tmz - The Screengrab

Woody Harrelson Launches Method Assault on Undead Photographer

Last week, Woody Harrelson gave the online tabloid site TMZ some video fodder by assaulting one of its photographers as Harrelson, who had his daughter with him, was accosted at La Guardia Airport. As CNN described the incident as it was caught on video, " The first video shows the photographer following Harrelson and his daughter down an escalator and out of the terminal. It ends with Harrelson apparently reaching for the lens. The second video begins with the photographer accusing Harrelson of breaking his camera. After Harrelson returns the camera to him, a scuffle appears to ensue. 'Woody, this is assault. Woody, this is assault,' the photographer is heard saying. 'Woody, chill out. Would you please chill out?' " Apparently, Harrelson heard all that as "Arghhh!!" In a statement released by his publicist Friday, Harrelson explained that "I wrapped a movie called Zombieland, in which I was constantly under assault by zombies, then flew to New York, still very much in character. With my daughter at the airport I was startled by a paparazzo, who I quite understandably mistook for a zombie." You know what's the great thing about Woody Harrelson? Ninety-nine out of a hundred people say something like this, you'd at least be able to make an unformed guess as to whether or not they're kidding.

Sharon Stone Loses Ground in the Race for Mother of the Year

With her movie career basically on permanent hiatus, Sharon Stone continues to maintain her hold on the world's attention as some species of gossip-blogger freak. Stone has just wrapped up her lastest sideshow, the child custody hearings centered on Roan, the eight-year-old boy who Stone and her former husband, newspaperman Phil Bronstein, adopted during their six-year marriage. Stone lost her bid to have her son move in with her in Los Angeles, in part because of the judge's determination that she "appears to overreact to many medical issues involving Roan", and that her "overreactions" to nonexistent problems is a "painfully real" problem for the boy. Stone apparently became convinced that Roan had a spinal problem and couldn't be talked out of seeking treatment for it by doctors who assured her that Roan was perfectly healthy. Of course, delusions of spinal meningitis are one thing, but the tidbit from the proceedings that's really gotten people excited is the news that Stone, as the court delicately put it, "suggested that Roan should have Botox injections in his feet to resolve a problem he had with foot odor. As father appropriately noted, the simple and common sense approach of making sure Roan wore socks with his shoes and used foot deodorant corrected the odour problem without the need for any invasive procedure on this young child." One website claims that Stone was heard to say of her little one's pungent stumps, "If you smelled Roan's feet, you'd lose faith in God." Wait a minute, are we sure we're not talking about my mother? (To fully appreciate the impact of Stone's comments, keep in mind that she was apparently able to hang onto her faith in God even after seeing herself in the rushes for Catwoman.

A Brief Guide to this Year's Academy Awards Outrages

The Academy Awards were handed out this past weekend in an annual ceremony whose main reason for being, aside from giving me the chance to look like a mouth-breathing chucklehead in my "Oscar predictions" piece, is to give the bloggers of this great nation a chance to pick out things to be scandalized over. It's important to make sure that everyone can read about the three-ring circus of horrors with extra added attractions that is the Oscars show, since it's already been well established that nobody actually watches the damn thing. But people who read the Screengrab but otherwise have lives may have missed out on a few of the finer points of this year's extravaganza. Here's a handy breakdown of all the terrible things they did this time to help you make conversation this weekend with your hairdresser or bookie.