Scanner Roundtable: Could You Date a Bisexual Man? (A Question for the Ladies)

re: Scanner Roundtable: Could You Date a Bisexual Man? (A Question for the Ladies)

jenny — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 10:52:08 GMT

Well, as other people have said, I'm not religious and while I am tolerant in general society, I could not accept a religious partner at all. I'm not sure if I could deal with aa bisexual partner. I'm bisexual myself and have never dated a bisexual man (that I know of) but have dated bisexual women and it made me feel very strangely uncomfortable. I don't know that I'd be okay with it in a man. Really hard to say.

Ignore the haters, Emily!!

re: Scanner Roundtable: Could You Date a Bisexual Man? (A Question for the Ladies)

Betty — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 23:26:26 GMT

I'm a monogamous bisexual woman, and I wouldn't have a problem dating a monogamous bisexual man or woman. As long as the person is good-looking, intelligent, and funny, I don't care if they're male or female.

re: Scanner Roundtable: Could You Date a Bisexual Man? (A Question for the Ladies)

Allison — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 02:35:57 GMT

Here's another lady who agrees with Erin.

I think it's horrifying that women consider male bisexuality a deal breaker. Not one of you has come up with a legitimate reason why- instead you're relying on lame stereotypes and faulty reasoning. Since when can't bisexual men be masculine? Since when do they all wear makeup and cheat? I'm just waiting for someone to say they can't make up their mind or are greedy.

This is homophobia- simple and plain. But you'd rather justify it to preserve your idea of yourself as equitable, liberal and open minded.

And now you want to equate it with kayaking? Please. It pissed me of on Sex and the City, and it's pissing me off here.

It's because of women like you all that men can't express their sexuality openly. It's because of biphobia that bi men can't find love- gay men don't want them and straight women don't either. And it breaks my heart that you'd hide behind silly excuses rather than say that you're all homophobes.

re: Scanner Roundtable: Could You Date a Bisexual Man? (A Question for the Ladies)

Hannah — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 19:17:48 GMT

I could maybe if they didn't fit the image I have in my head of bi men (based on people I've met and Craigslist)--semi Goth guys.

Not into the Goths.

But the kinda boy I'm into having dated men? Kinda hot, so maybe.

Now, I also like to fantasize about the sexy bike couriers with nice bodies and rolled up pants fooling around with each other after they're finished drinking espressos.

To be honest though: Because there are STD's that are more prevalent in the gay male and MsM (men who have sex with men) community, it'd be in the back of my head. It may sound terrible, and I should add that I'm not saying that out of homophobia, but certain communities are hit harder for a myriad of complicated reasons...

re: Scanner Roundtable: Could You Date a Bisexual Man? (A Question for the Ladies)

Lisa — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 18:14:44 GMT

You know, I always argue with conservatives when they say liberals, in trying to be so open-minded, have become close-minded and judgmental. But I have to say they are apparently right when it comes to Erin. We've supported gay rights on the basis that a person's sexual preference (provided it involves consenting adults) is their own business, and that it is unfair to discriminate against people based on that preference. So why is it suddenly okay to label Emily's sexual preference to date a straight man "disgusting?"

I'm not a Christian and I don't want to date a Christian man because there are going to be a lot of very important things we don't have in common. I'm not black and I don't want to date a black man simply because I am not generally attracted to them. These preferences do not make me a bigot or a racist, no more than not wanting to date a kayaker (because I don't have much in common with people who are really into sports) or a blond man (because I'm not attracted to them) mean that I am anti-kayaking or anti-blond.

re: Scanner Roundtable: Could You Date a Bisexual Man? (A Question for the Ladies)

thinkywritey — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 15:25:15 GMT

I prefer men who are faithful. I don't care who they were with before me or who they will be with after me, but I'm monogamist and prefer the same.

re: Scanner Roundtable: Could You Date a Bisexual Man? (A Question for the Ladies)

jane — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 14:46:15 GMT

I didn't realize this was an issue. I wish I was dating a bisexual guy. Also, I'd love the opportunity for a mmf threesome.

re: Scanner Roundtable: Could You Date a Bisexual Man? (A Question for the Ladies)

Mandy — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 13:56:14 GMT

No, I'm not down with that. I'm sorry, but my sexuality and what I find attractive is not PC. It's pretty primitive actually, and I want a man's man. Well, not literally.

;-)

re: Scanner Roundtable: Could You Date a Bisexual Man? (A Question for the Ladies)

motoko — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 05:43:14 GMT

I think bi men are sexy. I don't understand why so many straight women are afraid of men who are in touch with themselves enough to admit to being in the grey area - do you KNOW how hard that is for most men? It takes some serious self-mastery. Even if they are kinda bi - men are much more likely than women to pick either the straight or gay camp and stick to it, something about how they're socially conditioned in this culture. Men hot for each other is hot, but it's even hotter if I'm invited to the party.

re: Scanner Roundtable: Could You Date a Bisexual Man? (A Question for the Ladies)

Nnnn — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 02:15:49 GMT

I think this is a valid question. I stopped seeing someone because they happened to also like boys. I have gay friends, I have bi friends, I have bi friends on the way to being gay. But I cannot be attracted to someone who digs dudes too. Its a turn off.

re: Scanner Roundtable: Could You Date a Bisexual Man? (A Question for the Ladies)

m0rrigan — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 00:52:44 GMT

I'm a bisexual woman, and I would happily date a bisexual man--if he was a decent guy. I can understand the insecurities that might lead some folks to not want to date someone who's bisexual, regardless of gender--but that's what I think it comes down to: insecurity. Our society, the LGBT community included to some degree, isn't always exactly terribly kind or fair to people who identify as bisexual. There's this misperception that we're all sluts, or confused, or just putting on a show while in college. And that may be true of some people who say they're bi, but it's just as true for some people who say they're straight or gay.

In the end, shouldn't we be picking our partners based on personality (and hey, looks) more than anything? If they're douchebags, it doesn't matter how they identify--they're just douchebags and you shouldn't date them.

re: Scanner Roundtable: Could You Date a Bisexual Man? (A Question for the Ladies)

lilhuna — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 22:53:59 GMT

i have dated a couple of men who have had previous sexual encounters with men, but generally preferred women. that works perfectly for me, as i am a woman who has had brief encounters with women though i prefer men. so perhaps it's just more acceptable to be with someone who mirrors your own experiences.

another thought - a lot of ladies i know like to be with other women in very light ways, like making out, and it's easier for them to cross that line. i think a lot of women are worried that a bi-sexual man wants something......um....."bigger" that they can't offer. i think a very open conversation helps tons!

re: Scanner Roundtable: Could You Date a Bisexual Man? (A Question for the Ladies)

Bry — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 22:05:01 GMT

Erin, what a lame and sensationalist response.

It's an entirely valid question, because, regardless of the ideal and perfectly PC world you seem to live in, it's true that men are generally more okay dating bi women than the other way around.

Does it make it right? No. But is it wrong? Also no.

And shutting commentary about it down immediately cuts off any chance for discussion into why there is this double standard.

re: Scanner Roundtable: Could You Date a Bisexual Man? (A Question for the Ladies)

Henry — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 21:29:15 GMT

I can tell you this, men find bi women sexy because it gives us hope we can date and have the possibility of a threesome with her and a girl fiend

re: Scanner Roundtable: Could You Date a Bisexual Man? (A Question for the Ladies)

Liz — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 21:20:24 GMT

No, probably not, even though I'm bisexual myself and thus it's completely a double standard.

re: Scanner Roundtable: Could You Date a Bisexual Man? (A Question for the Ladies)

Estheruth — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 19:51:38 GMT

I dated a bisexual man, and I'd do it again. His bi-ness was never an issue, and I am curious why it would make a difference to you. He was smart, sexy, funny and adorable, and many other good things besides, and, also, he liked to fuck men. Are you basing your question on some specific person, or some stereotype of a bi man (hot, cooks, likes nice shoes, behaves like a bonobo monkey under stress, can't be faithful)?

re: Scanner Roundtable: Could You Date a Bisexual Man? (A Question for the Ladies)

Lisa — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 19:37:43 GMT

What is up with that crazy vitriol? Being hesitant to date someone from a group doesn't equal discrimination against that group. Dating a Christian man IS very different from dating a non-Christian man, having an interracial relationship IS very different from having a non-interracial relationship, and dating a bisexual man IS very different than dating a straight man. Not wanting to date a bisexual man is no more "disgusting" than my not wanting to date blond men, men who kayak, and reformed drug addicts. Some of it is not being attracted to people in that particular group, some is not wanting the particular difficulties that are inevitable in a relationship with a person from that group. It doesn't mean I think they are all exactly the same, or bad people, or undeserving of love, or anything else. It's just not my preference.

re: Scanner Roundtable: Could You Date a Bisexual Man? (A Question for the Ladies)

Caroline — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 19:24:30 GMT

I wouldn't date a bisexual man. Period.

re: Scanner Roundtable: Could You Date a Bisexual Man? (A Question for the Ladies)

Emily Farris — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 19:05:13 GMT

I'm posing a question and stating my own insecurities on the subject. If my honesty makes me disgusting, I'm sorry you're offended.

re: Scanner Roundtable: Could You Date a Bisexual Man? (A Question for the Ladies)

bunnykilla88 — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 18:46:59 GMT

I thought all nerve readers were bisexual? Huh,

re: Scanner Roundtable: Could You Date a Bisexual Man? (A Question for the Ladies)

Erin — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 18:18:34 GMT

I am so very glad that this post has been up for over an hour already and has received not a single comment.

Emily, you disgust me. Dating a bisexual man is no different than dating a black man, or a Christian, or any other sub-group that you don't happen to be a part of.

Bisexual men can be dishonest douchebags, but so can straight and gay men and women. You are as bad as a racist by lumping all people of a certain group in together because of your limited experience.

You owe all of your readers an apology for posting something this crude.

- Erin