Scanner : video games

Nintendo DS Boob Cover So Cute, We Want To Cover Everything With Boobs

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 17:48:00 GMT

We don't really understand the need to spend four hours a day playing video games, as many people who own video games do. But then to take a portable gaming device on the subway to play it all the way to 86th St.? That's just excessive.

Playing video games by oneself has always seemed kind of pathetic-- what, real life sports or conversation isn't stimulating enough that you want to play a fighting game alone?-- but now the Nintendo DS has gotten a whole lot sexier, thanks to one unidentified artiste.

The following boob-related cover for the DS makes the gaming device almost sexy and appealing... we said "almost."

Unfortunately, it's not for sale.

Related:

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Padma Lakshmi Suddenly, Surprisingly Naked

World's Sexiest Swimsuit Model Inspired By the Pope

Facebook is Turning Us Into Big Selfish Babies, or Something

Colleen Kane — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 22:04:00 GMT

I had a modern moment of being shocked by an overshare today on Facebook, in one of those "Even More Things About Me" lists, when someone I knew from school years ago briefly described a personal tragedy that should not (in my opinion) have been so casually dropped in a list viewable by everyone she knows. Is it possible to quit the Facebook, or is that not allowed?

Which brings us to the Facebook/ Twitter/ general social media news item of the day. A neuroscientist for Oxford is urging the government to think of the children when regulating the Internet, The Guardian reported. She told the House of Lords that growing up with social media sites could lead to adults with "a much more marked preference for the here-and-now, where the immediacy of an experience trumps any regard for the consequences."

Social network friendships "are devoid of cohesive narrative and long-term significance. As a consequence, the mid-21st century mind might almost be infantilized, characterised by short attention spans, sensationalism, inability to empathise and a shaky sense of identity".

Also, as children read less novels in favor of the immediate thrills of video games, she sees a loss of empathy. She also speculates whether the changeover to all-technology, all the time is related to the simultaneous increase in cases of ADD.

The article is a fascinating read, not to be summed up in a few tweets.

Related:

Teenagers Can't Even Go Swimming Without Facebook Anymore

Top 10 Bands That Twitter

Twitter Gets Hacked, Or: Exactly How Large Is Britney's Vagina?

Guitar Hero. Then Guitar Hero: World Tour. And Now: Vagina Hero!

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 17:27:00 GMT

When you think about it, it should have been obvious from the start that a push-button game involving a giant phallus would eventually morph into a push-button game involving a giant vag...

Of course, the folks at Ripten, which claims to have an exclusive first look at "Arctivision's" holiday blockbuster video game, are kidding around. But it makes us wonder why somebody hasn't come up with this already... it's obviously a tremendously commercial concept. Check out the highlights from the fake press release:

At first glance, Vagina Hero may seem overly complicated. Welcome to real life.
Arctivision reps claim that expert difficulty is pretty much impossible unless you invest in the Pro Bundle, which they explain as so:
“The Pro Bundle is essentially no different than the normal bundle, it just costs about $600 extra. We wanted to prepare our players for the inevitable truth that dudes with money are more successful with women, even if they aren’t any more skilled..."
Classy 70’s-style bow-chika-wow-wow starts playing, and you find your screen assaulted with colored button-press indicators called “E-Zones”. The E-Zones (or “EZ’s”) correspond to the same colored buttons on your Vagina Hero controller, dubbed “HodgePodge”. Why HodgePodge?

“Just look at it. What the fuck is that?"

The goal, ultimately, is to fill the climax meter. Successful combos and streaks fill it up faster, and unlike previous Hero games by that other totally unrelated publisher, there is no time frame. The sooner you’re done, the sooner you can move on to the next girl. You can also speed things up by initiating Vagina Hero’s version of Star Power, “The Shocker”, by jamming the yellow, orange, and blue buttons simultaneously.

Obviously, whoever wrote that is a virgin, and not even the "Well, I did finger this one girl at the eighth grade dance" virgins, either. Or maybe we're doing it all wrong. Either way, we'd love to try this out... if only someone would produce this title for real...

Via Ripten.

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Speaking of Sex and Video Games...

Emily Farris — Wed, 28 May 2008 21:03:00 GMT

Is your husband or boyfriend addicted to video games? Is this putting a strain on your love life? The cleanliness of your home? The well being of your children?

Would you like to shove his controller where the sun don't shine and then kick it, hard, just to make sure it's going to stay up there for a while? Wait, wait! There's one last hope.

No, no. We're not talking about some new sex video game. (Though that could be fun as long as real sex was somehow involved), we're talking about Rock Band, and how it saved one woman's marriage.

Rachel Shukert thought she had lost her husband, Ben, to his video game habit. After Googling the phrases "my husband" "addicted" "video games" "HELP" and finding hundreds of unhelpful links, including a few that suggested she walk around in sexy underwear, Ben surprised her with Rock Band, the video game that lets you pretend you're a rock star.

I often fantasize about sitting down in front of a musical instrument and magically being able to play it, but I have accepted that this would probably require some kind of unusual brain injury, like that episode of "House" in which Dave Matthews gets into a bus accident and becomes a piano prodigy. So I'm not sure what happened, if I had a small stroke or what, but when I sit down at those fake drums something transforms in me. All my fake-hate melts away. I am more than adequate -- I am good. Really good. It's as if all of those nights standing patiently in the corner at gigs, wondering if I was ever going to get to take a shower again, had taught me how to play the drums through osmosis. I know instinctively what to do, and miraculously, so does Ben. Note after blinking colored note on the screen explodes with our rock. The fake crowd roars. I fake drum faster. Our fake band, Sex Baby, embarks on a fake world tour on our fake jet, playing fake stadiums in all the fake capitals of Europe. Our fake selves grace the covers of fake magazines, and our fake fans number in the millions. When our fake manager calls to tell us we've been invited to play the fake Hall of Fame showcase in fake Stockholm, my real husband turns toward me, and smiles.

And then what do you think happened?

[Salon: How Rock band saved my marriage]

(Thanks, Salon Sarah!)

Video of the Day: Sex in Video Games

Emily Farris — Wed, 28 May 2008 16:12:00 GMT

Via 61 FRAMES PER SECOND: I’m pretty confident that panties were not thrown at Mr. Floyd when he presented this video in his Media Theory class at Savannah College of Art and Design. You can just tell he's no Prince of Love. Passing judgment on relative sexiness aside, Mr. Floyd’s put together an accessible history, analysis, and compelling argument on the future of sex in videogames. The man makes a good point when he says that mature treatments of sexuality must come from game designers themselves. But, truthfully, the people who play games have as much responsibility as designers in introducing thoughtful sexual themes into games.

Read more...

Link of the Day: Miss Bimbo

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 17:04:00 GMT

Fox News is throwing a fit over the latest online gaming craze: Miss Bimbo. The site, which teeters between obvious satire and disgraceful manipulation of preadolescent females, is downright nutty on all fronts...

Miss Bimbo is a virtual fashion game (is there anything more superficial or offensive to thinking people everywhere?) geared toward 9 to 16 year olds and, according to Fox, has hundreds of thousands of susceptible wannabe's on its roster.

[Users] are told to buy their virtual characters breast-enlargement surgery and to keep them "waif thin" with diet pills.
Players keep a constant watch on the weight, wardrobe, wealth and happiness of their character to create "the coolest, richest and most famous bimbo in the world."

You mean cooler, richer, and more famous than bimbo Paris Hilton? We seriously doubt it's more possible to more famous than her-- as for the rest of that sentence...

Anyway, as a friend put it in his e-mail forwarding this link: "Feminism just took a giant step backward." Then again, if it can be proved that these people are monstrous anti-feminists, maybe it'll help...

Link: Miss Bimbo

Thanks, Marco!

Online Video Games Complicate Gender. 'Cause It Was So Simple Before.

Bryan Christian — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 18:41:00 GMT

Hey, doesn't it seem like every week we write something with the phrase "New research indicates..."? Well, that's because the world is such a magical place! Ready for it to be even more magical? 'Cause it turns out -- oh, sorry, we mean "'Cause new research indicates..." -- that half of the men and even more of the women playing online games have done the old ding-dong/hoo-hah switch once int a while.

The research, in which 125 players of complex computer games were questioned, found that women were more likely to switch their gender than men.
Up to 70% of female players said they chose to use male identities while inside internet games, where they are able to design their own characters with any race, gender or appearance. Zaheer Hussain, who co-authored the study, said that subjects gave many different reasons for masquerading as a member of the opposite sex.

At least one of them must have been "Because it makes this a whole lot sweeter."

NSFW Video of the Day: "Japanese girls f*cked while playing Wii"

Bryan Christian — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 21:48:00 GMT

We don't normally link directly to a porn site like YouPorn, but holy smoke, we just had to share this with you. Japanese porn is a thing all its own, what with its res-ed out genitals and boundless enthusiasm for high-pitched, seemingly pained squealing -- but this catchily titled video goes well above and beyond the standard level of craziness for J-porn. For one thing, you never see the fuck-er, he's just a persistent presense with two hands and an Atari johnson. For another, it manages to shoehorn an entirely separate Japanese obsession into the fun: video games. Which is brilliant, in its way. It's like watching a tea ceremony devoted to the stars of basebaru!

However, we do have to call a tiny foul. We're not entirely sure that these gals are actually playing Wii Tennis the whole time they're getting f'd. Oh, sure, we see 'em swinging their Wii Remotes, and we hear the balls going back and forth (as it were). But seriously: we've never, ever, in the year and change since the Wii came out, ever seen a game of Wii Tennis this un-animated. If this were us, we'd be jumping all around and talking smack and shit. It just doesn't make sense. The eerily disembodied handjobs, we'd be cool with. But this lethargic mode of playing Wii Tennis... that's just downright creepy.

Click here to view "Japanese girls f*cked while playing Wii."

[via Fleshbot]

Katamari Cake Makes Us Indescribably Happy, But We Will Still Blog About It

Bryan Christian — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 21:00:00 GMT

All right, kids: sometimes we have to write about something entirely sexless. Now is one of those times. Behold the Katamari Damacy birthday cake! Oh, we're positively giddy with videogame nerdness right now!

Lucky Flickr user michiyoemi received this amazing Katamari cake as a surprise from her friend. Her friend is no doubt the greatest friend ever made ever. No offense to any of my friends, I love you all to death, but you guys never made me any kind of cake!

Seriously!

Oh, and for those of you who've been too busy fucking in cars to ever play Katamari Damacy or We Love Katamari, here's the description from the Katamari Wikipedia page:

The game's plot concerns a diminutive prince on a mission to rebuild the stars, constellations and Moon, which his father, the King of All Cosmos, has accidentally destroyed. This is achieved by rolling a magical, highly adhesive ball called a katamari around various locations, collecting increasingly larger objects, ranging from thumbtacks to schoolchildren to mountains, until the ball has grown large enough to become a star...

... which would explain the big pink ball all covered with sweet treats up there. We think the King of All Cosmos would say something like "From what I can see, that is really very fine cakemaking!" Or something equally weird sounding.

OK, thanks for that moment of indulgence. We swear, we'll try and get something up about sexy vikings or whatever just as soon as we can.

Video of the Day: "Mass Effect"'s Decidedly Softcore Alien/Lesbian Sex Scene

Bryan Christian — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 13:00:00 GMT

This is the scene that got Fox News commentator and self-help author Cooper Lawrence all in a tizzy? Seriously?

“I recognize that I misspoke,” she said. “I really regret saying that, and now that I’ve seen the game and seen the sex scenes it’s kind of a joke.
“Before the show I had asked somebody about what they had heard, and they had said it’s like pornography,” she added. “But it’s not like pornography. I’ve seen episodes of ‘Lost’ that are more sexually explicit.”

Woah woah woah, hold up. They showed alien lady ass on Lost? Damn, dude; miss one episode of that show...

Hey, What's the "Halo 3" Button Combo For Whipping Out Your Junk?

Bryan Christian — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 20:00:00 GMT

Any Master Chief wannabes out there? Maybe you can explain the phenomenon known as "teabagging"? We're pretty sure that we know what it means in real life -- as the kids on Kotaku note, we've seen Pecker after all -- but how exactly the hell are you supposed to get your balls out of that 9-foot battle suit?

Anyway, the reason we ask is that it sounds like, in at least one case, those anti-video game nuts were right: kids are doing in real-life what they learned about in the virtual one.

A group of boys has been involved in bullying others, and officials said their actions have included physical attacks, taunting and sexually harassing victims by making their crotches touch other boys' heads while fully clothed — something apparently inspired by the Halo video game series, in which players can perform a posturing move over a defeated enemy.

So what, in the video game it's like a thing where you stand over their dead body and taunt them with your bathing suit area while calling them names over your headset? Speaking for ourselves, we've never been big "Halo" fans -- Scanner Bryan only got an old school XBox to mod for watching videos and Scanner Emily's banking on the NES making a big comeback -- so if anyone can shed any light on the matter, it would be greatly appreciated.

Oh, hold up: a little Googling and we totally get it now. Video after the break.

[Via Kotaku]

"'Grand Theft Auto' For Girls" Probably Won't Replace Solitaire on Our Phones

Bryan Christian — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 14:56:00 GMT

Meet Coolest Girl in School, a video game that's being described as "Grand Theft Auto for Girls" and is causing a wee ruckus in Australia and Canada for its tongue-in-cheek mashup of Bully and Confessions of an Heiress. From the designer's website:

What does every girl across the globe have in common? At some point, every girl wishes she could be the Coolest Girl in School.
Coolest Girl in School lets players live out their high school fantasies.
Experiment with fashion! Experiment with drugs! Experiment with your sexuality! Cut class! Spread rumors! But try to avoid dying of embarrassment- literally!

Sounds *awesome*, right? Sure, except for one small thing: it's for your phone. YOUR PHONE! You know what Grand Theft Auto on a phone would be? We do. It's called Oregon Trail, and it sure as hell ain't the sprawling, open-ended, rated-M-for-Mature madness that is Grand Theft Auto. Boo hiss, game designers Champagne for the Ladies, for comparing your tiny apple to GTA's groundbreaking orange and getting us all excited over what's basically Zork for Mean Girls.

Lady gamers: we know you're out there. Would any of y'all play a full size version of this video game? Lady non-gamers: would you be curious? And dudes: is it just me that sometimes plays Vice City and wishes he could be a hooker instead of Ray Liotta?

[Via Destructoid]

Dear Nintendo Wii: Happy Birthday, You Old Homewrecker You!

Bryan Christian — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 14:15:00 GMT

Monday was the Nintendo Wii's first birthday! What did you get yours? We know what Go Nintendo reader "Tony" gave his Wii: a massive guilt trip for ruining his marriage. Seems that "Tony" got back from Iraq to find something he wasn't expecting on his Wii's Mii Channel (a.k.a., the place where your personalized Wii characters live), something that confirmed rumors he'd been hearing about his wife and an unnamed sports figure.

It’s a guy strikingly similar to PBA Bowler *name deleted*. To be sure of this, I went into the Wil Message Board and click on the Calendar option. Through this menu I was able to identify the many nights my wife’s Mii and this ‘other’ Mii Character played Wii Bowling. It became clearly obvious that she couldn’t explain her way out of this.

Here's the best part about all this: somewhere out there, there's a pro bowler who's getting into girls pants with his video game skills. What, polos and the promise of remarkable finger strength weren't cutting it?

[Via GamePro and Gizmodo]

Video of the Day: "Cho Aniki"

Bryan Christian — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 19:00:00 GMT

OK, even if this weren't part of a video game that "centers on the Holy Protein, a deity-like glob of what may be semen," it would still be one of the greatest things we've ever seen. But that's exactly what it is, meaning that not only have we had both our J-Punk and Tom of Finland quotas met for the day, but we will clearly also be checking our Nintendo Wii's the minute we get home tonight to see if, in fact, a version of this otherwise-Japan only game is available on the Virtual Console.

[Via GameBrink.com]