Scanner : vanity fair

Who Is Vanity Fair's Most Beautiful Woman in the World?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 13:54:00 GMT

People Magazine has The Sexiest Man Alive. Maxim has its Sexiest Woman of the Year. Vanity Fair, desperate to singlehandedly save Conde Nast, has just announced the winner of its Most Beautiful Woman in the World poll. Of course, the press release makes no mention of a followup contest involving men, since that wouldn't sell at the newsstand.

First of all, is their #1 choice the right one or was ~~Kate Beckinsale~~ ~~Kate Winslet~~ ~~Scanners Emily/Colleen~~ unfairly snubbed?

7. Queen Rania of Jordan. Are we crazy or is the only media outlet in the world that even mentions her starts with a "V" and ends with an "anity Fair?" They must be bestfriendsforver with the Queen, because Graydon Carter's staff mentions her every chance they get.

6. Bar Rafaeli. This girl's agent is seriously working overtime-- he got her a date and (probably) a fake relationship with Leonardo DiCaprio, the cover of Sports Illustrated, and onto this list without anyone even knowing who she is. That's not to say we dislike her-- seriously, we're impressed with her sudden success.

5. Jennifer Connelly. Jennifer Connelly is too skinny to be as beautiful as she was even five years ago. End of story.

4. Penelope Cruz. While our comments above could hold weight here, we decided not to diss Penelope after all. She is thin, yes, but she's not hideous for it-- and she couldn't be more beautiful the way she is now.

3. Scarlett Johansson. Arguably the most desirable woman in the world, Scarlett Johansson has seemed a bit less appealing lately. That has nothing to do with our getting used to her beauty and everything to do with her vicinity to Ryan Reynolds

2. Giselle Bundchen. She was our pick for #1, if only because she's on the cover of Vanity Fair this month. Apparently, that wasn't enough to put her over the top... meaning there's a surprise winner...

1. Angelina Jolie. Agree or disagree?

Via Vanity Fair.

Who Would You Rather: Brad Pitt vs. Every Other Man in the World?

While You Were Sleeping: Joining the Mile High Club

Trend Alert: Women Leaving Men For Other Women

This Week in Gayness: Matt Drudge Does Not Love Gay Sex With Men

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 15:39:00 GMT

Tony Blair stood up to the Pope on homosexuality. Too bad no one cares what he thinks anymore.

Rick Warren tried to rewrite history on Larry King's show the other night. Apparently, he didn't support Prop8 or say all those hateful things.

Isn't it nice to finally have an Administration that allows gay couples with children to join the Easter Egg Hunt?

North Dakota had to get all "God hates you" on the gays. See you in the next century, guys.

More about the Vermont gay marriage law. And Iowa's.

Headline of the week: Graydon Carter Has Monster Cock, Is a Very Good Fuck (According to Rupert Everett)

Matt Drudge issued a sort-of non-denial denial from the platform of his right-wing hate blog: "I Do Not Love Sex With Men."

A gay mom with two kids is not going to be deported from the US after all. Yet.

Just because a thinking man like Barack Obama hails from Chicago doesn't mean people are taking it easy on the gays there.

The ads were meant to tell Chicago that health issues for gay men are about more than HIV and AIDs. Gay men practice yoga, swim and meditate, too. But someone removed or taped over three key words in the ads on the back of CTA buses: Gay, sexy and healthy. White tape had been affixed over the words on an orange poster on the back of a bus. Someone told him a red poster had been defaced with red tape. He also saw that the three words were cut out or scratched out on some posters. [Gay News Blog]

Related:

Senate Majority Leader to Conservatives Regarding the Gays: You've Already Lost

This Week in Gayness: Sacha Baron Cohen's Gay Sex

Gay Bishop is About to Get All "Gay Bishop" on Your Ass

This Week in Gayness: Fred Phelps Attacks London

This Week in Gayness: Aubrey O'Day May Be Gay

This Week In Gayness: America vs. Fred Phelps

Who Would You Rather: This Week's Newsmaking Naked Mens

Colleen Kane — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 20:25:00 GMT

Many of you have by now seen the "naked" Vanity Fair shoot by Annie Liebowitz, featuring the men they're calling Comedy's New Legends: Paul Rudd, Seth Rogen, Jason Segel, and Jonah Hill. What with the hairless nude suits, the pudge, and the lack of genitalia, they're oddly cherubic.

But have you seen the honest-to-God, bare-ass naked guy who spent most of Sunday on the cross on top of a church?

Sacreligious and probably crazy, but dude is in shape. The full monty shots (forbidden on this blog), can be seen here.

This man climbed to the top of the cross in Los Angeles, who was up there for almost seven hours, creating a huge scene: disrupting traffic while threatening to jump, and smearing feces on the cross. Firemen and police inflated an air cushion in case he jumped, but the man eventually climbed down on his own accord. According to news reports, he's probably being evaluated at a psychiatric hospital right now.

Related:

Who Would You Rather: Seth Rogen vs. Seth Rogen?

Seth Rogen Dipped His Toes in the Sea of Porn, Decided to Go For a Swim

'Playboy' Picks Its Ninth Play Boy

Graydon Carter Won't Say the M Word

Scanner Matt — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 19:35:00 GMT

On The Early Show this morning, Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter became cartoonishly tongue-tied (Porky Pig style) with the nonchalant mentioning of the words... MENSTRUAL CYCLE. He even had to ask if it was appropriate to actually say the phrase on network television, which means he thinks "menstrual cycle" is a dirty word. Watch...

Definition: The menstrual cycle is a recurring cycle of physiologic changes that occurs in reproductive-age females. Overt menstruation (where there is blood flow from the vagina) occurs primarily in humans and close evolutionary relatives such as chimpanzees.

Monkey menstrual cycles!!! Now that's just obscene! Right, Graydon?

The "dirty words" start at 1:37, but you may have to sit through 10 seconds of CBS bullshit before the interview begins.

Watch CBS Videos Online

Kate Winslet Takes it Off for Vanity Fair

Damsels in Distress, 2008 Miss World Pageant

Solved Mysteries: Tina Fey's Scar

Top 10 Celebrity Twitterers

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 23:31:00 GMT

This Top 10 list from TV Squad misses what would easily be our #1: a B-list celebrity who Tweets like a bad Vanity Fair parody... only hilarious.

Wendy Atterbery of Modern Materialist (and now, mainly, of the Frisky) let us in on a little secret on our blog: the best celebrity Twit is a basketball player not know for his Yogisms, which often get him into heaps of trouble. Here's TV Squad's list, plus a new #1...

1. John Hodgman [don't forget, TV Squad, he's also a tremendously funny bestselling author]

2. Wil Wheaton [don't forget, TV Squad, he was also in Stand By Me and on Star Trek: The Next Generation.]

3. Stephen Fry "The British actor, author and Twitterholic is a must-follow who cleverly interacts with his online fans. Fry, who once played Oscar Wilde in a movie, recently inspired his followers to make up phony Wilde quotes to post on the web. (Check out the results.)"

4. Felicia Day

5. Greg Grunberg [of Heroes-- man, NBC'll do anything to boost their ratings]

6. Brea Grant

7. Penn Jillette

8. John Cleese [we might actually start using our Twitter account again just to follow this guy. We're not sure he is, but we think we saw him in his tighty-whities in A Fish Called Wanda or somethin'.]

9. David Hewlett

10. The Karate Kid's Sensei John Kreese (aka Paul Scheer) [TV Squad claims Human Giant's Scheer is Tweeting as the villainous sensei from The Karate Kid. We hope it's the guy who played Kreese, still in character.]

And our #1? Shaquille O'Neill!

"B kinder than necessary because everyone u meet is fighting some kind of battle -- Shaquille oneal" and "The best way to secure happiness is 2 b az happy as u can everyday -- Shaquille oneal." Always just like that -- with his full name attached at the end (and also the creative spelling), like he's ready to be included on every list of best celeb quotes ever (and he should!).

Now, Wendy's started incorporating Shaq-isms into her private life with her boyfriend:

[We] like to end basically every sentence we utter to each other with our full names. I'll say, "I saved some dinner for you -- it's in the fridge. -- Wendy Atterberry" and he'll follow up with "Thanks that was nice of you. -- Andrew [Redacted]." And then I'll say, "Well, it's important in times of stress to make sure you eat right. --Wendy Atterberry." And then we laugh for, like, half an hour.

UPDATE: TV Squad missed MC Hammer! How could they? We checked out his account and, below, you'll find our favorite tweets (assuming he's real and actually responding to fan Tweets):

"man... flat tire !!!!
"Yes.....the weather is way different these days... global warming for real ! and I'm in Tracy !!!
"Thanks....glad you like http://mchammer.com/ the concept is to play Hammertime Radio (listen to songs) and read the streams..
"Now focus... you better than that... I know you playing..
"if you see yourself "robbing the bank" as you said...make sure you see yourself dead or in jail...real talk... "darkness is no joke"

Real talk... in Hammertime.

Via TV Squad and City Wendy.

Scanner Highs and Lows: So Long, Good Luck, and Pass the Turkey

When Tina Fey Was "Fat"

Emily Farris — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 20:23:00 GMT

You love Tina Fey now, right? But would you have loved her when she was not really fat but considered fat by Hollywood's standards? According to her and Maureen Dowd, and possibly Steve Martin, maybe not.

We haven't received our Vanity Fair in the mail yet, and we'll admit, we just skimmed the online version of Maureen Dowd's profile of the funny lady to find the quote about her famous scar. But the kids over at Daily Intel, who are much more diligent than we are, went through the article and pulled out all the quotes regarding Fey's previous, er, heaviness. And, well, fuck.

• "Her food-obsessed doppelgänger on 30 Rock, Liz Lemon, longs to … go home and eat a big block of cheese."

• Fey's husband describes her in what Dowd calls "her pre-glamour-puss days, back in Chicago. 'She was quite round,' he says, 'in a lovely, turn-of-the-century kind of round — that beautiful, Rubenesque kind of beauty.'"

• "Her true vice is cupcakes. I’ve brought her a box [Ed: Is Maureen Dowd being kind of a bitch here or is it us?], one frosted with the face of Sarah Palin. She chooses that one, which is bigger, joking that it’s O.K. if she gains weight before her Annie Leibovitz photo shoot in a few days, because 'Annie’s going to photograph my soul, right?'"

• "When it comes to her looks, she’s both forgiving and self-deprecating. 'The most I’ve changed pictures out of vanity was to edit around any shot where you can see my butt,' she says."

• "'I really wasn’t heavy in high school,' Fey recalls over lunch one afternoon at Café Luxembourg, where she dutifully switches her order from a B.L.T. to a salad."

• “I’m five four and a half, and I think I was maxing out at just short of 150 pounds, which isn’t so big. But when you move to New York from Chicago, you feel really big.”

• "She saw herself on an SNL monitor as an extra, 'and I was like, 'Ooogh.' I was starting to look unhealthy. I looked like a behemoth, a little bit. It was probably a bad sweater or something. Maybe cutting from Gwyneth Paltrow to me.' She wanted to be 'PBS pretty' — pretty for a smart writer. She called Jeff, who was directing a show at Second City in Chicago, and said, 'O.K., I’m starting Weight Watchers.'"

• "I got to that thing that’s so enjoyable where people tell you, 'Oh, you’re thin, you’ve gotten too thin.' Lorne was like, 'Please, please make sure you’re eating.'"

• "[Adam] McKay recalls Fey telling a story about her heavier days. 'Steve Martin walked right past her at the coffee table, and then, after the makeover, he was like, 'Well, hel-looo — who are you?'"

While we haven't had breakfast yet, this makes us just want to skip it all together so...that... people will love us?

Plus, she didn't look that fat, she was just wearing bad pants. Really bad pants.

[NY Mag: The Secret to Tina Fey’s Success]

Who Are You And What Have You Done With Tina Fey?

Sloppy Seconds: Tina Fey's $6M Book Deal

While You Were Sleeping: Leftover Edition

Who Would You Rather?: Evangeline Lilly In A Manshirt or Tina Fey Scarfing A Sandwich

(Thanks, Nicole!)

Solved Mysteries: Tina Fey's Scar

Emily Farris — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 18:41:00 GMT

We all like to pretend we don't care too much about Tina Fey's scar. But maybe you, like us, have conducted a few or more Google searches... only to settle for reading about the origins of Padma Lakshmi's scar instead.

Now your feeble fingers can take a break. Fey's husband spilled the beans to Vanity Fair.

Liz Lemon [Fey's character on 30 Rock] favors her right side. That’s because a faint scar runs across Tina Fey’s left cheek, the result of a violent cutting attack by a stranger when Fey was five. Her husband says, “It was in, like, the front yard of her house, and somebody who just came up, and she just thought somebody marked her with a pen.” You can hardly see the scar in person. But I agree with Richmond that it makes Fey more lovely, like a hint of Marlene Dietrich noir glamour in a Preston Sturges heroine...

Fey herself rarely mentions the episode. “It’s impossible to talk about it without somehow seemingly exploiting it and glorifying it,” she says. Did she feel less attractive growing up because of it? “I don’t think so,” she says. “Because I proceeded unaware of it. I was a very confident little kid. It’s really almost like I’m kind of able to forget about it, until I was on-camera, and it became a thing of ‘Oh, I guess we should use this side’ or whatever. Everybody’s got a better side.”

Okay, but we wonder if she'll write about it in her book. Guess there's no need now...

[Vanity Fair via Gawker]

Related:

If Only Tina Fey Would Play Sarah Palin in the Forthcoming Porno

If You Like Fey and Poehler and Palin and Clinton, You'll Love Them as Couric and Palin

Who Are You And What Have You Done With Tina Fey?

Sloppy Seconds: Tina Fey's $6M Book Deal

Image via Vanity Fair

Caption This: Miley Cyrus Likes it Ruff

Emily Farris — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 17:34:00 GMT

[Image]

Sloppy Seconds: What Does LiLo Have Against ScarJo?

Emily Farris — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 22:09:00 GMT

We love Brian Williams and we love food courts (our first job was at Chinese Delight in the Independence Center, yo) so it should come as no surprise that we really love that NBC's Brian Williams loves to eat in food courts. [Parade]

Disney meal ticket Miley Cyrus was killed by a drunk driver over the weekend. Except totally not at all! [MTV]

Michael Jackson is being sued by the future king of Bahrain after Jackson supposedly backed out of a recording contract. [Radar]

How much fashion is really involved in the Victoria's Secret fashion show? Because we just see lots of skin. [NY Daily News]

Did you know that Scarlett Johansson was the inspiration behind Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl?" [People]

Could that be why Lindsay Lohan is no fan of Scarlett Johansson. Probably not. Two years after LiLo wrote some nasty words about ScarJo on a New York bathroom stall, Johansson still has no idea why LiLo hates her. [Us]

Sloppy Seconds: The Body Found Outside of Paula Abdul's Home

Emily Farris — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 22:05:00 GMT

American Apparel is back in this news, this time because an employee was fired after he refused to inflate figured on the company's balance sheet. [WSJ]

With the economy sucking your bank account dry, would you consider "donating" an egg for $8,000? [The Frisky]

Say what you will about those naughty Miley Cyrus pictures for Vanity Fair; Annie Leibovitz doesn't give a fuuuck. [Jezebel]

Us Weekly seems to be a little uncomfortable dealing with the fact that Lindsay Lohan called Barack Obama "colored." [Us]

The body of a suspected stalker was found dead in her car outside of Paula Abdul's Los Angeles home. [People]

[Image]

Sloppy Seconds: The Grey's Anatomy Lesbian Controversy

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 21:31:00 GMT

We're wrapping up early today so we can stay glued to the TV. Check out our election thread here.

The Examiner examined the worst celebrity magazine covers of all time. Guess how many are David Duchovny photos?

Another naked prank went wrong.

How the hell did this end up in a kid's Halloween candy bag?

When their children returned from Halloween trick-or-treating, a couple found suspected methamphetamine and $85 in cash among their 7-year-old son's Snickers bars and Skittles. Lars and Shelly Brosdahl called police, who confirmed that the substance was methamphetamine, worth up to $200 on the street. [AP/Yahoo]

An enraged husband and his two brothers got a drunk and cut off his dick as revenge for a supposed sex act committed with the enraged man's wife.

A man who raped a horse got off easy. (No pun intended, please!)

Brooke Smith's role as Dr. Erica Hahn on Grey's Anatomy is over. Do you think it's discrimination? The argument didn't convince us either way.

And the Kate Winslet-Vanity Fair photos Scanner Emily posted yesterday are causing the predictable controvsery. Airbrushed? Photoshopped? Who cares?

Related:

Kate Winslet Takes it Off for Vanity Fair

Woman Kills Rapist With Shotgun Blast Through Her Front Door

While You Were Sleeping: The Naked Mannequin Orgy

Gisele Bundchen Finds Another Excuse To Take Off Her Clothes

20-Year-Old Teacher Strips For Her Students... On Video

And You Thought Bill Clinton Was A Sex-Crazed Politician...

Britney Spears Is (Almost) Not Completely Repulsive In Her New Video

Kate Winslet Takes it Off for Vanity Fair

Emily Farris — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 16:33:00 GMT

We're still traveling but we can't wait to get home to our copy of "Vanity Fair." The lovely Kate Winslet is the cover subject, and though we think she's looking a little too thin for Kate Winslet (airbrushing?), she looks amazing. But, of course, Kate always looks beautiful—even if she's just out and about in a t-shirt and jeans. But, yeah, the naked pin-up look is good for her, too.

However, does anyone else think she looks a more like Angelina Jolie than Catherine Deneuve in the cover shot?

Related:

Top 5 Kate Winslet Sex Scenes

Sloppy Seconds: More Naughty Miley Cyrus Photos Leaked

Top 5 Sex Scenes From "Chick Flicks"

Top 5 Sex Scenes Involving Food

[Vanity Fair via Faded Youth]

What's It Like Having Strangers Eat Off Your Naked Body?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 19:10:00 GMT

Melanie Berliet, a former Wall Street stock trader, wrote a piece for this month's Vanity Fair about her one-off role as a naked sushi model.

Strangely, she doesn't worry about rank fish, groping hands, or ending up in some bizarre Requiem For A Dream party scene outtake; rather, her worry has to do with a part of her body most men never notice. (Hint: ladies, men don't care about your shoes.)

From Melanie's own mouth, following her experience on the New York naked sushi circuit:

I glanced at my feet and saw that I needed a pedicure. Badly. People were about to be eating off me and I hadn’t done them the courtesy of getting my toes done.

With a series of frenzied hand motions, she directed me to strip, tape the shells to my nipples, then secure the thong to my sides and butt. There was no time to be bashful, and I quickly grasped that my body was not my own for the next few hours. It was a commodity I’d loaned to Koko. I wondered if this was how strippers feel. Detached. Robotic. At work.

Yep. That's pretty much how strippers feel... except you forgot the occasional bonus feeling: "sticky."

The next moments proved to be intensely erotic, oddly enough, as Koko flittted daintily around the table, decorating me with scarves, bright pink flowers, and the fans that would serve as trays for the sushi, sashimi, and shumai. Never before had I felt like a piece of art.
As the men got drunker, their timidity vanished. Chopsticks flashed above me as they navigated the buffet, taking their dinner from my curves and crevices. Through it all, Koko sped gracefully in and out of the room to replace the small trays of fish.

For an hour and a half I laid there, while the men surrounding me drank and ate and stared, and sometimes poked at my bare body.

90 minutes? To eat sushi? Man, these guys are really lame... at least they gave her $150 in tips so, as she puts it, she can get the extra therapy she will most certainly need...

Read her full story here. Image and story via Vanity Fair.

Related:

10-Year-Old Boy Is the Lone Protester of Nude Sunbathing

Who Would You Rather? Rachelle Leah vs. Stacey Dash Playboy...

Thing #7,859 Not To F*ck: A Metal Rod

Kanye West's Naked Party Might Have Been About a New Album...

Groupie Shocked To Find Out Pop Music Douche Used Her For Her Body

I Hate Myself For Loving You: Blake Lively

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 20:20:00 GMT

I generally prefer older women... at least women in the similar age range. Hell, I won't even stay in the same room when Gossip Girl is on, it's like The Spice Girls of TV: people know it's terrible, but they get caught up in its infectiousness and in ten years will act as if they don't remember buying in.

Anyway, Blake Lively is an exception. As we've mentioned here before, it seems very unlikely she will make the same life choices and career mistakes of a Lindsay Lohan or some of the other young starlets of this century. But that doesn't mean we're standing tall about this appreciation either...

A little over a month ago, we excerpted a Vanity Fair story about the next crop of young celebrities. This was what we took from the Blake Lively section:

BLAKE LIVELY Age: 20. Hometown: Burbank, California. Breakthrough roles: Bridget in Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, Serena van der Woodsen in Gossip Girl. Upcoming film: Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2.
What We Like About Her:
First “Hollywood” moment? “I hope not ever.” Jimmy Choo or Christian Louboutin? “Jimmy Choo and Chanel. I can’t stand it: the security guards know me there.” Favorite guy’s guy? “I’m dating Brad Pitt.” Favorite girl’s girl? Angelina Jolie. Favorite snack?Hybrid or Escalade? “Hybrid. Even if anybody picked the Escalade they wouldn’t say it, ‘cause it’d be, like, bombed.” “Whatever’s greasier and cheesier the better.”
What Makes Us A Little Weary:
Favorite movie? Wizard of Oz, Moulin Rouge!, Romeo and Juliet.

Those judgments still stand, plus our approval of this remark:

In [her] Teen Vogue interview, when asked if she was dating Penn Badgley, Lively said that “I try not to talk about my dating life. I want to, but once you start, it’s all downhill from there.”

Hear, hear. Stay out of the tabloids and gossip pages and-- wait, gossip pages? Isn't she the star of "Gossip Girl?" Whatever. This just goes to show that Lively may transcend the show-- and Hollywood-- altogether. It's about time somebody broke out of the mental hospital...

Image via Evil Beet Gossip.

Related:

What Do We Think About Vanity Fair's Fake Celebrities?

New "Gossip Girl" Ads Make Us Feel a Little Funny Down There

Hot, Lesbian Action Coming to Gossip Girl

I Hate Myself For Loving You: Zooey Deschanel

I Hate Myself for Loving You: Hayden Paniettiere

Vanity Fair's Best Dressed List: Perfect or Pathetic?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 13:28:00 GMT

The 2008 Vanity Fair International Best-Dressed list includes Ivanka Trump, Michelle Obama, and 8 other classy ladies, plus ten gentlemen, fashion professionals, couples, and more...

Are they missing anyone? Should Ivanka been vetoed for her mere affiliation with the Donald? And just who in blazes is Count Manfredi Della Gherardesca? He sounds like Don Novello's replacement character for Father Guido Sarducci, and no, that wasn't mean to be derogatory. Fill us in, after the jump:

Women

Charlotte Gainsbourg
Princess Alexandra of Greece
Marjorie Gubelmann
Princess Mafalda of Hesse
Fran Lebowitz
Michelle Obama
Bee Shaffer
Tilda Swinton
Ivanka Trump
Renée Zellweger

Men

Tiki Barber
Jonathan Becker
Count Manfredi Della Gherardesca
Lapo Elkann
Richard E. Grant
Lenny Kravitz
Luis and Rafael Medina
Hidetoshi Nakata
Nicolas Sarkozy
Gay Talese

Couples

David and Victoria Beckham
The Earl and Countess of Cawdor
Damon Dash and Rachel Roy
Frédéric Fekkai and Shirin von Wulffen
Mitch Glazer and Kelly Lynch
Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore
David Lauren and Lauren Bush
Viscount and Viscountess Linley
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie
Ruben and Isabel Toledo

Fashion Professionals

Amy Astley
Tory Burch
Jefferson Hack
Liya Kebede
Alexandra Kotur
Margherita Missoni
Stefano Pilati
Michael Roberts
Katherine Ross
Hedi Slimane

Fashion Originals

Peter Beard
Carlyne Cerf de Dudzeele
Lisa Eisner

Hall of Fame

Alba Clemente
George Clooney
Marina Rust Connor
Anderson Cooper
Sofia Coppola
Jemima Khan
Anna Piaggi

Via Vanity Fair.

Related:

What Do We Think About Vanity Fair's Fake Celebrities?

Sloppy Seconds: What's Wrong With This Picture Of Brad Pitt?

Shocker: Bill Clinton Has Extramarital Affairs

Devil Wears Prada, But His Minions Wear Comme des Garcons!

Top 10 Celebrity Moms Who Could Be Hookers

George Clooney's Ex Posing Nude For Playboy?

Sloppy Seconds: What's Wrong With This Picture Of Brad Pitt?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 21:30:00 GMT

Google is rumored to be negotiating its purchase of Digg... oh, for around 200 million freakin' dollars.

Vanity Fair mocks the New Yorker cover's failed satire with actual satire, kinda.

Hey, wanna be buried in an iPhone? Only if a nude Lauren Amborse jumps in there with us.

Maybe there's something to keeping your kids locked inside, home schooled for life, and unavailable to interact with other children: Amy Winehouse is planning to have five children, count 'em, five children. Of course, it'll be hard to procreate that often when conjugal visits are every six months.

"Compassionate conservative" columnist Robert Novak plowed into a pedestrian and would've driven until infinity and beyond had a bicyclist not chased him down and blocked his path until the police arrived. Novak: "I didn't realize I hit anyone, even though he rolled around on my windshield for ten minutes." (Okay, not an actual quote.)

Is CBS a member of the liberal media, like McCain says? Well, they're certainly trying to help him, it seems: his interview with Katie Couric appears to have been doctored to remove his once-a-day foreign policy gaffe.

Who is Katie Price and why is anyone reading her books, which she doesn't even write? Okay, sorry for that, but we're not sure why a model can't write has a book deal of any kind.

Brad Pitt drove around in a golf cart with two-year-old Shiloh. At the wheel. (Well, at least the kid was only reaching for the steering wheel.) Next time, perhaps his own seat and/or a fucking door might help, eh, Brad?

Is it me, or is Brad Pitt not as hot as he used to be?

CBS News Correspondent Embroiled In Career-Defining Sex Scandal

Controversial New Yorker Cover Even Dumber Than We First Thought

The Amy Winehouse Comeback Begins...

Accused Killer's Crazy Google Searches All The Evidence We Need

By The Way, We Just Got Banned From Digg (Digg This Post For Us!)

What Do We Think About Vanity Fair's Fake Celebrities?

Sloppy Seconds: Update On The Christian Bale Story

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 21:36:00 GMT

A Louisiana police officer may be charged with murder after he tasered a suspect nine times in fourteen minutes. His crime, besides a drug charge gone to warrant? Being unable to get up as a result of the tasering. (Guess the races of our two subjects.)

Michael Caine thinks there may not be a third Christopher Nolan-Batman movie since The Dark Knight will be hard to top.

Is there any male figure young men and women can trust anymore? A New Jersey basketball couch and "youth supervisor" supervised a little too closely: he's been charged with soliciting nude photos from four teenage boys.

What are the Top 10 Shows teens are excited to see? (Don't hold your breath they've even heard of Mad Men.)

Miley Cyrus made a "mistake," she admits, in letting Vanity Fair publish those photos. No, her real mistake was posing with that creepy Billy Ray guy.

We returned it, we swear! A man in Colorado will spend ten years in prison for taking out materials from his local library and not returning them. He couldn't return them, you see, because he was selling them to the highest bidder.

And the complete rundown on the Christian Bale story. Maybe it wasn't such a big deal after all, as one commenter already pointed out:

In a statement issued shortly after Bale's release, a spokesperson for the star says: "Christian Bale attended a London police station today, on a voluntary basis, in order to assist with an allegation that had been made against him to the police by his mother and sister.
"Mr. Bale, who denies the allegation, co-operated throughout, gave his account in full of the events in question and has left the station without any charge being made against him by the police. At this time, there will be no further comment by Mr. Bale."

The article goes on to say Bale has to see a judge in September. Doesn't sound like a big deal after all...

Via IMDB.

New Miley Cyrus Photo Scandal Already Exaggerated Beyond Belief

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 17:35:00 GMT

Oh my God! A fifteen-year-old girl posed for private pictures of herself wearing clothing! Call in the Catholic League! Have her parents executed in a public square by a man in a black hood!

Jesus, save us! One of these pictures features Miley Cyrus, who is a role model to seven-year-old girls in every rich white town in Connecticut and in select other regions, was found to have been acting like a fifteen-year-old girl in the presence of her own personal cellphone camera. Miley Cyrus, who has an obligation under the law to go to church seven days a week, keep her head bowed at a 45-degree angle while in public, and marry the first man who kisses her on the mouth, scandalized the nation with these two shameful, shameful photos.

Miley Cyrus has been caught up in yet another photo scandal after an internet hacker accessed her phone's memory and found a series of saucy snaps.
The new pictures allegedly show the singer posing seductively in the shower with only a wet t-shirt covering her modesty, as well as a photo of her showing off her stomach in a skimpy top.
The snaps were reportedly downloaded from the star's personal picture phone memory by a hacker calling himself the Digital Gangster.
According to celebrity [asshole] Perez Hilton, who has the controversial new photographs on his website [complete with moronic, tasteless, offensive, inappropriate, uncalled-for, and cruel "graffiti" on each snap], the hacker is shopping the snaps around to several publications

The second, more "offensive" pic:

Via WENN/IMDB.

Related:

Miley Cyrus Proves Once Again That She Is--Gasp!--a Regular, Old Idiot Kid

Quote of the Day: "The more you stomp in poop, the more it stinks."

Where Was Daddy When Miley Cyrus Was Taking Topless Photos for Vanity Fair?

What Do We Think About Vanity Fair's Fake Celebrities?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 13:58:00 GMT

Who are these nyphms, Vanity Fair, and why should we care about them?

Here's the abridged survey:

AMANDA SEYFRIED Age: 22. Hometown: Allentown, Pennsylvania. Breakthrough roles: Karen in Mean Girls, Sarah on HBO’s Big Love. Upcoming film: Mamma Mia!

What We Like About Her:

Jimmy Choo or Christian Louboutin? “Prada. I don’t have any, but they make a woman’s leg look fantastic.” Favorite designer? “Miu Miu. I can’t afford it, but I love it.” Who do you dream of working with one day? Michael Caine. Xbox, Wii, or PlayStation? “Wii, because of Guitar Hero.”

What Makes Us A Little Weary:

Favorite movie? “Romeo and Juliet with Claire Danes. She was the first girl I related to in some way.” Hybrid or Escalade? “Audi. Maybe I should drive a hybrid. I do have a shirt that says, ‘Go Green.’ ”

EMMA ROBERTS Age: 17. Hometown: Rhinebeck, New York. Breakthrough roles: Addie Singer on Nickelodeon’s Unfabulous, title role in Nancy Drew. Upcoming film: Wild Child. First “Hollywood” moment? “I guess after my television show started airing, and I would be walking around the mall or just out with friends, and girls would come up to me and be like, ‘Oh my God, we love your show, we love this!’ And I would look around still, and be like, ‘Are they really talking to me?’ ”

What We Like About Her:

Chuck Taylors or Nikes? Chuck Taylors. Favorite movie? Almost Famous. American Idol or Lost? “Lost! I’m a huge Lost fan.”

What Makes Us A Little Weary:

Number of shoes in your closet? “Probably a little under 50.” Style icon? “I love the way Mary-Kate and Ashley dress. I know that’s probably cliché to say.”

BLAKE LIVELY Age: 20. Hometown: Burbank, California. Breakthrough roles: Bridget in Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, Serena van der Woodsen in Gossip Girl. Upcoming film: Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2.

What We Like About Her:

First “Hollywood” moment? “I hope not ever.” Jimmy Choo or Christian Louboutin? “Jimmy Choo and Chanel. I can’t stand it: the security guards know me there.” Favorite guy’s guy? “I’m dating Brad Pitt.” Favorite girl’s girl? Angelina Jolie. Favorite snack? “Whatever’s greasier and cheesier the better.” Hybrid or Escalade? “Hybrid. Even if anybody picked the Escalade they wouldn’t say it, ‘cause it’d be, like, bombed.”

What Makes Us A Little Weary:

Favorite movie? Wizard of Oz, Moulin Rouge!, Romeo and Juliet.

KRISTEN STEWART Age: 18. Hometown: North Hollywood, California. Breakthrough roles: Jodie Foster’s daughter in Panic Room, Tracy in Into the Wild. Upcoming films: Twilight, Adventureland, and What Just Happened?

What We Like About Her:

Chuck Taylors or Nikes? Converse. Favorite designer? “Oh, I don’t know. Anything that’s beat up. I kind of like to look like a hobo.” Role model? Jodie Foster. BlackBerry or iPhone? “I’m getting a BlackBerry. I don’t even have an e-mail address. I just need a phone that’s not gonna break.” What’s on your iPod? Van Morrison, the Beatles, the Rolling Stones. Last book you read? Under the Banner of Heaven, by Jon Krakauer. Morning or evening? “I’m a night person. I mean, look at me.” Hybrid or Escalade? “A ‘95 Toyota Tacoma.”

What Makes Us A Little Weary (okay, this didn't really make us weary):

Boy crush? “My boyfriend, Michael Angarano!”

Obviously, Blake Lively is a celebrity and Scanner digs her bad attitude and sort-of just-out-of-an-angry-publicist's-reach no-bullshit way of conducting interviews (thank God, there may be hope for intelligent life to come out of this generation), but what about the rest of them? Is Vanity Fair just manufacturing fame or will these four go on to big things? (Don't forget that many of the Vanity Fair cover models, including Gretchen Mol, peaked with their VF covers and haven't been heard from since.)

Photo and interview via Vanity Fair.

Angelina Jolie is Smoking Hot in Vanity Fair (In the Bathtub)

Emily Farris — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 17:00:00 GMT

Angelina Jolie used to be "my gay," meaning I'd happily switch to the other side for her. But when she started doing all of these good-person deeds and began to appear on the cover of every magazine every week with her 17 children, she became a little less attractive to me. So by the time I got my issue of Vanity Fair in the mail yesterday I was a little tired of seeing her. And then I saw this picture of her in the bathtub and all was forgiven.

Aaaand... there she goes talking about adoption again. Adoption is great, don't get me wrong, I just can't have my lesbian fantasy with a mother of six, you know?

[Vanity Fair: A Woman in Full]

Related:

Lesbians Love Angelina Jolie

Celebrity Ink: Angelina Jolie's Tattoos Look Really Great Next to Her Breasts

Rumor Denied: Angelina Jolie Still Looks Like a Caped House

Sloppy Seconds: Angelina Jolie Has a Belly Just Like the Rest of Us While Marion Cotillard Has Some Naked Pictures Just Like the Rest of Us

Huckabee Encourages NRA Members To Shoot Obama

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 19 May 2008 15:07:00 GMT

Correct us if we're wrong, but there are laws against this sort of thing, are there not?

We were in the middle of reading Vanity Fair's story on the pre-assassination campaign of Bobby Kennedy when we heard TV's talking heads jabbering about the inane/insane remarks of one Mike Huckabee. Huckabee would have been, in happier times, jailed on the spot for threatening the President of the United States. Unfortunately, it appears law enforcement doesn't consider "future Presidents" as being protected from said law...

Reports differ on whether or not the audience approved of his remarks. The earliest reports we saw indicated murmuring and no laughter followed the following, which came after a loud thump or bang from behind the stage:

“That was Barack Obama, he just tripped off a chair, he's getting ready to speak,” said the former Arkansas governor, to audience laughter. “Somebody aimed a gun at him and he dove for the floor.” [CNN]

Doesn't that encourage shooting the Presidential candidate? Especially when you encourage that shooting in front of hundreds of NRA members?! You can bet Huckabee would've hounded Obama with this remark, had their roles in this been reversed, all the way to the inaugural, whereas Obama takes the customary high road and refused comment. (We thought he should've used this as a golden opportunity to drive the final stake in Huckabee's political coffin, but then again, we're not wimpy Democratic operatives.)

Crushes of the Week: Howard Dean and Bethany McLean

Bryan Christian — Mon, 05 May 2008 21:13:00 GMT

In his two years as DNC Chairman, Howard Dean has made more than a few big mistakes, most notably allowing this whole Michigan/Florida debacle to destabilize his party in a year when they should have had a straight shot to the presidency. But we gotta show the guy some love for his appearance on FoxNews yesterday, when he managed to not just stick it to the way biased news department -- but be pretty gracious and effective in doing it. (FF to 3:00 to see what we mean.)

Keep it up, Howard -- and don't waste all your efforts on the opposition. Your notoriously fickle party could use a little firm handing now and then, too. Still, this is a great start.

And for that, he is our first Crush of the Week.

And we can't let this week's CotW pass us by without our giving props to Bethany McLean, who in 2001 was pretty much the first person to call bullshit on the tangled web of lies that was Enron, and whose lush features and soft-spoken skepticism we found so alluring in the 2005 documentary Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room, based on the book she co-authored with Peter Elkind. Word came today that she's leaving Fortune for Vanity Fair, where frankly we are guessing the photo department is as eager to get her in front of the camera as the edit staff is to see her copy. Is she a little sleeker than we remember her being? Perhaps. Either way, she's a brainy babe who we look forward to hearing more of in the future.

And for that, she is our second Crush of the Week.

Disney: Growing (Boobs?) With Its Audience

Emily Farris — Thu, 01 May 2008 13:51:00 GMT

You know, maybe we are over-reacting about all this Miley Cyrus half nakedness. See, we were mostly put-off because Disney had marketed Cyrus as this wholesome, pure, Christian role-model. They seemed outraged over the Vanity Fair pictures; a Disney spokeswoman told the New York Times that "a situation was created to deliberately manipulate a 15-year-old in order to sell magazines." But now we're starting to think Disney might actually be trying to sex up its image.

You tell us.

Slate's Daniel Brook snapped this billboard in China recently. Ok, it's China, but still. We think we've heard just about enough from Disney on this whole Miley Cyrus issue. Also, we wouldn't like to hear any more from Bill O'Reilly (on any issue).

We hereby declare ourselves the Moral Authority on the Miley Cyrus Vanity Fair Possibly Naughty Pictures Issue, because unlike Disney and O'Reilly we were once a 15-year-old girl. Also, we saw Billy Ray Cyrus perform Achey Brakey Heart at the Grand Palace in Branson, maybe even before lil' Cyrus was born. So there.

We'll issue a statement shortly.

[Slate via Gawker]

While You Were Sleeping: This Orangutang Surpassed Your IQ Level

Emily Farris — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 13:12:00 GMT

The creepiest dude you never met held his own daughter hostage in his basement for 24 years and fathered seven children with her. [CNN]

MySpace karaoke might be a great idea if MySpace would ever fucking load on our computer. [Yahoo!]

Joe "Boobies" Francis is "very surprised and in fact amazed" that Ashley Alexandra Dupre is suing him. [Us Weekly]

Jamie Lee Curtis thinks that Miley Cyrus' parents should have protected her from the wrath of Vanity Fair. [People]

Okay, maybe the orangutang isn't smarter than us—yet!—but it is spear fishing. Can you do that? [Neatorama]

Where Was Daddy When Miley Cyrus Was Taking Topless Photos for Vanity Fair?

Emily Farris — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 19:49:00 GMT

We know they're supposed to be artsy and all—afterall, Annie Leibovitz shot them—but we're a little disturbed by Miley Cyrus' Vanity Fair photos. Apparently so is Cyrus. Or so she says. But to answer our original question, where was Daddy Cyrus when all of this was going on? Why, he was right there!

Which Would You Rather: Rufus Wainwright's Green "Advocate" or Madonna's Green "Vanity Fair?"

Emily Farris — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 19:57:00 GMT

It's that time of year when everybody gets horny and everything turns green, including magazines. You know where we stand on Madonna's Vanity Fair cover (boring!), but what about Rufus Wainwright on the cover of this month's The Advocate? Which would you rather drool over, take to the crapper etc.?

Veronica Mars: Hot Like The Freaking Sun

Bryan Christian — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 20:21:00 GMT

Hey, remember when Kristen Bell was that kind-of-ratty con-girl on the first season of Deadwood? Yeah... us neither.

Click through for bigger pic.

[via Goldenfiddle]

Damn You Blogosphere for Ruining My Trip to the Mailbox

Emily Farris — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 15:21:00 GMT

Okay, the trip to the mailbox is never pleasant, what with the guy on the second floor always smoking in the hallway and trying to cover it up with dollar-store air freshener. But still, when I got my green issue of Vanity Fair in the mail yesterday, I was far more excited about the accompanying reusable Target bag than the magazine. I've only opened one of the two, and it's red. Could it have anything to do with the fact that I've seen the following image 761,459 times in the past two weeks?

By the way, the free Target bag is really cool.

Madonna/VF Gallery Reminds Us What's So Great About The Queen Of Pop

Bryan Christian — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 14:45:00 GMT

We're not so hot on the new Vanity Fair Green Issue cover featuring Madonna -- she looks great, but also like they put Poison Ivy in the new Batman without telling us -- but seriously, we double dog dare you to click through Madonna's 1992 Marilyn-inspired Steven Meisel spread in the new Madonna VF Retrospective and not swear off LiLo's attempt at conjuring up the soul of Norma Jean Baker forevermore. It's like comparing to apples to oranges -- ridiculously foxy, wholly self-assured oranges.

Actually, It's shocking how many of the other images found here seem like instant classics as well. Have a look -- and try to forget that when Madonna was at the peak of her young erotic powers, she was letting Warren Beatty hone the "sex" part of his becoming a "sexagenarian."

Sloppy Seconds: Hulk Hogan's New Girlfriend Sure Looks a Lot Like His Daughter

Emily Farris — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 21:19:00 GMT

The Daily Mail tries to make a size 16 beauty pageant contestant feel bad about herself. Luckily, they don't really succeed. [Jezebel]

If you're running for office, jerking off in public might not be the best idea. Even if you do live in California. [Wonkette]

50-Cent is so confused about which Democratic candidate to support. And he thinks Obama might get assassinated. [MTV]

Whoever you support, Natalie Portman really, really wants you to vote. [People]

Madonna kept her legs closed for the upcoming Vanity Fair cover. [MollyGood]

You've heard of "Stuff White People Like," but what about "Stuff Christians Like?" [Stuff Christians Like]

Hulk Hogan's new girlfriend is the spitting image of his daughter, Brooke. You know, the daughter he tracks with a GPS system. [The Superficial]