Scanner : texas

Top 5 Nude Beaches in North America

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 18:43:00 GMT

If you're gay or just want to see a bunch of naked men making out, tanning, splashing each other, or just plain frolicking in the sun, OutTraveler has the list for you.

And if you're a lady person and just want to let it all hang out among guys who probably won't take your picture and put it on NudeBeachCam.com or whatever, you'll want to know where the hot spots are...

Theirs is a Top 5 list, beginning with the only entry for an ocean beach in the continental United States: unfortunately, it's in Miami...

1. Haulover Beach, Miami. Apparently, this is the only nude beach in Flordia and arguably one of the country's finest of any kind. Pro: Lots of good looking people. Con: It's in Miami, for God's sake. Not only that, it's a mob scene virtually from the crack of dawn to after the cops toss everyone off the beach.

2. Hippie Hollow, Austin. We were surprised to learn there was a nude beach in Austin and even more surprised to learn that Texas police haven't raided it with rubber bullets yet. Pro: "Over a hundred swimming holes, a gay-adored beach, and impressive climbing crags beckon from the star of Texas." Con: "The gay section is about 15 minutes walk to the left from the parking lot." Then again, that kind of distance between you and the rest of the local bathers could be a "pro."

3. Hanlan’s Point, Toronto. We don't often think "nude beach" and "Canada" go together, but this entry convinces us. Pro: The fifteen-minute ferry to the beach has an amazing view of the city and, at 6.50CA, is the only thing you'll have to spend money on to get to the sand. Also, water quality is monitored constantly and is usually excellent. Con: You have to wait for it to get hot enough. In Canada.

4. Little Beach, Makena, Maui, Hawaii. Up a trail in the hills of Maui, this island hideaway has one major catch: it's illegal to go naked anywhere in public in Hawaii. Pro: Bragging rights about going naked in Maui-- is there anything that can make your Facebook friends more jealous than to read that status update? Con: Having your hands cuffed behind your back when you're naked-- and not getting any S&M out of it.

5. Wreck Beach, Vancouver. Man, who knew there were so many opportunities to take your clothes off in Canadia Land? Pro: "Naked vendors ply the beach offering water, beer, sandwiches, and a surprising array of narcotics. Ask any student how to get to the access paths that lead down to the water." Better yet, ask a student while you're naked doing a snort of coke off your boyfriend's umbrella tip. Con: Absolutely nothing that we can think of...

By the way, if you're over in the UK, you should know that the country's oldest nude beach will close after this summer, thanks to coastal erosion (i.e. global warming.)

Via OutTraveler.

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Huge High School Sex Investigation Ends With A Single Arrest... A Lesbian Teacher

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 15:08:00 GMT

Schools across the state of Texas, worried about the outbreak of teacher sex scandals, have launched a full-scale investigation in several districts, aimed at finding out about the goings-on before the police or media do. Unfortunately, this move has backfired in at least one case-- an unnamed high school teacher, embarrassed after the whole school found out he'd been investigated, decided to resign even though the investigators exonerated him.

After school districts began complaining about the unrest among staff, investigators decided to back off... having arrest one single, solitary person.

Jennifer Lea Burton, a 39-year-old phys ed teacher and coach in Beaumont, was busted for having sex on at least three occasions with a 15-year-old girl. Burton met the girl through her work as a volleyball, track, and basketball coach in the fall of 2008 and started sleeping with her almost immediately, according to unsubstantiated rumors. Investigators say the acts happened between September and November of last year and then may have ceased. In any case, Burton was not found out until a few weeks ago, when her name was dropped during the investigation. Burton turned herself in to police on the sexual assault charges and was released on a $75,000 bond.

By the way, Burton has a daughter in the district-- possibly even at the same high school. That can't be good for her well-being, either.

Via The Beaumont Enterprise.

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Hot or Not: Russell Brand & Lookalikes

Colleen Kane — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 14:17:00 GMT

We missed some stories during that recent week we were at SXSW, one of them being the series of paparazzi photos of Russell Brand letting it all hang out as he surveyed the new day from his hotel room.

However, during that aforementioned week we didn't miss the handful of young men in Austin who were rocking a similar look to Russell, i.e., looking like longhaired stubbly scumbags from 1990. To which our reaction was, really?

You'll see in the comments to the News of the World piece about Russell that he's quite a polarizing character. So we must hand it over to you readers. Hot or not?

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Erykah Badu's Stalker

Colleen Kane — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 18:36:00 GMT

Erykah Badu kept everyone (including Scanner Brian) waiting for her free show at SXSW last week, but she had a good reason. Some obsessive wack job was camped out outside her house.

She twittered it, too, under her handle "fatbellybella": "Police just apprehended a stalker in front of my house. Stay tuned to details."

Here are some of those details...

Driving to Austin now. Just got on road .. Had to file police report .

Poor chic is apparently sick . I feel so awful . Police pepper sprayed her and cuffed her .

White woman mid to late 20's had visited my home 3 or so times . Brought w/ her weird writtings .

I was kind to her first 3 times . I knew something was off . She was wearing a dilla shirt today .

When I came outside she had flowers lined up in front of my house and had spray painted the no parking sign with a peace symbol .

She had several misc. Items spread out in the grass . Blue shutters, a rabbit, a tucan , and a sketch book...

I'm gonna be late for my show ... Messing around with her .

Passing thru Waco now...with dilla played loud .

So .. The lady came to the house 1st time today around 1pm .. After light threats from me and fam she left . Was parked ok the grass in front of my house

So she comes back 30 Min later .. By this time I feel violated for real .. Cause o girl wasn't threatened at all .

Had no choice but to put the ipolice In it . Tried to reason . I felt so bad for her and her dog .

When she saw cops she took off running behind neighbors house
... Obviously she had been to jail b4 cause she wanted no parts of that

By this time there were 6 cop cars , ambulance and a fire truck ..

3 officers chased her on foot whole we all watched .

She finally comes " walking " calmly around corner toward one cop car with that big ass dog

Cop snatched her hand behind her back and she began resisting violently..

Damn I'm late

Hold on my people .

... Anyhow, all I could think of while all this is going on is .. I'm gone be on media take out .. LOL

... Or bossip.com

Scanner Brian adds: "It seemed strange that no one mentioned she would be late. Her group came out without her, late already, kept chanting her name and then abruptly left the stage right at 8pm. The lights went down, so everyone left, angry. As we were at the exit gate, Badu suddenly took the stage, played two songs, and disappeared again. Apparently, they had run out of time and still had to get Explosions in the Sky onstage. Oh well, whatever."

When cops pepper-sprayed, then arrested the fan outside Badu's house, the stalker had arranged various items, like blue shutters, a rabbit, a toucan and a sketch book. Ummm, we would have called the cops, too.

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SXSW In Review: The Best Worst Week

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 14:19:00 GMT

Scanner Colleen is a spoiled brat. That's all we're going to say about this photo, which we reluctantly captured for her.

After a week in Austin, we're at Scanner Emily's in Kansas City, Missouri, en route to New York. You can practically smell the burnout on our clothes-- or maybe that's the three-day-old B.O.

Either way, we're exhausted for a 12+ hour drive through most of the state of Texas, all of Oklahoma and Kansas, and finally a quick hop over the Missouri border into Kansas City. Amazingly, Emily drove every inch of the way, including several stretches without the coffee IV in her arm. Along the way, we listened back to all the free music we'd obtained-- and here's what we discovered...

To me, at least, these were the five best acts and/or shows we stood through during Austin's South By Southwest 2009 Music Conference.

Richard Swift - we had just arrived at the Bust Party when this up-and-coming crooner/rocker took the stage at the Mohawk. We all planned to hit the bar and clean them out of Lone Star and/or Shiner Bock when Swift kicked into high gear. (Watch a song from his performance here.) Speaking for myself, I forgot my original first priority and the fact that Bishop Allen were playing next and just stood on the balcony, transfixed by the funky, sweet, and tightly-wound opening performance.

Harlem Shakes - We were at Maggie Mae's, thinking We Were Promised Jetpacks were playing. As the Jetpacks hit the stage, our first thought was, "Man, I think I had them confused with another band-- they're rockin', but something's different. A new lead singer?" It turned out, I had misread the Maggie Mae's poster and I was actually seeing Harlem Shakes, which I only realized after standing through the entire set, knowing I was seeing a true breakthrough performance. I'm glad I did.

M. Ward - Years ago, we saw M. Ward open for Cat Power at the Warsaw in Brooklyn. It was altogether-- and to this day-- the worst concert we've ever seen. Ward played a droning series of piano ballads and seemed lost. Chan came out later on and actually was lost-- wandering into a Jim Morrison-like abyss from which she finally emerged a few years later to become the great stage presence we heard through the hair in her face that night. So, it was with great reluctance that we attended BrooklynVegan's party headlined by Ward, lately of She & Him. Within seconds, we had realized two things: 1) Ward continues to distance himself from his audience and 2) the echo added to his vocals, the catchy new songs, and, most of all, the choice of acoustic guitar over piano made for a dramatic about-face from the 2003 (?) show in New York. Check out his latest record and the instantly catchy "For Beginners."

Ken Haddock - for most of the week, we enjoyed free lunches at Latitude 30's British Music Showcase. None of the performers we saw topped our first show-- that of a group of ragtag Belfast folkies hoping for their own little Once deals. Haddock was our favorite, and someone would be wise to cover his songs ASAP.

Thao with the Get Down Stay Down - I actually missed their show in the park, but Emily filled us in with some mp3s yesterday. The band, which isn't as (yet) popular as their tour mates Rilo Kiley, seem tighter and more focused than that other California band. Perhaps Thao isn't as distracted by solo projects as Jenny Lewis. Perhaps-- hate to say it-- their music is just better.

There were plenty of notable bands and memorable moments: our friends the Crystal Stilts... the surprise of seeing Dinosaur, Jr. for free at 1:30am at the Bust party... even saving Sylvain Sylvain's cell phone before he was to play with the New York Dolls. But those five artists mentioned above are the ones we came away with expecting we'll be bragging about for the next 12 months.

You should check out their music and do the same.

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Important Music Trend: Olds Backed Up by Cutes

Colleen Kane — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 13:45:00 GMT

Scanner Brian chastised me as "terrible" at SXSW in Austin last week for admiring some fine male specimens, while silmultaneously engaged to be married. What? I'm not dead! And believe it or not, there are significantly fewer fetching gents/cads in Baton Rouge than there were in Austin, so it was a special occasion.

It's great to see seasoned older musicians, but they don't always provide the best viewing experience. Some veterans throw some younguns onstage, and aesthetics instantly improve. The first instance of olds backed up by a band of cutes was the legendary Roky Erickson, who played with the Black Angels. The band looks better with the trippy colored lights (above), just like their psych rock sounds better with them. These guys and girl ROCKED IT.

And this shot above is pretty much the same but with another band member visible...and a slightly better view of the gang is here with this gratuitous publicity shot.

Exhibit B: Daniel Johnston and these cutes from Brooklyn (of course). They're called the somethings, I forget what, doesn't really matter. I know everyone in music (and Scanner Brian) thinks Daniel Johnston is the cat's meow, but he just made me kind of sad and I couldn't get into his music at all, so instead I focused on the two energetic slender young men on either side of him, before leaving two songs into the set.

So anyway, music industry and music lovers, take note. There should be more of such intergenerational performances.

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Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 20:12:00 GMT

It's not what you think. (Or is it?)

When Scanner Emily and I arrived at SXSW here in Austin, Tejas, we ended up staying with a couple of people who lived-- literally, as they said-- on the wrong side of the tracks on the wrong side of town. But their house was amazing-- stone walls, high ceilings, loft beds, LCD projectors, libraries, a garden, an office, and multiple bedrooms.

The best part of all was this...

Yes, they are raising baby chickens-- not for the slaughter, but because of all the delicious eggs they lay.

God bless Texas.

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While You Were Sleeping and We Should Have Been: Scanner Emily's Suitor

Colleen Kane — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 18:18:00 GMT

Last night we went to BUST magazine's SXSW party at the Mohawk, where the surprise headliners were Dinosaur, Jr. Emily was just saying that she better not leave Austin without at least making out with someone, so we split off from Scanner Brian, who she was calling BF and who might be mistaken for her bf. And that's when she caught someone's eye, big time.

Meet Emily's suitor, "Jose." Jose was smitten with Emily from first sight. In fact, I overheard him say "Who is that? Is she a writer?" As we passed him, before he approached us, then zeroed in on Emily and proceeded to tell her how pretty she is. Over and over. For a lot of the night. Jose was a very sweet, but a very intoxicated gent, bless his heart. (That's a phrase I picked up on this trip to Texas.)

I overheard him saying, "You make me want to go to Missouri all the time."

Emily tried to politely extract herself, but Jose kept finding her again, and despite us telling him that she ass rapes babies and that she has boob herpes, his ardor never waned. We also heard him tell his friends that Emily was his girlfriend.

This photo, taken by Scanner Brian, sums it up.

The best was this exchange:

Scanner Emily: "What have I been telling you all night?"

Jose: "That you're a super hot model."

Oh, Jose. But as Emily summed up, at least we got free beer. (One each. Jose's a gentleman.)

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While You Were Sleeping: Barack Obama In Big Trouble

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 14:04:00 GMT

Scanners Brian, Emily, and Colleen were at the Bust Party at SXSW last night, during which Dinosaur, Jr. made a surprise appearance. Needless to say, blogging will be slow this morning, with more activity later on...

The man himself-- Bruce Springsteen-- did The Daily Show.

This guy didn't realize everyone on the train he was supposed to be operating could see his penis.

Unfortunately, most of the spectators probably enjoyed this "catfight," in which boobs were bared.

We missed out on the news that PETA celebrated St. Patrick's Day in their own special way.

We heard about the topless bar in Austin that was busted for featuring a sixteen-year-old girl.

Seth Rogen calls his own back hair "glorious."

Barack Obama needs to stop making jokes. About anyone and anything-- it's making him sound more out of touch than Al Gore.

And right-wing crazies at WorldNet Daily believe teens are drinking poison to induce abortions. What do you think?

#notatsxsw

Colleen Kane — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 17:40:00 GMT

We understand that not everyone is at South by Southwest, and also that everyone who isn't at South by is probably getting pretty sick of hearing about it. Twitter (which everyone is also probably pretty sick of hearing about) has a tag for you!

Any Tweets from non-Austin origins can be tagged with #notatsxsw. And what began as a meme over the past few days has already turned into a website for everyone to gather, share, and plan their non- SXSW activities and parties.

Bitter? Yes, some of the #notatsxsw taggers are. Check this tweet:

A round trip ticket from PDX to Austin has roughly same carbon footprint as upgrading from a Jetta to a Hummer for 5 months. #notatsxsw

But for some, who are planning parties via their #notatsxsw tags, it's making lemonade from lemons.

This has been a public service announcement from Scanner. We now return to #sxsw.

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While You Were Sleeping: George W. Bush Is Brilliant

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 13:02:00 GMT

Howard Stern is understandably upset that the media thinks he's involved in this Anna Nicole Smith debacle.

We're not thrilled about the cast of the upcoming Beat Generation movie, although at least James Franco is in it.

As of this writing, in the wee hours of the morning Texas time, we're not sure what Natasha Richardson's condition is.

Forced entrepreneurship: the buzzword/phrase of 2009.

While Usher's wife recovers from botched plastic surgery, the singer... parties with strippers.

A pregnant woman, busted for her 7th DWI, went straight to the bar after her hearing.

Joan Rivers talked dildos on the Today Show a few days ago.

Who knew that George W. Bush would become such an eloquent, respectable elder statesman?

We love Judge Judy more and more every day.

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Happy St. Patrick's Day From Our Drunk Arses to Yours

Colleen Kane — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 22:12:00 GMT

Nice job we did on Scanner today, eh? No matter, it's St. Patrick's Day and 3/4 of the team is currently gadding about a town full o' parties.
To get you in the spirit of the day, here's a favorite by the Pogues, "Sunny Side of the Street." Incidentally, I just strolled down the shady side of the street to Austin's wonderful indie bookstore Book People, because when you're as pale as my Irish American arse, you don't ever walk in the sun if you can help it.

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While You Were Sleeping: Scanners in Austin

Colleen Kane — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 16:03:00 GMT

Last night, all of us Scanner types at SXSW finally met up in person. This photo is about how it went. Emily was calling that dangling bit her phone's penis. I thought she looked rather like a blow-up doll in this shot, so that's going to be her Halloween costume this year.

This is Emily stepping up to the guy from the New York Times. In the background is Fairbanks acting scandalized.

But then everybody made up.

We ended the evening at a karaoke night, where Emily danced with her new boyfriend here, who was then dumped a moment later when we pursuaded her to leave.

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While You Were Sleeping: Jen and John Redux

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 13:08:00 GMT

The Iraqi shoe thrower was sentenced to three years in prison. Come on, even if this happened in Texas while Bush was Governor, he probably wouldn't have received such a lengthy prison term.

Radiohead to a vindictive Miley Cyrus: shut up and "grow up."

This mama monkey in Thailand shows her incredibly cute lil' monkey offspring how to floss with human hair. And they say evolution is a myth.

Howard K. Stern and Anna Nicole Smith's doctor were charged with being complete assholes to her, basically helping her die young.

A great many teens appear to blame Rihanna for Chris Brown going medieval on her. Where does this kind of thinking come from? The parents?

Ashley Alexandra Dupree is getting spiritual advice from... Russell Simmons? Not that we're against it, but we're hoping he's advising her to abandon her singing career.

It seems John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston have broken up again. Moving along...

And Will Ferrel will broadcast his Broadway show on HBO at 9pm EST on Saturday.

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Woman's Husband and Stepfather Arrested For Blackmailing Her with a Sex Tape

This Week In Gayness: Sean Penn vs. Arnold Schwarzenegger

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 17:31:00 GMT

Is former New York City Mayor Ed Koch gay? Does anyone even care at this point?

Scariest hate crime suspect of all-time? This guy: "So I killed somebody - that makes me a bad guy?" We're against the death penalty, so let's hope he gets brutally beaten in prison every day for the next fifty years.

Lesbians in Massachusetts are suing the US government because they aren't allowed to check "Married, filing jointly" to save money on their taxes. (See similar post from yesterday.)

The Family Resources Council thinks prosecuting hate crimes is the same as prosecuting people for thought crimes. Yes, because when you drag a lesbian out of her car, rape her repeatedly for being a lesbian, beat her up and leave her for dead, you're only thinking it.

James Dobson is retiring from Focus on the Family. But we won't forget about him.

Our idea of a good time might occasionally involve a gay bar, but never when we're in Galveston, Texas.

All Sean Penn wants is to make Harvey Milk's birthday Harvey Milk Day. It's the least Gov. Ahnuld could do, right?

Meanwhile, California is doing what it can to stop Prop 8. First, the legislature did this. Tomorrow, the state will be in court to do this and hopefully help these people.

The next Mormons versus the gays battle? This time it'll be over civil unions in Illinois.

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Woman's Husband and Stepfather Arrested For Blackmailing Her with a Sex Tape

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 20:43:00 GMT

A woman in Silsbee, Texas is going through one helluva messy divorce. She's already engaged to another guy and, after getting drunk one night, had breakup sex with her hubby. Not long after, the woman's husband was arrested for filming that one-off sexual encounter on a hidden video camera.

And it only gets worse... and weirder...

Danielle Taylor, who prefers that her name be printed instead of "unnamed woman," would never claim to be 100% perfect. She only met her husband last January and they were already filing for divorce nine months later. On top of that, she was already engaged to another guy before 2008 was up. Then, one night, she decided to get drunk and have sex with her still-husband. But the fact that he filmed her and ultimately blackmailed her is in no way her fault.

It turns out that Taylor's stepfather had set up a video camera in the trailer where the sex took place, and the husband, Brian Bush threatened to mail the fiancee a tape of his future bride if she didn't dump the guy. Did you catch that? Her own stepfather.

Luckily, Taylor intercepted a UPS delivery of the package, but we're guessing that won't matter much to the guy who ultimately finds out about his girlfriend's extra-curricular sex life in the hometown newspaper. Anyway, the husband and the stepfather were both arrested on improper photography charges. They each face up to 24 months in prison...

...however... Taylor pointed out that her (ex-)husband did call her to apologize for sending the tape and warned her to catch the mail before her fiancee saw it. Also, Taylor told a reporter that her "father" is too old for prison life. You can read more about the case at this link.

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Sex Ed is Rotten in the State of Texas

Colleen Kane — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 21:03:00 GMT

A report came out today evaluating sex education in Texas, where teaching abstinence is the norm, and the findings are not promising.

After two years of studying instructional materials from 990 school districts, the watchdog group Texas Freedom Network determined that abstinence-only is taught in 94 percent of Texas schools, and that schools use shame, shame's bff religion, and scare tactics to discourage students from having sex, and some schools are reinforcing negative gender stereotypes.

Furthermore, 41 percent of materials used for teaching about condoms and prevention of STDs in Texas schools contain factual errors. One school district is teaching eighth graders that when used properly, condoms are only 80 percent effective in preventing pregancy. The actual effective rate is more like 97-98 percent.

"Most examples share a common purpose and likely effect -- discouraging young people from using condoms," says the report.

Some of their findings are outright baffling. One abstinence-only source, Wonderful Days, used in three districts contains this quotation: "If a woman is dry, the sperm will die, if a woman is wet, a baby she may get!"

Holy moly. The full report and executive summary are available on the Texas Freedom Network website.

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Sloppy Seconds: Nine-Year-Old Girl Marries in Texas

Emily Farris — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 23:39:00 GMT

This is the best news we've heard all day: apparently Andy Richter will serve as Conan O'Brien's sidekick when Conan takes over The Tonight Show on June 1. Dear Andy Richter, while we love you even when you're not by Conan's side, please do not leave this time to do any more sitcoms. Thank you. [AntiCool]

And the worst news we've heard all day: there's a Gmail phishing scam spreading like wildfire this evening. We've already gotten two requests. Read this before you open any 'chat' emails. [Mashable]

Diablo Cody + zombies = awesomeness. We hope. [AfterEllen]

Is it possible that Cameron Diaz is finally going to settle down? [FameCrawler]

If you'd like to read some psychohipsterbabble that we can't really wrap our heads around read this. [Vulture]

Best headline of the day: "Man sues ex-girlfriend for hairy postcards." [APP]

This is really sad and (we don't want to sound insensitive) but also, sort-of, um, creepy? Maybe we're just heartless and can't quite get behind the fact that a couple in Texas staged a wedding for their nine-year-old daughter. Perhaps what bothers us most is that at that age, the one thing she wanted to do before she died was get married. [Video: CNN]

Facebook Prevert Purge Brings Up Issue of Sex Offender Rights

Colleen Kane — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 19:53:00 GMT

Facebook recently purged over 5500 registered sex offenders from their social networking service, and now a new bill in Texas is calling for sex offenders to also register their email addresses, cell phone numbers, and online screen names, in addition to the usual address and photo available to the public.

Won't someone think of the sex offenders? Actually, one guy's case might make you reconsider.

In the case of Marc P. in Texas, his crime was a decade ago, when he had sex with a 14 year old at age 18. We personally know tons of sluts who had bfs in their 20s and even 30s while they were still underage. But should those old sleazes who engaged in consensual relationships be on sex offender lists with violent rapists and molesters? Also, critics have also pointed out that the current system is already rife with errors.

"What's next, a chip in my brain? A scarlet letter?" asked Marc in the Dallas News. "Are they going to look me up on dating Web sites? Check out my Facebook page? Now I'm going to be punished for being computer literate."

Things that make ya go hmmm.

Related:

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Mama Bear Made Fantasties Come True For Teen Boys

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 18:53:00 GMT

A woman in Huntington, TX may have chanced on our story a while back about the Trailer Trash Tramp who gave Teens Two Tickets To Paradise (or somethin' like that) and found some inspiration in its sordid tale...

Trishana Broussard, who we are not calling "trailer trash" or anything so insulting, was arrested last week for sexual assault of a child, a second-degree felony offense. Since then, more strange details have emerged-- Broussard, known as "Mama Bear" around these parts ("ah, so that's what that meant," the local parents most be thinking), is being investigated for approximately 8 to 10 cases of having sex with different teenage boys. Victims are too embarrassed to come forward, say the cops, because they all seem to know each other... and no one wants to face each other after being told of their friends getting their own sloppy seconds.

One of the boys told Sifford in an interview that Broussard allegedly performed oral sex on him and they also had sexual intercourse, the chief said.

The other one told Sifford that Broussard had taken to him a cemetery and performed oral sex on him, the chief said.

Broussard has denied all of the allegations made by the two boys, but did say she may have sent some inappropriate text messages to the boys, Sifford said.

"Some" translating to over 100 to one boy alone, according to his parents. See, the reason there appear to be more of these underage-sex cases than ever is thanks to text messaging. There were probably just as many incidents in the past, but it was harder for police to make arrests, since suspects didn't so idiotically incriminate themselves.

Via the Lufkin Daily News.

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BBC Wants You to Know You'll All Get Sex Cancers

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 16:27:00 GMT

Sex cancers are going to get you! Sex cancers are going to get you!

Can you tell it's a slow news day all over the world, especially at the BBC?

According to their intrepid reporter and staggering research power, the British Broadcasting Corporation has revealed that all that sex and drugs and rock 'n roll you baby boomers enjoy so much has led to cancers of your genitalia:

Rates of anal, vulval and vaginal cancers rose for "baby boomers" born in the decades after the Second World War.

The culprit is the human papillomavirus (HPV), acquired during sex, said the King's College London study.

Up to three out of four people will be infected, it estimates. The British Journal of Cancer report says changes in sexual habits may be the cause.

HPV has been implicated in a number of cancers, including cervical, anal, vulval, vaginal and penile - although the diseases can be caused by other factors too.

We had to check this story's publication date to make sure, but we can confirm that the BBC has discovered the existence of HPV... after the entire state of Texas. Now, that's news...

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While You Were Sleeping: Lily Allen in the Fight of Her Life

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

Stephen Fry twittered about getting stuck in an elevator.

Here's a guide to touching boobs.

The latest "save the planet" theory? People should have more sex.

This jerk just won the right to attend a university even though he'd been banned from it for his disgusting feet stench. What, he couldn't just clean it up or cover the smell with super-awesome socks?

New York City is losing its loveable weirdos on an almost daily basis.

Thankfully, New York is still cool... in Legoland.

Zombies attacked Texas... now they're attacking Illinois!

Osama "Sam" Lufti is suing his former client, Britney Spears, and her wacky parents.

And Lily Allen learned that it's best not to even have a joke snowball fight with kids. The snowballs turned brutal and the cops were called in to arrest six children...

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We Wish They'd Shut Down American Idol Instead of Stripper Idol

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 23:56:00 GMT

Did anyone else see this train wreck, pictured above, who somehow manage to squeak by the competition and land a trip to Hollywood? Not only did she skank it to the max to highlight her vocal shortcomings, but then she tried to make out with Ryan Seacrest-- twice. Bleech.

30.1 million people tuned in for Tuesday night's season premiere of American Idol. Among those who were not watching-- patrons at the Austin bar The Palazio Men's Club, who had better things to do...

(Sure, the contest is on Thursday nights, but it's not like the patrons were watching Fox the other night, what with glorious stripping right in front of them.)

American Idol's lawyers, who apparently have infinite amounts of money and time, decided to shut down the Texas competition which pits amateur topless females in 60-second strip-offs for a cash prize of $500. (That's it? Hell, strippers used to make $500 a night each... and now there'll only be one and everyone else gets zilch?) The bored lawyers claim that the "color scheme, design and font" of the Austin competition is too similar to the Fox one-- we're sure it's identical, but that's not the point-- and then this gem:

"There is a substantial likelihood that consumers will be confused, misled or deceived as to the sponsorship ... of the defendants' stripper talent contest."

Right. Grandma who wants to see another Jordan Sparks wannabe is going to go to a bar, thinking that the show is no longer on TV, and will somehow miss that the word "American" has been changed to "STRIPPER." Of course, the judge will side with whomever has the highest-paid lawyers, so Texas is screwed again.

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Infidelity: Blame It On My Hormones

Emily Farris — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 19:09:00 GMT

Okay, not my hormones so much, because I apparently don't have high numbers of the hormone in question (though I wonder if it's available in pill form?). But according to a new study out of the University of Texas, women with high concentrations of oestradiol are more likely to cheat on their partners.

How do you know if you or your lady friend has high levels of oestradiol?

Well, is she hot?

High concentration of the hormone is associated with with big breasts, facial attractiveness and low waist-to-hip ratio.

Like we said, we obviously don't oestradiol coming out of our ears or anything (but we weren't joking when we asked about it in pill form) but women who do are "likelier to flirt, kiss and have a serious affair outside an established relationship" because "men solicit such women."

So, hot people are more likely cheat? Oh, sorry "sexy women" (see below).

[AP: Hormone drives sexy women to infidelity, says study]

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Surviving a Plane Crash, via Twitter

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 14:10:00 GMT

Yesterday's incident at Denver International Airport could have been a major disaster, had quick-thinking passengers not bailed out the Emergency Exit rows before the plane became, well, what you see in the above photo: a crippled, burnt-out and collapsed hunk of metal and melted plastic...

While we would kill for a Tweet from inside a plane going down-- the internet's version of the black box-- with the Twitterer (and all other passengers) having survived, of course, the next best record of the events would be Mike Wilson's record of escaping the burning Boeing 737. His flight to Texas didn't make it off the runway, as you will see:

to all who’ve asked, it’s hard to know exactly what went wrong — we were in the middle of a normal takeoff when we suddely veered off 16 minutes ago
a 1st class passenger I talked to indicated he saw the left engine come off at the time, but it’s unclear if this was a cause or an effect 16 minutes ago
shortly after we veered off, the plane quite obviously left the runway at high speed (maybe 100 kts) and proceeded to go 4 wheel driving 14 minutes ago
i think we might have gone into a ravine and dropped some distance as there was a sudden bottom-dropped-out feeling and then a jolt 13 minutes ago
i believe it was after the jolt that the right engine, which was near my row, caught fire 13 minutes ago
by the time the plane stopped we were burning pretty well and I think I could feel the heat even through the bulkhead and window 12 minutes ago
whoever was on the left side exit row, god bless him, was johnny on the spot and instantly had the door open - people crowded out in a mass 11 minutes ago
I made for the exit door as quickly as I could, fearing the right wing might explode from the fire. once out, i scrambled down the wing 10 minutes ago
there was a fire station nearby and that’s where we all ended up right after the crash 9 minutes ago
fortunately, there didn’t seem to be any life-threatening injuries 8 minutes ago
@mjcarrasquillo this was on takeoff. I'm not sure, but I would speculate some type of mechanical failure. about 15 hours ago from web in reply to mjcarrasquillo
I'm very grateful to still be here. Thanks again to all the well wishers. I'm amazed and humbled by it all. about 15 hours ago from web
Heading to the airport for another try at flying to Houston. about 7 hours ago from twitterrific
Waiting in the continental club for the "replacement" flight. Noticing I'm a little sore. about 6 hours ago from twitterrific
Media circus ensues. Sitting on the plane waiting to take off about 5 hours ago from twitterrific
I'm sitting as close to the exit as possible this time http://twitpic.com/uyqb about 5 hours ago from twitterrific
Crash #1 was a "water landing" in a small plane. about 5 hours ago from twitterrific
@showtunes no-won't get our luggage for a while I think and sounded like my mac is likely melted to the floor about 5 hours ago from twitterrific in reply to showtunes
Touchdown! The crowd goes wild! about 3 hours ago from twitterrific
Found out chairman of Continental was on our flight. That's putting your money where your mouth is. about 2 hours ago from twitterrific

We particularly enjoyed his tweets about making sure to sit as close to the exit row as possible this time and the chairman of Continental taking the return flight to make sure all went well. Why aren't we reading about this guy in the media? He deserves a mention for sure.

You can keep tabs on Mike, a.k.a. "2drinksbehind" at his Twitter page.

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Three Men Jump 12-Year-Old Girl, Beat Her Up, Call Her A Hooker... Then Arrest Her

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 20:25:00 GMT

We've been reading about this story for a few days now, but we were waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Yes, this story is so shocking, we assumed it was fake, exaggerated, or rife with accidental factual errors or some combination of the three. Unfortunately, though, the Galveston Police Department has not released a plausible denial, so we have to assume that, to a large extent, this is a true story...

Here's what we (think we) know:

1) A 12-year-old African American female is playing in front yard in Galveston, Texas two years ago. Out of nowhere, a van pulls up and three men jump out, call her a prostitute and grab her. When she screams "Daddy, Daddy," they clamp her mouth shut and beat her on the mouth and face. Her father responds to her cries (hero!) and starts beating up the men (not heroes.)

2) The men (if one can call these pieces of shit that) turn out to be police officers. All kosher so far, right? Whoops-- it turns out they were plainclothes cops, didn't identify themselves as police (big no-no, as any boy in blue will tell you), and were supposed to be responding to a report of three Caucasian prostitutes in a different part of the neighborhood. What excuse did these officers provide for seizing on the pre-teen black girl? She was wearing "short shorts." (We'll refrain from making a crack about how all preteen girls would be prostitutes under these guidelines since, well, preteen girls are surely acting more and more like prostitutes these days, anyway...)

3) The girl, who is an honor student, was released and subsequently arrested while in school, where she is an honor student. She was charged with "assaulting a public servant"-- which itself is almost a sick joke, since every word of that charge is a boldfaced lie.

4) No one heard about the case for two years because, quite justifiably, the girl and her family were afraid to tell anyone. An intrepid reporter spotted the ongoing case on a court docket and blew the lid off the whole thing. Of course, the mainstream media are ignoring the story-- probably because the family is poor, black, from Texas, and probably unwilling to cooperate with the obnoxious press. We can't say we blame them, although we hope that this gets major publicity and that all three police officers lose their jobs...

...if this is a factual story, of course.

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Sloppy Seconds: What Pete Wentz Likes Even More Than Taking Pictures of His Penis

Emily Farris — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 00:21:00 GMT

Must politicians from states like Texas and Colorado always be photographed wearing cowboy hats? [NYT]

Celine Cawley who played a party girl in the James Bond film A View to Kill with Roger Moore is dead at 46 after being beaten to death on the patio of her Dublin home Tuesday. [Radar]

New Yorkers, if Governor Paterson wants puts tax on all of the entertainment you download, does this mean you'll soon be paying more for porn? (ProfRobert?) [Vulture]

We should probably be excited instead of creeped out by this facial transplant, right? [People]

In an interview with Howard Stern, Pete Wentz wanted everyone to know that he and his wife, Ashlee Simpson Wentz, "have an amazing sex life." And then he took it there: "It was at the Soho Grand Hotel [in New York City], and I'm looking in the mirrors, [thinking], 'Oh my God, you are [sleeping with] the girl of your dreams, and you can watch yourself!'" he said. [Us]

Rice University's Sex Magazine A Slap in the Face to Houston Elite

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 20:47:00 GMT

Conservatives don't want you to learn anything about sex, because that would lead to fulfilling marriages... and we all know that happy people don't listen to right-wing talk radio.

Parents of Rice University students are trying to figure out how to put a stop to a student-run magazine that openly (hence the title, seen above) discusses sex, as if twenty-one-year-olds should be allowed to talk about it, let alone have it...

Open, the Houston-based publication in question, has already received national attention for depicting nude female students in its pages. But the fact that the school hasn't been able to plug the loopholes the publishers have squeezed through hasn't stopped parents from pursuing other actions. Students aren't all filled with immature glee either:

The content of the 68-page magazine included articles, poems and short fiction with titles such as "Abstinence-Only Education Is Anything But," "Health and Body" and "Exploring Health Benefits of Sex."
The publication debuted on Rice's campus and in nearby businesses last spring to a mostly positive, albeit shocked, student reaction, Solnick said. [ABC News]

You can check out the magazine here and decide for yourself if these kids are up t'no good...

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Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 14:08:00 GMT

Shots were fired at the motorcades of the Presidents of Georgia and Poland, although no one was hit.

A drag queen hosted a Miss Texas pageant, to the obvious horror of parents.

A boy in Florida was arrested for something heinous. No, we mean the reason he was arrested was heinous. Oh, never mind, you'll see:

Maybe the 13-year-old student at Martin County's Spectrum Junior/Senior High thought he was being funny by repeatedly and purposely passing gas during computer class.
His teacher, D.C. Carden, didn't bust a gut over the boy's breaking wind - not to mention his continuous turning off classroom computers - so he gave the boy a referral and sent him packing to the school resource officer for a little talk. "He subsequently informed me it was factual, and I informed him as a result of his behavior he was being charged with Disruption of a School Function,"

The boy was arrested for farting. He was released to his mom. No word on what he did in the car on the way home. [Blogs.Tampabay.com]

A teacher denied an inappropriate relationship with a young girl... until the girl was found in his closet. Whoops.

Hate crime is on the rise in Utah, down everywhere else.

A town near Barcelona is using solar panels atop gravestones to power itself.

They finally caught the Butt Bandit we warned you about.

11 Things He Wants From You, according to a male writer at MSN.

Boris Becker was dumped by text message. The woman in question was his fiancee.

And Madonna wants Britney Spears to move into her place... as some sort of ploy to get her back into Kabbalah... or something.

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While You Were Sleeping: The Latest On Hillary Clinton's Career Move

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 14:48:00 GMT

With the new Guns 'N Roses CD due at Best Buy stores on Sunday, Dr. Pepper wants to remind you of its promise for free sodas marking the album's release date.

Letterman and Couric trashed Keith Olbermann.

Does this mean there is going to be another Bourne movie?

Universal Pictures has made an overall deal with the estate of "The Bourne Identity" author Robert Ludlum that gives the studio exclusive rights to the Jason Bourne character and first look at other Ludlum novels. [Variety]

Barack Obama will name Hillary Clinton Secretary of State sometime after Thanksgiving, including to some leaking aides.

Cheerleader initiation rituals in Texas? Even scarier than you'd think: a gang of hooligan girls have been charged with binding and gagging junior varsity newbies and tosses them into a pool. What the hell was that supposed to prove? That they could drown for the cause? How could they not
prove that?

The Guy Ritchie-Madonna divorce heads to the courts today in London.

And as of 1:45 this morning, it seems that the latest news on current Attorney General Michael Mukasey is that he's "alert" and "conversant" following what, in our best guess with what little information we have, sounds like a possible stroke. Mukasey was giving a speech, during which he speech became slurred. Midway, he collapsed and was rushed to the hospital.

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