Scanner : tina fey

Tina Fey Was On Sesame Street?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 13:59:00 GMT

It was over two years ago, but you think we'd remember something this good.

Luckily, Jezebel and Strollerderby broke out the video yesterday to remind us of it. The occasion? The Sesame Street DVD from that season will be out on Tuesday. Hopefully, this video will stay up on YouTube until then. (And, by the way, never let it be said that Tina Fey can't act. She manages to keep a straight face during all this nonsense.)

Related:

It's Like Reefer Madness But With Dogs

Feist Is Very Well-Qualified to Teach Counting on Sesame Street

What Do Tina Fey and Megan Fox Have In Common?

Ina Maier — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 23:05:00 GMT

We never thought it would happen, but it's true. These two leading ladies have a very big something in common...

The answer? Men!

Turns out both Megan Fox and Tina Fey top the list of celebrity women most men would want to party with. According to an Asylum.com poll, Megan Fox eked out a lead with 40% of the vote, followed closely by Tina with 31%. The rest of the list, including Lindsay Lohan, Penelope Cruz, Kim Kardashian, and Paris Hilton, found themselves in the distant and dismal single digits.

We're pretty sure this just taught us more about men than 4 drunk years of college psych. And, well, college.

Megan Fox Is So Hot Right Now, GQ Can Just Recycle Her Photos Every Month

Megan Fox's Lesbian (Stripper) Love

When Tina Fey Was "Fat," Her Cups Runnethed Over

If Only Tina Fey Would Play Sarah Palin in the Forthcoming Porno

10 Hottest Funny Women

Colleen Kane — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 14:30:00 GMT

"Hot," especially used in conjunction with the factor "funny" regarding women, is highly subjective. Remember when Jenny McCarthy was trying to market herself as a zany, goofy-face-making, comedic actress? Although J McC was a woman, and she was making clown faces, and was considered hot by many, this writer was not having it.

And for this writer, a great sense of humor makes someone more attractive. So in this list, when using the term "hot" for women, hilarity weighs more heavily than conventional perfect-10 looks.

10. Maya Rudolph

Maya's mom sang that song "Lovin' You." Maya herself played a mean Donatella Versace on "Saturday Night Live," generally excelled on the show playing exotic oddballs, and also starred in the sleeper hit Idiocracy.

9. Chelsea Handler

Chelsea is good with the funny interviews, but I can't get that into her because she reminds me of this one fluffhead from my high school who had platinum-blonde CC DeVille hair and orange pancake makeup, who would routinely zero in on some poor slob in our class, then verbally eviscerate them under the guise of being "funny." Not saying Chelsea is that mean, but she still reminds me of that girl.

8. Kristin Wiig

Kristen joined the SNL cast in 2006. What's known so far: this gal is conventionally very pretty, she's good with impressions and acting in sketches on "SNL," also good guesting on "Flight of the Conchords." Bigger roles are coming for her, we thinks.

7 . Sarah Silverman

Sarah is a striking beauty, and would probably be more like number one on other such lists made by people who are bigger fans of her comedic stylings. Emphasis on NUMBER ONE. GET IT?! She makes poo-poo and pee-pee jokes.

[Image: HEEB]

6. Alex Borstein

Best known as the voice of Lois Griffin on "Family Guy" and Ms. Swan on "Mad TV," Alex is one of two women among mostly men on the "Family Guy" writing staff, and is also a standup comic who isn't afraid to call herself a C. "Call yourself a cunt first, then it doesn't matter who else does," she says. Or so claims this interview.

[Image: Playgirl]

5. Niecy Nash

Niecy Nash, better known as Raineesha Williams on "Reno 911" and the host of "Clean House," is hilar. Also, she wore a huge prosthetic booty with a thong bathing suit on the red carpet. Love her.

4. Amy Poehler

"SNL." Weekend Update. Baby Mama. This photo says it all.

3. Margaret Cho

Ms. Cho has been fighting the good fight for years and continues to perform and tour regularly. One of the world's best fag hags, she will be hosting the GayVN Awards at the end of this month.

2. Janeane Garofolo

1990s: amazing standup and (less amazing) movies. 2000s: raging against the Bush regime on Air America. Always awesome.

[Image: celebs101.com]

1. Tina Fey

Before her uber-glamorous turn at this year's Oscars cemented our girl crush on Tina, her Liz Lemon on "30 Rock" was one of the only the only real, identifiable female characters on prime time. And there's the Weekend Update, the Sarah Palin impression, the Mean Girls, and being the first female head writer on "SNL."

Then there was this dress.

Le sigh.

(Who else would you expect on Scanner for #1?)

[Image: AP Photo/Chris Carlson]

The 5 Hottest Men And 5 Hottest Women Of The 2008 Summer Olympics (Part Two)

The Top 5 Hottest Female Politicians

30 Rock Cast Member Looking for Dates

Colleen Kane — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 19:50:00 GMT

That's right, 30 Rock has a lonely heart on the cast, and Time Out New York's dating issue (and now Scanner) is providing the general public with a direct email contact to use as they please.

It's not any of the cast typically celebrated when we speak of 30 Rock; your Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin, Tracy Morgan. It's comedian Judah Friedlander, or the guy on 30 Rock who wears the hats that say the things on them.

Here's what he says in the article "Date These New Yorkers": If you want marriage, kids, an outer-borough nonhipster residence, a guy that was just voted 'Worst Dressed' at the Emmy’s and the SAG Awards, does stand-up comedy just about every night, who is also the greatest athlete in the world, is banned from China because he’s too good at karate, collects 'amazing art' and bad movies, plays lots of Ping-Pong, was kicked out of the porn industry because he was too sexually powerful, and is a role model to children—then I’m your man.”

Love letters can be sent to judah_f@yahoo.com.

Related:

Cultural Clusterf*ck: Gossip Girl Meets 30 Rock

30 Rock: Jumping the Gun or Jumping the Shark?

Top 10 Reasons To Watch 30 Rock

Sloppy Seconds: Evan Rachel Wood Goes There, We Lose Our Lunch

Emily Farris — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 23:07:00 GMT

Novelist John Updike is dead at 76. [AFP]

Don Draper on 30 Rock is going to give us serious sensory overload, and we're going to like it! Here's a preview: [Vulture]

Perv alert! Naked Broadway star ~~Harry Potter~~ Daniel Radcliffe invited Sasha and Malia Obama to "Hogwarts." We've not read Harry Potter so that probably sounds a lot dirtier and more grown up than it really is. [People]

Bill O'Reilly called Jessica Alba "dumb" and she did not like it. Not one bit. [Us]

News flash: Bret McKenzie and Jemaine Clement (from "Flight of the Conchords" for those of you who live in a cave) are not poor in real life. Did we really need a news story to tell us that? Um, apparently, we did. [Yahoo!]

21-year-old Evan Rachel Wood was spotted making out with her 56-year-old on-screen dad Mickey Rourke last night. Gag us with a lock of his greasy hair! [FOXNews]

The Great Tina vs. Kate Debate Rages On

Emily Farris — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 22:05:00 GMT

Yesterday we asked which award winner you'd rather and the comments are still rolling in...

As Scanner Brian mentioned [yesterday] morning, Tina Fey and Kate Winslet are sweeping 2009 awards, both taking home Golden Globes and SAG honors. And in the spirit of keeping women catty and pitted against each other, we have to know which one you'd rather. So, who will it be? The challenger and funny girl of every man's dreams, Tina Fey, or our reigning champ from the WWYR Golden Globes Edition, the sultry Brit Kate Winslet? Decisions, decisions!

Read More...

Who Would You Rather: Tina Fey vs. Kate Winslet?

Emily Farris — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 23:13:00 GMT

As Scanner Brian mentioned this morning, Tina Fey and Kate Winslet are sweeping 2009 awards, both taking home Golden Globes and SAG honors. And in the spirit of keeping women catty and pitted against each other, we have to know which one you'd rather. So, who will it be? The challenger and funny girl of every man's dreams, Tina Fey, or our reigning champ from the WWYR Golden Globes Edition, the sultry Brit Kate Winslet? Decisions, decisions!

Related:

Tina Fey Tells Everyone to 'Suck it' at the Golden Globes

Top 10 Reasons To Watch 30 Rock

Who Would You Rather: Golden Globes Edition (Kate vs. Sue)

[Image, Image]

AskMen's Top 99 Women

Colleen Kane — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 22:32:00 GMT

Today is special not just because it's the day after the Inauguration. No: today also marks the debut of AskMen's Top 99 Women, as voted by more than ten million site visitors.

You can see all 99 over there, but here are my reactions:

--Tina Fey, number 97? Not sure if that's an "Ouch" or a sign of the gradual acceptance of nerdly woman hotness.

--I was picturing AskMen to look like About.com for some reason. Or maybe Ask Jeeves. Instead it's a site that took all the flame-filled black backgrounds from fallen lad magazines like FHM. Dark red + black = MANLY WEBSITE DESIGN.

--Britney Spears, number 90: "Is she on this list because of guilt? Nope, she's on this list because all of a sudden, she's desirable again."

--Who's the lady in this photo? Stella Ebanks, Miss Number 17. No idea who she is, but I was distracted by her shiny curly outfit.

--Jessica Biel and Jessica Alba, who I kind of get mixed up, are ranked in a row 16 and 15 respectively. Does that men everyone else mixes them up, too?

--Wait whaaaat? I was shocked by number one:

Related:

When Tina Fey Was "Fat"

When Tina Fey Was "Fat," Her Cups Runnethed Over

Tina Fey for Oscars Host 2009!!!

Images: AskMen.com

Sloppy Seconds: Pete Wentz's Penis' New Starring Role

Emily Farris — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 00:01:00 GMT

If you'd like to put all of your personal records and medical history online you should totally use Google Health. [Google Health]

Just in case you didn't catch it the first few times, we're Twittering now. Reluctantly. [Twitter]

More details on yesterday's US Airways plane crash. [City Room]

Kimora Lee ~~Simmons~~ is making more ~~brats~~ babies. [Faded Youth]

Is Tracy Morgan ever out of character? We think not. [PageSix]

Pete Wentz and his penis, er, we mean his wife, will guest star on CSI:NY. [Us]

[Image]

Top 10 Reasons To Watch 30 Rock

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 20:20:00 GMT

As if you need a reason besides the above-pictured lass, the year's #1 entertainer, according to various publications...

Instead of posting much today, we've been checking out last week's episode of 30 Rock and wondering why you haven't done the same. Here are the first ten reasons we could think of (there are at least 2,000 more) for why you should heading to your Netflix account immediately and ordering up the Complete First and Second Seasons, then checking out the show on NBC Thursday nights, starting again January 8th.

10. Although Fey was forced to fire Rachel Dratch in order to cut costs (how much could a cameo as a little blue monster run them?), you can catch the old episodes via DVD-- we defy you not to watch the entire season in one or two sittings.

9. Will Arnett. Will Arnett. Will Arnett, Will Arnett. Better yet, a maniacal Will Arnett with a lust for a chipper NBC page boy.

8. You owe Tina Fey for making your year with her Sarah Palin imitation. This is how you'll thank her.

7. The bit players aren't the stock sitcom types-- they're memorable and ridiculous without being entirely unrealistic.

6. Tracy Morgan's one-liners are so out-of-left-field and off-the-cuff, you'll wonder if he's reading off cue cards or just making this madness up as he rolls along. Seriously, does he?

5. Even the hokey celebrity walk-ons are inspired. From Steve Martin's reclusive rich kook to Jennifer Aniston's bombshell nutcase, this season's earliest episodes may never be topped for sheer consecutive star power.

4. Elaine Stritch's recurring role as Jack's mother, for which she was awarded an Emmy last year, are the highlights of every season. (She was the guest star on last Thursday's Christmas show, which was dynamite. A clip can be found below.)

3. Because the frumpier they try to make Tina Fey look, the more adorable she is.

2. Alec Baldwin is the best comedian working in television today.

1. They're desperately seeking your ratings. Hell, if Oprah can't save them, nobody can...

Sure, we understand that the critically acclaimed yet ratings-challenged "30 Rock" has to do what it can to wrangle viewers, but many of the A-list cameos the show has employed for that purpose have been seriously subpar. Jerry Seinfeld's and Jennifer Aniston's appearances on the series were equally lukewarm. Oddly enough, the standout cameo of 2008 came courtesy of non-comedian Oprah Winfrey, who played herself, opposite an advice-hungry Liz Lemon during a plane flight. Was it a gimmick? Yeah. Did it work? Totally.

Check it out at NBC.

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: Kate Winslet's Underage Sex

Golden Globe Nominations Even Worse Than We Expected

5 Reasons SNL Is Finally Worth Watching

Golden Globe Nominations Even Worse Than We Expected

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 16:23:00 GMT

As usual, the studios sent their movie star emissaries, who cajoled and bribed the Hollywood Foreign Press into making this lackluster set of nominations.

Geez, you'd think that journalists for foreign newspapers would be more removed from Hollywood and have a more neutral perspective on its usually terrible moviemaking...

BEST MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
FROST/NIXON
THE READER
REVOLUTIONARY ROAD
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

So, instead of Milk and Wall-E (and not to mention the host of brilliant foreign films released this year, especially Edge of Heaven), we get the widely-panned The Reader and the Sam Mendes flick Revolutionary Road, which has been ignored in every year in best-of up until now. But what's even worse is this category:

BEST TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA

DEXTER (SHOWTIME)
Showtime/John Goldwyn Productions/The Colleton Company/Clyde Phillips Productions
HOUSE (FOX)
Universal Media Studios in association with Heel and Toe Films, Shore Z Productions and Bad Hat Harry Productions
IN TREATMENT (HBO)
Sheleg, Closest to the Hole Productions in association with HBO Entertainment
MAD MEN (AMC)
Lionsgate Television
TRUE BLOOD (HBO)

You have to be kidding: House, In Treatment, and-- gag-- True Blood over The Wire? Hell, Gossip Girl and-- we're only slightly joking-- the Hills as Best Drama over some of these choices. You think these people actually watch the shows before they nominate them or just watch the sex scenes on Scanner?

There are some bright spots: Rebecca Hall, Penelope Cruz, and Javier Bardem for Vicki Christina Barcelona, Tom Cruise for his genius and unannounced three-scene performance in Tropic Thunder, and 30 Rock and Weeds for Best Comedy Series, with Tina Fey and Mary-Louise Parker up for Best Actress.

See the rest here.

Related:

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Sloppy Seconds: Jessica Biel Finally Goes Topless

Musicians I'd Like To Finance: Great 2008 CDs By Older Women

We Won't Milk "Milk" For Its Every Pun, Promise...

Scanner Highs and Lows: In Which We Contemplate Tina Fey's Breasts

Emily Farris — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 23:57:00 GMT

To be fair, we also thought a lot about her scar and the rest of her body....

Highs:

We made some new friends.

We found lots and lots and lots of bearded men. All in one place.

But we still love this one.

We found the one guy in the world who didn't know what a "boner" was.

Our faith in humanity may wain, but our faith in cute animals never will.

Yes, rockstar babies are beautiful.

Our dad, and old people in general, are really, really, really cute.

We finally got a little bit of LOST.

And learned the origins of Tina Fey's scar.

Apparently we can get an abortion for Christmas ("No, Dad. The $400 will keep me up to date with all my girl check ups for four years.)

Did you hear the one about Anderson Cooper and Michael Phelps getting in the pool together?

Dita Von Teese in German Playboy.

Scanner Matt did not get any beard hair in any of his three turkeys.

Lows:

The world, including Tina Fey, made a big deal out of the fact that she used to be "fat." But hey, she had some knockers.

We're pretty sure these creamy cum crepes are for real. Somebody pass the gizz juice!

Eliot Spitzer got a blog job and didn't even consider writing for us. Jerk.

Grossgrossgrossgross.

Image via vanityfair.com

When Tina Fey Was "Fat," Her Cups Runnethed Over

Colleen Kane — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 20:21:00 GMT

Everybody's favorite female Tina Fey was profiled by Barbara Walters last night as one of her Most Fascinating People of 2008.

Also fascinating was when they showed old footage of Tina's Second City days, including two big, bouncing bits of her chunkier self.

Thanks to the watchful eyes at Jossip, we now present you with this urgent bulletin. Check out the shimmy at 1:02.

Solved Mysteries: Tina Fey's Scar

If Only Tina Fey Would Play Sarah Palin in the Forthcoming Porno

Image:Tina-Fey.org

Sloppy Seconds: Frisky's Ten Best Male Nude Scenes List

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 21:45:00 GMT

Roger Ebert ripped Ben Stein a new one again, and much more effectively this time, with a blog entitled "Win Ben Stein's Mind." As one commenter put it, " Should one win Ben Stein's mind, what would one do with it, since it is obviously useless as a functioning organ?"

Jon Hamm & Tina Fey? On 30 Rock, where the best celebrity couplings happen.

The first Best Movies Of The Year awards were given out by the National Board of Review... and the winners are:

Picture: Slumdog Millionaire
Director: David Fincher for ...Benjamin Button
Actress: Anne Hathaway for Rachel Getting Married
Actor: Clint Eastwood for Gran Torino
Supporting Actor: Josh Brolin for Milk
Supporting Actress: Penelope Cruz for Vicki Cristina Barcelona

The Frisky came out with their ten best male nude scenes list.

An idiot Republican congresswoman hung up on Obama (twice!) and Rahm Emanuel, just for laughs.

Kristin Stewart as Joan Jett. Yeah, we can picture that.

And Jeremy Piven may be getting married to John Cleese's daughter.

Sean Penn Propositions James Franco for Sex

This Week in Gayness: Gotta Love Them Bathhouses

Sloppy Seconds: Flavor of the Week

The 50 Sexiest Movies of All-Time: 50-41

When Tina Fey Was "Fat"

Emily Farris — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 20:23:00 GMT

You love Tina Fey now, right? But would you have loved her when she was not really fat but considered fat by Hollywood's standards? According to her and Maureen Dowd, and possibly Steve Martin, maybe not.

We haven't received our Vanity Fair in the mail yet, and we'll admit, we just skimmed the online version of Maureen Dowd's profile of the funny lady to find the quote about her famous scar. But the kids over at Daily Intel, who are much more diligent than we are, went through the article and pulled out all the quotes regarding Fey's previous, er, heaviness. And, well, fuck.

• "Her food-obsessed doppelgänger on 30 Rock, Liz Lemon, longs to … go home and eat a big block of cheese."

• Fey's husband describes her in what Dowd calls "her pre-glamour-puss days, back in Chicago. 'She was quite round,' he says, 'in a lovely, turn-of-the-century kind of round — that beautiful, Rubenesque kind of beauty.'"

• "Her true vice is cupcakes. I’ve brought her a box [Ed: Is Maureen Dowd being kind of a bitch here or is it us?], one frosted with the face of Sarah Palin. She chooses that one, which is bigger, joking that it’s O.K. if she gains weight before her Annie Leibovitz photo shoot in a few days, because 'Annie’s going to photograph my soul, right?'"

• "When it comes to her looks, she’s both forgiving and self-deprecating. 'The most I’ve changed pictures out of vanity was to edit around any shot where you can see my butt,' she says."

• "'I really wasn’t heavy in high school,' Fey recalls over lunch one afternoon at Café Luxembourg, where she dutifully switches her order from a B.L.T. to a salad."

• “I’m five four and a half, and I think I was maxing out at just short of 150 pounds, which isn’t so big. But when you move to New York from Chicago, you feel really big.”

• "She saw herself on an SNL monitor as an extra, 'and I was like, 'Ooogh.' I was starting to look unhealthy. I looked like a behemoth, a little bit. It was probably a bad sweater or something. Maybe cutting from Gwyneth Paltrow to me.' She wanted to be 'PBS pretty' — pretty for a smart writer. She called Jeff, who was directing a show at Second City in Chicago, and said, 'O.K., I’m starting Weight Watchers.'"

• "I got to that thing that’s so enjoyable where people tell you, 'Oh, you’re thin, you’ve gotten too thin.' Lorne was like, 'Please, please make sure you’re eating.'"

• "[Adam] McKay recalls Fey telling a story about her heavier days. 'Steve Martin walked right past her at the coffee table, and then, after the makeover, he was like, 'Well, hel-looo — who are you?'"

While we haven't had breakfast yet, this makes us just want to skip it all together so...that... people will love us?

Plus, she didn't look that fat, she was just wearing bad pants. Really bad pants.

[NY Mag: The Secret to Tina Fey’s Success]

Who Are You And What Have You Done With Tina Fey?

Sloppy Seconds: Tina Fey's $6M Book Deal

While You Were Sleeping: Leftover Edition

Who Would You Rather?: Evangeline Lilly In A Manshirt or Tina Fey Scarfing A Sandwich

(Thanks, Nicole!)

Sloppy Seconds: Divorce for Amy Winehouse?

Emily Farris — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 22:57:00 GMT

Be sure to go outside tonight. And then look up: A slender crescent moon, just 15-percent illuminated, will appear in very close proximity to the two brightest planets in our sky, Venus and Jupiter. Pretty! [Yahoo!]

This article, exploring the best age for sex, rubs our inner fuddy-duddy the wrong way: "And here's another bombshell the survey uncovered with which Mr Hefner might concur: ditching your long-term partner for someone new when you turn 40 is said to guarantee that you'll cash in on the sexual revolution. In other words, by getting a new brawn when you're about to experience a mid-life crisis means you'll be happier in the sack than you ever were before." [Sydney Morning Herald]

Is 30 Rock completely out of good guest stars? Let's let Larry King be the judge of that. [Vulture]

Y'all: Britney Spears' family didn't fuck her up. Her break-up with Justin Timberlake did. [Us]

Yes, Virginia, there is a liberal media. And yeah, it may have favored Barack Obama. [Yahoo!]

Blake Fielder Civil, otherwise known as Blake Incarcerated or Mr. Amy Winehouse, thinks it might be time to let his lady love go. You know, for her own good. [People]

[Image]

Solved Mysteries: Tina Fey's Scar

Emily Farris — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 18:41:00 GMT

We all like to pretend we don't care too much about Tina Fey's scar. But maybe you, like us, have conducted a few or more Google searches... only to settle for reading about the origins of Padma Lakshmi's scar instead.

Now your feeble fingers can take a break. Fey's husband spilled the beans to Vanity Fair.

Liz Lemon [Fey's character on 30 Rock] favors her right side. That’s because a faint scar runs across Tina Fey’s left cheek, the result of a violent cutting attack by a stranger when Fey was five. Her husband says, “It was in, like, the front yard of her house, and somebody who just came up, and she just thought somebody marked her with a pen.” You can hardly see the scar in person. But I agree with Richmond that it makes Fey more lovely, like a hint of Marlene Dietrich noir glamour in a Preston Sturges heroine...

Fey herself rarely mentions the episode. “It’s impossible to talk about it without somehow seemingly exploiting it and glorifying it,” she says. Did she feel less attractive growing up because of it? “I don’t think so,” she says. “Because I proceeded unaware of it. I was a very confident little kid. It’s really almost like I’m kind of able to forget about it, until I was on-camera, and it became a thing of ‘Oh, I guess we should use this side’ or whatever. Everybody’s got a better side.”

Okay, but we wonder if she'll write about it in her book. Guess there's no need now...

[Vanity Fair via Gawker]

Related:

If Only Tina Fey Would Play Sarah Palin in the Forthcoming Porno

If You Like Fey and Poehler and Palin and Clinton, You'll Love Them as Couric and Palin

Who Are You And What Have You Done With Tina Fey?

Sloppy Seconds: Tina Fey's $6M Book Deal

Image via Vanity Fair

While You Were Sleeping: Leftover Edition

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 18:14:00 GMT

More like: While You Were Eating...

Britney Spears' diet consists mainly of "Taco Bell and turkey jerky washed down with Red Bull." Now that's a Thanksgiving dinner we can get behind!

The 2009 Pretty in Mink calendar features supposed conservatives pretending to be glamorous.

Since InTouch is a waste of hopefully recyclable paper, we can't be sure if this Angelina Jolie news is true...

According to InTouch, Saint Angie told everyone the news when a waiter tried to pour her ass a booze drink at a restaurant in London. Brad Pitt gave Angie Jo the side-eye because he wasn't ready to go public with the news [that she's pregnant again.]

Enjoy the above photo of Tina Fey now... because this pic of her may traumatize you for life.

Karl Rove... closet Obama fan? By the way, the transition team has received almost 300,000 resumes so far.

And your comic relief: New Jersey police responded to an alarm at a bank after hours and, seeing what appeared to be a person inside, they evacuated nearby apartments, surrounded the bank, and began making requests through a megaphone. Later on, they realized the person was actually a cardboard cutout.

Related:

Video from Vegas: The Sarah Palin Lookalike Contest

We Got Yer 30 Rock Season Premiere Right Here...

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 19:46:00 GMT

It doesn't even broadcast for another seven days, but we have the 30 Rock season premiere after the jump.

Bonus: we believe it has something to do with the career of Will Arnett... AND it does not involve seeing Tina Fey repeating any of Sarah Palin's most painful moments... so enjoy...

Related:

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Hot or Not? Heidi Klum's Got Milk Ad

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While You Were Sleeping: Watch Karl Rove Fight Off A Bunch of Hippies

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 14:35:00 GMT

Richard Branson and his kids set off from New York at 2 a.m. in an attempt to break the transatlantic speed record by arriving in England in under six days.

What is up with these cop impersonators lately? First, there was the fake cop who pulled over a guy who turned out to be his neighbor, who called the real police on him. Now, in our hometown of Hartford, Connecticut, a couple of phonies pulled over-- you called it-- an actual cop.

A decision was reached in the Britney Spears driving trial...

A mistrial was declared Tuesday in Britney Spears’s misdemeanor trial for driving without a license. The jury was deadlocked 10-2 in favor of the singer’s innocence, the foreman said in open court. “The jury is hopelessly deadlocked, and I declare this a mistrial,” stated Judge James A. Steele. The jury had deliberated for three days... [CelebSpin]

Wait, how the hell could someone actually be innocent of driving without a license? The record shows she didn't have a license, everyone admits she was driving during the time she didn't have a license, and then she goes to trial for it. Someone needs to explain this justice system of ours...

Check out this bizarre incident in which a nutjob hippie lady from San Francisco fails in an attempt to arrest Karl Rove for treason.

Meanwhile, Tina Fey says the trick to playing GOP favorite Sarah Palin is that she glues her ears down. Fey's own, that is...

Related:

Crush of the Week: Adele

Kristen Wiig May Never Get Her Chance to Play Sarah Palin

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The Sarah Palin Porno... Revealed

Sloppy Seconds: Tina Fey's $6M Book Deal

In This Particular Case, We Don't Wish Kristen Wiig Well

Emily Farris — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 19:49:00 GMT

We like Kristen Wiig. Nay, we love her. But there's a lil' part of us that hopes she'll be out of a job come November 4. And here's why.

You see, Tina Fey does a great job playing Sarah Palin on "Saturday Night Live." But she already has a job, and if the Republicans win next month, SNL will need someone to play the beauty queen turned Alaska governor turned Vice President for at least four years. And who better to play that than Tina Fey? No one. Who better to play it should Tina Fey be tied up with "30 Rock?" Well, Kristen Wiig, that's who.

Straight from the mouth of the ~~Lord~~ Lorne:

'[Fey]’s gone' after the election, said Michaels. 'She has a full-time job' as the creator and star of the NBC comedy '30 Rock,' which returns Oct. 30. Michaels added that “SNL” cast member Kristin [sic] Wiig would likely play the Alaska governor should the need arise past Nov. 4."

You know, with a blonde wig she'd also make a lovely Jill Biden.

[Defamer: Should Sarah Palin Win, 'SNL' Has a Non-Tina Fey Plan B]

Related:

Hysterical Regis Philbin Tampon Commercial Buried In Otherwise Crummy SNL Sketch

If Only Tina Fey Would Play Sarah Palin in the Forthcoming Porno

**Sarah Palin Thinks Global Warming Is Polar Bear Sh*t**

**"Vote in the Box" Not Nearly as Funny as "D*ck in a Box" But Still Warms Our Hearts**

The Sarah Palin Porno... Revealed

"Vote in the Box" Not Nearly as Funny as "D*ck in a Box" But Still Warms Our Hearts

Emily Farris — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 15:17:00 GMT

Until Tina Fey played Sarah Palin, no SNL skit made us shoot ~~milk~~ whiskey out of our noses like Andy Samberg and Justin Timberlake's "Dick in a Box." While we wish Timberlake would re-appear on the show, perhaps putting his dick in a box all over Tina Fey's Sarah Palin in a bikini, this little rendition of "Vote in a Box" with Scanner Nicole's girl crush Jessica Biel dancing alongside JTimb will have to do.

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Sloppy Seconds: The Republicans Finally Find a Song

Emily Farris — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 21:21:00 GMT

Holly Madison talks about her break-up with Playboy papa Hugh Hefner. [FadedYouth]

When will Tina Fey be back on Saturday Night Live? The suspense is killing us! [Yahoo!]

Mark Wahlberg is getting married to his girlfriend and baby mama, Rhea Durham. What a funky bunch! [People]

Are Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer back together? Probably. Do we care anymore? Not really. [Us]

We have a sneaking suspicion that Hank Williams, Sr. wouldn't be too happy about Hank Williams, Jr. finally giving the Republicans their damn song. Especially because it's the worst version ever of an already sort-of bad song.

Related:

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If Only Tina Fey Would Play Sarah Palin in the Forthcoming Porno

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Scanner Highs and Lows: Is It Really Ever About Anything But Boobs?

Emily Farris — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 21:25:00 GMT

What you don't know yet is that our mom flashed our friends at our book party...

Highs:

We wrote a book!

And if it doesn't sell well, we may have found a way to get through the economic crisis.

We looked at boobs, natch.

And then we put our Barack where our boobs are.

Is it actually possible we'll stop drinking and emailing?

Instead of punching you in the face next time you say "that's so gay," we now have a short video to show you.

When most people get $6 million book deals, we hate them; we're happy about this one.

You still have time to win some free shit.

We actually agreed with one of those "sexiest women alive" lists.

Crazy cat ladies, you're not alone!

Lows:

We decided we like Madonna again. For a little while, at least.

Sarah Palin told us that she and Jesus and mosquitoes will save the world together, while wearing sparkles.

And we thought we needed to hide those elementary school pictures.

We also thought our mom was crazy for flashing our friends at our book party; boy, were we wrong.

Scanner Brian missed it because he left to watch the debates.

This kid made us sad for the world.

Fuck.

[Image]

Sloppy Seconds: Tina Fey's $6M Book Deal

Emily Farris — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 21:21:00 GMT

Nick Nolte's house has $3 million worth of damage after a fire ripped through his estate on Tuesday. Guess it can suck to be wealthy. [Us]

Ashlee Simpson dressed up like her big sister Jessica when celebrating her 24th birthday. "Ashlee wore Daisy Dukes and platform flip-flops with a bathing suit and a fake tattoo around her belly." [People]

Female Australian sumo wrestlers? Yes! [Daily Mail]

Former Us editor Bonnie Fuller is just like us, she has quite a bit to say about the election, too. [Jossip]

Tina Fey has signed a supposedly $6 million book deal with Little, Brown for a humor-based memoir. [INF]

[Image]

Sloppy Seconds: How Sarah Palin Brought a Litte Heaven Into Our Lives

Emily Farris — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 21:33:00 GMT

Do we sound like your mother when we say that Kirsten Dunst looks so much cuter without a cigarette attached to her face? [Faded Youth]

Clay Aiken addressed his seemingly homophobic Claymates—he's the same old Gay Aiken he's always been. [MollyGood]

We want to eat Suri Cruise. Really. She's so fucking cute. [INF]

Remember when we said chastity belts were bad? Paris Hilton wants kids. Now. [People]

We're not the only ones watching Saturday Night Live just to see what Sarah Palin skit Tina Fey will do next. [Yahoo!]

In case you missed it, here's a clip from Saturday Night Live. Is this our reward in Heaven? [NBC]

If Only Tina Fey Would Play Sarah Palin in the Forthcoming Porno

Emily Farris — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 17:09:00 GMT

A "major adult studio" is seeking a Sarah Palin lookalike "ASAP' for a forthcoming film.

While we understand this is totally sexist and degrading and whatever other feminist terms we're supposed to throw out there, we'd like to remind you that there have been plenty of political pornos starring men (Eliot Spitzer, anyone?) and, c'mon, who wouldn't want to see Tina Fey doing a naked, over-excited, gyrating Sarah Palin?

C'mon, Tina! There's "no anal required." You could totally do it.

If you're not down, perhaps Anne Hathaway could pass as Palin with the right glasses and updo?

[Craigslist]

Related:

Live from New York: Fey and Poehler do Palin and Clinton

Who Would You Rather: The Anne Hathaway Who Enjoys Anal Sex or The Anne Hathaway Who Doesn't?

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Sarah Palin Thinks Global Warming Is Polar Bear Sh*t

[Image]

If You Like Fey and Poehler and Palin and Clinton, You'll Love Them as Couric and Palin

Emily Farris — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 15:29:00 GMT

We're sad that Amy Poehler won't be returning to SNL after she gives birth, because no matter what happens in this election, Tina Fey and Poehler are a political team to be reconed with. After the jump, Poehler's Katie Couric interviews Fey's Palin for the opening scene of Saturday Night Live.

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Sloppy Seconds: What Did Tina Fey Lose at the Emmys?

Emily Farris — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 21:04:00 GMT

Josh Groban says that "coffee and Nick at Nite" helped him prepare for his Emmy performance last night. Really? We were thinking crack and cheese. [People]

Um. Lowest rated Emmys. Ever. [The Feed]

Even with the part where that guy from Dancing With the Stars dropped Heidi Klum on her ass? At least she showed us her bruise. [FadedYouth]

Are the Cyruses trying to get fired from Disney? God, we hope so. [MollyGood]

The plane crash that killed four people and left DJ AM and Travis Barker badly burned may have been the result of a faulty tire. [Us]

Tina Fey didn't lose her composure, her top or her virginity at the Emmys. Nope, she just lost her purse. We think Josh Groban stole it. Hoping to find Sarah Palin's crack. Everyone gets so confused at these things. [People]

We Didn't Watch The Emmy's, Here's What We Missed...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 14:52:00 GMT

It was a historic night for the Emmy's, and we're pretty sure no one, including us, saw any of it...

Due to the usual record-breaking low ratings this show gets, it was probably lost on the country that Emmy history was made by Don Draper and the rest of the "Mad Men," who took home the Best Drama prize for AMC. This marks the only time a basic cable show has won a "Best" Series award.

Other highlights, according to sources who actually witnessed the program:

1) Ed McMahon said "Herrree's Johnny!" to introduce one of those mundane clip shows from when television was actually watchable. Hopefully, Ed received some sort of a check or at least an uptick in donations, as the poor bastard is in danger of losing his home.

2) Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert introduced something and weren't allowed to say anything political. Yawn.

3) Howie Mandell said he was on Sarah Palin's Bridge To Nowhere, a reference to the fact that his opening host's monologue had to be entirely ad-libbed. Speaking of poor bastards.

4) Bryan Cranston, Laura Linney, Glenn Close, and Tina Fey won well deserved acting awards. And, of course, so did the amazing Alec Baldwin.

5) Lorne Michaels took home another Emmy, as "30 Rock" received a well-deserved Best Comedy award.

6) Tommy Smothers was the only one who got political in an acceptance speech:

"It's hard for me to stay silent when I keep hearing that peace is only attainable through war. And there's nothing more scary than watching ignorance in action," he said, dedicating his award to "all people who feel compelled to speak out, and are not afraid to speak to power, and won't shut up and refuse to be silenced."

Actually, we're going to shut up now and redirect you to Remote Island (see the sidebar), because those guys probably saw it and have much more to say... but there you have it.

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