I had traveled half-way across the country to spend some quality time with my
father. We were drinking Tomintoul scotch whiskey in his Colorado cabin. It was
snowing outside and we were quiet, watching a movie, entranced. I turned to my
dad and shared with him the undeniable truth I had gleaned from the film:
"Transporting is the greatest job on earth." He sipped his drink, reflected on
his years of wisdom, and nodded: "Yes. Yes it is."
If you're unfamiliar
with Luc Besson's Transporter series — or wonder why a father and son
would spend a portion of their few, precious hours together watching a movie
about a guy and his car — its appeal can be summed up in two
words: Jason Statham. The titular star doesn't make transporting look easy, of
course. Adhering to a strict moral code while transporting
goods for less-than-reputable businessmen is taxing. The guy
has to make BMWs perform stunts that would confound a physicist. Cars just don't
move like that, and if you're carting around a petite young woman in
the trunk, as a transporter often does, you've got to factor in her continued survival as a goal. Plus, the job keeps you so busy — maintaining your pristine black
suit and kicking the crap out of nameless thugs — that you don't get much of a
chance to enjoy your secret seaside villa. (Incidentally, The Transporter has five
named thugs in its credit list — Thugs 1 through 3, Little Thug, and Giant Thug —
but Statham seems to brutalize quite a few poor, uncredited thugs, as well.) And
getting your work finished in a timely manner is complicated by your nagging
sense of honor. Human trafficking? Crap, you can't transport when you know
that's going down. A wan model, wearing nothing but an unbuttoned
nursing uniform and two uzis, kidnaps the rich toddler you're driving to school?
Shit, doesn't look like you're punching out early today. And with all that going
on, when does Statham find the time to sculpt his guns?
This is what you think about when you experience Jason Statham movies. You ask the
big questions.
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