Scanner : woody allen

Sloppy Seconds: Angelina Jolie Pregnant Again

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 22:00:00 GMT

Any interest in auditioning for Puppetry of the Penis? We know a few Scanner bloggers who would attend your opening night performance...

In a stunning upset, Rascal Flatts topped Miley Cyrus on this week's Billboard album charts.

Why was a 25-year-old woman having sex with an 83-year-old man in the parking lot of a Wal-Mart? Nevermind, we'd rather not find out.

Believe it or not, there is a code of conduct for the crazy Mexican drug lords doing all that shooting.

Larry David on Woody Allen, and Woody Allen on Larry David makes for interesting reading for film buffs.

We hope Megan Fox wakes up one day soon and realizes this Brian Austin Greene character is about as cool as New Kids on the Block.

That Bruce Springsteen affair story just won't die.

Barack Obama got naked in Boston-- in a way.

And baby makes seven... not counting its parents, of course: Angelina Jolie is apparently ten weeks pregnant, according to unconfirmed reports.

Aging Gracefully Like Sophia Loren

PETA Names the Sexiest Vegetarian Next Door...

Missouri Legislators Try to Create the Crime of "Coercing an Abortion"

Seattle About To Enjoy Wave of Segway Strippers

Sloppy Seconds: Portia de Rossi Apologizes for Getting Gay Married

Emily Farris — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 23:01:00 GMT

A court in Los Angeles has issued a restraining order against a man who is apparently obsessed with "Dancing With the Stars" contestant and former Olympic gymnast Shawn Johnson after he tried to break into the set of the show. [NYT]

Newly-single Madonna plans to adopt another Malawian child. [Us]

Nicole Kidman has joined the cast of the new Woody Allen film. [Yahoo!]

Yet another magazine has folded. This time it's the music mag Blender. [AdAge]

Portia de Rossi has publicly apologized for her gay marriage. On the Jimmy Kimmel show, of course. [The Remote Island]

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Yahoo Thinks It Knows Why You Never Make It To That Second Date

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 15:51:00 GMT

There's a Yahoo! blog called Foxy Festivities that we haven't paid any attention to until recently. Perhaps it's that title, which is easily dismissed. Or maybe the fact that they're on Yahoo.com, which hasn't been on anyone's radar since 1995.

Foxy Festivities is dedicated to entertaining-- although this post, entitled "First Date Deal-Breakers" is only loosely tied to the topic...

Your expert sexperts attempt to advise us in a way we haven't heard before. Do they succeed in convincing to change our self-sabotaging ways?

1) Don't take a guy to a ballgame if you hate sports; don't take a girl to a Bergman festival if you, you know, ever want to get laid for the rest of your life. Or something like that.

2) Make sure to fill up with gas-- the petroleum-based kind, silly. Oh, and no limos.

3) As if this list isn't stolen from every Woody Allen movie already, don't take your date to a loud rock concert.

4) Don't overdress. (Is anyone still reading at this point?)

5) Don't start out with a double date. That way, you're forced to get to know each other.

6) Choose a restaurant that falls in between The Russian Tea Room and Jack-in-the-Box.

There are several more recommendations here, but do we really need to list them all? First-dating comes down to this... smile, look your best without digging up a tux, pick a halfway decent restaurant, and... for God's sake... choose an activity that allows room for conversation. Oh, and try not to look for reasons not to date the person again ("one of his shoelaces was untied for thirty seconds" does not count.)

Via Yahoo!

Related:

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Sloppy Seconds: What Will Rihanna Say to Chris Brown?

Emily Farris — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 23:15:00 GMT

Most likely playing off of the popular Facebook meme 25 things is the new blog 25 Things About My Sexuality, where people can randomly post just that. [25ThingsAboutMySexuality]

Slumdog Millionaire's Freida Pinto has signed onto Woody Allend's latest film. [AfterEllen]

Is San Francisco about to lose the Chronicle to the recession? That's it, we're taking our bottle of Jameson and our box of Entenmann's rich frosted donuts and crawling into a cave until this is all over. [Bloomberg]

Um, what is Kim Kardashian doing with a pet chimp? [Us]

If drinking is good for your heart but could lead to cancer what do you choose? If you're us, and have a history of heart disease in your family and no known cases of cancer, you drink! [ABC]

Rihanna will reportedly face her ex-boyfriend Chris Brown (who allegedly beat the hell out of her, in case you haven't heard) in court when his criminal threats case goes to trial. [Starpulse]

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While You Were Sleeping: Woody And the Scarlett-Penelope Makeout Scene

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

How does a man "accidentally" castrate himself and flush his own penis down the toilet?

Robin Quivers has some diet tips for you that sound similar to everything else you've heard, except they worked for her.

It's nice to see that Etta James is as crazy as we remember her from a 2008 concert.

Are you an ex-masturbator? We are-- although only from this moment until the moment after this post is complete.

Don't miss John Cleese on Jimmy Kimmel.

Barry Bonds plead not guilty to charges of perjury. Does this guy ever stop lying?

Joe Satriani won't have his goons stalk Coldplay at the Grammy's.

Michael Phelps has been suspended from swimming and lost his Corn Flakes deal. So what?

And Woody Allen wasn't even there to witness Scarlett and Penelope make out. Huh? What kind of director misses that scene?

Why You Should Never Deny a Kansas City Man His Ice Cream (Hint: You Will End Up Dead)

While You Were Sleeping: Another American Cheater Unveiled

Hollywood Directors Lend McCain a Hand

Nicole Pasulka — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 17:38:00 GMT

Scanner Emily mentioned this in Sloppy Seconds a few days ago, but we all decided it's worthy of its own post.

Down in the polls, McCain's found a way to bring credibility and artistry to his floundering campaign: ads directed by John Woo, Kevin Smith and Wes Anderson.

And after the jump Woody Allen set his neurotic, Upper East Side sights on Sarah Palin.

Sarah Palin Meets Woody Allen from RADAR on Vimeo.

Sloppy Seconds: And Just What Does Woody Allen Think Is So Unfunny?

Emily Farris — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 21:33:00 GMT

Is there even more "Sex and the City" in our future? [Us]

If you're just dying to hear Britney Spears' new single "Womanizer," here: [Radar]

Thank the God in heaven (who we don't really believe in): Elisabeth Hasselbeck is leaving The View (that we don't really watch) for Fox News (which we absolutely don't watch). [PopCrunch]

Is there trouble in Olsen Twin paradise? But not double trouble (har, har). [MollyGood]

Cynthia Nixon is very pleased with Brad Pitt these days. [People]

"It would be a disgrace and a humiliation if Barack Obama does not win," according to Woody Allen. [Yahoo!]

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The 10 Best Date Movies

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 17:09:00 GMT

Once again, an asinine list elsewhere on the web has caused us to create our own Top 10 in retaliation.

Come on-- Sideways, about a guy cheating on his fiancee, is in the Top 5? And what the hell are Shortbus, Eternal Sunshine, and House of Flying Daggers doing here?

We're huge fans-- especially of Eternal Sunshine-- but we saw it on a date once and the woman immediately returned to her ex-boyfriend-- because it's about forgiving your past and makes you want to return to your ex's. Hell, we knew that the first time we saw it, sans date.

Instead, here's our refined list:

10. Before Sunrise. Infinitely superior to its sequel, Before Sunset, this little charmer will win you points for an original choice, a breezy storyline, and a really emotional ending.

9. The Apartment. You mean you've never seen the Jack Lemmon-Shirley McClaine romance? And you rented Fast and the Furious when they had both checked in at the video store?

8. Casablanca. This is a tricky one, since (SPOILER ALERT) the ending is bittersweet and Ingrid Bergman gets on that plane with the other man. But think about it: it's the idea of watching this movie that counts. Once you tell your date you're popping this one in the DVD player, they're going to smile and relax, since it's pretty clear what you have in mind for the evening...

7. The Philadelphia Story. Katherine Hepburn and Cary Grant. No more should ever be said.

6. Annie Hall. One of the few perfect films ever made about dating and love.

5. The Graduate. Just try to block out that final image giving you a window into Ben and Elaine's future life. Otherwise, you'll have 'em where you want 'em...

4. The Princess Bride. In the sort of "guilty pleasure" category. Might not want to try this on a guy... unless you know he's a total teddy bear.

3. Doctor Zhivago. One of the great film epics, this doesn't have the hipster cred that most of the above movies carry into today, but it's still an unbearably good movie...

3. Say Anything. Of course.

2. Manhattan. Forget the whole jailbait problem (Woody Allen falls for a 17-year-old smarty pants)-- there's nothing like seeing this on a roof or anywhere outdoors, with a bottle of wine and someone to romance. We particularly fawn over Woody's "chase scene" toward the end-- it's arguably a more romantic moment than the end of Casablanca.

1. Some Like It Hot, which includes the funniest scene, best line, and best ending in movie history. It wouldn't have mattered if it was about the Holocaust-- these factors alone make it a great date movie.

Honorable mentions (and, it should be noted, these are not all ranked by quality, just by universal date-movie-worthiness): Gone With The Wind [weekend away/rainy day-dates only], When Harry Met Sally, Romeo Is Bleeding [if you're twisted], and a million more you should have already figured out... but for the love of God, not Sideways!

See the Times of London's Top 20.

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Which Pop Star Might Play The Lead In The Next Tarantino Film?

Woody Allen Sues American Apparel For Exposing His Jewish Heritage

Sloppy Seconds: In Which Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz Make Out

Sloppy Seconds: Which Pop Star Might Play The Lead In The Next Tarantino Film?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 21:20:00 GMT

A screen capture from the new Woody Allen film. By the way, that's Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz.

Morgan Freeman that may have had his mistress with him in the car crash that caused him serious harm: it turns out he is also going through a divorce.

British model Katie Price has Olympic fever: she's gearing up for 2012.

Twenty six Texas cheerleaders tried to break a pointless record by stuffing themselves into one elevator. Can you guess what happened?

The elevator successfully descended from the fourth floor to the first, but the doors refused to open.

The panicked girls managed to wiggle a few cell phones free to call for help. But it took about 25 minutes before a repairman was able to fix the door, police said.

Can you picture Toni Braxton or some other sometime A-listers on "Dancing With The Stars?"

Quentin Tarantino is reportedly in talks with Britney's reps about her playing a lesbian stripper in his remake of "Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!"

Scarlett Johansson dismisses reports her makeout scene with Penelope Cruz is gonna be bonerrific. Learn more about this story in The Screengrab.

GOP Senate Candidate's Son In Hot Water For Racist Facebook Profile

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 21:00:00 GMT

Bob Schaffer is a Republican in the Senate seat fight for his life in Colorado, in one of the hottest races in the country. Unfortunately for him, his son has a Facebook page that is only going to help his opponent raise insane amounts of money.

Among its many highlights, Justin's page features:

1) a gun-toting Jesus in front of the Confederate flag asking WWRJD? (What Would Republican Jesus Do? The answer, this year, would be to vote Bob Barr, probably.)

2) Obama admitting he's gay.

3) And by far the most offensive one of all, the image that could incite a huge backlash... and no, not the one you're seeing at right, in which Obama is depicted as Count Chocula...

"I do not agree with the sentiment or content of the offensive material, especially the 'bumper sticker' that references slave labor. It is clear that my actions were juvenile, disrespectful, and a mistake on my part.

"The offensive materials directly contradict the values that my parents taught me and are forbidden in my parents' home. My Facebook page is solely my responsibility, and I am saddened that my actions have reflected poorly on my sisters and parents."
His father spoke to 9NEWS on the phone after an event in Glenwood Springs Monday evening and said, "My wife and I have initiated a process of firm and severe discipline with our son."

Where do we start? Okay, first of all... how do you not agree with the sentiment on your Facebook page? Why would it be there at all? For example, Annie Hall is listed under our favorite movies on Facebook, so you'd automatically and correctly assume we agree with its sentiment.

Notice too that Shaffer the Candidate does not say, "What my son said was wrong. If we can't beat Obama on real issues or real truths about who he is, then we should just all vote Nader and admit defeat." (Don't worry, we're just dreaming aloud.) Did we mention that the kid has a pic of Obama dressed as a Muslim at the White House... and no, this ain't the cover of the New Yorker we're talking about?

See more of the page, which has been taken down or set to Private, at Talking Points Memo and this mirror site, which has been down for a while.

Sloppy Seconds: In Which Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz Make Out

Emily Farris — Wed, 14 May 2008 21:49:00 GMT

By the time (if ever) we get engaged, we'll probably be twice Jamie Lynn Spears' age and our engagement ring will cost half as much. [FameCrawler]

Is anyone going to read James Frey's new novel? It's supposed to be fiction. [Yahoo!]

If you had groupies, wouldn't you sleep with them? We would, unless we were, say, William Shatner and the Trekkies wanted to act out SciFi fantasies in bed. [Contact Music]

Rep. Larry McKeon, Illinois' first openly-gay politician is dead after suffering a stroke. [Queerty]

Dixie Chicks frontwoman Natalie Maines thinks Jessica Simpson should "pick back" on George Bush after he made a joke about "the Jessica Jinx." We couldn't agree more, and we'll even feed her the lines. [Us]

In the teaser for the upcoming Woody Allen film, Vicky Christina Barcelona, Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz lock lips for about 1.79 seconds. Everyone else is kissing, too, so you'll have to watch closely to catch it. [Defamer]

Woody Allen Sues American Apparel For Exposing His Jewish Heritage

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 15:30:00 GMT

Woody Allen is suing American Apparel for a billboard that steals an image of him for their own nefarious purposes.

As other sources have pointed out, AA usually gets served for its founder's constant sexual harassment of staff members and models and for his hilariously bad taste. This time, it's for an ad above a Los Angeles K & K's Donuts, seen below.

Dov Charney, the company's founder, is caught up in a number of lawsuits, including one in which three female employees are named as plaintiffs.

The suits follow a bizarre article last year in the women's magazine Jane. Charney was described as engaging in oral sex with a female employee and masturbating in front of the reporter. Charney doesn't deny taking part in any of the activities described in the article. He says he befriended the writer over the course of the two months it took her to research the piece. "I've never done anything sexual that wasn't consensual," Charney says. The reporter, Claudine Ko, confirmed his take on events to BusinessWeek.

Clearly the dude knows nothing about interviews and PR: never steal a celebrity's image and call him "The Ultimate Rabbi" (or whatever you think the translation is for the text on the billboard), as it may ruin his career if he's connected to the Jewish Hollywood Elite, and never, ever get blown in front of a newspaper reporter.

Getting blown in front of a paparazzi? Well, now... that's just good business.

Photo via Curbed. Stolen photo of Woody Allen via "Annie Hall."

Sloppy Seconds: Vagina Friendly Politicians Are All The Rage

Emily Farris — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 21:33:00 GMT

Ray Nagin, mayor of New Orleans: "I am a vagina friendly mayor." And totally not in the same way that Eliot Spitzer is a vagina friendly governor.

Jenna Fischer, The Office hottie, would like her fans to stop asking her out via The Internets. Seriously. And no, Jenna, people really do not go out on dates when they get a creepy email. Not even us and we're way less famous than you are.

The complete list of The Bloggies winners, with, uh, no links to the blogs. You're going to have to copy and paste or type them in. Hopefully we'll see ourselves on that list next year. How about a nomination, eh?

Scarlett Johansson: Actress? Check. Tom Waits cover artist? Check. Vixen? Check. Film director/camera person? Check. Check.

Looking for work? How about a Queer Job in the Arctic?

Spitzer nips via Gawker.com

Sloppy Seconds: Playboy's Hot List, Student Teacher Sex, Sexual Squashing, and Scarlett Johansson's Lesbian Sex Scene

Emily Farris — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 21:33:00 GMT

Plaboy released their annual Hot List and our not-so-slutty sister FameCrawler weighs in on their more unfortunate choices.

Yet another conventionally attractive female teacher had sex with her male student.

Everybody needs somebody to love. And you know, if that somebody is like 300 pounds and you get off watching her eat and then you like to be sexually squashed by her... well, good for you.

Scarlett Johansson on Penelope Cruz? Coming right up in Woody Allen's "Vicky Cristina Barcelona."

And, we'll see you Tuesday night, right?

[Image via]

Woody Allen on Scarlett Johansson: She Just Dropped Into My Life

Emily Farris — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 21:48:00 GMT

Woody Allen comes clean about his relationship with Scarlett Johansson.

Unfortunately, it's far less scandalous than we'd like to believe. When speaking to MTV news, Allen set the record straight about his love for the buxom actress.

She just dropped into my professional life inadvertently. It was supposed to be Kate Winslet in "Match Point," and at the last minute she was exhausted and called up and said she wanted to back out of it because she'd been doing movie after movie and wanted to spend time with her child. And I understood that completely. I don't think movies should be anyone's top priority. I said, "Sure, no problem." Of course I was faking it, because it was a problem for us. We were trying to figure out who was available for it, and Scarlett happened to be available. This all happened over one weekend. As soon as I met her, I had a very good rapport with her. She's very charming, very bright, very amusing. She livens the set up. The minute she walks on the set, the amperage goes up 200 points. She's a great kid and very talented. She can sing. She can do dramatic things and jokes if you need her to. Whenever there's a part she could play, she would probably always be my first choice.

[MTV: Woody Allen Explains His Love For Scarlett Johansson, Why He Doesn't Do Broadway]

Scanner : woody allen

Sloppy Seconds: Angelina Jolie Pregnant Again

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Missouri Legislators Try to Create the Crime of "Coercing an Abortion"

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Sloppy Seconds: Portia de Rossi Apologizes for Getting Gay Married

Yahoo Thinks It Knows Why You Never Make It To That Second Date

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This Quack Says Intellectuals Are Dumb Daters

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While You Were Sleeping: Woody And the Scarlett-Penelope Makeout Scene

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Sloppy Seconds: Which Pop Star Might Play The Lead In The Next Tarantino Film?

Woody Allen Sues American Apparel For Exposing His Jewish Heritage

Sloppy Seconds: In Which Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz Make Out

Sloppy Seconds: Which Pop Star Might Play The Lead In The Next Tarantino Film?

GOP Senate Candidate's Son In Hot Water For Racist Facebook Profile

Sloppy Seconds: In Which Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz Make Out

Woody Allen Sues American Apparel For Exposing His Jewish Heritage

Sloppy Seconds: Vagina Friendly Politicians Are All The Rage

Sloppy Seconds: Playboy's Hot List, Student Teacher Sex, Sexual Squashing, and Scarlett Johansson's Lesbian Sex Scene

Woody Allen on Scarlett Johansson: She Just Dropped Into My Life