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My New Favorite Website: Sex Advice With All the Inaccuracies of Yahoo Questions

Drew Grant — Fri, 01 May 2009 18:58:00 GMT

I was introduced to the site Is It Normal by some forum friends back in February. There was some lady asking a bunch of Internet strangers whether "It was normal" (hence the site's title) to be an overweight woman whose boyfriend's Feeder fetish was getting a little...extreme. Now, making fun of someone who has a legitimate sex issue is not okay. Making fun of someone because they posted an entire novel on a publicized Internet site about how their boyfriend wants to put a funnel down their throat and fill them up with cornmeal? That's a little different: that falls under a category I like to call "asking for it."

Yet I had forgotten all about the hall of mirrors after that one instance, but decided to check out the site today on a whim. And of course, the sex questions remain mind-bogglingly hilarious.

What's great about this question is that your first reaction is to laugh as a defense mechanism. Because lets face it, we've all been there. And maybe if I had a website growing up that told me that 61% of Internet users think it's normal to masturbate in front of your pet, I wouldn't have had to "free" my birds and iguana back into the wild in 10th grade. RIP Snorky. :-(

Is That a Boner in Your Pants or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

Emily Farris — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 15:14:00 GMT

Having grown up sans penis, we've never had to endure the humiliation of a public boner. Sure, we've had to help tame a few but lucky for us, everything is contained nicely in our clothes. Hell, we never even had to worry about nipping. Throughout high school and—sadly—for much of our twenties we wore a padded bra (still hoping those boobs will come in any day now!). So while we've not been on the, uh, giving end of the awkward boner we may have, at some point in our lives, laughed at a few. The new blog Awkward Boners now allows us to do that all we want in the privacy of our own homes.

Today in teacher sex....

If you'd like to see these in their native habitat, visit Brighton Beach, Brooklyn.

Somebody get this kid a pizza box. Stat!

[Awkward Boners]

Related:

Shawn Johnson And Her Partner's Johnson Slip

Top 5 Obvious Public Boners

So Lap Dances Aren't Acceptable at High School Basketball Games?

How Much Would You Pay for Peeing.com?

Colleen Kane — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 21:47:00 GMT

An Internet domain name auction was held recently in Las Vegas, where Erotica.com sold for $850,000. SexyLadies.com went for nearly $30K.

Some of the more specific site names went for significantly less, but still in a few cases more than a lot of people make in a year.

FootJob.com: $53,388

Peeing.com: $31,000

Licking.com: $16,000

FootSex.com: $16,000

Just a little something to share with the grandkids someday: "In my day, FootJob.com hadn't even started up yet!"

Related:

Own lubricate.com

Like Wal-Mart for Boobies, Porn.com Now Open for Business

The Internet: No Longer for Porn

Via AVN

Single Ladies (Put a Used Ring on It)

Emily Farris — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 16:24:00 GMT

While there are a few things we will always buy new (vibrators!), these days, we're getting most everything second hand: furniture ($50 Craigslist couch!), clothes and cookware (vintage Pyrex!). And if we ever got engaged, we imagine we wouldn't mind a second-hand ring, especially if we could verify that said ring had a conflict-free diamond.

So when someone from I Do Now I Don't—an eBay-like auction site for wedding and engagement rings—wrote us, we thought it was a great idea. Sellers post their rings and bidders get better-than-retail prices. But then superstition kicked in and we wondered why anyone would want to wear a ring from a broken marriage or engagement.

Mara Opperman, of I Do Now I Don't, answered that question for us.

As Mark Twain once so eloquently put, “It is better to have old second-hand diamonds than none at all.”

You know the old saying, “one person’s trash is another person’s treasure.” Someone’s bad luck could be someone else's good luck. Also, what many people fail to realize is that chances are the ring they are wearing was on somebody else’s finger at some point. People return jewelry to stores all the time. When you are buying a ring at Tiffany’s for example, who's to say that ring wasn’t once returned. You just aren’t aware of it.

Then for the increasing number of brides that are focusing on keeping green, the good news is that diamonds are recycled all the time. Pop out a stone and put it in a new setting and most people couldn’t say whether the diamond was first cut 20 months or 20 years ago.

Finally, rings with history have value. Let’s not forget that rings get passed down through families. These rings are obviously “used” as well. And some of the most beautiful rings have been polished with love.

All in all, our site is a great way to make things affordable for people in these tough economic times.

As for our conflict-free concern, Opperman said most rings will come with a certificate or proof. But our favorite part of the site, really, is the page that helps us understand what all that karat business is about.

[I Do Now I Don't]

Related:

Holiday Gift Guide, Your Doomed Marriage Edition: Diamonds

Diamond Dave Assteroidz!

New Titty Mag at Harvard Has the Worst. Name. Ever.

I Hate Myself for Loving You: Charmin Ultra Strong

Famous Girl Trying To Find Guy Who Lost His Jacket? Total Fraud

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 18:18:00 GMT

For the last week or so, the whole of the internet has been trying to determine whether this YouTube video and series of news stories is real or staged by an attention-seeking "actress." Here's how we figured out the truth...

In order to avoid giving this woman and her annoying clothing designer's viral marketing campaign any added publicity, we'll refrain from a few of the details. A Sydney Morning Herald story from the other day claimed the 24-year-old met a guy at a cafe, hit it off with him, didn't get his number, and later noticed his jacket had been left behind. She took the jacket home with her and left a "Lost and Found" note with a waiter, who is quoted in the article as saying she is "genuine," as if there was some sort of question about her tale's legitimacy already. The national media picked up the tale of love at first sight and the blogs were linking to her website, which she had turned into an ad for herself, but for this anonymous guy's enjoyment only. She posed in his jacket and made sure we all saw her underwear... and the coat's supposedly top-notch lining.

Then, this:

1) She knows just enough about the guy that it sounds like a full description, but it sounds like a full description written by someone trying to make up a generic, imaginary dude. For example, for this Sydney Morning Herald story, she couldn't describe his face whatsoever, but she knows he was wearing jeans, a white shirt, and black shoes. He's "six foot tall, toned, and hot"? That could be anyone.

2) In the above video, she never mentions the name of the cafe she found the jacket in. That right there tells you with absolute certainty that she's a fake... or an idiot.

Other bloggers are beginning to weigh in on this-- insisting that this is another obnoxious viral marketing campaign. Aren't there laws against this kind of thing? When advertisers started putting subliminal messages in movies and other media, governments passed laws to stop the practice; maybe they should ban the same thing-- "false news reporting as advertising" or something? "Internet video advertising without proper identification?"

In any case, the woman has since taken down her very obvious website, which depicted her posing provocatively in the jacket, making sure that the jacket looked even better she did in her underwear.

Here's the original article.

Related:

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All Aboard the Atheism Bus

Tampon Ad Is Australia's Most-Complained About of 2008

Sasha Grey Completely Naked in New American Apparel Ad

Teacher Forced To Resign After Students Find His Gay Profile

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 15:04:00 GMT

An Australian teacher quit his 15-year-long teaching gig after students put two and two together and found him on a gay sex site...

First of all, what is it with these teachers and overhead presentations? We already had the Democrat in Ohio who got busted after showing naked photos during a speech to a classroom full of kids, now this: A 40-year-old man who was giving a presentation via projector, in which he had to log in to an educational website using a username and password. At least in this case, he didn't access any porn-- it was the students who, seeing the username, decided to do a Google search to figure out either a) what the word meant or b) to see if they could snoop...

The profile described the man as a 40 year old cuddly bear looking for fuck buddy / friend for fun.

“I am happily partnered just looking to spice things up a little with a fuck buddy,” says the profile. ”[I] prefer hairy chubby men but don’t get [too] hung up on it. I like men on the larger side older or younger is cool – not into twinks. Love facial hair.”

Ah, don't we all love facial hair? Really, why was this such a big deal? We're guessing either the guy couldn't face going back to work after his (probably snickering) students ratted him out or he was given a letter of resignation to sign and told to clear out his desk. In any case, it's a sad, sad day for everyone when this kind of thing means someone has to lose their job.

After all, can you imagine how different all of this would have gone if the guy was straight or the teacher was a woman?

Read more here and here.

Related:

Ohio Democrat Flashes Topless Photos During High School Class

Female Teacher's Aide Guilty of Sex with 16-Year-Old Female Student

Teen Sex Most Popular In Kentucky... And Other Global Sex Trends

This Week in Gayness: Virginia Accidentally Marries Gay Men

The Customer Is Always Wrong At Our "Website Of The Day"

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 17:00:00 GMT

Me: “Hi, how are you? How may I help you?”
Lady: “Yes, I’d like return this pregnancy test.”
Me: “Okay, what’s wrong with it?”
Lady: “It came out positive.”
Manager, getting frustrated: “Ma’am! I’m sorry but we cannot and will not refund you your money just because it came out positive. Congratulations on your new baby!”

Grumpy Old Man: “There’s too much salt in the shakers.”
G.O.M.: *picks up shaker to demonstrate*
Me: “I’m…sorry?”
G.O.M.: “THERE’S NO SHAKE ROOM!”
Me: “I’ll get right on that."

These and more gems at a sort of Overheard in NY-style blog that collects stories of awful, awful idjits.

If your day has been full of people you have considered beating over the head with laptops, hamburgers, and carburetors, the shitbags featured on Not Always Right will remind you that you're not the only one out there that these people bother.

Customer: “My son is locked out of the house and I need to send him the key!”
Me: “We can overnight the key, and have it to him by 10:30am tomorrow morning. Shall we send the key to the neighbors house?”
Customer: “No, he needs it right now! Why can’t I just fax it?”
Me: “…Ma’am, you can’t fax a key.”
Customer: “Why not? He’s locked out and needs the key!”
Me: “Because a key is a three dimensional object, not a document.”
(Customer stares at me.)
Me: “Ma’am, is your fax machine in your house?”
Customer: “Yes!”
Me: “How will your son get into the house to get the key from the fax machine if he is locked out?”
Customer: “Damn it! You’re right! Well, thanks for your time!”
Me: “I do what I can.”

Who the Hell is Spokeo and How Does He Have My Email Address?

Emily Farris — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 14:39:00 GMT

I, Scanner Emily, have been trying to make myself less "available" online. I've made my social networking profiles private, and deleted the ones I no longer use (so long, Friendster, the summer of '04 was rockin!). I even changed my phone number because it was just a little too easy to find online. I thought I was doing well, feeling kind-of anonymous and mysterious (you know, for a blogger) and then I received this email from "Spokeo":

As a courtesy, we are notifying you that Spokeo users have found the following accounts for you:

     Flickr ee**** on Flickr
     Amazon Emily ****** Farris's Wish List on Amazon
     Pandora emilyfarris on Pandora

If you would like to make these accounts private, please
change the privacy settings on the original network and
Spokeo will update its search results to reflect your changes.

To find your friends on Spokeo, signup now.
http://www.spokeo.com

First of all, I don't even know what Pandora is, and second of all, creepy? How did this program even get my email address? And what is it?

You want to know what it is? It's a website that makes it even easier for people to stalk you online. Not that we've not done our share of e-stalking, but we did it the old fashioned way with Google and MySpace. But this is your one stop stalker shop:

Do you know how many of your friends blog on MySpace or upload photos to Flickr? We don't think you do.

Spokeo searches popular networks for your friends' blogs, photos, videos and music. We guarantee you'll learn something new about your friends.
Do you know how many of your friends blog on MySpace or upload photos to Flickr? We don't think you do.

Spokeo searches popular networks for your friends' blogs, photos, videos and music. We guarantee you'll learn something new about your friends.

Gee, thanks, Spokeo. We'd write more but we have to go erase our electronic footprint.

[Spokeo]

Hey, Look: FoxNews.com Just Went F*cking Nuts

Bryan Christian — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 05:00:00 GMT

When we hit this page our eyes crossed with bewildered interest. What to read first? "Woman Goes for Leg Operation, Gets New Anus Instead" or "Is Your Vagina Depressed?" Which would you read first? (Click the pic for a better view.)

Tell ya what: rather than linking out to these articles and giving Fox a couple more ad dollars, how about we meet back after the jump and we'll tell you all about both stories. Just one click, and no extra traffic for Fox. Sound good? Then see ya after the jump.

Basically, "Woman Goes For Leg Operation, Gets New Anus Instead" is the story of... well, that's pretty much the whole story, actually. Woman goes in for a leg operation, there's a mixup, whammo, and suddenly she's getting someone else's sphincter adjustment. Seriously, you're not missing anything, it's 4 very short grafs and no surprises other than it took place in Germany and the woman's still gotta get her leg fixed. Obviously, she won't be getting that from Hospital #1.

And the clip entitled "Is Your Vagina Depressed?" Well, the tagline is this:

"Imagine living with intense chronic pain down there and having to give up sex. Hear one patient's story"

... which might have made for some quite moving video viewing, were the host of the clip not "Dr. Manny."

"So, uh... tell me about the pain in your vagina!"

Seriously, we know you're tempted, but don't give Fox the pageviews. Just read this.