No one likes a celebrity stalker story, but speaking personally, I am particularly outraged by the unfolding story of 37-year-old Jack Jordan, who is currently on trial for harrassing Uma Thurman by sending her bizarre letter and menacing doodles, breaking into her trailer, and generally acting all creepy around the Kill Bill star. Hey, pal, not only is stalking Uma Thurman evil and wrong, it's supposed to be my job. I haven't invested 20 years of my life on this celebrity crush just to have some punk like you steal my thunder.
The Jack Jordan story is filled with icky little details, such as the Henry Darger-esque clippings he left in Thurman's trailer during the filming of My Super Ex-Girlfriend (Uma Thurman stalker tip: a better thing to leave in her trailer would be a note imploring her to pick better scripts), the stick-figure drawings of himself giggling and leaping off a razor blade into a grave (Uma Thurman stalker tip: hire a professional illustrator), and the midguidedly tender notes reading "If you think you love me, then how sad that your kids and you and me would have to spend another holiday apart. Now it's the end of September and I live in my car." (Uma Thurman stalker tip: it's never a good opening gambit, with any woman, to mention that you live in your car.)
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