Scanner : virgins

Reminder: Catch Me In The Flesh Tonight

Emily Farris — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 17:28:00 GMT

Hey Scanners, I'm off to get a 90-minute massage before I scramble to finish my essay for tonight's In the Flesh erotic reading series, so this will be my last post of the day. Be nice to Scanners Brian, Colleen and Ina. And if you're in New York, I hope to see you at Happy Ending later.

In The Flesh is proud to present its second annual Virgin Night, featuring new authors and first-time readers. Texan Jenny Block reads from Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage, Smart Bitches, Trashy Books blogger and co-author of Beyond Heaving Bosoms Sarah Wendell shares the sexy side of romance, memoirist (I'm Perfect, You're Doomed) and ex-Jehovah's Witness Kyria Abrahams talks about losing her virginity, Jehovah's Witness style, while Nerve.com Scanner blogger Emily Farris delivers a sex story and erotic romance novelist (Stranger, Dirty) Megan Hart reads her steamy prose, along with Gideon Levy of Kinky Jews and Sugarbutch Chronicles blogger Sinclair Sexsmith, and first-time reader Nicolette Dixon. Books will be available for sale by Mobile Libris. Free giveaways include a body massage candle by JimmyJane and the word game SexySlang (formerly PervArtistry). Hosted and curated by Rachel Kramer BusselThe Mile High Club, Do Not Disturb, Spanked). Free candy and cupcakes, as well as cookies courtesy of Ravenous Romance, will be served.

More details after the jump.

In the Flesh is a monthly reading series hosted at the appropriately named Happy Ending Lounge, and features the city's best erotic writers sharing stories to get you hot and bothered, hosted and curated by acclaimed erotic writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel. From erotic poetry to down and dirty smut, these authors get naked on the page and will make you lust after them and their words. Since its debut in October 2005, In the Flesh has featured such authors as Laura Antoniou, Mo Beasley, Susie Bright, Lily Burana, Jessica Cutler, Stephen Elliott, Valerie Frankel, Polly Frost, Gael Greene, Andy Horwitz, Debra Hyde, Maxim Jakubowski, Emily Scarlet Kramer of CAKE, Josh Kilmer-Purcell, Edith Layton, Logan Levkoff, Suzanne Portnoy, Sofia Quintero, M.J. Rose, Lauren Sanders, Danyel Smith, Grant Stoddard, Cecilia Tan, Carol Taylor, Dana Vachon, Veronica Vera, Susan Wright, Zane and many others. The series has gotten press attention from the New York Times’s UrbanEye, Escape (Hong Kong), Flavorpill, The L Magazine, New York Magazine, New York Observer, Philadelphia City Paper, Time Out New York, Gothamist, Nerve.com and Wonkette, and has been praised by Dr. Ruth.

Kyria Abrahams is the author of the memoir I’m Perfect, You’re Doomed: Tales From a Jehovah’s Witness Upbringing. She is a 34-year-old standup comedian, spoken-word poet, and web producer. She lives in Queens, New York.
www.kyriaabrahams.com

Jenny Block is the author of Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage (Seal Press, June 2008), which has been nominated for a Lambda Literary Award. She writes a weekly column for the Dallas Morning News publication Quick called “Sex Talk with Jenny Block” (quickdfw.com) as well as for a variety of other publications and websites, including huffingtonpost.com. Her essay “And Then We Were Poly” is included in Rebecca Walker’s book, One Big Happy Family: 18 Writers Talk About Polyamory, Open Adoption, Mixed Marriage, Househusbandry,Single Motherhood, and Other Realities of Truly Modern Love (Riverhead Hardcover, February 2009), which received a starred review from Kirkus. Jenny holds both her BA and her MA in English from Virginia Commonwealth University and taught college composition for nearly ten years.
jennyonthepage.com

Rachel Kramer Bussel is an author, editor, blogger and reading series host. She is Senior Editor at Penthouse Variations and a former sex columnist for The Village Voice. She’s edited numerous anthologies, most recently The Mile High Club: Plane Sex Stories, Do Not Disturb: Hotel Sex Stories, Best Sex Writing 2009, Tasting Him, Tasting Her, and Spanked. Her writing been published in publications such as Clean Sheets, Cosmopolitan, Fresh Yarn, Huffington Post, Mediabistro, Newsday, New York Post, San Francisco Chronicle, Tango, The Village Voice, and Time Out New York, and in over 100 anthologies, including Best American Erotica 2004 and 2006. She has hosted In The Flesh since October 2005.
rachelkramerbussel.com

Nicolette Dixon is very excited to be reading her first erotic story at In The Flesh. She is a performer and a theater artist hailing from San Diego, but has left her mark all over California and therefor decided to give life on the east coast a go. She can also be seen clowning with the sketch comedy troupe Peer Pressure. She has a fascination with all things related to travel and transit.

When Emily Farris was an impressionable youth her mom told her that people who talk the most about sex are the ones having the least of it. In Emily's case this has, unfortunately, turned out to be true. This makes her pretty good at her job, as editor of Nerve.com's culture blog, Scanner. She also takes her sexual frustration out in the kitchen and her first cookbook, Casserole Crazy: Hot Stuff for Your Oven was published in 2008. Having recently escaped New York, Emily now lives in a ridiculously large apartment in Kansas City, MO with her cat, but just one... so far.
eefers.com

Megan Hart began writing short fantasy, horror and science fiction before graduating to novel-length romances. In 1998, now a stay-home mom, Megan took up writing in earnest, attending her first writing conference and getting her first request for a full manuscript. In 2002 she saw her first book in print, and she hasn't stopped since. She's published in almost every genre of romantic fiction, including historical, contemporary, romantic suspense, romantic comedy, futuristic, fantasy and perhaps most notably, erotic. She also writes non-erotic fantasy and science fiction, as well as continuing to occasionally dabble in horror. Megan's goal is to continue writing spicy, thrilling love stories with a twist. Her dream is to have a movie made of every one of her novels, starring herself as the heroine and Keanu Reeves as the hero. Megan lives in the deep, dark woods with Superman and two monsters...er...children. Her books for Harlequin Spice include Stranger, Tempted, Broken and Dirty.
readinbed.com

Gideon Levy is a loud and proud, native Brooklynite who makes his living sharing the stories of New York as a City Tour Guide with his family tour company Levy's Unique New York, the Tenement Museum, NY Water Taxi, and about half a dozen other outfits who probably still owe him money. He enjoys the finer things in life like a nice three-piece suit, a well-balanced cocktail, a well-written and drawn graphic novel, and tying up and spanking beautiful, naughty girls, especially through his organization Kinky Jews (www.kinkyjews.com). Not published yet, but trying, Gideon is currently working on a 22nd century Superhero Political comic book, an early 20th century Lower East Side Crime Drama, and tonight will be reading from a recently completed novella called "She & I.

Sinclair Sexsmith was named 2008's #1 Top Sex Blogger for Sugarbutch Chronicles: The Sex, Gender, and Relationship Adventures of a Kinky Queer Butch Top at sugarbutch.net. With work published in various anthologies, including the Best Lesbian Erotica series and the forthcoming Femmethology, Mr. Sexsmith enjoys whiskey, topping, the serial comma, political activism, and has been known to get on his knees in order to fix the strappy sandals of a queer femme. Sugarbutch Star chapbooks are available, if you ask nicely (and have five bucks).
Sugarbutch.net

Sarah Wendell is a transplanted Pittsburgher currently living in New York metropolitan area. By day she's mild mannered and heavily caffeinated. By evening she dons her cranky costume, consumes yet more caffeine, and becomes Smart Bitch Sarah of Smart Bitches, Trashy Books. The site specializes in reviewing romance novels, examining the history and future of the genre, and bemoaning the enormous prevalence of bodacious pectorals adorning male cover models. Sarah is co-author of the seminal monument to all things romance: Beyond Heaving Bosoms: the Smart Bitches' Guide to Romance Novels.
www.smartbitchestrashybooks.com

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Scanner Emily on Intercest, Cupcakes and When His You Know What is Too Big

Amazon Rank Fail

Scanner's Stories of Love and Hate: Feb 12, NYC

New York Scanners: Catch Scanner Emily in the Flesh

Emily Farris — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 17:43:00 GMT

No, don't worry. I'm not going to traumatize you with my pale-purplish nekkidness. Instead I'll be reading a yet-to-be-completed "sexy" story at Rachel Kramer Bussel's erotic reading series called "In the Flesh" Thursday night at the Happy Ending Lounge. It's virgin night, meaning we're all first-time readers, and I'm a little nervous. But I'm in good company:

In The Flesh is proud to present its second annual Virgin Night, featuring new authors and first-time readers. Texan Jenny Block reads from Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage, Smart Bitches, Trashy Books blogger and co-author of Beyond Heaving Bosoms Sarah Wendell shares the sexy side of romance, memoirist (I'm Perfect, You're Doomed) and ex-Jehovah's Witness Kyria Abrahams talks about losing her virginity, Jehovah's Witness style, while Nerve.com Scanner blogger Emily Farris delivers a sex story and erotic romance novelist (Stranger, Dirty) Megan Hart reads her steamy prose, along with Gideon Levy of Kinky Jews and Sugarbutch Chronicles blogger Sinclair Sexsmith, and first-time reader Nicolette Dixon. Books will be available for sale by Mobile Libris. Free giveaways include a body massage candle by JimmyJane and the word game SexySlang (formerly PervArtistry). Hosted and curated by Rachel Kramer BusselThe Mile High Club, Do Not Disturb, Spanked). Free candy and cupcakes, as well as cookies courtesy of Ravenous Romance, will be served

More details after the jump.

VIRGIN NIGHT
April 16th at 8 PM
AT HAPPY ENDING LOUNGE, 302 BROOME STREET, NYC
(B/D to Grand, J/M/Z to Bowery, F to Delancey or F/V to 2nd Avenue, http://www.happyendinglounge.com)
Admission: Free
Happy Ending Lounge: 212-334-9676
http://inthefleshreadingseries.blogspot.comIn the Flesh is a monthly reading series hosted at the appropriately named Happy Ending Lounge, and features the city's best erotic writers sharing stories to get you hot and bothered, hosted and curated by acclaimed erotic writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel. From erotic poetry to down and dirty smut, these authors get naked on the page and will make you lust after them and their words. Since its debut in October 2005, In the Flesh has featured such authors as Laura Antoniou, Mo Beasley, Susie Bright, Lily Burana, Jessica Cutler, Stephen Elliott, Valerie Frankel, Polly Frost, Gael Greene, Andy Horwitz, Debra Hyde, Maxim Jakubowski, Emily Scarlet Kramer of CAKE, Josh Kilmer-Purcell, Edith Layton, Logan Levkoff, Suzanne Portnoy, Sofia Quintero, M.J. Rose, Lauren Sanders, Danyel Smith, Grant Stoddard, Cecilia Tan, Carol Taylor, Dana Vachon, Veronica Vera, Susan Wright, Zane and many others. The series has gotten press attention from the New York Times’s UrbanEye, Escape (Hong Kong), Flavorpill, The L Magazine, New York Magazine, New York Observer, Philadelphia City Paper, Time Out New York, Gothamist, Nerve.com and Wonkette, and has been praised by Dr. Ruth.

Kyria Abrahams is the author of the memoir I’m Perfect, You’re Doomed: Tales From a Jehovah’s Witness Upbringing. She is a 34-year-old standup comedian, spoken-word poet, and web producer. She lives in Queens, New York.
www.kyriaabrahams.com

Jenny Block is the author of Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage (Seal Press, June 2008), which has been nominated for a Lambda Literary Award. She writes a weekly column for the Dallas Morning News publication Quick called “Sex Talk with Jenny Block” (quickdfw.com) as well as for a variety of other publications and websites, including huffingtonpost.com. Her essay “And Then We Were Poly” is included in Rebecca Walker’s book, One Big Happy Family: 18 Writers Talk About Polyamory, Open Adoption, Mixed Marriage, Househusbandry,Single Motherhood, and Other Realities of Truly Modern Love (Riverhead Hardcover, February 2009), which received a starred review from Kirkus. Jenny holds both her BA and her MA in English from Virginia Commonwealth University and taught college composition for nearly ten years.
jennyonthepage.com

Rachel Kramer Bussel is an author, editor, blogger and reading series host. She is Senior Editor at Penthouse Variations and a former sex columnist for The Village Voice. She’s edited numerous anthologies, most recently The Mile High Club: Plane Sex Stories, Do Not Disturb: Hotel Sex Stories, Best Sex Writing 2009, Tasting Him, Tasting Her, and Spanked. Her writing been published in publications such as Clean Sheets, Cosmopolitan, Fresh Yarn, Huffington Post, Mediabistro, Newsday, New York Post, San Francisco Chronicle, Tango, The Village Voice, and Time Out New York, and in over 100 anthologies, including Best American Erotica 2004 and 2006. She has hosted In The Flesh since October 2005.
rachelkramerbussel.com

Nicolette Dixon is very excited to be reading her first erotic story at In The Flesh. She is a performer and a theater artist hailing from San Diego, but has left her mark all over California and therefor decided to give life on the east coast a go. She can also be seen clowning with the sketch comedy troupe Peer Pressure. She has a fascination with all things related to travel and transit.

When Emily Farris was an impressionable youth her mom told her that people who talk the most about sex are the ones having the least of it. In Emily's case this has, unfortunately, turned out to be true. This makes her pretty good at her job, as editor of Nerve.com's culture blog, Scanner. She also takes her sexual frustration out in the kitchen and her first cookbook, Casserole Crazy: Hot Stuff for Your Oven was published in 2008. Having recently escaped New York, Emily now lives in a ridiculously large apartment in Kansas City, MO with her cat, but just one... so far.
eefers.com

Megan Hart began writing short fantasy, horror and science fiction before graduating to novel-length romances. In 1998, now a stay-home mom, Megan took up writing in earnest, attending her first writing conference and getting her first request for a full manuscript. In 2002 she saw her first book in print, and she hasn't stopped since. She's published in almost every genre of romantic fiction, including historical, contemporary, romantic suspense, romantic comedy, futuristic, fantasy and perhaps most notably, erotic. She also writes non-erotic fantasy and science fiction, as well as continuing to occasionally dabble in horror. Megan's goal is to continue writing spicy, thrilling love stories with a twist. Her dream is to have a movie made of every one of her novels, starring herself as the heroine and Keanu Reeves as the hero. Megan lives in the deep, dark woods with Superman and two monsters...er...children. Her books for Harlequin Spice include Stranger, Tempted, Broken and Dirty.
readinbed.com

Gideon Levy is a loud and proud, native Brooklynite who makes his living sharing the stories of New York as a City Tour Guide with his family tour company Levy's Unique New York, the Tenement Museum, NY Water Taxi, and about half a dozen other outfits who probably still owe him money. He enjoys the finer things in life like a nice three-piece suit, a well-balanced cocktail, a well-written and drawn graphic novel, and tying up and spanking beautiful, naughty girls, especially through his organization Kinky Jews (www.kinkyjews.com). Not published yet, but trying, Gideon is currently working on a 22nd century Superhero Political comic book, an early 20th century Lower East Side Crime Drama, and tonight will be reading from a recently completed novella called "She & I.

Sinclair Sexsmith was named 2008's #1 Top Sex Blogger for Sugarbutch Chronicles: The Sex, Gender, and Relationship Adventures of a Kinky Queer Butch Top at sugarbutch.net. With work published in various anthologies, including the Best Lesbian Erotica series and the forthcoming Femmethology, Mr. Sexsmith enjoys whiskey, topping, the serial comma, political activism, and has been known to get on his knees in order to fix the strappy sandals of a queer femme. Sugarbutch Star chapbooks are available, if you ask nicely (and have five bucks).
Sugarbutch.net

Sarah Wendell is a transplanted Pittsburgher currently living in New York metropolitan area. By day she's mild mannered and heavily caffeinated. By evening she dons her cranky costume, consumes yet more caffeine, and becomes Smart Bitch Sarah of Smart Bitches, Trashy Books. The site specializes in reviewing romance novels, examining the history and future of the genre, and bemoaning the enormous prevalence of bodacious pectorals adorning male cover models. Sarah is co-author of the seminal monument to all things romance: Beyond Heaving Bosoms: the Smart Bitches' Guide to Romance Novels.
www.smartbitchestrashybooks.com

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Scanner Emily on Intercest, Cupcakes and When His You Know What is Too Big

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Scanner's Stories of Love and Hate: Feb 12, NYC

In The Flesh logo by Molly Crabapple

25-Year-Old Virgin Takes Us One Step Closer to Crazy Cat Lady Status

Emily Farris — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 15:39:00 GMT

We spent the better part of last night drinking too much whiskey and trying (quite unsuccessfully) to convince a 25-year-old virgin to go home with us. We're still a little drunk and a lot disappointed. So as you can imagine, we're going to be a little slow getting the day started. While we take a hot bath and drink lots of green tea (what a week to have switched from coffee to tea!), you should look at these cute cat pictures.

And, yes, he had a beard.

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O Face: The National Anthem

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 18:05:00 GMT

Previously, we brought you images of news anchors having orgasms mid-broadcast. Thanks to a photo essay from today's Jossip, we're now able to bring you a stunning(ly pointless) sequel: singers reaching the climax of our national anthem, plus the above photo of John Mayer for the hell of it.

These choices are rather disappointing and, considering the national anthem, limiting. Why not expand our search to include the same singers belting out their own songs and giving us their best "O Face..."

Just kidding about that last one-- we hope. Well, these aren't turning out to be the masterpieces of photography we were expecting. We'll have to fall back on an old standby (as they say), with this photo of national anthem butcher Jessica Simpson, which deserves the caption "A Virgin Demonstrates What An Orgasm Must Be Like."

via Jossip

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A Virgin Birth on Christmas

Colleen Kane — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 16:21:00 GMT

So, a Peruvian woman named Virgen Maria (Virgin Mary) gave birth on Christmas day to a baby named Jesus Emanuel. Also, her husband is a carpenter, a la Joseph.

Considering virgins can't make babies in their bellies, you might wonder how she got such a name.

Virgen Maria's grandfather is a devotee of the Virgin Mary, so the name was a tribute, and one she wasn't entirely pleased with before now.

"In school they made fun of my name," VM says. Ya think? Thanks a lot, granddad!

Sometimes Religion Makes People Stupid

Your Frenemy's Christmas Gift: The Artifical Virginity Hymen

Image: BBC News

Today in Studies that Freak Us Out: Breakfast and Sex

Emily Farris — Fri, 26 Dec 2008 17:01:00 GMT

We read quite a few news stories about studies here at Scanner. Generally, we pass them over, sometimes rolling our eyes, other times not even caring enough about the subject matter to waste the energy of actually moving our eyes. Today, however, we were intrigued by a headline and after reading the first paragraph—"that those who skipped breakfast in their early teens first had sexual intercourse at an average age of 17.5"— thought, "Holy Shit! That's us!" (Us, being me, Scanner Emily, natch).

Of course, the study was conducted in Japan, where apparently the average age for first sexual intercourse is 19. But still, holy creepy correlation, Batman!

The poll was conducted in September by asking people aged 16-49 to fill in questionnaires about the age at which they first had sex and their lifestyles when they were in grades seven to nine.

Kunio Kitamura, the researcher in charge of the poll for the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare, said the study showed some interesting correlations.

"While it is important to delay sexual activities in order to reduce unwanted pregnancies among young people, the result suggests that the family plays a major role for that (delay) to happen," he said.

"An appropriately regulated lifestyle may be making some people prudent about sexual activities."

Those who said they did not have happy memories of family life or those who expressed feelings of hatred toward their mothers also had a tendency to have sexual intercourse early, the poll suggested.

Those who said they disliked their mothers first had intercourse at an average age of 16, compared with 18.6 for those who said they hated their fathers.

Oh, Jeebus....

[ABC: Skipping breakfast linked with early first sex: study]

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Your Frenemy's Christmas Gift: The Artifical Virginity Hymen

How Long Were You a "Technical Virgin?"

[Image]

Your Frenemy's Christmas Gift: The Artifical Virginity Hymen

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 20:00:00 GMT

Hmm, something tells us this "Revirginator" might be a fake. What do you think?

According to this blog, they're very popular in China... among scam artists...

On the Chinese city streets everywhere, you will find these ads:

"Your virginity back in 5 minutes"
"The product of high-technology! Your unspeakable secret will be erased!"
"Get your virginity back for 260 RMB!"
"No surgery, no shots, no medicine, no side-effects. Only 260 RMB!"

Then we received an e-mail, ostensibly a promotional link but arguably straight-on spam. Emphasis added and all spelling/typos/grammatical errors are theirs:

Wow! Artificial Virginity Hymen, for ladies! Now you can let your man experience the first night again and stay virgin always. To get back your first night, insert this Artificial Virginity Hymen to your pussy, carefully, then it will expand a little and you will feel a little tight. When penetrate, this thing will ooze out a realistic blood. Yeah, with some groan and moan (o oh oOo. Oh oh yeah!), you will pass through undetectable. Please remember to clean your vulva after sex.

“The Artificial Virginity Hymen is created from Kyoto back in 1993 then firstly used by the local and soon got famous in Thailand in 1995 and now in south east asia, south asia and middle east countries. The Artificial Virginity Hymen is made of natural albumin, medical use inflation element and water-soluble base medicinal preparation which have no side effect.” [Link]

There were large-sized pics to go with the link, but the description is gross enough. Blogs are picking this story up now and running it straight. How much you want to bet not even a virgin guy would believe his female partner was still a virgin if she used this?

Warning: Do NOT purchase.

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ABC Calls Drunken Teenage Anal Sex "Love Making," Interviews Jezzies and Ultimately Tries to be Helpful

Emily Farris — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 22:38:00 GMT

More and more teenagers are having unprotected anal sex, according to an ABC article that refers to drunken, teenage anal sex as "love making" and informs us that Jezebel's Tracie Egan didn't even know how to clean herself after her first time.

Egan said that when she had anal sex with a boyfriend for the first time at 26, she was drunk, used no condom -- they were monogamous -- and didn't even know how to clean herself. "Lack of sex education in school is really bothersome to me," she said. "Even I don't know about a lot of the biological issues."

Unfortunately, as the article points out, due to abstienence only educatio, most teenagers don't know the first thing about anal sex. Plus, if you don't know what you're doing, it can be dangerous.

Like a proctologist once told us after we asked about anal sex it, er, opens your anal tissue up to tearing, which can lead to direct blood exposure to infected fluid. And as Jezebel's Megan Carpentier pointed out, "How many times do teens go to a pediatrician, not a gynecologist?" she said. "And when I was 18, my mother was still in the room."

A sampling of quotes from teenagers interviewed for the article shows just how uninformed teenagers still are about anal sex:

"I know some teens who did it just to try, and some who didn't have a condom available," said one 18-year-old Californian who did not want her name used.

"I think that it's less taboo simply because people are more open to trying new things," said her 23-year-old sister. "The younger crowd might be scared by the idea of getting pregnant, so they assume it's safer."

One recent graduate of a New England college said one of her classmates was a "hard-core" Catholic who was rumored to have engaged in risky behavior.

"She only had anal sex with her boyfriend until they were married because that technically kept her a virgin," said the 25-year-old who wanted to remain anonymous.

Things obviously haven't changed that much from when we were teenagers—not that it was that long ago—when our friends had anal sex to please their boyfriends while preserving their technical virginity.

ABC we commend you for writing about this topic, though we must laugh and point at your use of the term "love making."

[ABC: Study Reports Anal Sex on Rise Among Teens]

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[Image]

While You Were Sleeping: Angelina Jolie's Breastfeeding Cover

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 13:08:00 GMT

Check out the strangely likable 105-year-old-virgin. And no, this is not a fictional sequel to the Steve Carell movie.

Did you hear about the Netflix moviewatching marathon? These sleep-deprived folks would like to tell you all about it in a compulsively readable photo essay.

A hip hop lover who played his music too loud paid a small fine rather than, as the judge offered, sitting down and listening to Bach and Beethoven. We wish they'd fine some of our neighbors for the same thing...

New polls released today show Democrats leading all over the country. One of those coming out ahead is comedian and Senate candidate Al Franken.

Britney Spears will "set the record straight" (while breaking the record for longest career from an untalented singer) in a new MTV doc.

Maybe Russia is an evil state after all.

A woman was busted for pouring hot water on her husband's crotch. Yowwch.

And the controversial "Angelina Jolie breastfeeding" W Magazine cover is no big deal at all. Take a look:

Via Mollygood.

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22-Year-Old Woman Auctions Off Virginity On Howard Stern

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 18:58:00 GMT

Maybe it's because he's been broadcasting from a secret undisclosed space station, but we're trying to figure out how Howard Stern thinks he can get away with selling a woman's virginity in this Puritan society...

According to the New York Daily News, a twenty-two-year-old virgin was set to auction herself off on Howard Stern's Sirius satellite radio show today. We can only assume, what with the photo of her, that he pulled it off.

The San Diego girl, who already holds a bachelor's degree in women's studies and wants to go back to school to get her doctorate in marriage and family therapy, hopes an online auction for her "honor" will fund her back-to-school goal. (If you doubt a woman's virginity will go for that much money, remember that someone paid $1.5 million for another woman's honor recently.) Her sister, who works at the famed Bunny Ranch in Nevada, offered the Bunny Ranch website and digs for the occasion.

[Natalie Dylan, not her real name] says the winner won't necessarily be the highest bidder. "I want someone with chemistry. We'll take bids until I find a suitor I'm happy with.”
Dylan was introduced to Stern by Dennis Hof, proprietor of the Moonlite Bunny Ranch...

Hof says the auction will be conducted online via bunnyranch.com, and that the deal will be consummated at the Bunny Ranch, where Dylan's sister already works. "I think it's a tremendous idea," he says. "Why lose it to some guy in the backseat of a Toyota when you can pay for your education?"

Question: while prostitution is okay in Nevada, who is Stern's radio show not breaking state law here in New York by arranging for this? Maybe he's just spreading the gospel, as we're doing, and isn't actually "pimping" her out?

Top photo via Esquire. Bottom photo via the New York Daily News. Check out the Bunny Ranch online. Below photo via Howard Stern:

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China Says "Virgins Get Better Husbands"

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 19:29:00 GMT

While we were pleasantly surprised to learn that women in China still give birth to girls, we were nonetheless puzzled by this story in the Southern Weekly, one of the country's last bastions of progressivism...

Shen Fan's "chastity education" lasted over ten years. When Shen Fan was in middle school, she hardly played with boys, let alone went to any parties. She didn't play with boys, she didn't feel she needed to. Even now, she never goes home later than 9 o'clock when she is with her family on holidays.

Sometimes her mother tells Shen Fan her own story: When she was sent to the countryside during the Cultural Revolution, she and her girlfriends were determined not to marry peasants. Their determination paid off: after they went back to the cities, all of the "sisters" got married with government cadres, doctor and businessman—all of them urbanites. Every time Shen's mother meets these friends, she becomes even more proud of the right choice she made.

"My parents believe that the most important thing for a woman is to marry into a good family, and losing virginity before marriage is losing competitiveness, which may lead to losing an opportunity of a good marriage," said Shen Fan.

Is a girl who remains a virgin until marriage more likely to find a wonderful, sexually fulfilling husband (not that the Chinese government wants that), or a guy who is just interested in conquering a virgin, then will run off to start the cheating? Or something else?

Anyway, that's all beside the point-- check out the closing paragraph of the article, which will only further confuse you:

Now Shen Fan has a new boyfriend, but she has not told her parents, because he cannot meet her parents' standards for a prospective son-in-law. Another thing she does not want to let her parents know is that they had sex. Shen Fan said she tries to avoid wearing warm-colored clothes because that makes her feel less guilty.

Wait-- this is a story about chastity that ends with an unlocking of the chastity belt? Perhaps the writer had trouble finding any Chinese teenagers that were still virgins.

Meanwhile, the chastity and abstinence movement rolls on, further ignoring the statistics that say the program is only backfiring...

Via Danwei.

Best Email Subject Line Ever Leads to Best Deal Ever, For Virgins

Emily Farris — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 15:43:00 GMT

Looks like we saved the internet a long, long time ago. But seriously, a woman on a quest for net neutrality claims she will have sex with any virgin who has been working to defend net neutrality. We don't really understand her methodology, but we like it.

Net neutrality geeks, your lady awaits — and she's pretty hot — as do your terms of service.

She kind-of has that Ashley Alexandra Dupre look going on, no? But we think she's even hotter considering she's an activist. We love us some activists here at Scanner. Anyway, if you're a virgin and you're reading this (do virgins read Scanner?) and would like a romp with Tania, make sure you can agree to the following terms:

Applicants must be 18yrs old or above
Condom must be used, except if the applicant prefers to release his semen upon Tania's body without any oral or vaginal contact
Anal sex is negotiable, although Tania will cease the performance immediately if any form of 'surprise buttsex' occurs
Multiple participants are not allowed, but applicants are entitled to have an audience observe the performance
If anywhere along the process, it becomes clear that the applicant is not a virgin, Tania reserves the right to terminate all activity
applicant must be able to provide sufficient evidence that clearly shows he has been defending net neutrality (eg. a print-out of a forum post, a link to a vlog)
Applicant agrees that in the event of the applicant infringing upon Terms of Service during the process of the act, Tania is not responsible for any Genital injury that the applicant may suffer
Tania may deny service for hygiene reasons

Got milk? Sign-up at Tania's website, Don't Stay a Virgin.

On another note, does anyone know if this is legit, or even legal?

(Thanks, JT!)

Jessica Simpson: I'm So Bloated, I Thought I Was Pregnant

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 18:16:00 GMT

Jessica Simpson is so much funnier in real life than in any movie she's ever miscast in.

According to the soulless Julia Allison's equally-soulless employer Star, Jessica Simpson lied about having a little pee-pee problem last month. It was actually more like an IV tube of Southern Comfort running 24 hours a day, pumping straight to her esophagus.

Reps for the singer said she was being treated for a "kidney infection," but an insider tells Star it was more than that. Jessica's health problems were "brought on by drinking an obscene amount of alcohol," says the source. "She was treated for a kidney infection, a bladder infection and a [snicker, snicker] urinary tract infection."

She sure did have a bladder problem. Between bonking Tony Romo so much that he couldn't even play flag football with his doomed Cowboys if he wanted to. (Didn't anyone ever see "Raging Bull"?)

"She used to keep her drinks to a minimum, because she's very conscientious about the calories," [said the source.]

We are pretty sure the part about Jessica cutting down on the carbs is true-- after all, she was making up for lost sexual time and her gut was becoming more pronounced. It's only natural that everyone thought she was pregnant when she was probably just trying out the Britney diet.

People, this is exactly why you're not supposed to wait until marriage to have sex. Because after losing your virginhood to a dirty old man like Nick Lachey, you will end up sleeping with every guy who comes along, every night of the week, after any amount of imbibing. (If you do, we won't judge. Unless you're Jessica Simpson.)

Is Condoleezza Rice a Virgin?

Emily Farris — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 13:23:00 GMT

While we were busy putting together our slutty outfits on New Year's Eve, the kids at Wonkette were actually working. They spent the day rounding up Condoleezza Rice's most awkwardest moments of 2007, and found that it was, in fact, her most awkwardest year ever. Even more awkward? About a month ago we walked past the set of a documentary on Condi while the host was positing that Miss Rice is a virgin. At first we thought it couldn't be. Do virgins even exist anymore? But then we did a little googling and while we still have no proof, we're not the only ones who think Condoleezza might pass the white sheet test. If this is true, we'd like to offer her a complimentary Gold membership to Nerve Personals.

[Wonkette: 2007: Awkwardest Condiyear Ever]