We'll have more later on...

Via the National Enquirer.

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Princess Eugenie's Endearing Nude Rampage

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 14:02:00 GMT

The English papers are in an uproar over Princess Eugenie's supposed nude "rampage" of last week. We here in America have a different word for it: we call it "college."

A senior staff member was woken by playful shrieks in the college grounds, and upon investigating found about a dozen young women dancing around without any clothes on. [via Telegraph]
“The girls had been drinking, possibly in a local pub, and decided to let their hair down.It was a couple of weeks ago just before people started taking their A-levels and some find exams all a bit stressful. For some reason they stripped off and started prancing about.” [via British Royal Wedding]

A royal source said: "It was nothing more than high jinks at the end of term in May. A group of them were reprimanded and that's the end of the matter." [Telegraph]

Yes, people, she's an eighteen-year-old girl in her (we're guessing) first year of university, having a bit of innocent fun in the buff, which is not immoral, not even in Britain. And, my God, hasn't the daughter of the Duke and Duchess of York suffered enough over the years, thanks to media scrutiny, a wild family life, and the pressures of royalty? Let's let her blow off some steam and, if she wants to stop allowing lame Photoshopping of her beautiful, natural curves (see bland, ultra-thin anti-Eugenie, pictured above) and ditch the oh-so-typical pretty boys, we are available for intercontinental iChat...

Mirror: Princess Eugenie Is Airbrushed

Telegraph: Princess Eugenie caught frolicking naked at school.

Why Hayden And I Broke Up: A Scanner Confession

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 21:00:00 GMT

As many of you are aware, I, Scanner Brian have long been the amour of Hayden Panettiere, star of "Heroes" and many a male fantasy. I wanted you to be the first to know that I've decided to end my relationship with this young lady... and why...

Turns out that Hayden is taking a page from her "Heroes" (har har) Paris and LiLo and has gone completely off the rails, turning into a bonkers Star Magazine celebrity we've always feared she'd become...

"It's great to be single. It's great to have boyfriends. Or girlfriends. There are occasions when you kiss your best friend growing up, having fun and goofing about. Like perfecting your technique!"

She's a switch hitter it seems and I won't stand for it. PS Y'all know I'm kidding, right? But apparently, some people are indeed afraid that our favorite cheerleader is going by way of Lindsay... you know, joining Ellen's team? You get it?

Newspaper Runs Topless Photo of 13 Year Old Girl

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 19:12:00 GMT

Above model is NOT the subject of this story and is probably over 18. We hope.

A German newspaper has caused a huge uproar after "mistakenly" publishing a topless photo of a thirteen-year-old girl on its front pages.

Bild, the country's #1 newspaper, which often puts naked women on its covers, ran a photo of a local girl as part of a contest to determine "the hottest girl of the summer." Someone nominated the young woman, who was then photographed by a freelance photographer...

...the minor was paid a fee for the photo and it was published with her mother's written consent. The paper's editor, the company said, had not been aware of the girl's age at the time. Bild said it has removed the image from its archive in order to ensure that it would not be published again.

Wait, her mother signed off on this?! Holy shit-- who knew Warren Jeffs had moved to fucking Germany?

By the way, the newspaper is not going to escape blame in this. Not after this little "snafu":

Generally, the newspaper includes the age of the models it uses on its front page, but on that date, it was conspicuously absent.

Hmmm....

Via Spiegel.

Amy Winehouse's Rampage

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 18:48:00 GMT

Amy was on the warpath again the other night, assaulting up to three people (that we know of), injuring herself and her reputation, and even inexplicably shouting for all to hear: "I am a legend, get these people out. I want to take drugs."

Her list of crimes, all according to a Yahoo! News summation.

1) She headbutted a total stranger whom she thought was trying to grope her shriveled boobs. Actually, dude, he was trying to hail you a cab. Not everybody is into 42 pound junkies, okay?

2) According to the Sun & the AP: "she allegedly punched a second person in the face before walking herself into a lamppost." Classic Marx Brothers material-- if the Marx Brothers were as dumb as Will Ferrell's last ten movies.

3) She was hanging out with, for much of the evening, Pete Doherty. Enough said.

4) And that's only the epilogue to the evening. Winehouse was barhopping earlier and slugged a male patron who refused to give up the billiards table:

"I feel so angry," musician Mustapha el Mounmi, who posed for the paper in his swollen-lipped glory, told the tabloid. "She smashed my face hard. I could not hit back—she's a woman."

5) One more PS, according to E!:

While Winehouse eventually made it home early Wednesday morning, she reportedly added one last insult to injury by stiffing her cab driver, refusing to pay any more than half of her fare.