Scanner : team america

Why You Should Never Deny a Kansas City Man His Ice Cream (Hint: You Will End Up Dead)

Emily Farris — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 18:01:00 GMT

Kansas Citians like to eat. Case in point:

A Kansas City man and his wife were enjoying some ice cream during their Laguna Beach vacation, when, according to the man, two gulls attacked the couple by knocking their ice cream to the ground and then peck, peck, peck, peck, pecking at the man. He said he had no choice but to defend himself against the birds by picking up a stick and beating the fucking life out of them. Well, one of them. The other bird flew off into the sea and hasn't been found. (Read: it flew into the sea to die).

While the loss of any life is, of course, sad, they're just seagulls, right? Right? Nope. Those weren't just any birds the man bludgeoned.

They were, apparently, of a rare breed and now the man, Dragan Djuric, is facing animal cruelty charges.

"That's right," said a Laguna Beach police officer. "He was very upset about spending money for ice cream he didn't get to consume."

Kansas City! Fuck yeah!

In the man's defense, the local Audubon Society said the gulls were a very aggressive breed.

Watch this local reporter re-enact the entire thing while holding onto the weapon, which is still sporting the evidence tag.

[CBS2 via Plog]

Related:

Hey Everybody, I Just Moved to the #1 Worst City for Dating!

TTYL, or, Kansas City Here I Come

Justin Timberlake Moves to NYC, We Leave

Racist or Not? Totally Racist Dress Code

Geography Lessons: Kansas City is in Missouri and So is Scanner Emily

Kansas City Mayor Loves His Wife (Too Much?)

[Image]

Ever Wondered What Sex With a Puppet Would Be Like? You're About to Find Out.

Nicole Pasulka — Fri, 02 May 2008 17:00:00 GMT

Team America Sex Scene - More amazing videos are a click away

You've seen sex betweeen marionettes in Team America: World Police.

But have you ever witnessed a real (pretty damn hot) human girl have sex with a puppet? More importantly, don't you kind of want to?

Chanelle Hayes Sex Tape
by svenstar07

Regarding Matt Damon: I'll See Your "Eff Yeah" and Raise You An "America, Eff Yeah!'

Bryan Christian — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 20:55:00 GMT

Actually, Scanners Nicole and Sarah, I'm agnostic on Matt Damon getting the 2007 People Prize for Outstanding Man Faces or whatever. I just felt lonely not participating in the fun.

Also, I couldn't stop laughing at this hi-res screengrab of the Matt Damon puppet from Team America. Those of you who haven't seen the movie: the caption doesn't mean what it seems to. Mostly.

Thanks, People Magazine! You brought the Scanner family together for a day!