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While You Were Sleeping: Paul Newman’s Gay Affair

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 15 May 2009 14:02:00 GMT

Free mp3’s from the likes of She & Him, Robyn Hitchcock, and Shawn Mullins can be yours if you donate so much as one dollar to save Paste Magazine.

We really feel bad for this woman who cried in her mugshot photo, even though she put up an ad on an elevator wall offering sex for money and gave out her real phone number.

Tom Hanks is upset his Angels and Demons sex scene was cut for the PG-13 rating.

John Mayer sends text messages that say “I want to tuck you in” when he really means a word that starts with “f” instead of “t,” according to the ever-reliable New York Post.

Hey Brits– the best breasts are in Yorkshire.

Gerard Butler has been charged with beating up a pap.

Shanna Moakler asked Carrie Prejean to “stop lying.”

And a new book claims Paul Newman and James Dean slept together. That seems believable– if we were forced at gunpoint to have sex with another man, it would have to be one of these two in their prime.

While You Were Sleeping: Lindsay Lohan's Desperate Living

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 14 May 2009 14:24:00 GMT

Holly Madison rebounded from Hugh Hefner with... Russell Brand?

We have to agree: this or any other ad for the pill is going to piss off the stuffy-butthole-people.

A quick thinking teenage boy saved his 4-year-old sister from being kidnapped when he actually raced after and caught up to the truck she was being driven off in.

Another teenage boy, who needs to spend more time thinking, is going to jail for setting another guy's dick and balls on fire.

This is gonna be grand: Martin Scorsese is making a movie about Sinatra.

Elton John was there for Eminem in his hour of need, helping him through the painful process of rehab.

Emily mentioned this yesterday: Shanna Moakler resigned from the pageant board following yesterday's press conference on Carrie Prejean. Did you know that she was also Miss USA and a Playboy centerfold? Hmmm...

The marriage bra is... uh... useless? A major turnoff? Creepy? Stupid? All of the above and more?

Lindsay Lohan's house is in such shit shape, complete with garbage everywhere, that the police thought it had been ransacked when they responded to a tripped alarm.

Related:

New X-Men Movie Sounds Like a Pile of Wolf Sh*t

While You Were Sleeping: The Top Gunning Lesbian

"You Traitor Pig!"

While You Were Sleeping: Lindsay Lohan's Facebook

PA DA Threatening to Jail 11-Year-Olds For Sexting

While You Were Sleeping: Flirting Caused That Plane Crash

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 13 May 2009 14:02:00 GMT

Hurricane Ike may have caused a baby boom in Texas.

Playboy may cut back on the number of issues it puts out every year and raise the newsstand price. A truly sad day for America.

Holy balls! Dolph Lundgren had a penis slip!

It's time we started to boycott people who boycott Pepsi for it's "pro-gay and human rights agenda."

Sounds like many of the places we've worked: seven people were hospitalized when their work refrigerator cleanup proved to be horribly toxic and stankin'.

A toilet kneeler-- and what exactly would anyone need this for?

The plane crash in Buffalo may have been caused by a middle-aged co-pilot hitting on his young female co-pilot. Oh, and the fact that the guy was basically unqualified to fly commercial planes might have been a contributing factor.

And remind us what Sarah Palin has accomplished beyond being elected Governor after running a tiny village into the ground that warrants a "memoir?"

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: Sexually Incriminating Information

Son of the Montauk Monster!

This Week in Gayness: McDonald's Hates Gays... Again

Sloppy Seconds: No Bullet-Proof Bras For You

Sloppy Seconds: These Boobs Are Made of Magic

While You Were Sleeping: Sexually Incriminating Information

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 12 May 2009 15:17:00 GMT

Now you know why we voted for him (at least in part): Obama is redirecting all of the abstinence-only money, some $138 million, to the actually-effective methods of sex ed.

Agree with almost every word of this list of the thirteen people/things that ruined it for everyone else, although Jersey could only have been helped by a show as great as the Sopranos.

Fleshbot makes a case for those Rihanna photos-- the ones her people are so upset about-- being fakes.

Susan Boyle did Oprah-- is she ever going to sing another song or just wave to photographers and do sparse interviews? She also turned down a makeover.

An Iraqi journalist who isn't exactly on board with the Palin campaign met with the Governor yesterday and said only that her voice was "annoying in person."

The adorable fawn and bobcat seen above are best buds after being rescued from the Santa Barbara wildfire. Ellen Degeneres and others are raising money for the animal rescue efforts, which are already overwhelmed with the number of cases.

Figleaf's Real Adult Sex has some good advice for those-- including, possibly, Rihanna-- who were the victims of someone "posting 'sexually incriminating' information against their will."

And Florida Gov. Charlie Crist, who is apparently outed with a slew of evidence in a new film released over the weekend, announced he will run for Senate.

While You Were Sleeping: Mel Gibson Is In Trouble Now

PA DA Threatening to Jail 11-Year-Olds For Sexting

While You Were Sleeping: Teacher Sex Never Gets Old

Desperate Housewife Calls in the Cops in Nude Photo Blog War

While You Were Sleeping: Mel Gibson Is In Trouble Now

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 11 May 2009 14:11:00 GMT

Everyone's saying Obama brought down the house at the "nerd prom," aka the White House Correspondents Dinner, but really, it was Wanda Sykes who killed. She even landed good terrorism and abstinence jokes.

Ashton Kutcher got punk'd.

Star Trek shocked the movie industry by grossing over $72 million in its opening weekend.

Justin Timberlake brought it back to SNL.

It costs two cents more to mail a letter now, as if you still mail letters.

Mel Gibson may have impregnated his mistress. Yes, the guy who directed The Passion of the Christ.

The 9.6 million dollar text message.

Eminem has gone to war against... Mariah Carey?

Steven Soderbergh and Sasha Grey are on tour promoting their movie and are constantly having to defend porn.

While You Were Sleeping: Sex Scandal Star Fights Porn

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 04 May 2009 16:34:00 GMT

Bob Dylan has the #1 record in England, making him the oldest musician to ever hold that spot. Although he has had many more top 5 records there than in the United States, it's his first chart-topper since 1970.

Angela Merkel... in her undies?

An eight-year-old girl was finally allowed to divorce her middle-aged husband.

Here's an in-depth look at Masters and Johnson, who may have faked those "gay conversion" studies, as we reported last week.

A look at life under "socialist" European government.

Donna Rice Hughes was half of the sex scandal that doomed Gary Hart's 1988 Presidential campaign. Now, she's back in the spotlight, fighting pornography.

Wanna see someone get waterboarded?

And the Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction case drags on.

Related:

Which Hipster Celebrity Couple Married in a Secret Ceremony Over the Weekend?

Long Live the New Flesh

New X-Men Movie Sounds Like a Pile of Wolf Sh*t

While You Were Sleeping: Bartering Sex for Debt Reduction

Couple Busted For Having Sex At the Queen's Residence, Filming A Japanese Porno

While You Were Sleeping: The Top Gunning Lesbian

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 16:09:00 GMT

Great news, everybody, swine flu has not affected The Real World: Cancun.

This time, Sean Penn is the one to file for a separation.

A high school marching band member fended off a robber with her baton.

Check out the senior citizen sisters' heroin operation.

A teen prostitute in Sweden claims she was forced to have sex with over 500 men.

Elizabeth Edwards says her husband John should not have run for President a second time, especially after that whole idiotic affair fiasco thing.

A FEMA coloring book features a 9/11 image.

David Blaine is teaching Mia Farrow how to starve herself for publicity.

And Kelly McGillis came out of the closet.

While You Were Sleeping: Lindsay Lohan's Strip Show

While You Were Sleeping: Kim Kardashian's Sex Tape Is Inspiring to Young Girls?

While You Were Sleeping: Lindsay Lohan's Facebook

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 13:59:00 GMT

The feminist porn awards sounds like a show somebody forgot to e-mail us an invite to.

Real-life lawyers working in Second Life law-- is there anything funnier?

A woman is suing her bank for telling her husband about her secret $150K account.

Question of the day: "If Dick Cheney believes he can prove that torture saved us from terrorist attacks, why does he oppose a full investigation?"

How funny is it that a major movie studio is remaking a movie as fucked up as Videodrome?

Police broke up a drug dealing operation... run by fifth graders.

The Flaming Lips won-- their biggest single is unofficially officially the state song of Oklahoma... or something.

Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard are finally tying the knot next month.

Felony Franks-- the world's most badass hotdog stand.

And Lindsay Lohan may be back together with that DJ girlfriend of hers.

Don't Use Facebook on Your Sick Day, Silly

The PETA Empire Strikes Back

While You Were Sleeping: Facebook vs. Lesbians

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 14:06:00 GMT

Don't forget to right-click the links to open them in a new window...

The latest victim of Fox is Pedro Almodovar?

It's almost impossible to get a perfect score on the SAT-- how impossible would it be to get perfect scores on the PSAT, ACT, and SATs?

We wonder why this worm sign fail isn't as common in Louisiana. And, by the way, we had a great first weekend of Jazz Fest.

David Letterman wants to see Lauren Conrad's rumored/long-awaited sex tape.

That meanie Miss California is now a folk hero among ignorant religious bigots.

The latest worldwide fad: that fun-lovin' swine flu thing.

90% of teenagers have cell phones these days, effectively making the previous generation the last one to prefer the physical presence of their friends.

Madonna is the hardest workin' mama in the biz.

Does Facebook have something against lesbians?

The TV couple you hate the most were legally married on Saturday in Pasadena.

While You Were Sleeping: Drunk Breastfeeding

Skinny Blonde Beer As Misogynist As It Is Gimmicky

While You Were Sleeping: The Revenge of Levi Johnston

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 14:02:00 GMT

The IMF says we'll have to stick it out one more year before an economic recovery.

Japanese boy bands are all growing up and getting naked and drunk and arrested.

The third Twilight film will be directed by a man. Man, woman, Werner Herzog-- no matter what gender is at the helm, it's still going to blow.

Mel Gibson's alleged mistress is keeping a sex diary comparing all the different men she's slept with.

Rick Ross claims rapper 50 Cent is finished. Woo hoo! Can we finish off the rest of these no-talent top 40 artists along with him?

Levi Johnston has gone from being the #1 puppet in the Palin VP campaign to the biggest threat to her 2012 chances.

The new American family: Dad robs people, Mom drives the getaway minivan, and the kids play inside the car.

This sounds like one kickass documentary.

"Dog" the Bounty Hunter was nearly killed in Colorado after a suspect shot at him during an attempted arrest.

And Lindsay Lohan is dating dudes again-- this time, Brits are on her hit list.

While You Were Sleeping: Teen Faces Prison For Having An Abortion

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 13:25:00 GMT

A 27-year-old woman is upset that a 63-year-old man has threatened to post nude photos of her on the internet.

Mia Farrow plans to go on a hunger strike to raise awareness of the crisis in Darfur.

This Wal-Mart employee may be the dumbest person alive: he stole a whole bunch of merchandise from the store, then advertised the items as "for sale" on the break room bulletin board.

A Supreme Court ruling from yesterday means police officers may not be able to search your car without a warrant.

A 19-year-old in Australia faces up to 14 years in prison for having an abortion. Of course, it's more complicated than that...

Researchers may have discovered that lice can prevent asthma.

This video proves there is such a thing as too much money in a political campaign.

This genius is in college, double majoring, and maintaining a 3.83 GPA. And he's 12.

And Miss California claims she knew as soon as she answered that gay marriage question that she would lose the competition.

Top 10 Feminist Icons... From A Male (Part One)

Missouri Legislators Try to Create the Crime of "Coercing an Abortion"

The Best of the April Fool's Day Sex News

12-Year-Old Girl Tells Your Uterus What's Up

While You Were Sleeping: Lindsay Lohan's Strip Show

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 14:04:00 GMT

Christopher Hitchens recalls the night no one wanted him to get loaded, so he went to Hunter Thompson's house to get bombed and fire off some guns. Someone explain to me why life is worth living without that man in this world.

Tomorrow's South Park is about pirates.

An Australian town chorus posed nude for charity.

The Food Network Magazine benefits in this economy-- maybe because no one can afford food, so they decide to read about? Not sure on this one.

Madonna may have lied about paparazzi causing her fall from a horse. Ya think?

This guy is right about his water bill-- there's no way he used 300,000 gallons in one month... and he's also right that no one, not even a well-meaning anonymous donor should have to pay the price for the water company's clerical error.

Rumors are brewing that Lindsay Lohan is considering joining a topless revue. Man, the internet will believe anything Perez Hilton tells them, huh?

And Stephen Hawking is apparently in serious condition in an English hospital.

While You Were Sleeping: Drunk Breastfeeding

While You Were Sleeping: Star Wars on TV?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 13:27:00 GMT

The CNN-Ashton Kutcher "race to a million" literally came down to the wire. Found out who won by clicking here.

The new Harry Potter movie has its first finished trailer.

This whole "we didn't know she pregnant" thing is catching on all over the world, with the latest outbreak spotted in Michigan.

How do Jack White fans keep track of all these bands he's in?

More Bloomberg jerky behavior.

Perry Mason is real!

Jennifer Jason Leigh joins the cast of Weeds-- officially establishing the Showtime show's cast as the best on television, hands down.

The world takeover of Britain's Got Talent contestant Susan Boyle is still in shock about her overnight fame.

The Senator who replaced Obama has raised... wait for it... $845 this quarter. Hell, I can raise that in one phone call.

Zac Efron wants to play Luke Skywalker on TV. Hey, don't laugh-- George Lucas has had far worse ideas AND executed them.

Sloppy Seconds: Scarlett Johansson on Plastic Surgery

Sloppy Seconds: TGIGF for @JesusChrist

Cloris Leachman Wears Only Cabbage for Her PETA Ad

While You Were Sleeping: Mel Gibson's Mistresses

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 13:31:00 GMT

Why are there snakes on this motherfuckin' plane?

Child labor is real and undeniably so after these photographs.

A woman turned the tables on a man who tried to rob her: she made him her sex slave.

Hey that woman from the Dominos story turns out to be a sex offender.

Will Ferrell did Man Vs. Wild.

The stupidest quote of the year is officially Hulk Hogan saying he "totally understands OJ."

Another reason to not get implants: the doctor might be using veterinary equipment.

Rush Limbaugh's ten dumbest quotes. How ever did they narrow it down? How ever did they listen to it long enough to hear all these?

And the Mel Gibson mistresses are starting to come out of the works.

American Woman: The Presidential Mistress

While You Were Sleeping: Britain's Next Topless Model

Barack Obama's "Gay Sex Scandal" Is The Gift That Keeps On Giving

While You Were Sleeping: The Endless Power of Bras

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 13:19:00 GMT

Chris Brown, bastard of the year, may be dating another woman he'll eventually make miserable.

Here's a big surprise: nudity is frowned upon, even in art galleries, in Vietnam.

Evil dictator condoms-- do we really want people to think their sperm might create the next Hitler?

Bras are even stronger than we thought. Or maybe it's money that stopped the bullet.

Dude, if the gardener says he slept with your wife, a famous model, he might be messing with you.

Did you never get into The Grateful Dead? This New York Times article might help.

Are these "animal sex toys" creepy, funny, or a bit of both?

The Taliban murdered two teenagers who were attempting to elope.

And Keira Knightley attacked the internet and dissed Facebook in particular. Good for her.

This Whole Chris Brown and Rihanna Story Is Getting Sicker By The Day

While You Were Sleeping: If Even Apple Is In Trouble...

While You Were Sleeping: Drunk Breastfeeding

While You Were Sleeping: John Mayer's Penis

While You Were Sleeping: Lara Flynn Boyle Still Getting Naked

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:14:00 GMT

Phil Spector was finally convicted of second-degree murder. Bye bye, psycho.

Al Franken has been declared the winner of the Minnesota Senate race... again. And it's not over yet... although it's been over for months, of course.

A study shows that Facebook users have lower GPA's than non-Facebookers.

We're a bit out of this morning: did we tell you about the eight-year-old who couldn't get her marriage to a middle-aged man annulled in the great nation of Saudi Arabia? If not, you really need to read this.

Lara Flynn Boyle's still getting naked, but this time it's for a TV show.

The Neverland sale is going ahead as planned-- we hope they burn that whole sickening place to the ground on the way out.

After the Tweenbots thing yesterday, we were thinking New Yorkers were getting better at being aware and helpful. Not so much.

Want to get an iPhone but don't want to deal with AT&T's shitty plans?

Our Weekend Gift to You: Blood Alcohol Calculator

While You Were Sleeping: Foxy Brown Joins The Nipple Slip Parade

Twitter Goes to the Next Level: Flutter (Video)

While You Were Sleeping: Blake Fielder-Civil In Trouble Again

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 13:54:00 GMT

Who cares if it makes us sound like a two-year-old: we can't stop shouting "I want! I want! I want!" when we watch this video about Tweenbots.

It was the biggest Easter box-office of all time, thanks to Hannah Montana topping that dumb car race movie.

First, gay marriage and now sexting will be legal in Vermont?

A good way to figure out how to meet people is to find out how other people are meeting people.

Blake Fielder-Civil apparently knocked up his mistress.

This photo of a woman getting chewed on by a polar bear is scary and one of the strangest we've ever seen in a major news story.

It took long enough: the porn industry is working on a Seinfeld "parody."

A truly awful story keeps getting worse: parents of a ten-year-old who was killed while offroading by a highway are suing the driver who hit her, a man who was already cleared of wrongdoing.

It may be time to attempt an intervention: Suri Cruise is going to attend Scientology school.

And Roger Federer got married.

While You Were Sleeping: If Even Apple Is In Trouble...

While You Were Sleeping: Drunk Breastfeeding

While You Were Sleeping: John Mayer's Penis

While You Were Sleeping: Post-Sex Guilt

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 13:52:00 GMT

Larry Craig, age four.

Loony Michele Bachman of Loony Minnesota (just kidding, although see above) knows there are exactly 17 socialists in Congress. You know, back in the day, we ran Joe McCarthy out of town with smarter quips than that.

Does your male lover suffer from "post-sex guilt?"

The White House is under attack! By bees.

Ah, yes, another crazy white supremacist with a firearm. Wonders never cease.

Britney Spears had this advice for her audience, generally made up of young girls and their patient mothers: "Don't smoke weed. Rock out with your cocks out. Peace, motherfuckers!"

Controversial (and therefore great) filmmaker Kirby Dick follows up his anti-MPAA movie "This Film Is Not Rated" with a movie that attempts to expose closeted American political figures.

Farrah Fawcett is well enough to leave the hospital.

Just in time for Easter, the Nestle's Chocolate Milk thief has struck again in Congress.

And Sony wants to put its movies on YouTube for free. We'll believe it when we get to the end credits.

While You Were Sleeping: Britney's In Prison

While You Were Sleeping: Joining the Mile High Club

Britney Spears Suffers From A Vagina Slip

While You Were Sleeping: Gay Marriage in New York State?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 13:15:00 GMT

This adorable cat is a master clothing thief.

Lindsay Lohan says she's humiliated by her breakup with Samantha Ronson. If we were a hot movie star and Sam Ronson dumped us, we'd be pretty upset, too. Oh, and Ronson denies she took out a restraining order, but anyway...

Our favorite political story of the year so far: "Dead Mayor reelected"

OctoCrazy's inheritance and some overtime funded the in vitro. So now you know how she made all that rent money she burned.

Mounties grow mustaches to support charity-- can't wait for the "After" photos.

Obama congratulated the Tar Heels coach with a phone call from Air Force One.

Are you a habitual job hopper?

This Zac Efron-Vanessa Hudgens Funny or Die video featuring a star-studded cast is well worth your time. Just be careful where you watch it-- there are a few LOL moments.

Gay porn star Jack Wrangler died. He had been married to a woman for many years. The interesting details are here.

Embattled New York State Governor David Paterson said he will introduce a bill to legalize gay marriage. Fingers crossed...

Zac Efron's Sexual Awakening

Zac Efron Mud Wrestles A Nude Model

While You Were Sleeping: The Accidental Porn Screening

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 13:57:00 GMT

Another day and another story indicating Al Franken is closer than ever to becoming Senator from Minnesota... five months after his election.

The pedestrian who died of a heart attack during the G20 protest in England is seen in a video just moments before his death being assaulted by police for the crime of not walking away fast enough.

Tommy Lee's porn-star-loving pilot had his license officially revoked after the Judge saw that blow job video...

Costa Rican police are investigating allegations made by the paparazzi that they were chased away from the Gisele Bundchen-Tom Brady wedding by gunfire.

David Allen Grier was voting off that dancing show about B-list stars getting their big break.

Fidel Castro asked how he can help Barack Obama's Presidency.

Meanwhile, Kal Penn has been hired by the Barack Obama Presidency.

A substitute teacher accidentally showed the regular teacher's porn tape during a geography class.

Moran Stirring Up Controversy By Suggesting We Need To Get Rid Of Obama

While You Were Sleeping: If Even Apple Is In Trouble...

While You Were Sleeping: Drunk Breastfeeding

Skinny Blonde Beer As Misogynist As It Is Gimmicky

Sarah Palin Porn Ain't Goin' Nowhere, No Ho Ho Ho

While You Were Sleeping: John Mayer's Penis

While You Were Sleeping: Foxy Brown Joins The Nipple Slip Parade

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 13:12:00 GMT

Charley Pride: country music legend and our Hero of the Day, no question.

This man's stripper addiction costs him pretty much his entire salary. Dude, you can rent a harem in most countries, including the US, every night of the week, for what you're throwing away in English pounds.

Spencer Tunick won't be showing naked Irish people to Ireland after all.

This is a tragic(ally hilarious?) tale of Mile High Club action gone wrong.

Don't text while driving-- it can cost you years of prison time.

Google Voice is coming to the iPhone. In other news, Scanner Brian may be coming to the iPhone today...

We told you about how meddling Puritan Republicans basically banned porn at Maryland State schools. Thankfully, the students aren't giving up
so easily...

Did Sam and Lindsay really break up this time? And does this mean this is the last time we'll ever have to mention their names in writing?

And Foxy Brown slipped a nip in concert. That is all you need to know.

Website Stockpiles Your Worst In-Flight Experiences

Skinny Blonde Beer As Misogynist As It Is Gimmicky

While You Were Sleeping: Britain's Next Topless Model

Ryanair Stewardess Wants You to Join Her Mile High Club

Sloppy Seconds: Gwyneth Paltrow Has a Cure for Joaquin Phoenix

While You Were Sleeping: The Fate of Project Runway

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 13:16:00 GMT

Mona Lisa from burger grease! The great smirking later has never been sexier. (Luckily, this isn't one of those "it's a turd shaped like my aunt Josefa, let's sell it on eBay" things, but art.)

A strip club takes on the McDonald's logo, McDonald's takes them to court.

You think Snoop Dogg's remixes of Johnny Cash songs will be any good?

Two typos, two accidental calls to two different phone sex lines. The first, which Emily mentioned yesterday, involves cereal, the second... Hillary Clinton.

Jonathan Coulton has a new DVD out called Best. Concert. Ever. We predict it will be a live recording.

NBC affiliates should learn never to underestimate Jay Leno's ability to draw viewers.

Meanwhile, the television company will air a documentary focused on Farrah Fawcett's battle with breast cancer.

The Project Runway lawsuit was settled-- the show will air again this summer, this time on the Lifetime Network.

And instead of beating up the fan who exposed himself to her, Lady Gaga signed the man's naughty bits.

While You Were Sleeping: Miley Cyrus Dies in A Freak Car Accident

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 13:08:00 GMT

This whole "writing about fingerbanging classes" trend is really getting annoying.

Who is Melissa Rycroft and why is Hugh Hefner offering her half a million dollars to pose for Playboy?

Hummer vs. school bus. Guess who wins?

A couple of things: how did the cameraperson know to film at that moment? Does the second animal live there? (It sure seems friendly if it doesn't.) And why is the second clip for 8:17 and the first from 8:18. Other than those obvious question marks, we love this video.

Minnesota cops now have their very own Oscar Grant case.

Rihanna is apparently cooperating with prosecutors after all. And she's supposed to be on Oprah with Chris Brown at some point soon.

And this Fox News story comes from a Sun story that turns out to have been completely made up. Fox reports a prank as a true story-- it's a case of a fake "news" company reporting fake news!

If you like that, you'll just flip for the gBall. Pretty crazy, eh?

It's still early, so here's one of the few practical jokes we've seen for... April Fool's!

And if you really think Miley Cyrus died in a freak car accident last night, you obviously weren't around for last year's April Fool's Day either.

Bill O'Reilly's Dirty Talk Express

While You Were Sleeping: Jen and John Redux

Zac Efron's Mom Is Cooler Than We Are

While You Were Sleeping: Lily Allen Hates The New York Times

While You Were Sleeping: Is Lindsay Lohan's Career Over?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 13:08:00 GMT

The New York Times just figured out that the sexting craze means some teens will go to jail.

This Rob Schneider interview may be the best thing we've read all week. Yeah, we know-- Rob Schneider...

Apple is preparing to raise iTunes download prices to $1.29. We suspect this might have something to do with preparing people for the high price Beatles downloads will be.

An eye for an eye is about to be taken literally in-- you called it-- Iran.

Nice try, IBM-- you want to lay off American workers, outsource to India, and collect stimulus dollars? Hell no.

Four women who dressed as stewardesses and volunteered in the New York City subways to help people get around have been asked to stop by the MTA. As if the MTA is flush for cash and can themselves pay people to provide that service. Morons.

New York finally began the process of fixing the evil/horrible Rockefeller Drug Laws.

Our hero David Byrne has officially ruled out ever playing with the Talking Heads again. Asshole.

Bruce Springsteen saved the famous Glastonbury summer music festival. Angel.

Lindsay Lohan's only unreleased film (at present) is going straight to DVD.

And a schoolteacher showed up drunk to class, blackmailed her students into bumping and grinding with her, then later passed out by a swimming pool.

Teacher In Lesbian Sex Scandal Story Not Helping

While You Were Sleeping: Fake Boobs, Fake ID

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 13:08:00 GMT

The continued success of National Public Radio proves that there are at least a handful of people out there still interested in brain stimulation.

Margaret Cho on Margaret Cho and her Cho Show.

Condoleeza Rice started to climb out of her shell on Leno, discussing Led Zeppelin and Obama...

The worst story of the month: a man claims his mother died when a police officer stalled the man's hospital trip to write a ticket.

Thanks to Behrooz for reminding us about the woman who used a fake ID to pay for fake boobs. Not much can be said about that.

Is this the best Mike Huckabee quote ever? "When it abolished slavery, the U.S. debated and decided it was immoral for one person to have complete, life-or-death power over another." Obviously, Huckabee is against the death penalty... right?

A Congressional candidate announced via Twitter.

We understand why it's on the market, but we're still uncomfortable with it.

Jennifer Hudson will have her revenge on American Idol.

And there's no story to go with the above photo. We just assumed you would appreciate it.

While You Were Sleeping: Carrie Underwood's Dress Was Too Short

Today in WTF: Man Has Sex with or in a Dumpster

While You Were Sleeping: The Rihanna Nightmare Continues

While You Were Sleeping: More Grey's Anatomy Turmoil

While You Were Sleeping: Drunk Breastfeeding

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 13:08:00 GMT

David Letterman finally married his girlfriend of more than 20 years, with a decent story to boot.

See, this is why we love the city.

Yeah, we were wondering about that: John Mayer seems to be on the Twitter thing all the time. Turns out, it's the reason he got dumped by Jennifer Aniston.

A woman was arrested in her wedding dress for drunk driving.

A man and a woman were arrested after the woman was discovered breastfeeding while drunk off her ass. Oh yeah, and the cops also found poison and other harmful materials in the baby's room. God bless Florida.

It has long baffled us that, hardcore Republican or not, women are able to watch Bill O'Reilly after reading something like this.

Anne Hathaway is confirmed to play Judy Garland. But can she sing?

Remember how we thought M.I.A.'s kid's name might be dumb? And then how we turned out to be wrong about that name? Turns out we weren't all that wrong after all.

A Best Buy customer actually thought their "new" DVD player was new. Imagine that! Oh, and it had a XXX porn disc inside.

And Katy Perry and Josh Groban are dating. This is the last time we will ever mention these two, we swear...

6 Tips on Cheating And Getting Away with It

Live Blogging SXSWi: Sexual Exploitation and Self

Sloppy Seconds: Tyra's Abusive Relationship

While You Were Sleeping: Diablo Cody's Super Porno Limo Rides

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 13:12:00 GMT

Gmail is here to rescue you from regrettable sent message. Of course, you have to immediately regret sending the e-mail for the feature to work.

M.I.A. replaced Amy Winehouse in the Coachella lineup.

We don't even know what to say about this woman who is no longer attracted to her laid-off husband.

Improv Everywhere staged an art opening on a New York City subway platform.

The strip club job fair appears to have been a success.

Winnipeg is finally safe to drive in.

The top film at the box office was not I Love You, Man or the equally-hyped Julia Roberts-Clive Owen movie Duplicity. Instead, another presumably dumb Nicholas Cage movie took the top spot. (How was it, really, and why did you bother?)

Diablo Cody's friends called their limo rides with the star screenwriter "super porno."

And Ashton Kutcher posted a TwitPic of wife Demi Moore bending over in a bikini. And she was thrilled.

Let's Settle This Ridiculous First-Date Pay Debate

Coke Ad Offends the Entire Country of Sweden

While You Were Sleeping: Barack Obama In Big Trouble

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 14:04:00 GMT

Scanners Brian, Emily, and Colleen were at the Bust Party at SXSW last night, during which Dinosaur, Jr. made a surprise appearance. Needless to say, blogging will be slow this morning, with more activity later on...

The man himself-- Bruce Springsteen-- did The Daily Show.

This guy didn't realize everyone on the train he was supposed to be operating could see his penis.

Unfortunately, most of the spectators probably enjoyed this "catfight," in which boobs were bared.

We missed out on the news that PETA celebrated St. Patrick's Day in their own special way.

We heard about the topless bar in Austin that was busted for featuring a sixteen-year-old girl.

Seth Rogen calls his own back hair "glorious."

Barack Obama needs to stop making jokes. About anyone and anything-- it's making him sound more out of touch than Al Gore.

And right-wing crazies at WorldNet Daily believe teens are drinking poison to induce abortions. What do you think?

While You Were Sleeping: George W. Bush Is Brilliant

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 13:02:00 GMT

Howard Stern is understandably upset that the media thinks he's involved in this Anna Nicole Smith debacle.

We're not thrilled about the cast of the upcoming Beat Generation movie, although at least James Franco is in it.

As of this writing, in the wee hours of the morning Texas time, we're not sure what Natasha Richardson's condition is.

Forced entrepreneurship: the buzzword/phrase of 2009.

While Usher's wife recovers from botched plastic surgery, the singer... parties with strippers.

A pregnant woman, busted for her 7th DWI, went straight to the bar after her hearing.

Joan Rivers talked dildos on the Today Show a few days ago.

Who knew that George W. Bush would become such an eloquent, respectable elder statesman?

We love Judge Judy more and more every day.

Wanted: 20 More Vadge Volunteers

Sloppy Seconds: The Most Amazing 9-1-1 Call Ever (AUDIO)

While You Were Sleeping: The Top Models Brawl

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 13:08:00 GMT

Charlie Sheen's wife gave birth to twin boys. Wonder what that childhood's gonna be like...

Political turncoat Ron Silver died of cancer at the age of 62. Silver was most recently known for appearing on The West Wing.

An arrest warrant was issued for Lindsay Lohan over the weekend; she faces a hearing today.

The right-wing came out swinging at Jon Stewart over the Jim Cramer-Brawl Street business, none more pathetically than Tucker Carlson, who denied being a "partisan hack."

At an America's Next Top Model cattle call (that's a term, not a slur) in New York, three women were arrested when some idiots yelled "there's a bomb," probably to cut ahead in line, and a full-on brawl/stampede ensued.

Lionel Richie worried that his female fans would stop throwing their panties at him if he became a grandfather.

This trailer makes painting seem so badass.

Race to Witch Mountain easily dethroned The Watchmen over the weekend.

And how would you like this job? Kylie Minogue was paid $1 million for performing a single song for Bollywood.