Scanner : utah

You Parents Were Right About Strangers With Candy

Colleen Kane — Fri, 08 May 2009 21:05:00 GMT

Finally, one of the things your parents warned you about during childhood has come true. Some weirdo in a white van was offering candy to kids in a residential neighborhood in Utah via a sign. Inside the van? Not candy, but a mattress and clothes. Couldn't get much sketchier than that without the prevert himself lurking in there.

Outraged Utah moms contacted police straight away, who found that the perp was...

A college kid playing a prank. The young man was embarassed at the stir he caused, and even drove the van to the police station to show that has van was all de-pedophiled.

Related:

"To Catch a Predator" Actress Just Called Them "Pedophiles," Thank You Very Much

Teen Boy and His Friends Busted for Sending Nude Photos

Via

Sloppy Seconds: Hand Jobs Involving the Mouth

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 22:08:00 GMT

The teabagging hilarity continues: this roundup of great tea puns is well worth checking out.

While we're at it, here's another made-up Fox News "scandal."

An obviously crazy man bit off his own penis in our old neighborhood of Ft. Greene, Brooklyn.

Everyone should rent the original UK version of State of Play before the American version comes along tomorrow and bores everyone to death.

Tennessee schools hate on the gays by blocking websites favorable to their cause.

A Baptist preacher, who kind of looks like Luke Wilson, was beaten and tased multiple times by the border patrol for refusing to open his trunk.

Kari Ferrell, the Utah hipster-grifter, is taking New York City by storm with her awful tattoos and creepy promises to give guys hand jobs with her mouth. Wha?

Is this the end of Rolling Stone Magazine?

President Obama released all those pesky interrogation memos from the Bush administration. Of course, nothing will ever come of this.

Brad Garrett yelled at paparazzi about "turbans" and is now accused of making racial slurs.

Related:

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Mile High Club Lovers Take Sex Life to the Fast Lane

TSA Shows Some T&A

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 21:08:00 GMT

Hasn't the Transportation Security Administration embarrassed us enough by smelling our stinky shoes, emptying all the expired condoms out of our pockets, and pretending to throw away our open containers of beer (which, no doubt, they keep in a separate "recycling bin")?

Apparently not. You're gonna love how much tits, ass, peen, and whatnot the baggage screeners are going to get a glimpse of if these new X-ray machines are put to use...

The first two images are of a female (note the glorious X-ray boobies), while the right two images are of a male (note that weiner.) Here's a detail:

Believe it or not, this doesn't violate our no-genitals policy because, well, we got these from a legitimate news source, via Twitter, the world's finest news source.

By the way, if you want to avoid having one of these TSA searches, don't fly out of the airport in Salt Lake City, Utah, the only place these New World Order strip searches have gone into effect.

Hair Has Hair Down Thare

Penis, Penis, Peanuts

The Best Job in the World? Carnival Body Painters

Putting an End to Teacher Sex?

Emily Farris — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 17:55:00 GMT

We're sorry for possibly giving Scanner Brian a coronary with that headline; if teacher-student sex were to end, what ever would he have to write about? And really, what we're talking about here is only one small step toward putting an end to teacher sex, but one giant step for the state of Utah.

Following reports that not one, but two teachers in the aptly-named town of Bountiful, UT were banging the same underage student, the state's lawmakers have decided to 'study the issue of teacher-student texting.'

We didn't know such practices were even allowed, let alone considered appropriate (the one time we had to call a teacher at home we almost shit our pants) but apparently all the kids are texting their teachers these days. One republican representative, Rep. Sheryl Allen, thinks maybe it's not such a big deal.

"It can be used as a tool to remind students about homework or give them a piece of information. Students are driving this because texting is one of their major modes of communication," she said.

Meanwhile, the two teachers involved in the case, Linda Nef, 46, and Valynne Bowers, 39—who both face first-degree felony charges—will undergo mental health evaluations. We must admit, we are quite curious to know the root of teacher sex? Scanner Brian, maybe you could explain it to us?

[KSL: Teachers accused in sex scandal to undergo mental evaluations]

Related:

Here's A Kind of Teacher Sex Story We've Never Seen Before...

Doctor Sex is the New Teacher Sex

Today in Teacher Sex: One Does It On The Floor, The Other Runs Off to Mexico with Her Boy

Teacher Sex Craze Spreads to the U.K.

While You Were Sleeping: The Spitzer Scandal Never Dies

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 13:08:00 GMT

Remember that red-state porn craze we told you about? Apparently, Utah pays for it more than any other state.

Typical: 16 people were arrested following violence at a concert held to promote non-violence.

Hayden Panetierre may be headed toward a nervous breakdown. Yeesh.

We don't get it. Why would the police want Craigslist to boot almost all of its erotic service ads? Isn't this just going to make it harder for them to catch illegal sex activities? Not that we're complaining... legalize everything!

Amy Winehouse's visa was denied, which means she can't perform at Coachella. Is this visa-denial shit still happening for harmless kooks thirty years after Hoover hounded John Lennon?

This Albanian sex scandal would've been worth a post if it hadn't been, you know, Albanian.

Does Eliot Spitzer have to choke a hooker? Apparently, yes... at least, according to the woman in this story, which also features a teasing P.S. about another Governor, not from New York, who was a client of the same madam.

Good Lord, is this weird: NAMBLA (the North American Man-Boy Love Association-- you know, the pervs) tried to put a hit on New York State Attorney General, possibly the next Governor, for a mere $10,000.

While You Were Sleeping: Sex Tape Blackmail

PETA Wants to Covet Your Neighbor's Sexy Wife

Michael Jackson's Statues Are Not Helping His Public Image

Here's A Kind of Teacher Sex Story We've Never Seen Before...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 13:45:00 GMT

It's not even ten a.m. on the first day of this workweek, and there are already two bizarre teacher sex scandals to report. The first featured a kid, having engaged in a sexual relationship with his teacher since October, caught by the principal... (literally) with his pants down.

Now comes the story of yet another lecherous teacher and her teenage male victim. However, this case features a twist that we could never have predicted, even after reading of dozens of these cases over the years.

When 46-year-old junior high school teacher Linda Nef walked into a police station near Bountiful, Utah, cops had no idea a major media firestorm was about to descend on them. When Nef confessed to having sex with a thirteen-year-old male student, she fingered Valynn Bowers, 39, as a fellow rapist... of the same boy.

Bowers, in case you haven't figured this out, is a teacher at the same school.

According to local media reports, ~~Hef~~ Nef started sleeping with the boy first, but was dumped for an unknown other party, with whom the boy has been carrying on a sexual relationship for the past three months. One day, Bowers entered Nef's classroom and confronted her in what may have been a jealous rage, telling the older teacher, "I'm the new girlfriend." Or she could have simply said, "Hey, we really screwed the pooch on this one." However, we doubt that last part, as Nef is the one that freaked out and went to the police after the revelations.

The local news, predictably, has a unintentionally hilarious time trying to figure out how to work with these details:

With the suspects being so much older than their victim some wonder what would prompt them to commit the crime.
University of Utah psychology professor Don Strassberg says that would be an easier question to answer if the teachers were men. With men, he says, it's probably about the sex.
But it's more complicated when you're talking about women. For them, Strassberg says getting into a relationship like this is likely more about them: their needs, having control, getting attention.

Thank you, Professor Obvious. (Read more of his brilliant insight at ksl.com.)

We've been warning the public for months that the daily onslaught of these cases is going to eventually reach a breaking point and outdo itself-- in other words, we predicted that these kinds of "teacher sleeps with student stories" were going to involve in something even weirder, like janitor sex or parents getting used to it, but we never say a menage a trois coming....

Related:

Teacher In Lesbian Sex Scandal Story Not Helping...

Today in Teacher Sex: One Does It On The Floor, The Other Runs Off to Mexico with Her Boy

Hooking is the New Teacher Scandal

12-Year-Old Girl Forced To Do Something Horrible At Teacher's Behest

This Week in Gayness: Don't Ask... Just Don't Ask

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 20:40:00 GMT

Good As You alerted us to Focus on the Family's hilariously awful anti-gay conference in Charlotte. They also put a human face on Jeff Johnston, an "ex-gay" who is obviously not human because it's not possible for anyone to change their sexual orientation.

This guy would be Keith Olbermann's worst person in the world if anyone knew who he was: a gay Minnesota Republican who is against gay rights. Paul Koering will vote against "the Marriage and Family Protection Act, a bill that would make Minnesota's marriage laws gender-neutral, allowing same-sex couples many of the rights currently denied by Minnesota statute."

The roles have been cast and the parents approved of the script. And then a high school principal decided to cancel a student production of Rent due to prostitution and homosexual" content. (There are gay characters, but no prostitution.)

To one Utah Republican, the greatest threat to America is: conspiratorial Chinese economists [no], Osama Bin Laden [no], the gays. 12% of ABC.com readers agree.

A young gay Army vet was killed by another young gay man who appears to have been upset at his own sexuality.

First of all, a guy has to go from being a gay porn star to working at Subway. Worse, he has to endure getting fired from his job at Subway when his previous career choice is discovered. Queers United takes up his case.

While most of the country is still stuck in this ridiculous debate about gay marriage, Massachusetts is trying to implement transgender equality.

And, at last, a straight veteran speaks out in favor of abolishing "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" and letting gays serve openly.

Homophobic Phelps Clan to Picket/Pick-On High School Students

Enterprising Teenager Amasses Collection of Solicited Nude Photos

This Week in Gayness: The Homophobic Celebrity Ad You Missed

Scanner Roundtable: If Gay Marriage Is Legal, What About Polygamy?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 15:14:00 GMT

The question posed by our headline is the very question the United Provinces of Canadia is dealing with today, thanks to a case involving the practice that is heating up in the country's courts. Two men linked to Warren Jeffs, the nutso Utah sect leader, currently facing serious jail time, are each of accused of having multiple wives.

Their argument is simple...

Blackmore’s lawyer, Blair Suffredine, said during a telephone interview that marriage standards in Canada have changed.
“If (homosexuals) can marry, what is the reason that public policy says one person can’t marry more than one person?” said Suffredine, a former provincial lawmaker. Canada’s Parliament extended full marriage rights to same-sex couples in 2005. [Canoe]

Before you go and get all excited, remember this: we are creeped out by these Jeffian cultists as much as the next person, but should we promote gay marriage while also saying, "Oh, but yeah... we don't condone that totally medieval practice?" Are we any better than those wacko Republicans who claim gay marriage in America will open the floodgates for people to marry their pet snakes, underage relatives with eight heads, and horny lepers.

P.S. Ironically, it was one gay couple's battles with the legal system reminded them of what polygamists must go through, and that thinking led to their HBO series Big Love.

Related:

Ellen and Portia's Wedding Video Makes Us Cry...

Who Says Homosexuality and Polygamy Are The Same Thing?

Big, Big Love Gone Real, Real Bad

This Week In Gayness: Two Major Male Movie Stars Make Out

Chris Rock is Spending Inauguration Day in the Whitest Place in America

Colleen Kane — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 15:49:00 GMT

On this historic day, Chris Rock won't be in Washington, D.C., but promoting a film at Sundance in Utah, or as he puts it, "the whitest place in America." Here's his explanation about why it's hard to make fun of Barack Obama.

ln an interview with CNN, Rock compares Barack to stars like Will Smith or Brad Pitt. "There's no Brad Pitt jokes. You know, what are you going to say? 'Ooh, you used to have sex with Jennifer Anniston. Now you have sex with Angelina Jolie. You're such a loser.' What do you say? 'Ooh, your movies are big. You make $20 million.' There's nothing to say about Brad Pitt.

Likewise, with Obama, "It's like 'Ooh, you're young and virile and you've got a beautiful wife and kids. You're the first African-American president.' You know, what do you say?"

About the excitement of today, he puts it well: "It'll be a cool day. It's weird. I've never watched an inauguration. I've never watched anyone get sworn in. You know, it's like Election Day and then you look up and somebody else is the president two months later. It was never like, "I can't wait till tomorrow. Oh my god! They're going to swear in Jimmy Carter!"

Reflections on the Obama Inauguration Celebration Concert

Obama's Anti-Racism Speech Inspires Comedians To Get All Racist

Bust Out the Blue Panties and Curl Your Hairs: We're Having Our Picture Taken with Obama on Inauguration Day

Are Too Few Baby Boys Being Circumcised?

Emily Farris — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 21:29:00 GMT

According to new research, the number of baby boys being circumcised in the U.S. is dropping. While critics of circumcision may think this is a good thing, the reason behind the drop may not be.

Circumcision rates have decreased significantly since the 1980s, partially due to the fact that many people find the procedure cruel and unnecessary, but in part the drop can be attributed to the fact that 16 states do not currently cover the cost of a circumcision in their Medicad programs. According to some, this is taking the choice away from the poor.

Robert C. Bailey, a professor of epidemiology at the University of Illinois at Chicago, thinks that "It's another way in which our health system is increasing inequality across the population. People who can't afford good health care are essentially being discriminated against by this policy."

The states that don't cover circumcision are: Arizona, California, Florida, Idaho, Louisiana, Maine, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nevada, North Carolina, North Dakota, Oregon, Utah and Washington and circumcision rates are "significantly lower" in those states, according to the research.

[US News & World Report: Circumcision Rates Too Low]

Related:

Reversing That Circumcision Even Scarier Than You Thought

You're Circumcised? Well, That Explains It...

Baby Born With Extra Penis, Parents Have it Removed Why?

[Image]

We Present... The Cougar Perv

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 15:55:00 GMT

Poor Stifler.

A forty-year-old Syracuse, Utah mother of a very embarrassed high school boy had sex with at least two of his classmates and sent nude photos of herself to a host of others. Kimberly/Kimberlee Arigot, seen here in her mugshot, has allegedly been sleeping with the two teenage males, aged 15 and 17, for more than a year, while texting at least one other boy with whom she did not have sexual relations.

The Salt Lake City-area Mom, who is apparently single, has posted bail and is back at home, where several of the encounters are believed to have taken place. Early news reports indicate she has been charged with sexual relations with a minor and procuring alcohol for minors.

She has reportedly confessed to all charges.

Today in Sweden: Teen Sex For Booze On The Rise

Kim Cattrall: The Magically Naked 52-Year-Old Woman

20-Year-Old Teacher Strips For Her Students

Sloppy Seconds: Blake-Fielder Civil Escapes (More) Prison (Time)

While You Were Sleeping: What Men Think Women Think Men Want

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 14:08:00 GMT

Shots were fired at the motorcades of the Presidents of Georgia and Poland, although no one was hit.

A drag queen hosted a Miss Texas pageant, to the obvious horror of parents.

A boy in Florida was arrested for something heinous. No, we mean the reason he was arrested was heinous. Oh, never mind, you'll see:

Maybe the 13-year-old student at Martin County's Spectrum Junior/Senior High thought he was being funny by repeatedly and purposely passing gas during computer class.
His teacher, D.C. Carden, didn't bust a gut over the boy's breaking wind - not to mention his continuous turning off classroom computers - so he gave the boy a referral and sent him packing to the school resource officer for a little talk. "He subsequently informed me it was factual, and I informed him as a result of his behavior he was being charged with Disruption of a School Function,"

The boy was arrested for farting. He was released to his mom. No word on what he did in the car on the way home. [Blogs.Tampabay.com]

A teacher denied an inappropriate relationship with a young girl... until the girl was found in his closet. Whoops.

Hate crime is on the rise in Utah, down everywhere else.

A town near Barcelona is using solar panels atop gravestones to power itself.

They finally caught the Butt Bandit we warned you about.

11 Things He Wants From You, according to a male writer at MSN.

Boris Becker was dumped by text message. The woman in question was his fiancee.

And Madonna wants Britney Spears to move into her place... as some sort of ploy to get her back into Kabbalah... or something.

Related:

The Second Life Divorce Gets Funnier After The Split

20-Year-Old Teacher Strips For Her Students

While You Were Sleeping: Nude Photo Hoax

Sloppy Seconds: The Sheep Beauty Pageant

Cheerleaders "Streak" High School Football Game

Hot Teacher Caught After Three-Year Affair With Female Student

The Town Of Valentine, Nebraska Is Under Attack From The Butt Bandit

This Week In Gayness: Lesbians Under Attack

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 17:40:00 GMT

Wanna know what Prop 8 supporters think of the gays now? Then check out this hate mail.

Utah may finally emerge from the Dark Ages if the Mormons are as good as their word(ed press release.)

Diego Luna and James Franco haven't convinced us they enjoyed kissing their male co-star...

"It was...dry."

That was Milk star Diego Luna, when asked how it was kissing Sean Penn, who plays iconic gay rights activist (and Luna's boyfriend the film) Harvey Milk. "[Sean]'s not a great kisser," Diego, who shot to fame in Y Tu Mamá También, continued bravely, as only non-Hollywood actors seem capable of. "I guess he was thinking about Franco." As in James, who plays Penn's other BF in the flick.

So I pressed Franco on how the hell S.P. smooches. He literally went on for five minutes talking about something else.... I insisted on a pecker report! "It was...fine," Franco finally answered, with a tiny smile. [E!]

Oooh, you tease us with those words "pecker report." Shame, shame.

Courtney Love has the sinking suspicion some people were against Prop 8 before they were for it. Or the reverse. Or something. Meanwhile, a third of the state's lawmakers are hoping the courts can do something about the new gay marriage ban in California.

Keith Olbermann pretty much puts it all into perspective:

And lesbians are under attack... in Canada. Please, we need to give all gay people in this country full legal rights on every level before this hate spreads to every corner of the globe. (Probably too late.)

"Which one of you two 'men' spoke to my kid? F------ dyke. Lesbians," he said, spitting in Dimitriou's face. As she wiped her face, eyes closed, he punched her on the cheek and wound up again, slamming her backward into her truck. As Currie ran toward him, she remembers him shouting, "F------ dyke bitches," and punched her on the cheekbone so hard the skin burst apart, blood splattering.
What Currie remembers most, from the afternoon of Nov. 3, is the stillness of the schoolchildren, and the sound of her six-year-old son screaming. "It was a face of complete and utter horror," Currie said in an interview yesterday. "His mouth was wide open, and he just stood there, screaming." [The Star]

Related:

This Week In Gayness: We Say No To That Yes On Prop 8

Sloppy Seconds: The Evangelical Sex Craze

This Week In Gayness: Guy Attacked At Proposition 8 Protest

This Week in Gayness: Ellen vs. the Bigots

Video of the Day: Vote No on Prop 8

Gay Marriage: God Is Gonna Getcha... Claim Scary Freaks

This Baptist Minister Thinks You Should Be Having More Sex

Today in the Apocalypse: Makeover Parties For Little Girls

Girl, Molested By Teacher And Guidance Counselor, Is Kicked Out Of School

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 14:09:00 GMT

Here's a case you don't see every day: a guidance counselor is convicted of molesting a teenage student and, a year later, the girl's history teacher is charged with the same crime. The next thing you know, the girl, who was 15 at the time of these assaults, is being kicked out of school...

According to the Salt Lake Tribune, this high school student is no saint:

During a Sept. 18 bail hearing for Fanjul, prosecutors acknowledged the girl was "sexually posturing" with a third teacher. While arguing to reduce Fanjul's bail, defense attorney Kenneth Brown pointed to that allegation and the girl's subsequent departure from the school.
An administrator reportedly said, "I hope that she never comes back because she is a predator," Brown told 3rd District Judge Ann Boyden.

Luckily for all involved, the third teacher reported the come-on to the proper authorities, who immediately removed the troubled child. The question the judge has to weigh now, of course, is to what degree does the girl's seduction techniques weigh in on the charges, if any? Of course, the law doesn't give a rat's turd about how the incident occurred (unless, of course, the girl raped the teachers or something similar), it's going to punish these fools for a long time. (The guidance counselor was sentence to three terms of up to 15 years each.)

Here's something else to keep in mind in our People's Court out here: Jose Fanjul, who protests his innocence, is also accused of sending a text to another student asking if he can be her boyfriend. This guy doesn't sound like he was helpless to the teenage girl's charms... again, not that it matters. What do you think?

Via the Salt Lake Tribune.

While You Were Sleeping: Mark Foley's Replacement's Sex Scandal

George Michael Should Have Known Better Than to Use the Loo

Woman Busted For Videotaping Her Underage Sex Crime

While You Were Sleeping: McCain Checked Palin Out Again

Drunk Man Has Sex With A Toyota (Hey, At Least It Wasn't A Hummer)

Today in WTF: Female Stripper Charged With Raping Customer

Today In WTF: 1970s Kidnapper, Still On The Lam, Turns Up With Cloned Dogs?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 21:03:00 GMT

There's a Lifetime movie in here somewhere... if the female leads in Lifetime movies were kidnapping rapist beauty pageant winners who fall in love with Mormon missionaries, stalk them for decades, change their names, go on the lam, and turn up in the news in 2008 as the owner of cloned dogs...

Time Magazine broke a story that shows Bernann McKinney, owner of five pitbulls she claims to have have had cloned in Seoul from the ear of her beloved (now deceased) former dog, to be, with a great degree of certainty, none other than wanted bail jumper Joyce McKinney, the former Miss Wyoming.

There is so much goodness here, you're just going to have to settle for the original, full-length piece, although here's a taste in the meantime:

The 27-year-old McKinney was accused in court [in 1977]... of abducting 21-year-old Mormon missionary Kirk Anderson from a church in a London suburb... [where] he was chained to a [cottage] bed and forced to have sex with McKinney for three days. McKinney, once a Mormon herself, was said to have formed a crush on him after they'd first had sex in '75. Anderson tried to break off the relationship but McKinney... stalked him to England where [he'd become a] missionary to escape her attentions.
McKinney claimed that she was trying to rekindle her affair with Anderson using techniques of seduction recommended by... The Joy of Sex.
McKinney told the court that the chains, fur-lined manacles, rope, chloroform and wedding trousseau complete with "pink feathers and see-through nighties" were all props for the bondage sessions she planned for [him.] "We had such a fun time — just like old times," McKinney told the court in her native North Carolina drawl. "I love him so much that I would ski naked down Mount Everest with a carnation up my nose if he asked me to," she added. Such sexual frankness rather stuck out in a magistrates court in sedate, suburban Surrey, England, in those days.

For his part, Anderson claimed that he'd been kidnapped at gunpoint, forced to have sex while chained to the bed (and twice more unchained), and that, despite being six foot four and 240 lbs., had never resisted. "I had made a plan for my release," Anderson testified, "but it wasn't through running away. I was going to cooperate." Even after his ordeal, when McKinney and May drove him back to London and a long lunch in Trafalgar Square, he still cooperated.

We call bullshit on that last paragraph-- the entire paragraph. Anyway, there is some plausibility to this story; McKinney then went on the run with a friend who was also involved in the kidnapping, ending up in police custody in Atlanta, although she was released because her case was felt to be unworthy of an extradition order. In 1984, McKinney was busted again, this time in Utah, outside Anderson's office, with rope and handcuffs in her car. "Consensual," my ass. Soon after, all traces of her disappear... until...

In Seoul... [she] denied... that she is one and the same Joyce McKinney who is still technically a fugitive from British justice... Both [McKinney and Bernann] are former beauty queens, both often use a wheelchair, both owned a pitbull. And on the voter's register of Avery County, the North Carolina birthplace of the onetime Miss Wyoming, there is listed one Joyce Bernann McKinney. A clone perhaps?

Via Time.

The Top 10 Weirdest Sex Laws

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 19:02:00 GMT

We want to defy the logic of these sex laws.

The Top 10 Weirdest Sex Laws:

10. No one is allowed to have sex in a parked car. Unless the car has (drawn) curtains... in Carlsbad, New Mexico)

9. It's illegal for a woman to take off her clothes while in front of a man's photo in Oxford, Ohio.

8. It is against the law for husbands to to talk dirty ("curse at his wife") during intercourse in Willowdale, Oregon.

7. The missionary position is the only sexual position allowed by law in Washington, DC.

6. Women, married or not, husbands about to die or not, are not allowed to have sex with while riding in an ambulance. "In addition to normal charges, the woman's name will be published in the local newspaper. The man does not receive any punishment," courtesy of Tremonton, Utah.

5. Giving or receiving head is against the law in 18 states, including Arizona and Utah.

4. For reasons we don't want to know, it's against the law to get it on with a truck driver inside a toll booth in Harrisonburg, PA.

3. Sticking your dick in a porcupine is illegal in Florida. (We'd like to think this law is unnecessary, but we're talking about Florida here...)

2. It is against the law for a man to fire a gun while his female partner is having an orgasm in Connorsville, Wisconsin. (Wait, is he firing a gun to blow her mind? To kill her for coming before him? Because he's been finished for ten minutes and was trying to clean his rifle? What?)

1. And having bestiality with animals is legal for men, "as long as the animal weighs less than 40 pounds," in the great state of Washington.

Honorable Mentions:

It is illegal in Utah to marry your first cousin before the age of 65.

In Kingsville, Texas there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city's airport property.

And "a law in Fairbanks, Alaska does not allow moose to have sex on city streets."

Via Bert C and College Times.