Scanner : tom hanks

While You Were Sleeping: Paul Newman’s Gay Affair

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 15 May 2009 14:02:00 GMT

Free mp3’s from the likes of She & Him, Robyn Hitchcock, and Shawn Mullins can be yours if you donate so much as one dollar to save Paste Magazine.

We really feel bad for this woman who cried in her mugshot photo, even though she put up an ad on an elevator wall offering sex for money and gave out her real phone number.

Tom Hanks is upset his Angels and Demons sex scene was cut for the PG-13 rating.

John Mayer sends text messages that say “I want to tuck you in” when he really means a word that starts with “f” instead of “t,” according to the ever-reliable New York Post.

Hey Brits– the best breasts are in Yorkshire.

Gerard Butler has been charged with beating up a pap.

Shanna Moakler asked Carrie Prejean to “stop lying.”

And a new book claims Paul Newman and James Dean slept together. That seems believable– if we were forced at gunpoint to have sex with another man, it would have to be one of these two in their prime.

Julia Roberts Weasles Her Way Into Our Hearts With F*cking Awesome Speech

Ina Maier — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 19:57:00 GMT

We've always liked Julia Roberts. Pretty Woman, Steel Magnolias, EveryOtherMovieShe'sEverBeenIn -- she's America's sweetheart for a reason. But here's the thing: we never realized how awesome she was and how effing badly we wanted to be friends with her until today.

Last night, Lincoln Center was host to the Film Society's Gala Tribute to Tom Hanks and while Forrest Gump was certainly the honoree, it's Julia that's been making headlines today. Her speech began with what will sure become an infamous line: "All right, it’s late and I’m paying my babysitter overtime and I have to pee, so ... everybody fucking likes you."

UPDATE: We have video!!

And that's not all. NY Mag has a full transcript of Julia's genius, but we've parsed some of our favorite lines for you here.

On Rita Wilson:

Listen, I had lunch today with Rita [Wilson], and her tits were here and her waist was here and her ass was all that.

On Hanks' movie The Terminal:

I love the Coen Brothers, but the hair, Tom — I don’t even know what the fuck that movie was about. You in the airport with the accent; it was a pass for me. Do you love airports, or were you dissing immigrant laws?

On her outfit:

God, I’m wearing the same fucking dress tonight as your publicist.

And lastly, apropos of nothing:

And also, Sally Field played my mom once!

[Correction! In the video below, it appears that the fact that Sally Field played Jules' mom and Sally Field also played Forrest's mom means they're, like, brother and sister! Yay! Still funny!]

Read the whole glorious thing here.

Or, just watch the shining star in action:

PS. People is reporting that according to Bruce Springsteen, he and Tom Hanks once measured "the size of [their] Oscars." The verdict? Tom's came out on top.

LOL Halftimez: Springsteen Nails Jersey's Jewels

While You Were Sleeping: Bruce Springsteen Endorsed Somebody, And it Wasn't McCain

Scanner Roundtable: What Did We Think About The DNC & Obama's Speech?

Hollywood Needs to Never Ever Remake It's a Wonderful Life

Colleen Kane — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 15:51:00 GMT

Scanner Colleen is on the road today, and like everyone else "working" on Christmas Eve Eve, is as they say, "phoning it in." But she could not be more insistent about her post title.

So, I realize that outside of Cute Overload, it's unpopular on the Internets to voice sincere affection for anything wholesome, but I feel very strongly about the purity and goodness of the film It's a Wonderful Life. It's one of my all-time favorite movies. I'm already dreading the loathsome Hollywood remake that, let's be realistic, is surely in the pipeline (Tom Hanks in a "triumphant" performance, anyone?), and I just as surely will refuse to acknowledge said remake.

However! Someone beat them to it. Sort of. That someone was Disney, the year was 1985, the movie involved a creepy angel played by Harry Dean Stanton, and the results were: FAIL.

The movie was called One Magic Christmas, and I'd heard the name mentioned as a sort-of IAWL remake. I caught it this year on the Hallmark channel, and rightly so-- it's very much Hallmark/Lifetime fare. Strike one against it.

Mary Steenburgen plays the mom who doesn't have Christmas spirit, some guy plays the dad who's been out of work since June, and there's a cute little boy and girl who just want to have a special Christmas like all little brats do.

Harry Dean Stanton, who you might remember from Red Dawn, Paris, Texas, or The Last Temptation of Christ, plays the creepy gaunt angel Gideon, who lurks around watching the kids like a grade-A prevert. In one scene, he appears in the little girl's bedroom in the middle of the night, then he smashes her special North Pole snowglobe. Then -- just kidding!-- he magically reassembles it. Gee, what a great angel! Don't you want him to appear in your daughter's bedroom late at night?

I'm not too sure what happened after that because I fell asleep, as I do during 85% of movies I attempt to watch on TV, but I do recall waking up to see that the dad had DIED. Merry Christmas, kiddies!

Jack Is Back (And Maybe A Little Too Late?)

Trans Mission: Convert Celebrity Men to Women

Colleen Kane — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 16:57:00 GMT

The Worth 1000 Photoshop site just wrapped up Gender Bending, a contest asking entrants to transform a photo of a male celebrity into a female. The entry above is an imaginary reprise of Tom Hanks' character in Bosom Buddies.

So which male celeb makes the prettiest lady, and who looked the narstiest?

Elijah Wood's pretty face trans-lates well, though still with that intense starey thing (s)he does.

And on to the fugly. Nick Cage, NO!

See them all here.

Related:

Tom Hanks of Tomorrow Looking Like Drunk Asshole of Today

Sloppy Seconds: Is Jessica Simpson Headed for a Life of Bad Clothes and TV Dinners?

While You Were Sleeping: Slamming The Gates Of The Playboy Mansion

The Top 10 Most Overrated Movies Of The Past 14 Years

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 19:27:00 GMT

These are not necessarily bad movies per se, although all have exceeded whatever welcome they may have earned when they were met with critical or cultural orgasms.

10. The Queen. This is one of those movies that should have been a Sunday night movie on Showtime. Great acting, uninteresting premise, not enough dramatic tension to fill an arthouse screen.

9. Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle. Besides being a very poorly made film, with over-the-top acting, an irritatingly tiresome storyline (especially when having eaten pot brownies during a screening), it's also a two-hour product placement for a restaurant chain that makes worse hamburgers than Wendy's, which is a startling achievement. Just because it's funny doesn't mean it's worth watching, yo. The Wayans Brothers have a few good jokes here and there, but they still suck.

8. Forrest Gump. This is more of a backlash choice-- if it had stayed the crowd-pleasing summer blockbuster it tried to be and not robbed both Pulp Fiction and The Shawshank Redemption of a Best Picture win, it may have escaped the gallows that is this definitive list.

7. The Squid And The Whale. How the hell is it possible that an auditorium full of white Brooklynites would not recognize that kid is playing Pink Floyd's "Hey You"?

6. Gladiator. Did anyone else notice this actually ripped off two movies in the span two hours? We understand that maybe five or six people out there have never seen "Spartucus," but what's their excuse for having stolen 75% of "Braveheart"?

5. Magnolia. If a movie could be a full hour shorter and ends up being used as an example of egomaniacal filmmaking by Kevin Smith (!), you know it's time to cut, at minimum, the preachy Aimee Mann singalong... for starters.

4. Representing the number of ill-advised Oscars this movie won: Million Dollar Baby. We didn't get it. It seemed like a very well done but forgettable movie with more cliches than Rocky 10 will ever hope to cram in: the cynical manager, the token wise black Morgan Freeman type (played by, of course, Morgan Freeman), the tough-as-nails girl venting for her poor upbringing... must we go on? Again, this isn't a bad movie on any level, but in a year where "Eternal Sunshine" wasn't even nominated for Best Picture and MMB's closest competition was from a really forgettable movie called "The Aviator," there wasn't much else to go on...

3. Titantic. Leonardo DiCaprio's performance in this film is one of the worst in his career and deservedly overlooked for a nomination.

2. Juno. This movie is so annoying it even made us hate the Moldy Peaches, which is very upsetting.

1. Crash. Where do we start with this one? Apparently, every single person in Los Angeles says the "N" word in every sentence. Matt Dillon somehow escaped unscathed.

Coming up: Scanner Bryan's list.

Scanner Emily's: "'The Sixth Sense'—everyone built up the end so much that by the time I saw it I was like, "Oh, that's it? He's dead? Big Whoop."

[Senor DobleV helped with this post-- thanks to him and to Scanner Bryan and Scanner Emily for their additional lists.]

Vintage Stewardesses Hotter Than 2008 Supermodels

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 19:31:00 GMT

Forget Elvis at the Garden in '72: today's real vintage photographic discovery is an older-than-McCain website blog entry consisting of a long stream of stewardesses in their finest era.

There isn't even a question here whether this is "Hot or Not." We pity the fool who doesn't get excited by 1960s-era stewardesses and their Stepford Wife-smiles...

Our favorite part of the bad boy adventure "Catch Me If You Can" was (besides the mere presence of Amy Adams) the sequence where Leo slips past Tom Hanks and the FBI goon squad with a bevy of hot stewardesses on his arm.

They weren't as hot as these babes:

Jack Is Back (And Maybe A Little Too Late?)

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 13:00:00 GMT

This excellent and attention-grabbing ad for Hillary Clinton's Presidential campaign was released over the weekend. But was it approved by the campaign? It does not have an FEC tag at the end, nor does it say anything about the message being endorsed by the Senator's committee. It will be interesting to see how this plays out in the media as the day unfolds.

In other celebrity political news, Hollywood actresses are spending more time in Texas than any sane person ever should...

Perhaps the actresses Melanie Griffith and Eva Longoria Parker will be more on message than [Jack Nicholson, says the New York Times.] They’re set to appear at a town hall event with Mrs. Clinton in Austin, Texas, on Monday night, the eve of the primary. The campaign will show the event live at its Web site, and 700 people are expected to be in the live audience.

All right, folks, it's time for a recap of celebrity endorsements:

HILLARY CLINTON:

Marla Maples, Jenna Jameson, Melanie Griffith, Eva Longoria, Paul Newman, Danny Devito, and Jerry Springer.

BARACK OBAMA:

Oprah Winfrey, Tom Hanks, Jamie Foxx, Robert De Niro, George Clooney, John Legend, Jessica Alba, and the rest of the cast of the will.i.am music videos.

We know we're missing some of the biggies. Who else?

In the meantime, check out this new video (are we done with Obama videos yet?) from will.i.am, with more A/B-list celebs superimposing themselves over Barack Obama's dignity: