Scanner : weddings

Self-Proclaimed "Big Putz" Drops Engagement Ring Off of The Brooklyn Bridge [VIDEO]

Emily Farris — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 18:00:00 GMT

Proposing to your girlfriend on the Brooklyn Bridge is romantic. As long as you're not Butterfingers.

Related:

From the Annals of "Sassy": Kurt Cobain Wore an Engagement Ring

Single Ladies (Put a Used Ring on It)

Sloppy Seconds: Star Jones' Split, Sienna Miller's Engagement and Heath Ledger's Will

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Sloppy Seconds: Female-Friendly Porn

Emily Farris — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 23:17:00 GMT

Fifteen employees have been fired from the Kaiser Permanente hospital where Crazy Baby Lady Nadya Suleman gave birth to octuplets after they snooped through her medical records. What a way to go. We probably would have done the same thing. [Us]

Countess LuAnn de Lesseps, one of "The Real Housewives of New York," has separated from hubby Count Alexandre de Lesseps. But she's keeping her title! [Yahoo!]

Here's your chance to win a free copy of a young-adult novel with the best title ever: "My Parents Are Sex Maniacs." [Annick Press]

Jennifer Hudson's three dogs will be a part of her wedding to David Otunga. [People]

The ladies at MarieClaire have rounded up what they consider to be the most female-friendly porn sites. We, of course, have been doing a lot of bookmarking today. [MarieClaire]

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Sloppy Seconds: When DIY Sex Toys Do You Wrong

Emily Farris — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 22:01:00 GMT

Women, would you cry at work? And do you think it would be good or bad for your career? Five women weigh in. [MarieClaire]

Men: if you want to live long enough to have sex in your old age, don't get fat. And no, it's not because women will find you less attractive. [CreativeLoafing]

Here's the trailer for "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs." [SeriousEats]

We are all about high-powered sex toys, but attaching one to a saber saw (similar to a jig saw)? That just makes our vagina cringe in ways we never knew possible. Note to everyone: saws will saw through sex toys! Ouch! [BoingBoing]

Bruce Willis married his girlfriend Emma Heming in a private ceremony. [Yahoo!]

Matt Lauer was absent from the "Today" show this morning after an ill-fated run-in with a deer. Apparently, the NBC personality was riding his bike over the weekend when a deer jumped into his path, causing him to flip over the handlebars. [NYDN]

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Behold: the Feminist Bridezilla?

Colleen Kane — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 18:01:00 GMT

When Jessica Valenti of the Feministing blog announced her engagement earlier this year, it touched off a firestorm of comments about such an outspoken feminist entering the instution of marriage: patriarchy, wearing of white, changing of the name, hyphenating kids' names, father giving her away, marriage as slavery, heteros marrying when homos aren't allowed, and so on and so forth.

She responded to those concerns and announced further wedding plans on Wednesday, which predictably sparked plenty of scuttlebutt in response in the comments, on Salon's Broadsheet and elsewhere, where the National Review online broke out the dreaded term "bridezilla."

I think that giving consideration to the many different angles of your wedding hardly constitutes being a bridezilla. But does everything really need so much analysis? When I got engaged last year and found myself showing off my bling while visiting the offices of BUST, I felt the need to joke, "I'm still feminist, right?" But when you break it down, I don't care. I doubt many facets of my life would hold up to the scrutiny some commenters can do online from the comfort of anonymity.

I think of my upcoming wedding as a short ceremony followed by a longer party. To me, getting married as a feminist is a case of, if you try to please everybody, you end up pleasing nobody. Also, any talk of a feminist getting married is bound to bring the misogynists out of the woodwork (oh and it has, in the comments on the above-linked posts) and reinforce the stereotype that "feminism" and "fun" are mutually exclusive terms. Case in point on the latter is this comment: "Not to be a wet blanket, but lame is a really awful ablist term. :o( " (Cue the sad horns/ Debbie Downer sound effect.) But whatevs. That's how the internet goes.

Related:

Am I a Bad Feminist?

Get Your Lesbian Feminism On

Some Kind of Monstrous Documentary

Ryan Adams: Hot or Not?

Colleen Kane — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 22:16:00 GMT

So Ryan Adams and Mandy Moore really went and did it. They tied the knot quietly yesterday in Savannah, Georgia. The coverage of this leads us to reflect, as usual, how much of a waffler Ryan can be in his looks (much like the quality of his music can vary wildly, as Scanner Brian has noted).

Sometimes, as above, he looks just darling. Maybe a jerk, but a jerk who might play you a song he wrote for you. OK, maybe he didn't write the song for you exactly, and it's a passive-aggressive song, but he's still easy on the eyes.

And then other times... egad.

Not a good look.

So, hot or not?

Related:

I Hate Myself For Loving You: Ryan Adams

While You Were Sleeping: Is This The Dumbest Woman in the World?

Top 10 Bands That Twitter

Salma Hayek Has Completed the Fameball Trifecta

Emily Farris — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 21:08:00 GMT

One: Salma Hayek rocks 30 Rock as Alec Baldwin's love interest.

Two: Salma Hayek lets an African baby suckle her ample teet.

Three: Salma Hayek marries her baby daddy and French millionaire, Francois-Henri Pinault, on Valentine's Day.

According to French magazine Le Point, as translated by People.com, Hayek, 42, married Francois-Henri Pinault, 46, on Saturday (Valentine’s Day) in the City Hall of the Sixth Arrondissement in central Paris, which is owned by Pinault’s family.

Well played, Salma.

Related:

Salma Hayek Breastfeeds An African Baby, We Feel Bad For Being Grossed Out

Top 5 Salma Hayek Sex Scenes

Sloppy Seconds: It's Friday And Salma Hayek Is Single

Sloppy Seconds: As a Supermodel Goes Off the Market a Crackhead Goes On

Emily Farris — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 00:02:00 GMT

India, the Bush family's cat, is dead at 18. [Yahoo!]

Alan S. Geisler, creator of red onion sauce for hotdogs, is dead at 78. [City Room]

Oh, snap. We forgot George W. Bush was still the president. [DailyIntel]

It looks like Blake Fielder-Civil really is planning to divorce that crackhead Amy Winehouse. [People]

After numerous rumors that the couple engaged earlier, supermodel Gisele Bundchen and Patriots quarterback Tom Brady are finally, really engaged. The world is preparing for more beautiful babies. [People]

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While You Were Sleeping: Weekend Weddings

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 15:52:00 GMT

Someone has been posing as a thirteen-year-old Australian girl on the internet and posting nude photos, license plates, and phone numbers online predators. Unsurprisingly, the cops want to do the job themselves.

Censorship reigns supreme in America, even in art galleries.

What's worse than getting married at a Waffle House? Getting married at Taco Bell.

Roland Burris-- forgotten footnote or future Senator? History will be decided today.

What happens when you're Elvis Costello and you're on tour with The Clash and the Damned? Painful pranks.

Charlotte Church is old enough to have a baby? Holy God, we must be getting old.

A man solved a Rubik's Cube... after 26 years of trying. We're not supporters of just giving up when something doesn't work, but...

'Til Death will return for a fourth season.

Prince Harry apologized for calling someone a "raghead" and another a "Paki."

And Kevin Costner was in the hospital while, on an unrelated note, Fergie got married in Malibu.

Sloppy Seconds: Kanye Will Pose Nude (Don't Worry, He'll Keep His Sunglasses On)

Emily Farris — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 23:01:00 GMT

Earlier this week Patrick Swayze was telling us he had two to five years to live. Today he was hospitalized for pneumonia. [Yahoo!]

Tom Cruise's Golden Globes date? Katie Holmes' dad. Weird. [Us]

Uh! You guys! This is so not fair! The media is being way nicer to Caroline Kennedy than it was to Sarah Palin. (Don't take it personally Sarah, it's just that everyone in media has been laid off, that's all.) [DailyIntel]

Nerve alum Will Doig rounds up the year in sex. [The Daily Beast]

Ummmmmmmmm.... [People]

"I definitely feel like, in the next however many years, if I work out for two months, that I'll pose naked. I'll break every rule and mentality of hip-hop, of black culture, of American culture," Kanye West told Vibe. We can't say we're not looking forward to that. [MTV]

Everybody Stay Calm and Think Positive Thoughts

Kanye West On SNL: Can't Sing, Won't Sing

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Sloppy Seconds: Keep Yer Areolae Off My Facebook, Mmmkay?

Emily Farris — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 23:51:00 GMT

While trying to find out if the double homicide I think I heard happen early yesterday morning really happened, I found out that Al Capone's home is for sale in Chicago for a mere $450,000. Still no word on the homicide. [Crime Scene KC]

Suri Cruise may very well be the cutest baby I've seen, like, ever, but I cannot get behind Tom and Katie going for nine more. I imagine Katie's vagina agrees. [Us]

I'd like to think I'm not the only woman out there who would bed Woody Harrelson. In fact, I know I'm not. He just got married. [People]

Madonna donated $2.6 million dollars to the Kabbalah Center in Los Angeles. She should have also paid a photographer not to take this close-up of her (not that I wouldn't mind looking like that at her age). [FadedYouth]

The folks at Facebook are apparently not fans of The Teet. Last year, the site's administrators took down photos of breastfeeding mothers because they featured "exposed breasts" which apparently violated the Terms of Use. A spokesman for Facebook says that only pictures where a nipple is fully exposed are problems, but some hip Facebook moms staged not only a virtual protest, they got out from behind their computers and suckling babes and demonstrated outside of Facebook's offices in California. [Jezebel]

Related:

TTYL, or, Kansas City Here I Come

What Your Areolas Say About You

"Could you make sure that her areolas aren't showing?"

Racist or Not? Totally Racist Dress Code

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Meet 16-Year-Old Missy Quinn and Her £16,000 Wedding Dress

Emily Farris — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 16:34:00 GMT

For those of you keeping up with the economy, that's about $32,000 U.S. dollars for what looks like an extravagant Slutoween costume.

But if you like the bride, you'll just love the mother of the bride.

Based on this image you might not be so surprised to learn that:

The couple married six days after Missy turned 16 at St Mary’s Catholic Church in Congleton-Cheshire. After the ceremony-guests in feathers and crystals enjoyed champagne and an all-day buffet at the reception. Girls as young as nine showed off bikini tops, high heels and make-up.

Yeah.

[The Daily Mail via Best Week Ever]

Weddings From Hell: A Photo Essay

This Week In Gayness: Weddings in California Prisons

Portia de Rossi and Ellen DeGeneres to Marry the Crap Out of Each Other This Weekend

Reason #467 Why We Love Librarians: "Uncle Bobby's Wedding"

But Can You Get Gay Married in Space?

World's Fattest Man Marries, Doesn't Eat Cake

Emily Farris — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 17:58:00 GMT

As the weather cools down, everyone seems to get a little blue. All of my friends (and myself) complain that their waistlines expand as the temperature drops. The bicycles go into storage and the idea of getting up to run when it's dark and cold outside is completely unappealing. We crave comfort food. Perhaps some meat on some bread with some cheese on it. Deep-fried potatoes on the side would be nice. They'd be even better dipped in mayonnaise. So, yeah, we're all feeling fat. And perhaps lonely; the colder it gets, the more we want someone warm to cuddle with.

Well, friends, if the world's fattest man—who hasn't even left his bed in six years can get married—you (and I) should have hope that our fat asses won't be all alone in our cold beds this winter.

Yesterday, Uribe married his longtime girlfriend Claudia Solis.

Wearing a white silk shirt with a sheet wrapped around his legs, Uribe smiled as Solis, 38, walked down a flight of stairs wearing a strapless ivory dress, a tiara and hot-pink lipstick.

He later broke into tears as a notary declared the couple husband and wife in a civil ceremony attended by more than 400 guests. For the traditional first dance as newlyweds, Uribe and Solis held hands and swayed to a romantic ballad.

A popular local norteno band played accordion-heavy tunes at the reception, which featured a banquet of meat and buttered vegetables.

Uribe's mother, Orquedia Garza, said the groom steered clear of the five-tier wedding cake.

"He didn't break his diet," she told The Associated Press. "His doctors are here and they are watching him very closely."

Let him eat cake! More to love?

[Yahoo!: World's heaviest man marries in Mexico]

Related:

World's Fattest Man is 550 Pounds and 24 Days Closer to Endless Love

World's Fattest Man is Still Very Fat

Caption This: Here Come The Boobs

Emily Farris — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 18:04:00 GMT

[via YBNBY]

Sloppy Seconds: Kanye West's Arrest

Emily Farris — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 21:13:00 GMT

Janet Jackson kicked off her first tour in six years with an emotional performance in Vancouver. [People]

We pity the fool who will soon be Mr. Tara Reid. [dListed]

We're not the only ones expecting the new 90210 to suck. Shannen Doherty doesn't plan to do more than four episodes. [Yahoo!]

~~Spiderman~~ Tobey McGuire is all set to give his big speech at the 9/11 memorial service tonight. Huh? [Cryptome]

Project Runway judge and former Elle fashion director, Nina Garcia, has a few things to say about Sarah Palin's wardrobe. For starters, she should drop the glasses. [Radar]

But if you dig her look, you should find your perfect pit bull in lipstick shade. [The Frisky]

Lauren Conrad, of The Hills, has just signed a three-book deal with Harper Collins. We quit. Has she even read three books in her lifetime? [Us]

After smashing up a photographer's camera at LAX, Kanye West realized that TMZ had been taping the first incident and allegedly went after the TMZ camera person. (We probably would have done the same thing). [LAT and TMZ Video]

Ellen and Portia's Wedding Video Makes Us Cry All Over Our Keyboard

Emily Farris — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 15:23:00 GMT

We finally got around to watching the video of Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi's August nuptials that Ellen shared on her show earlier this week, and holy crap, it makes us want to reactivate our online dating account.

Ellen talks about the video/wedding after the jump.

Now we want to marry Ellen.

Related:

Portia de Rossi and Ellen DeGeneres to Marry the Crap Out of Each Other This Weekend

Ellen DeGeneres and Portia De Rossi: Blushing, Blesbian Brides to Be in LOL Cat

Sloppy Seconds: And Just How Will Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson Make a Baby?

Sloppy Seconds: Who Says Homosexuality and Polygamy Are The Same Thing?

back to dailyscanner.com

[via Queerty]

Today In WTF: Man Busted After Remarrying His Ex-Wife... Who Had A Restraining Order Against Him

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 14:07:00 GMT

Wait a minute... lemme get this straight:

Timothy Cole was hosting a reception following his own wedding at his home in Batavia, New York, with his bride and a couple of friends. Late in the evening, a neighbor called the police and complained about an argument next door. Police arrived at the scene to find Cole fighting with one of his guests over something as innocuous as a chair. They took the groom to the station, whereupon running an arrest record search, they found something hilarious... and disturbing...

According to the Democrat And Chronicle, police found that Cole's

new wife had filed an order of protection against him less than six weeks prior to their wedding.

Though he said he could not go into specifics, Zola said Cole has “an extensive history” with the Batavia Police Department, adding that this is at least the second time that Cole has violated a court order of protection.

Not only that, they discovered the woman is Cole's ex-wife who he had, of course, just married a few hours earlier. We've heard of some terrible wedding nights, but this has got to be one for the history books for all concerned.

Cole was charged with second-degree criminal contempt July 1, meaning that he violated a previous court order. The July 1 order of protection required Cole to stay away from the woman he ended up marrying Friday. The order, which also mandated that he stay away from the woman’s home, school, business and place of employment, was to be in effect until July 1, 2011.

Because Cole violated that order of protection, he was charged with first-degree criminal contempt, a felony offense. His wife was not charged with anything, police said.

Via Democrat And Chronicle.

Bride & Groom Attack Wedding Band, Get Shot With Stun Guns

Reason #467 Why We Love Librarians: "Uncle Bobby's Wedding"

Weddings From Hell: A Photo Essay

Sloppy Seconds: Identical Twins Marry

Sloppy Seconds: The Truth About The "Abusive" Paul McCartney

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 20:51:00 GMT

An earthquake this morning registered 5.4 on the Andy Richter scale and was felt from LA to Vegas and down to Mexico. There were no reported injuries as of post time.

Although he's charged with a DUI, Shia LaBeouf was not at fault for the car crash that flipped his truck. The other driver has been ticketed for running a red light...

PageSix claims Marc Jacobs has wed in Paris... and if you didn't know, he married...

his Brazilian boyfriend in a civil ceremony... which is not legally binding.

Other sources speculate that this is just a decoy move while Jacobs gets married elsewhere, away from the prying press...

Jennifer Aniston, Scarlett Johansson and Charlize Theron are to appear on a breast cancer telethon the night of September 5th.

We couldn't imagine Paul McCartney ever hitting anyone-- shit, could you imagine the guy who wrote "Yesterday" and "Maybe I'm Amazed" getting medieval on anyone? Now, Heather Mills' ex-publicist is speaking out and basically confirming what we suspected all along: the evidence of McCartney abusing his ex-wife was completely fabricated to help the wife's case.

We're pretty sure it's a fake of... something... but WTF is this photo Gawker posted?

You can download the Walkmen's excellent new album for $5, with all of the proceeds going to the cause of one hospitalized baby. The music revolution, indeed.

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: Madonna's Breakdown?

Sloppy Seconds: Brad and Angelina and the French Brawl

We Do Not Want to Meet Carlizina Jolectron in a Dark Alley

Hot or Not? Scarlett Johansson's Fuzzy Nipple

The Results Are In: Who Would You Rather, Scarlett Johansson or Natalie Portman?

Sloppy Seconds: Is Jessica Biel Trying to Steal Our Job?

Emily Farris — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 22:13:00 GMT

Chris Kattan (who we always thought was gay, but apparently that was just Mango?), married a model named Sunshine Tutt. [Yahoo!]

What's worse? The fact that Matt Lauer almost accidentally said "Obama bin Laden" or the fact that we got an email about it? [Red Lasso]

Is either worse than Fox News showing footage of a dead model's body? [Huffington Post]

Call Pete Wentz (and his eyeliner) a homo if you want. He can take it. [Jossip]

We used to be sad about the fact that we were a little young to relate to the Brat Pack way back when. But now that Molly Ringwald's new TV role is playing the mother of two teenagers, we feel a little better about the whole thing. [GabbyBabble]

Now that Jessica Biel is blogging, what do we have on her? [People]

Let Them Eat Cake

Emily Farris — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 16:38:00 GMT

Let's face it, we all know that unless you're Martha Stewart's niece, your gay best friend will probably have a better wedding cake than you.

This is especially true for us, considering we're not sure if we'll ever get married, but we imagine that if/when we do, we'll probably keep things pretty simple.

But bakers better start to get their shit together — and by "shit" we very lovingly mean same sex couple figurines — lest they want a young opportunist to sweep in and take over the gay wedding cake business, especially in places like California.

Of course, if we were to marry a woman, we'd probably skip the roses and figurines and go for something a little more like this:

But for now, our 12-year-old girl fantasy remains. We'll marry a big, burly man outdoors in a super casual wedding with a super simple, all-white cake or we'll go over the top with an Ace of Cakes style get-up.

Our parents' wedding cake got lost in a snow storm so the first image we have of our parents' life together is our mother violently stabbing her Entenmann's cake. That's about how the rest of it went, so forgive us if we're a little too concerned with cake.

What was your wedding cake like? Or what is your dream cake?

[Via Serious Eats]

[Image via sundogg's flickr, Cake and Art]

Sloppy Seconds: And You Thought You Wouldn't Live to See a Gay Space Wedding

Emily Farris — Mon, 19 May 2008 22:12:00 GMT

Janet-Miss-Jackson-if-You're-Nasty is planning her first tour in seven years. [Yahoo!]

So sad: Two Indian women were found dead after torching their home to end their "unusual relationship." [Queerty]

If a fake pregnancy happens in a forrest and everyone knows it's fake, is it really a fake pregnancy? Huh? What did we just ask? Anyway... [Fafarrazi]

This woman wants a penis, though we don't think this is the best way to go about getting one. Unless giving her one will make it stop? [YouTube]

Is it us or has Jessica Alba been pregnant FOREVER? Anyway, when she finally does pop out that baby, she plans on being a "tough mother." [People]

Star Trek star George Takei will take advantage of California's new gay marriage law. We're guessing it won't be a Star-Trek-themed gay wedding, which disappoints us a little, but we're happy for the guy, anyway. [Us]

Cynthia Nixon and Her Lady Love Planning to Wed in Vermont?

Emily Farris — Mon, 12 May 2008 18:56:00 GMT

Rumors have been swirling about Cynthia Nixon's possible plans to marry her girlfriend Christine Marinoni in Vermont, and she recently admitted to the UK Mirror that she'd marry if she could, though her reasons don't sound entirely romantic.

If it becomes legal I think we would… It’s something my girlfriend is interested in and it was not something my boyfriend ever was.

I think that to get married to her would be a little act of rebellion. It’s like if you’ve never had the vote and then you get it you’re going to run out there and vote.

I always avoided marriage in the past and was always very wary of it. I felt like it was potentially a trap. People sometimes want the party, the gifts and the public celebration of this big love - they’re excited about that rather than about the lifetime commitment. So I always steered clear of it.

We like rebellion just about as much as we like romance, so you can't really beat a combination of the two — especially when presents, parties and booze are involved.

[The Mirror via Queerty]

Some Facts About Jenna Bush's Wedding Set to the Tune of NKOTB

Emily Farris — Mon, 12 May 2008 13:38:00 GMT

The Associated Press has all the details of Jenna Bush's weekend nuptials, "an upbeat moment of her father's two-term presidency, which has been beset by terrorism, war and the current limp economy."

Keeping with that upbeat theme, and considering that we're the same age as Jenna, we thought she might appreciate us setting a few of our favorite Jenna Bush wedding facts to the tune of New Kids on the Block's "Step by Step."

Fact One (We can have lots of fun): Jenna Bush, daughter of George W. and Laura Bush, married Henry Hager on the Bush ranch in Crawford, TX, "where the corn is thigh high" over the weekend.

Fact Two (There's so much we can do): Henry Hager's father is the chairman of the Virginia Republican Party, former lieutenant governor of Virginia and former U.S. assistant secretary of education.

Fact Three (It's just you and me): George W. and Jenna picked "You are So Beautiful" for their first father-daughter dance — appropriate considering they look exactly alike.

Fact Four (I can give you more): Jenna's twin sister Barbara was her maid of honor, and she had fourteen members of her "house party" who wore "seven styles of knee-length dresses in seven colors that match the palette of Texas wildflowers, including blues, greens, lavenders and pinkish reds." Henry's brother was his best man and he also had fourteen additional members of the "house party." We wonder if by the time we fall in love, become homebodies, alienate all of our friends and finally get married, that we'll even have fourteen friends left between the two of us. Good for them.

Fact Five (Don't you know that the time has arrived?): There will most likely be Republican babies in our future.

And if you have no idea what we're doing with the whole NKOTB thing it's entirely possible that we've lost it. Or maybe you just need to watch this video. Yes, you just need to watch this video:

[AP: Jenna Bush's wedding is low-key affair at ranch]

Here Comes the Bridesmaid, All Dressed in Shiny Poly-Blends

Nicole Pasulka — Wed, 07 May 2008 15:58:00 GMT

Feeling crappy about the fuscia and mint green color combination at your best friend's wedding? Go ahead, Google "ugly bridesmaid dresses," read about a dozen "ugliest bridesmaid dresses" lists and feel your pain melt into laughter at the shame and misfortune of others.

Got a photo of yourself in a fugly dress? Upload it to this site and you'll find yourself in pretty good company.

Hold On to Your Stomach Staple: Star Jones Files for Divorce

Emily Farris — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 18:59:00 GMT

Did his beard get too skinny to cover him up? Can she no longer love a man who could love a fat woman?

Star Jones has filed for divorce from husband Al Reynolds, the former View co-host has announced.

In a statement to Entertainment Tonight, Jones, 46, says: "Several years ago I made an error in judgment by inviting the media into the most intimate area of my life. A month ago I filed for divorce. The dissolution of a marriage is a difficult time in anyone's life that requires privacy with one's thoughts."

The statement concludes as follows: "I have committed myself to handling this situation with dignity and grace and look forward to emerging from this period as a stronger and wiser woman."

Jones and Reynolds, a banker who is seven years' Jones's junior, married in 2004 in an elaborate ceremony – complete with controversial corporate sponsors – that included 500 guests and the bride's arrival at the church in a horse-drawn carriage.

"Every single wedding fantasy I ever had was fulfilled, down to the most handsome groom in the history of the world," Reynolds told PEOPLE at the time.

Psssh. Good thing she's a lawyer.

[People: Star Jones Files for Divorce]

[Image of the happy coulpe via Broadway World]

Scanner Emily and Scanner Brian Are Getting Married!!!

Bryan Christian — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 14:09:00 GMT

Or... something...

Does it count if you borrow someone else's ring? Let's say... Scanner Bryan's?

Scanner Highs and Lows: It's All About You, And Boobs

Emily Farris — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 22:13:00 GMT

We like to think that in addition to showing you pictures of boobs, we're doing a public service here at Scanner. We want you to get dates and have sex and look at great pictures... of many things.

Highs:

The UCLA Undie Run, of course.

Helen Mirren "promotes healthy nudity." Yes she does.

We found out you'd rather watch Kristen Davis' sex tape than Lindsay Lohan's.

And you'd probably still do Jamie Lee Curtis, even at 50.

Scanner Emily found her reason for living. And yes, it has a beard.

We learned what angels sound like when they masturbate.

We learned we're pretty great at Photoshopping. Don't you think?

We want you to draw pictures of prostitutes.

We tried to help Internet geeks get women in the real world, too.

We found out we might be totally normal for liking to sniff our partners' underarms.

Lows:

We experienced some weddings from Hell.

We don't really dig Miss Bimbo. Which probably makes us feminazis.

We admitted to loving Julia Allison and "Men in Trees."

We're a little ashamed that these kids who celebrated the end of their term with a giant orgy are our heroes.

Live Links commercial: a low for Evangeline Lilly, a high for those of us hating on Kate right now.

South Park just didn't come through with the boobage.

They did, however, kill Britney Spears. And we laughed at it.

Amy Winehouse's face scared us. Almost as much as this baby doll did.

Image via pacificdave.com

Weddings From Hell: A Photo Essay

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 18:30:00 GMT

We try to avoid weddings if at all possible, even up to and including the inevitability of our own. These photos, compiled by Dahlia Rideout at Divine Caroline, go a long way toward explaining why we're not responding to your Evite.

Actually, we would definitely attend the above wedding, even if that left hand would be getting a nice new ring that day. Unfortunately, however, it was not included in the extensive and otherwise unmissable post on Divine Caroline, which you really must check out.

Here are some great wedding stories to go with these pictures (it's your guess, though, which ones are for which, if any):

1) Tracey and John O'Donnell were arrested at their wedding reception.. Tracey O'Donnell said her husband fed her the cake too roughly, after she had told him to take it easy, police reported. Fighting ensued when she responded in kind...
2) A British man was found guilty on Tuesday of having sex with a dog after a video he made of the act was inadvertently shown to speechless wedding guests expecting to see a replay of a marriage ceremony.
3) Butts-McCracken were married today, to the stifled laughter of all.

[Top Photo: Todd Hougas; Second Photo: Taina Cruzado Cote]

Sloppy Seconds: Hannah Montana is Super Excited for Jamie Lynn Spears, Gary Coleman's Secret Wedding and Beyonce vs. Aretha

Emily Farris — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 21:29:00 GMT

Hannah Montana, or Miley Cyrus, or Miley Ray Cyrus, or whatever the hell her name is, is "proud" of pregnant teenager Jamie Lynn Spears and her ever-expanding womb.

Apparently rents in New York are so high that people are reverting to selling their children into sex slavery.

Gary Coleman has been secretly married for months. She's half his age and twice his size. OK, not really twice his size, but how could we not? She really is about half his age, though.

Beyonce referred to Tina Turner as "the queen" at the Grammys. This did not go over well with Aretha Franklin.

Is The New York Times a little too excited about T. Rex sex?

The Onion lists the worst band names of 2007. Uh, Sex Rat? Butt Stomach? Really? We think Steve Holt would be an awesome band name, though. Thoughts?

Here Comes the Toilet Paper Bride

Emily Farris — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 16:14:00 GMT

This sounds like a Project Runway challenge to us--one that should probably stay on the runway--but a bride in Kentucky will walk down the aisle on Wednesday in a wedding dress made completely of toilet paper. This could actually be really hot if the groom rips it off her on their wedding night and then...uh, recycles it.

[Image via cheap-chic-weddings.com]

Here Comes the Bride and She's Got Cake in Her Cleavage

Nicole Pasulka — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 17:00:00 GMT

We're not really wedding people. (OK, Nicole is not really a wedding person. Bryan had a wedding, and Sarah will never speak ill of an event with an open bar.) But we cracked up over these candid wedding photos. Can't resist the irony of a blushing bride, all sequins and taffeta, sitting on the toilet with her skirt hiked up and a bridesmaid in the corner of the stall.