Scanner : vibrators

Australian Family Association in Desperate Need of Vibrators

Colleen Kane — Tue, 12 May 2009 14:43:00 GMT

A group in Australia is so concerned about the welfare of others that they want family-friendly stores to please think of the children and to cease carrying discreetly packaged Durex vibrators. These same pharmacies sell other sex products like condoms and Viagra, but here's why vibrators are shameful.

AFA spokesman John Morrissey said, "There's only one use for them and that's not a habit we want to encourage in teenage girls."

"If these products belong anywhere it's in an adult sex shop that people don't want to be seen entering."

This can only mean one thing.

John Morrissey and company clearly need to be educated about how vibrators don't kill girls or impregnate them and can enrich lives.

Why not tell the AFA gang about your favorite kinds? Morrissey and the organization's president can both be emailed via this page on their website. For some other talking points, the organization is also anti-gay marriage, anti-abortion, anti-euthanasia. So many dangers are threatening the family unit! But especially the idea of a teenage girl wielding a vibrator.

Related:

Some of Them Want to Abuse You: Eurythmics Vibrators?

Babeland Offers Tax Relief in the Form of Free Vibrators

Calling All Vintage Vibrators

How Much is an Orgasm Worth to You?

Emily Farris — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 19:33:00 GMT

We appreciate that the world at large would like us women to have better orgasms. But we have to wonder how much of that concern is really just pharmaceutical companies trying to make a profit off of what they would like us to believe is a sexual dysfunction. Do we really need to buy an Orgasmatron? And have laser surgeries? And test out vibrators in exam rooms? In her new documentary, Orgasm Inc., filmmaker Liz Canner explores the billion-dollar industry that revolves around the female orgasm. Though the movie doesn't premiere until next month, we have the not-incredibly-safe-for-work trailer after the jump.

Related:

Russians Confused By, Not Necessarily Believers in the Female Orgasm

How To Tell If She's Faking It, By An Orgasm Faker

The One Way You Never Thought You'd Have An Orgasm

Babeland Offers Tax Relief in the Form of Free Vibrators

Emily Farris — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:29:00 GMT

When we were impressionable youths, our curfew wasn't so much a time we needed to be home as a time we needed to call and negotiate the rest of our evening. Would we be sleeping on the couch of that 20-something guy who always hosted high school parties or crashing with a girlfriend? Did Mom need to come pick us up from the Quick Trip parking lot? Or would we be home in 20—no, make that 30—minutes?

Perhaps this lax upbringing is what caused us to be so bad at turning anything in on time and what made us, well, bad Americans. For April 15 is not the day on which we file our taxes—no, it is the day that we file an extension (or have our accountant do it for us). Yes, yes, we know that all we're really doing is putting off the inevitable: paying taxes on the money paid to us for those stories we turned in so very late. Also, it turns out that this year we're missing out on free vibrators.

Tomorrow—yes, tomorrow is Tax Day, slacker!—Babeland is giving out free Gold Digger vibrators (pictured above) to the first 100 people to go into any of the three locations and tell the sales associates you've filed a tax return (we assume they're going on the honor system) and they're giving out the same gift for the first 100 web orders of the day.

But we haven't missed out completely with our tax FAIL. Babeland is picking up the sales tax on all purchases made in the stores or online tomorrow. So at least we can take that hard-earned money we should be using to pay our taxes and buy some tax-free sex toys. Score!

Babeland Online

Three locations in NYC:
Babeland SoHo, 43 Mercer Street
Babeland LES, 94 Rivington Street
Babeland Brooklyn, 462 Bergen Street

In Seattle:
Babeland Seattle, 707 E. Pike Street

Related:

Did You Vote? Then Babeland Would Like To Give You A Free Sex Toy...

Babeland Staff: The MacGyvers of Dildos?

R.E.M. Shot New Video in NYC Sex Shop

Video of the Day: Toys in Babeland Now on YouTube

Recycling Those Other Household Appliances

Colleen Kane — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 21:28:00 GMT

Almost exactly a year ago today, I wrote a blog post for a green website about the UK's Rabbit Amnesty program for recycling sex toys (and shortly thereafter was asked by the editor if I wouldn't mind taking that post down because the subject matter was a little too racy and they had investors to please). That post ended asking when the U.S. would step it up with a recycling program of our own.

They have, and as with the Rabbit Amnesty program, incentives are offered to recyclers.

The Sex Toy Recycling Program does it all for you after you pop your used goodies in the mail:

Simply drop your clean used toy(s) in the mail, when we receive it in our warehouse we will have it cleaned and disassembled. The rubber, silicone, hard plastics, metal, e-waste and motors will be sent to recycling facilities that process the materials for reuse. Did you leave the batteries in? Don’t worry, we dispose of them responsibly.

For every package mailed in, you get a $10 gift certificate for use with participating affiliates. The program was set up by Dreamscapes, LLC to reduce the carbon footprint of the adult novelties industry.

Related:

Some of Them Want to Abuse You: Eurythmics Vibrators?

Calling All Vintage Vibrators

Scanner Survey: Vibrators

Via Sunfiltered's Naked Love

Sale of the Day: Sex Cents

Emily Farris — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 20:46:00 GMT

VIA THE MODERN MATERIALIST: Know what's even better than a naughty drawer full of sex toys? A naughty drawer full of sex toys that were purchased on the cheap! Thank goodness for Good Vibrations, which totally has your sexy money-saving sense covered with 25% off everything in their online store:

Read more...

Equation: Naughty Knickers

Emily Farris — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 20:54:00 GMT

VIA THE MODERN MATERIALIST

Read more...

G4 Gets Porn Star Stoya To Review An Xbox Vibrator [VIDEO]

Emily Farris — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 17:54:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: In other news, geeks worldwide have started spontaneously bursting into flames. Connection? Hmm... Click through for the SFW video and see for yourself... IF YOU DARE!!!

Read more...

5 Disturbing Products from Harriet Carter

Colleen Kane — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 14:30:00 GMT

I recently got a new catalog for olds called Harriet Carter. It's along the lines of your Fingerhut (which now sells vibrators and other adult products! Who knew?), or Lillian Vernon, although those standbys are shorter on the ridiculous products lately than they used to be. So I delved into this catalog, and was not disappointed.

Harriet Carter has bizarre products and gimmicky gadgets galore! (And in spite of myself I want a number of the items for sale in this catalog, and already own one, the appropriately named ShamWow!)

Above, silicone concealers, or as the catalog calls them, "modesty petals." Just imagine what it's like to wear these all day. Sweaty nips, never knowing if the concealers are aligned evenly, or if they're making an outline of their own, thereby creating the illusion of oversize, misshapen aereolic protrusions.

Next, the modesty panel: This "enhances low-cut necklines," i.e., hides cleavage, so nobody's pacemaker gets going too fast.

A dumb T-shirt.

Never mind the T-shirt. What is this creature's deal? Like, what is he? Is this a brunet Ken doll come to semi-life?

Below, What my family should know. You know: what they should know when you die. Because you're old.

Who's depressed?

No matter, because right here is the reason for the whole post.

Hair Cutting Umbrella.

No words neccessary.

Related:

Fundies: The Underwear For Two!

Today in WTF? The WTF Blanket Will Give You Super Herpes (Video)

3 Things We Wish We'd Gotten For Christmas, Or: Scanner Verena Is A Sucker For Infomercials

Calling All Vintage Vibrators

Colleen Kane — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 18:54:00 GMT

Meet Super Douglas, labeled both as a "heavy duty massager" and "vibrator," 120 volts, 30 watts, manufactured in good old Jersey City and purchased at one of my favorite NJ rummage sales for a few bucks. (The old man running the electronics section didn't seem to understand why I was so enthused to find SD...?)

Super Douglas is here today for show and tell because Babeland is looking for your antique vibrators, for possible inclusion in a TV segment about the history of sex toys.

Here's how to submit.

If you have old or antique sex toys that we could borrow, or that you might want to bring on the show, please send us a description of the toy and attach an image to be considered (.jpg preferred). Thanks for your help!
Please email your photo and description to funstuff@babeland.com by Wednesday, February 18.

Best,
Rachel + Claire
Babeland Co-Founders

Related:

Some of Them Want to Abuse You: Eurythmics Vibrators?

Scanner Survey: Vibrators

Hey Everybody, I Just Pummeled My Vagina!

Via Feministing

Will You Be Our Sexy Valentine?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 16:26:00 GMT

Prepare yourself... Valentine's Day is coming, which means you'll be subjected to 10,824 posts about it between now and the weekend.

You can bribe us into near silence, though, by buying and sending us one of these sexy V-Day gifts...

The old cliche/joke here at Scanner is that we're all secret lesbians, so it's only natural we would turn to GO Magazine, the monthly publication for gay ladies in various American cities. This month, they've published a multi-page portfolio of the greatest of this year's V-Day sex toys and other treats we've been too naughty not to receive:

1) The Forever Yours Vibe

2) The Pink Kink Kit. Says Babeland:

Bondage beginner? You’ll find sugar and spice and everything naughty in our super-sexy, non-intimidating Pink Kink Kit, making bondage affordable, fashionable and very appealing. An innocent pink mesh bag holds a heart-emblazoned, comfortable leather blindfold, an adorable pink leather 11” whip with a teasing sting, and a snap-to-fit leather collar that reads SEXY (as if it weren’t obvious!).

3) Two-Person Home Sauna. Ever had sex in a sauna? We're not sure if that one time was a daydream or the real thing, but either way, it wasn't worth this $3,000 price tag. Although, hey, if you're buyin'...

4) Dirty Dolls Lingerie

Check out all 23 pages of selections from GO Magazine.

Botulism, Abortion, And A Woman's Right To Choose

The Gamer Next Door Models Your Last-Minute Gifts

Single Ladies (Put a Used Ring on It)

Emily Farris — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 16:24:00 GMT

While there are a few things we will always buy new (vibrators!), these days, we're getting most everything second hand: furniture ($50 Craigslist couch!), clothes and cookware (vintage Pyrex!). And if we ever got engaged, we imagine we wouldn't mind a second-hand ring, especially if we could verify that said ring had a conflict-free diamond.

So when someone from I Do Now I Don't—an eBay-like auction site for wedding and engagement rings—wrote us, we thought it was a great idea. Sellers post their rings and bidders get better-than-retail prices. But then superstition kicked in and we wondered why anyone would want to wear a ring from a broken marriage or engagement.

Mara Opperman, of I Do Now I Don't, answered that question for us.

As Mark Twain once so eloquently put, “It is better to have old second-hand diamonds than none at all.”

You know the old saying, “one person’s trash is another person’s treasure.” Someone’s bad luck could be someone else's good luck. Also, what many people fail to realize is that chances are the ring they are wearing was on somebody else’s finger at some point. People return jewelry to stores all the time. When you are buying a ring at Tiffany’s for example, who's to say that ring wasn’t once returned. You just aren’t aware of it.

Then for the increasing number of brides that are focusing on keeping green, the good news is that diamonds are recycled all the time. Pop out a stone and put it in a new setting and most people couldn’t say whether the diamond was first cut 20 months or 20 years ago.

Finally, rings with history have value. Let’s not forget that rings get passed down through families. These rings are obviously “used” as well. And some of the most beautiful rings have been polished with love.

All in all, our site is a great way to make things affordable for people in these tough economic times.

As for our conflict-free concern, Opperman said most rings will come with a certificate or proof. But our favorite part of the site, really, is the page that helps us understand what all that karat business is about.

[I Do Now I Don't]

Related:

Holiday Gift Guide, Your Doomed Marriage Edition: Diamonds

Diamond Dave Assteroidz!

New Titty Mag at Harvard Has the Worst. Name. Ever.

I Hate Myself for Loving You: Charmin Ultra Strong

'Rom Coms' Can Ruin Your Love Life, Sound a Lot Dirtier Than They Are

Emily Farris — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 17:02:00 GMT

Ladies (and perhaps gentlemen) something you're doing on a regular or semi-regular basis could be ruining your personal life, according to a new study. It's causing you to have unrealistic expectations with it comes to love and impairing your communication with your partner. This thing is the rom com.

Just what is a rom com?

While it sounds like something along the lines of an anal probe or a high-powered vibrator, a rom com is simply a romantic comedy. And some psychologists believe that watching rom coms can affect intimate relationships in pretty significant ways.

They found that fans of films such as Runaway Bride and Hitch often fail to communicate with their partners effectively, with many holding the view that if someone is meant to be with you, then they should know what you want without you needing to tell them.

Psychologists at the Family and Personal Relationships Laboratory at Edinburgh's Heriot Watt University studied 40 top box office hits from 1995-2005.

They included You've Got Mail, Maid In Manhattan, The Wedding Planner and While You Were Sleeping.

Dr Bjarne Holmes said: "Marriage counsellors often see couples who believe that sex should always be perfect, and if someone is meant to be with you then they will know what you want without you needing to communicate it.

"We now have some emerging evidence that suggests popular media play a role in perpetuating these ideas in people's minds.

"The problem is that while most of us know that the idea of a perfect relationship is unrealistic, some of us are still more influenced by media portrayals than we realise."

We're not surprised (though we're more likely to believe that our iPods are playing the soundtrack to our lives), but we're still a little hung up on the term. It just sounds so.... dirty. Are we really that behind the times that we've never heard the term "rom com?" We saw "Sleepless in Seattle" at least 20 times. Maybe we're too young (we were eleven when it came out) or too old. Our old friend Scanner Bryan even threw out the term back in January but we seem to have missed it.

According to Wiktionary, the term was most likely inspired by "sitcom" or situational comedy, for those of you out there who are even younger and/or more dense than we are.

[Press Association: 'Rom coms' can ruin your love life]

Related:

Get Out The Waterproof Mascara: More Chick Flicks Coming Your Way

Video of the Day: "American Psycho" as RomCom

The 50 Sexiest Movies of All-Time: The Top 5

Stuff Your Stocking With Fleshbot's Top Sex Toys of 2008

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 22:33:00 GMT

There's the Bo, the We-Vibe, the Curve, and something called the Babeland Nubby G.

These and six other sex toys round out Fleshbot's list of the Top 10 Sex Toys of 2008...

The full list includes: 10) The We-Vibe, a vibrating cock ring; 9) The Bo, a silicone cock ring, seen in the above-right photo; 8) The Babeland Nubby G, which had some problems back with toxic chemicals, is reborn in a bang-for-buck model; 7) The Curve, which Fleshbot calls one of the best dildos ever; 6) The Mia, seen in the above left photo, "could pass for a USB device" and is therefore recommended for air travel; 5) The Vibe, despite its imperfect "navigation system"; 4) The Jollie, a dildo of massive girth, and not to be confused with the Jolly Ol' Saint Nick or Angelina Plus 400 Pounds; 3) The Eleven, the $300 dildo for those of you not hit by the economy in any meaningful way; 2) We dated a Gigi in high school-- let's just say we'll order one of these for ourselves. And... #1...

The Sasi. You may recall we announced its release in terrified tones just four short months ago:

SaSi (pronounced "sassy"), is smart-ass vibrator, and does the following:
1) remembers what you like and knows how to repeat itself
2) weilds a "smooth round massage head" like the tip of a tongue, "creating a soft kneading" of varying speeds, in an apparent attempt to replicate some hot oral sex. According to the website.

See the full list here.

Related:

Babeland Launches The Erratic, Dangerous, Man-Eliminating Vibrator

Did You Vote? Then Babeland Would Like To Give You A Free Sex Toy...

Swedish Hockey Fans Bombard Player With Dildo Parade

The Giant Penis Is Watching Over You

Some of Them Want to Abuse You: Eurythmics Vibrators?

Colleen Kane — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 19:30:00 GMT

Former Eurythmics member Dave Stewart teamed up with adult toymaker JimmyJane, resulting in a special edition of their "Little Something" vibrators, the song "Let's Do it Again," and a "provacative video" with recording artist Sierra Swan.

The two new Little Something Precious Metal Vibrators are inscribed with the lyrics from the new song. Presumably the target market for the toys is people who really like the song. Watch the video to see if you fall into that demographic (Warning: provacative)...

Here's the abridged video.

The full version and the Little Somethings can be seen on the JimmyJane website.

Hey Everybody, I Just Pummeled My Vagina!

Sloppy Seconds: Giving Vibrators To Teenage Girls

Image: Jimmyjane.com

Sloppy Seconds: Giving Vibrators To Teenage Girls

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 22:31:00 GMT

Michael Lohan can't beat up any celebrities until his parole ends.

Mac users, rejoice: a compendium of shortcuts to the rescue.

You may be jealous over who Emily Blunt has shacked up with... we'll remain positive by saying he's at least cooler than Michael Buble...

A source tells the magazine, "They ordered room service, took long walks and spent every second together. John really cares for Emily - he totally fawns over her. And she's loving the attention. She's a down-to-earth girl, but it's nice to be treated so well."

It's John Krasinski, who is one of the few guys we wouldn't hate for getting to have breakfast in bed with Emily Blunt...

Carrie Fisher's mother Debbie Reynolds gave her and Carrie's grandmother vibrators for Christmas... when Carrie was 15... and other highlights from Fisher's latest memoir.

Eva Longoria's diet plan? Get rid of meat and stick with the fish.

We can do better than some of these Famous People's Personalized Credit Cards, can't we? Although we dig the Michael Vick one.

A hockey fight so brutal, we blew off some steam just watching it.

Lou Reed's Classic Example Of How To Give An Interview

Having Painful Sex? The Men of New Jersey Would Like To Help

Your Next Significant Other Should Be...

Hot or Not? Cindy Crawford at 42

Want To Have Sex With Obama?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 16:57:00 GMT

Whether or not you agree with his politics, you have to agree that Barack Obama is sexier than John McCain. And while he probably won't have a Bill Clinton style sex scandal while in office, the Senator from Illinois is nonetheless the object of many a young woman's fantasy.

A new website has presented us with the only chance we're likely to have to have sex with Barry...

Here's a 3-D version to help you visualize what we're getting at:

So... anyone out there actually going to buy this frightening/hot/hilarious/bizarre sex toy? (If you are, by the way, it's available here, via Head O'State.)

According to its manufacturer, it's been given high praise from Sarah Palin ("Drill, baby, drill!") and Dick Cheney ("I've had one stuck up me since '82.") Plus, it's only $21.95... an affordable way to work off stress and pent-up frustration over this tumultuous election season...

Obama and McCain Condoms: F**cking Silly

Republican Ex-Assemblyman, Tough On Sex Offenders, Busted For...

While You Were Sleeping: Janet Jackson Hospitalized

Today in WTF: Virtual Boob Groping

Today in Sex Toys: The Shaver Vibrator

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 20:39:00 GMT

Sex toy manufacturer Touche calls this dual-action vibrator-shaver the Womaniser (ooh, touche.)

But what do the Brits who have already tried it out think of this strange new invention? The Womaniser, which lasts for about forty minutes per battery charge, has not gone over so well with Love Honey's customer reviewer:

It really is a case of form over function. The packaging is amazing, all sexy and black and sophisticated.The shaver and vibrator are at different ends and the shaver is hidden behind a ‘safety cap’. Now this is where we have our first problem. This is NOT a safety cap. It’s a lump of silicone with metal inside that loosely cover[s] the shaver. I spent ages trying to ‘click’ the cap shut, thinking I must be an idiot, but I have come to the decision that there is no mechanism to keep the top on. The shaver seems to snag the hair and is just not sharp enough when under cover of the comb. It can tidy you up a bit but no more than that.

Now onto the vibrator... the battery compartment and button stick out, there’s no way you can use this inside the vagina... it seems designed to be used as a g-spot stimulator as well, yet can’t be.

Crucially, she goes on (well, we're assuming it's a "she"), the vibrator fails as a masturbatory device as well, due to its weak vibrations. Apparently, setting your Nokia phone to shake and shimmy would be a better option. And, as we know from personal experience, since Nokia's tend to capture hair off our heads while we're talking, it might work as a shaver while we're self-satisfying, as well...

Via Love Honey UK.

Related:

The 10 Best Things About Vibrators

Babeland Launches The Erratic, Dangerous, Man-Eliminating Vibrator

Elizabeth Hasselbeck Not Sure What A Vibrator Is For

DC Madam Dictates Memoir From Beyond The Grave!

Swedish Prostitutes Complain: "We Wanna Pay Taxes, Too!"

Ellen Pompeo Goes Nude For Allure

Sloppy Seconds: C-ya L8-R, TRL

Emily Farris — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 21:29:00 GMT

Lance Bass will be the first openly gay contestant to appear on Dancing With the Stars. And in case you're wondering, he will be dancing with a woman. [People]

Al Gore is to the Internet as John McCain is to the Blackberry? [Jossip]

We officially like Todd Palin far more than we like Sarah (we feel sorry for him, too). [Gawker]

Musical vibrators? Sign us up! [Queerty]

After ten long, party-top-filled years, MTV's TRL, originally known as Total Request Live, has been canceled. This will clear Times' Square and very important brain space for many people. [Us]

The 10 Best Things About Vibrators

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 14:45:00 GMT

Our substitute blogger, Byron Dafoe, writes in: "Scanner Brian's tongue-in-cheek post about 'fearing' a partner-eliminating vibrator may have given the mistaken impression that we are anti-vibrator. Quite the contrary. In order to celebrate Babeland's new ROBORUB 3000 (or whatever it is) we present our top 10 reasons why we love the vibrator."

10. You can lean back and enjoy the beauty of a woman’s orgasm with the same studied intensity you bring to your crazy friend's gallery opening.

9. Norwegian Dildo Parties?

8. Tag ‘em in and take a break: it’s sandwich time!

7. An ample substitute for bachelor parties too poor to hire a stripper (?!)

6. Remote Control Torture Fun

5. Enjoy double-penetration without the awkward run-ins at the next party.

4. Eggs. Need we say more?

3. As much as you may not want to admit it, everyone’s ass is just loaded with nerve endings. Male or female, you too can enjoy every single one of them.

2. Orgasm. Times 10.

1. See #2 again, and again, and again.

-by Byron Dafoe, whose work has appeared in Playboy and many other publications and is filling in for Verena this week

Give the Gift of Life This Holiday Season: A Vibrator

Sloppy Seconds: Elizabeth Hasselbeck Not Sure What A Vibrator Is For

Quite Possibly the Best Christmas Gift Ever: The Everlasting Vibrator

Vibrating Mascara: Because You're Worth It

Holy Papaya, Batman! That's a Vibrator!

Top 10 "Happy Earth Day" Sex Toys

Hey Everybody, I Just Pummeled My Vagina!

Babeland Launches The Erratic, Dangerous, Man-Eliminating Vibrator

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 20:16:00 GMT

Truth be told, our title was written in retaliation-- in fear, really, since if this thing actually works, it would mean the virtual end of the need for females to have sexual partners...

SaSi (pronounced "sassy"), is smart-ass vibrator, and does the following:

1) remembers what you like and knows how to repeat itself

2) weilds a "smooth round massage head" like the tip of a tongue, "creating a soft kneading" of varying speeds, in an apparent attempt to replicate some hot oral sex. According to the website:

The SaSi is the closest (and we mean very close) you’ll get to cunnilingus from a vibrator, thanks to the undulating nub under the vibrator’s skin.

3) pleases the eye with its "iPod inspired interface."

It's availabe exclusively (in North America, at least) from Babeland. This NSFW video will perhaps tempt the ladies some more... and possibly lead to dismissive remarks from their lovers in the comments section...

Via Babeland.

The Top 10 Songs About Masturbation

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 18:25:00 GMT

The Frisky has had a post up for a few days on the Nine Sexiest Songs About Masturbation. Ever since we came across it, we've been wondering how definitive it really is.

Meanwhile, we've come up with our own list...

10. The Vapors - Turning Japanese. The Vapors have milked this one for years-- both for their only chart hit and to keep the amusing rumor going, but this may not be about masturbation after all. Wikipedia says it's actually a love song and that the masturbation thing came after interview requests started coming in. (Hint: "Turning Japanese" allegedly refers to a guy squinting hard when he jerks off.)

9. Britney Spears - The Touch of My Hand. She didn't write it, so we can't hate her for it. “Cause I just discovered/Imagination’s taken over/Another day without a lover/The more I come to understand the touch of my hand... I’m all in my skin and I’m not gonna wait/I’m into myself in a most precious way.”

8. Billy Idol - Dancing With Myself. How we missed this over the million times we've heard it, we're not sure. (Maybe it's because we're usually having sex when it's on?) “When there’s no-one else in sight/In the crowded lonely night/Well I wait so long/For my love vibration/And I’m dancing with myself.”

7. Ween - Mister Richard Smoker. We were also thinking "Picture of Lily" (the Who) and some other ones for this slot (yeah, Billy Joel's "Captain Jack" would work, but may be a bit too creepy): "Mister Richard Smoker/you're a chicken choker/tonight you're gonna let it all hang out/pantyhose and aqua net"

6. Tori Amos - Icicle. We never thought men could masturbate to Tori Amos, but there's something really hot about hearing her sing “And when my hand touches myself/I can finally rest my head/And when they take from his body/I think I’ll take from mine instead/Getting off, getting off while they’re all downstairs.”

5. Chuck Berry - My Ding A Ling. Won't you play with it?

4. Elvis Costello - Pump It Up. Double meanings are great because they enable songs to bypass stuff censors who miss the joke. Case in point: this 1978 single, which is ostensibly about turning up the volume. Yeah, on your own getting off! "Pump it up when you don't really need it/Pump it up until you can feel it/Down in the pleasure center/hell bent or heaven-sent..."

3. Violent Femmes - Blister In The Sun. Gordon Gano stained his sheets, which is so much less of an uncomfortable image than it has any right to be.

3. The Divinyls - I Touch Myself. Duh: "I don’t want anybody else/And when I think about you I touch myself."

2. Prince - Darling Nikki. We'll let The Frisky intro this one, since they did such a nice job:

This song and it’s racy lyrics is what prompted Tipper Gore to form the Parents Music Resource Center, which eventually led to the use of “Parental Advisory” stickers and imprints on album covers. The song was also dubbed ‘pornographic’ and ‘satanic’. Awesome! “I knew a girl named Nikki/I guess u could say she was a sex fiend/I met her in a hotel lobby/Masturbating with a magazine/She said how’d you like to waste some time/And I could not resist when I saw little Nikki grind.”

1. Cyndi Lauper - She Bop. What, you didn't know what a "she bop" is? From the "Self Service" sign in the video to lines like:

I see them every night in tight blue jeans -
In the pages of a blue boy magazine
Hey I've been thinking of a new sensation
I'm picking up - good vibration -
Oop - she bop

Do I wanna go out with a lion's roar
Huh, yea, I wanna go south n get me some more
Hey, they say that a stitch in time saves nine
They say I better stop - or I'll go blind
Oop - she bop - she bop...

Via The Frisky. Thanks, Wendy!

Vibrating Mascara: Because You're Worth It

Emily Farris — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 19:08:00 GMT

A few years ago we had a vibrator called the Hide-a-Vibe. It was "hidden" in a ginormous lip-stick-like tube. It's supposed to provide an "extra measure of privacy," but if we were the type to go through someone's things (we're totally not!) and came across a huge plastic container that looked like lipstick but was the size of a small banana, we'd sure as hell open it out of sheer curiosity.

While we love the idea of hiding a vibrator in a make-up container, the Hide-a-Vibe — while good at vibrating — was, unfortunately, not so good at hiding.

But what if there was a product out there that could actually do both, perfectly?

At the end of next month, Estée Lauder will begin to sell a vibrating mascara.

Forgetting for a moment that a vibrating mascara wand might make it easier to poke your eye out, it's actually supposed to serve a purely practical — and pure — purpose. Wiggling while applying mascara does separate one's lashes. But if we're going to pay $30 for mascara we damn well better get full, sexy lashes and get off.

So, being the dirty product whores we are, we're going to try and get our hands on one of these as soon as possible and we'll let you know if it's worth it. Because, duh, you are!

[Fashionista: Estée Lauder Makes Vibrating Mascara]

Related:

Scanner Survey: Vibrators

Hey Everybody, I Just Pummeled My Vagina!

American Apparel Now Officially Wants to Sex You Up... All Night

Name One Inanimate Object That Doesn't Exist in Hello Kitty Form

[Image]

American Apparel Now Officially Wants to Sex You Up... All Night

Emily Farris — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 17:16:00 GMT

American Apparel has been not - so- subtly selling sex for the past few years, going so far as to use porn stars as models (see Sasha Grey, right). But really, when it came down to it, the company was using sex to sell clothes.

Apparently they've given up on all that cotton-polyester blend bullshit and are now, officially, selling sex.

But not just sex — vintage, old-school sex.

That's right, kids. American Apparel is now selling the Hitachi Magic Wand, lovingly known as "the Cadillac of Vibrators."

Yeah, if this thing wore clothes it would be a grey V-neck and brown track shorts, with a big, gold chain, of course.

And surprisingly, American Apparel is selling it cheaper than Babeland.

We just called our local American Apparel and, unfortunately, they don't yet carry the Magic Wand in the store. Too bad, we were hoping to snap a shot of hipsters with Hitachis. Maybe we can still get a hipster hand job?

[Street Carnage: AMERICAN APPAREL NOW SELLING THE HITACHI MAGIC WAND, THE CADILLAC OF VIBRATORS]

(Thanks, Emily M!)

Did Anyone Else Get an A*shole With Their Most Recent American Apparel Purchase?

Woody Allen Sues American Apparel For Exposing His Jewish Heritage

American Apparel Trades Sex For Politics

D-Day For Dov Charney

Hey Everybody, I Just Pummeled My Vagina!

Name One Inanimate Object That Doesn't Exist in Hello Kitty Form

Emily Farris — Fri, 30 May 2008 13:09:00 GMT

Because there are Hello Kitty assault rifles, Hello Kitty condoms, and you guessed it...

...Hello Kitty vibrators.

But seriously, how can we have the world's most adorable assault weapon without also having the world's most adorable sex toy? And apparently it's been around since we thought Hello Kitty was only good for pencil cases and stickers.

The Hello Kitty vibrator is the stuff of legend. Originally released in 1997 as a "shoulder massager," it had a relatively innocent existence until 1999, when more than a few people started realizing that shoulders weren't the only thing Hello Kitty could massage. From there, it was a short step to incorporating Ms. Kitty in some adult films and that, sadly, was the beginning of the end.

Shocked by Hello Kitty's porn debut, Sanrio terminated the licensing agreement that had made the "shoulder massager" possible and production on the world's most adorable sex toy came to a halt, leaving fans to fight over the last of the vibes and others to wonder if they ever truly existed in the first place. But now, like a battery-operated Phoenix rising out a Japanese toy catalog, the Hello Kitty vibe is back! Or a Hello Kitty vibe is back, at least. The latest of her nine lives is a bit different from the previous one—She's dressed like a horse! In multiple colors! Collect them all!—but we're sure it's just as good at massaging, uh ... "shoulders" as the original. We can't wait to hear her purr.

[Fleshbot: The Hello Kitty Vibrator, Reborn]

Top 10 "Happy Earth Day" Sex Toys

Katie Halper — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 19:51:00 GMT

Nobody wants to celebrate Earth Day by getting down with sex toys that are bad for the earth or bad for your body. A wise woman named Cher Horowitz (from Clueless) once explained that she was still a virgin becuase "You see how picky I am about my shoes and they only go on my feet." So be picky about penises AND your sex toys with the following sex toys which let you celebrate the earth and your body. Many sex toys contain phthalates, a plastic softener, which is so hazardous the European Union banned its use in children's toys. Ironically, since phlatates have been linked to cancer and damaging sperm, we are putting things in our nether regions, that may be bad for our nether regions. Luckily, many sex toys stores are phasing phthalates-containing products. But until the war against phthalates is won, and until phthalates are stamped out around the world, you can use this top ten list of phthalate-free toys.

1. The Laya Spot vibrator is water proof, has 3 buzz strengths, and is made out of Elastomer, which is phthalate-free and hypo-allergenic. Like all good lovers, Laya is eager to reciprocate: she gives buzz and gets great buzz from customers who "Love love love love LOVE!" her, for being "fantastic, reliable and silent" and durable even after "heavy, heavy use." You can buy her from Babeland (the sex toys empire formerly known as Toys in Babeland) for $48.

2. we all know and love the Rabbit Habit vibrator that was immortalized on Sex in the City. So we were heartbroken when we thought we were going to have take the old phlatate-containing rabbit out back and put him down. But we are thrilled to announce the new and improved and phthalate-free version of the Classic Rabbit Habit: The Elastomer Rabbit Habit vibrator. So you can say goodbye to phlatates and hello to the rotating pearls, glitter twirls and fluttering rabbit ears. If you want the rabbit, grab it for $90 at Babeland. And if any readers already have a pet rabbit at home, or have traded in the old one for an elastomer one, tell us if you think the vibrator is worth all the buzz.

3. For an extra $9, you can splurge on the Bunny Love Kit, which includes batteries, Babeland Toy Cleaner, two Crown condoms, and a 4-ounce bottle of BabeLube.

4. The Big O Vibrating Ring is made of elastomer and doesn't contain any phthalates, which could give off unhealthy vibes. It's available for $18 at Good Vibrations.

5. The quiet Berry Delight vibrator has with seven programmable vibration modes and, thanks to its splash-proof exterior, can be taken into the shower (but not the tub.) Get it on sale for $24.50 at Babeland.

6. More of a bather than a showerer? No woes hoes. You can bring the I Rub My Duckie vibrator into the tub with you. And he's pretty adorable. Get him for $25.00 at Babeland (I'm not being sexist. I checked and am pretty sure it's a him.)

7. Treat yourself to a gift with Babeland's $59 Eco-Sexy Kit, which includes the Laya Spot vibrator, a Babeland Massage Candle made of skin-safe soy, Emerita Natural Lube , and Mamba Condoms, produced by a well-regarded Swedish non-profit whose testing process is 15 times more stringent than any other condom company in the world.

8. Boys, you may enjoy the $80 Fleshlight vulva, the vagina-impersonating penis sleeve which goes undercover as a flashlight when closed. It's made of phthalate-free "Reel Feel Super Skin." I can't believe it's not a vagina!

9. More of a mouth man? (If you are, you're a statistical oddity.) Then check out the Fleshlight Mouth.

10. More of a neo-Luddite? Then you'll love this non buzzing good old fashioned Love Ring which is so green it's VEGAN. For real.

Previously(Green) Sex (Toys) In The City , How Green Was My Dildo: Are Your Sex Toys Safe?

MIT Develops Microchips Powered By 1982 Film Featuring A Mustachioed William Hurt

Bryan Christian — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 15:04:00 GMT

Oh, hold up; maybe we misunderstood this article the first time around...

[W]hat if microchips were just a little bit more efficient? That’s what a team of engineers at MIT was thinking when they set out to redesign the microchip to make it even more efficient. The result is a microchip with a power consumption that is so low it can be recharged by your very own body heat.

Imagine the possibilities of bodyheat powered microchips: pacemakers could be powered by the body’s warmth, mobile phones by just moving them, and remote sensors could get energy just by the ambient energy around them.

So basically if you been thinking about picking up an expensive vibrator in the next few months: don't.

Babeland Staff: The MacGyvers of Dildos?

Emily Farris — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 13:07:00 GMT

We've been told we're "the MacGyver's of" many things: make-up, finding things to wipe with when the toilet paper runs out, rigging a variety of items that need to be structurally stabilized, and most importantly "the MacGyver of the kitchen" (though we're pretty sure someone called us the Mrs. MacGyver of the kitchen"). But never, ever, have we been called "The MacGyver of dildos." Maybe we're not fully exploring our potential.

Scenario: you work in a sex shop. A woman comes in looking for a dildo that:

a) holds up in the bath.

b) suctions to the tub floor (and stays there).

c) vibrates.

You don't have this particular item in stock, because it doesn't exist. So what do you do? You fucking slip a vibrating cock ring over the Stallion suction dildo.

Our hats are off to you. For we are not worthy.

[Babeland's Blog: Tales from the Floor: The MacGyvers of Dildos]

How Green Was My Dildo: Are Your Sex Toys Safe?

Katie Halper — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 23:20:00 GMT

Sex Toys should be fun, not dangerous (unless you're into that.) Two years ago, Greenpeace warned us that many sex toys contain phthalates, a plastic softener, which is so hazardous the European Union banned its use in children's toys. Sex toys, however, remain chock full of these endocrine disruptors, which have been linked to birth defects, cancer and obesity. So do yourself a favor and go green where it matters the most. Here's a green gadget you can knock really yourself out with:

The Laya Spot vibrator is water proof, has 3 buzz strengths, and is made out of Elastomer, which is phthalate-free and hypo-allergenic. Like all good lovers, Laya is eager to reciprocate: she gives buzz and gets great buzz from customers who "Love love love love LOVE!" her, for being "fantastic, reliable and silent" and durable even after "heavy, heavy use." You can buy her from Babeland (the sex toys empire formerly known as Toys in Babeland) for $48.

Scanner readers, we want to hear from you. Whether you're old friends with Laya, are just getting to know her, or are inspired to get to know her now, let us know what you think of her.

And check back next week for the next eco-sex toy of the week!

Image of the Day: Yoba Vibrator Ad, Get It?

Emily Farris — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 18:34:00 GMT

[Yoba Ad via Copyranter]

Video of the Day: The Untold Dangers of F*cking Food

Bryan Christian — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 15:00:00 GMT

No, we're not talking about getting something stuck in your cooter. We're talking about your Dad... um, well, just watch the video.

[via Jezebel]