Scanner : world of warcraft

Sloppy Seconds: Amy Winehouse's Topless Problem

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 21:39:00 GMT

PETA is now protesting seal clubbing... in World of Warcraft.

We don't think this is the same story about a man having his penis bitten off (by another man!) that we told you about already. In this story, the attacker... swallowed.

Samantha Ronson has asked for a restraining order against Lindsay Lohan.

Great, we already own all these damn Beatles albums. Does that mean we'll get the remastered ones for free?

Man, some people will do anything for web traffic. Here's a really ridiculous Down Shirt (the new Upskirt?) on Taylor Swift. Good Lord, she's only 18, people...

Members of Congress met with Raul Castro in Havana today.

A guy who works for Focus on the Family in Colorado has been arrested for talking dirty with a 15-year-old girl, who was actually undercover cops.

The Bush shoe thrower's sentenced has been reduced and he'll be out of jail next year.

And Amy Winehouse went streaking "through a hotel after being told to cover up." Guests were shocked to see her racing by them in the nude, but they shouldn't have been surprised unless they didn't know she was staying there.

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Amy Winehouse is "Back in the Saddle"

While You Were Sleeping: Diablo Cody's Super Porno Limo Rides

Amy Winehouse, Topless Again, Stars in Her Most Bizarre Adventure Yet

At Least Amy Winehouse Has Good Taste in Underwear

While You Were Sleeping: Jennifer Aniston Milking It

While You Were Sleeping: Blake Fielder-Civil's 16-Year-Old Girlfriend?

Today in Sweden: Teen Sex For Booze On The Rise

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 14:40:00 GMT

The percentage of people trading sex for booze is on the rise in the U.S. and Canada, especially among former Brady Bunch stars.

Now a truly oblivious police department in Sweden wants to warn teens about trading sex for booze... as some guys would like to have sex with you in exchange for the booze. Thank you, Lieutenant Obvious...

Police in Stockholm, Sweden are concerned about what they perceive to be a rise in teenage girls offering their bodies to creepy men who are lurking outside liquor stores, hoping teenage girls will offer up their bodies. Police also say these teens are arranging sex by-- breaking news, people!-- text messages and a newfangled invention called the internet, which is apparently a ripoff of the Bulletin Board System.

Seriously, these cops are freaking out over one case in which a guy convicted of sexual harassment and for possessing child pornography bought three sixteen-year-old girls a stockpile of liquor and then brought them back to their place. No word on whether these teenagers (who were dumb enough to not rip the guy off and just take off running with their booze) were molested, but no matter...

Word to Swedish police: this practice has been going on since the advent of moonshine, and probably even before that. Telling teenagers not to do something only encourages them-- you should instead put up posters of very hairy older men saying, "Yes, we'd love to buy you a six pack... but you'll have to spend an hour in my World of Warcraft sex dungeon first." That should take care of the problem right quick...

Related:

Do You Want To Watch Weird Swedes Put On Condoms?

The 50 Sexiest Movies of All-Time: 10-6

Mom Films Her Boyfriend Having Sex with Her 13-Year-Old Daughter

Now Sweden Has Its Very Own Orgasm Church

Bestiality Bust Is Our Favorite Swedish Sex Story Ever

Swedish Boarding School Initiates Sex Games For New Students

Ayn Rand Dating Site: Worst Form of Hell or Best Idea Ever?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 21:57:00 GMT

That headline may be a bit misleading, so let's clarify.

The question is, which side are we on, the side that thinks an Ayn Rand matchmaking site is the scariest thing ever or the side that sees this as a great way to keep crazy egomaniacs away from Nerve and other dating sites, and therefore out of our gene pool?

When we read about this in last week's New York, part of us thought it was funny-- "look at these freaks in their freak kingdom! They're so direct and honest, they're like World of Warcraft nerds with their 'Must be a level 2,030,394 gamer or don't IM me.' It's almost adorable!" Then we started thinking about it: this may be the greatest dating site ever. Why hadn't we thought of it before? Create a bunch of dating sites that would attract the scary types away from Nerve and the rest of the supposedly "general" dating sites, leaving only (potentially) decent candidates.

If you don't believe us, just take a gander at the quality profiles already created for The Atlasphere:

Michael, Naples, Florida
Long ago a very dear friend, Angie, turned me on to Ayn Rand and Atlas Shrugged.

Parenthetically, she also turned me on in other ways. Alas, our relationship remained Platonic.

Contact Me If You … : are Angie.

dpvabc, Edmonton, Canada
My name is Daniel. I consider myself to be a born-again egoist and I have dedicated the rest of my life to self-improvement. People see me as a socially inept loner because I tend to avoid superficial conversation but actually I love talking to people who like to think (the problem being I don’t know very many).

thustotyrants, Selden, New York
[I am] short, stark, and mansome.

You should contact me if you are a skinny woman.

Curiously, few of the applicants seem to be females. Wonder why...

Via New York.

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Prostitution Is Now Rape in the U.K.?

Cornell Is Obsessed With Armpit Sex

Top 10 Bond Girls Of All-Time

The Funniest Craigslist Personal Ever?

The Second Life Divorce Gets Funnier After The Split

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 15:49:00 GMT

"Dave Barmy" is seen here with his actual/virtual mistress.

A nerdtastic couple in the UK is going through a divorce, thanks to the wife walking in on the husband with a "homewrecker" of a Second Life character.

We thought the story would end there, with the delusional nerd thinking it was worth losing a marriage for an online cuddle, but then the wife had to go and get involved with someone herself...

It turns out that "Dave Barmy," a.k.a. real life humanoid Dave Pollard, "cheated" in the online game by hiring a virtual prostitute (dude... we are speechless-- you're married in real life and you risk the end of your relationship by cheating... with a video game hooker?) And even though Pollard had no physical contact with another woman, spouse Amy Taylor called the online affair "the ultimate betrayal." Then Taylor decided not only to hire a virtual private investigator (!) for help with her divorce case, but to get a little action of her own:

Taylor was quoted by newspapers including The Guardian and The Times of London on Friday as saying she has found a new man in an alternative cyber universe, World of Warcraft.

Pollard says he is already virtually engaged and can't wait to marry his new fiance "in rl" -- short for "real life."

Good luck, kids.

Via Times and CBS.

Related:

Sexy Librarians Win Wisconsin Dance-Off

Sloppy Seconds: Photos of New Planets, Yay!

Female Reverend Banned From Preaching After Drunken Swingers Weekend

While You Were Sleeping: Obama's Replacement

13 Year Olds Busted For Ordering Hookers With Dad's Credit Card

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 23 May 2008 20:49:00 GMT

Easily the most amusing article we've seen this week: the Money story on the thirteen-year-old boy convicted of fraud after her stole his Dad's credit card, went on a wild shopping spree, and capped off the day with some friends in a hotel room full of hookers gives us hope for the up-and-coming generation...

Ralph Hardy (name, for whatever reason, not withheld) is your average thirteen-year-old boy in Newark, TX. He likes World of Warcraft, video games, and ridiculously wild prostitute orgies. Ralph

1) Ordered a credit card in his father's name

2) Took his friends on a $30,000 shopping spree (in other words, he bought a hat from a New York vintage store.)

3) Back at their hideout (aka a trashy hotel some idiot rented to them without parental consent), they ordered cookies, potato chips, and cases of Dr. Pepper. When the delivery driver came to their door, the boys asked him if he could "score them some chicks and were willing to pay." The man, obviously the only sane person in Newark, Texas, called the cops.

4) Somehow, two call girls materialized. This passage has to be read in full:

Asked why he ordered two escorts, Ralph said he thought it was the thing to do when you win a "World of Warcraft" tournament. They told the suspicious working girls they were people of restricted growth working with a traveling circus, and as State law does not allow those with disabilities to be discriminated against they had no right to refuse them.

That may be offensive, but goddamn if it isn't hilarious. Oh, there's more:

The escort girls who were released without charge, told the arresting officers something was up when the kids said they would rather play Xbox than get down to business.

5) The article concludes with this little gem, which is why we have gotten such hope for the future from it: "Ralph's ambition is to one day become a politician."

Read the whole thing in full (you owe it to yourself on this beautiful day) at the UK Money site.

Hey Geeks, The Internet Can Get You Real Women Too

Bryan Christian — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 14:01:00 GMT

Not that all y'all gentlemen out there need the help, we're sure, but just in case: if you're a nerd and looking to meet a nice lady, then... er... do exactly what you're doing anyways?

MMOGs, or Massive Multiplayer Online Video Games, are a buzzing hive of Geekdom and have actually attracted a sizable female population. The problem for girls online is that guys playing games like WoW, Eve Online, and Second Life act like complete asshats around them. Whether they’re asking girls “Are you REALLY a girl?” over and over, kneeling to propose at their first meeting, or just reverting back to fourth-grade antics like boob jokes and ass grabbing, most dudes do not play it cool around pixelated chicks.

It's true, basic courtesy is really important in situations like these. Like, when you start to masturbate to a girl's avatar, send them a nice note to let them know. A little respect goes a long way online, fellas.

Whorelore: World of Warcraft Porn, It Was Only a Matter of Time

Emily Farris — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 21:41:00 GMT

Many men in many basements across the country have probably attempted some kind of fantasy-world-related porn (deep-throating elfin women?) on an amateur level, but none have come as far pornography director, Dez, creator of "Whorelore: Swords, Sorcery, and Sex." His web-based porn series is based on the popular online role-playing game World of Warcraft (like you didn't know).

Whorelore, now in its second season, started in 2006 as Dez’s “labor of love.” He’d already starred in over 600 porn titles—most famously, he says, Rectal Rooter and Dez’s Dirty Weekend—before venturing behind the camera. “Whorelore had always been something I wanted to do,” he explains. “I’ve been playing Dungeons & Dragons since the time I was eight, and I love World of Warcraft. Besides, I was bored doing Gonzo porn. [In the past] they’ve done porn with knights and bare maidens and stuff like that, but they’ve never added magic or anything cool.” So Dez decided to “step it up a notch,” throwing in low-grade special effects, a storyline, and a geek’s affectionate attention to detail. Originally he called his new project Whorecraft, but had to change the title due to some hush-hush legal flack from “you know who.” Read: Blizzard Entertainment, the company that runs World of Warcraft and looks out for its good name. (A Blizzard spokesperson declined to comment on the name change, saying the company doesn't publicly discuss legal issues.)

Forget legal issues. Are people this hot really playing World of Warcraft? Or is that also part of the fantasy?

[Village Voice: Whorelore: The Magical World of Warcraft Porn]