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Woman Injured By Victoria's Secret Thong

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 15:51:00 GMT

Dudes, don't let your ladies see this post...

How ridiculous is this? We understand that it may have hurt like hell, but this is the very definition of an accident and we don't see how a person could, other than for reasons of greed, blame Victoria's Secret for their predicament:

Macrida Patterson, a 52-year-old Los Angeles traffic officer, told NBC's "Today" show that she suffered cuts to her cornea from the small piece of metal that had been used to secure a rhinestone heart onto the blue thong.

"I was putting on my underwear from Victoria's Secret and the metal popped in my eye. It happened really quickly. I was in excruciating pain. I screamed. That's what happened," Patterson told NBC.

Patterson's lawyer Jason Buccat, who also appeared on the "Today" show, said the metal staple causes "severe damage" to her cornea that required a topical steroid.

You can always count on the "Today" show for breaking culturally relevant news stories such as this one. We can't wait for Monday's show, reportedly to feature "the latest music sensation, hip-hop rap music!"

Via Reuters.

James Carville's Jesus Complex & Judas Penis

Katie Halper — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 17:31:00 GMT

James Carville accused Bill "Hot When Bearded" Richardson of betrayal of biblical proportions, saying "Mr. Richardson's endorsement [of Obama] came right around the anniversary of the day when Judas sold out (Jesus) for 30 pieces of silver, so I think the timing is appropriate, if ironic." The irony, of course, is that Carville commits betrayal of biblical proportions every time he biblically "gets to know" his wife.

Nobody shows us that politics makes strange bedfellows, literally, and figuratively, more than Democratic Spin Doctor Clintonite Jim Carville and Mary Matalin, his Republican Spin Doctor Bushie wife. The Carville-Matlin duo deserve our bipartisan praise for overcoming their ideological differences through pure unadulterated sexual chemistry.

Let’s be honest, people, who among us could resist her beady eyes, and almost invisible lips, and his smooth cranium and teasingly tinted glasses. But if Richardson's getting behind Obama makes him a Judas, what does Carville's getting behind Mary make him? Does Carville feel the holy spirit slip out of his soul when he slips out of his blue pajamas, slips off Mary's red teddy and enters her land of Cain? Does Carville tell himself it's the devil that is making him take off his donkey briefs and pull off her elephant thong? Is the Satanic serpent tricking the Carvillian serpent into tasting Mary's forbidden fruit?

We can only assume that Carville has a Jesus complex and a Mary Magdalene fetish. A J~~esus~~ames C~~hrist~~arville Mary Magdtalin role-play routine is the only thing that could explain the miracle of their marriage and the only way JC could live with himself and sleep with his wife.

American Apparel Trades Sex For Politics

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 20:09:00 GMT

Wink, wink.

Although we've covered this subject before, any excuse to pun about sex and politics without invoking Lewinsky is an opportunity not to be passed by.

Dov Charney, the allegedly sexist/mysoginist/craziest owner of American Apparel, has released a new statement and poster attacking US Immigration policy. According to Javno, the two workers pictured above are from Guatemala and work in the store's L.A. ~~sweatshop~~ factory. Charney famously closed down production so all his workers could join the massive pro-immigration rally in May 2006.

There's no question of his commitment to ~~sex~~ the pro-immigration movement, but can we still despise him in spite of his good works?

Check out these memorable American Apparel moments and lets us know what you think: