Look, I get it. I do have a sense of humor, you know. If I got to choose my own superpower, it wouldn’t be freakin’ gills, that’s for sure. And I understand that there isn’t a whole hell of a lot of crime going on underwater – although did you ever stop to ask yourself why? My stats don’t lie. Besides, you wait until those polar ice caps start to melt and you’re wading hip-deep down Fifth Avenue. You’ll be wishing you had ol’ Aquaman on speed-dial then.

So, yeah, I knew I wasn’t going to see my name on Screengrab Salutes the Best & Worst Comic Book Movies of All Time (Parts One, Two, Three, Four, Five and Six). And I knew I was gonna get sick of all the Watchmen hype: the Screengrab Review, the Other Screengrab Review, The Final Countdown, Saturday Morning Watchmen, Dave Gibbons on Watchmen, The Science of Watchmen and on and on it goes. But I sure as hell wasn’t expecting this. I mean, come on! Who do I have to blowfish to get a movie deal already?

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Our fearless – and quite possibly senseless – movie janitor is watching every movie on the IMDb Bottom 100 list. Join us now for another installment of Unwatchable.

I can’t say I didn’t learn anything from Creepshow 3. For instance, I learned that, at some point, there must have been a Creepshow 2. I also learned that, unlike the first two Creepshow movies, the third one is not based on short stories by Stephen King. This is a good thing for him, as it saves him the trouble of having to file a lawsuit to have his name removed from the credits as he did with The Lawnmower Man. It’s not a good thing for us, the viewers, because King is someone who knows how to construct a horror story in the EC Comics mold, and the makers of Creepshow 3 could not construct a successful dump if you gave them three extra assholes.

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