The Screengrab : eminem

DVD Digest for April 14, 2009

Paul Clark — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:00:00 GMT

Well folks, it looks like the studios are waiting until after the tax return deadline to release the good stuff. However, there are a few interesting titles on tap this week.

This week’s selection of recent releases can be more or less boiled down to a face-off between high-toned Oscar-bait and a lowbrow comic book adaptation full of cartoonish violence and scantily clad women. In one corner, wearing the drab grey trunks, Stephen Daldry’s The Reader (Weinstein, also Blu-Ray), which brought Kate Winslet a long-overdue Oscar and garnered its director his third Best Director nomination in three tries. In the opposing corner, wearing black and white trunks and a bright red tie, Frank Miller’s solo filmmaking debut, The Spirit (Lionsgate, also Blu-Ray), an adaptation of the classic Will Eisner comic that got some of the most savage reviews of 2008. Of course, if you’re like me you could take or leave either of these movies, and I’d advise you to wait for next week when The Wrestler hits the streets.

Or if you just can’t wait, you might be better off with this week’s most interesting-looking classic, the 50th Anniversary Edition of Pillow Talk (Universal). Perhaps the most popular of Doris Day and Rock Hudson’s romantic comedies, the new DVD includes commentary, a doc about the two stars, and in some sets a bonus Mamma Mia magnetic picture frame. I know, I can’t wait either. And for you fans of poker and distractingly bad Russian accents, this week also brings the release of Rounders 10th Anniversary Edition (Disney, also Blu-Ray).

The big TV on DVD news this week is the release of the HBO miniseries House of Saddam. And in Blu-Ray only releases, this week’s slate includes: Eminem in 8 Mile (Universal); Zach Braff in The Last Kiss (Paramount); Lindsay Lohan and Tina Fey in Mean Girls (Paramount); the Happy Madison production Strange Wilderness (Paramount); and the forgettable sci-fi double feature The Thirteenth Floor (Sony) and Universal Soldier: The Return (Sony). I guess that’s how you know the format is here to stay- when studios are done releasing their recent crap and start releasing crap from the vaults.

Finally, my selection for the Plot Synopsis of the Week is yet again from the Japanese animation circuit- this week choice being ADV Films’ release The Karma Saiyuki. Once again, I hope it doesn’t seem like I’m bagging on anime, but some of these plot summaries- yowza. Take a look:

“In a world where a broken robot is as cherished as month-old milk, sexually abused androids are tossed in the scrap pile and forgotten by all but three beautiful young girls with the power to bring the discarded 'droids back to life through the bedroom arts. But do robots--even super-realistic-looking ones--feel sad when their cruel owners defile and then chuck them in the recycle bin? In this adult-themed anime, the power of loving sex might be the link between a robot’s artificial intelligence and its heart--or maybe it's just another chance for hentai fans to enjoy some kinky robot nookie.”

To these eyes, what really puts it over the top is that final sentence, in which the copy writer teases us with the possible deeper implications of the film, then snatches them away again with a dig at the sexual proclivities of hentai fans. And to think that DVD Planet has this listed in the “Children’s” genre…

Unwatchable #48: “Cool as Ice”

Scott Von Doviak — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 18:00:00 GMT

Our fearless – and quite possibly senseless – movie janitor is watching every movie on the IMDb Bottom 100 list. Join us now for another installment of Unwatchable.

Here’s a little-known etymological fact for you: the term “assclown” did not exist before 1990. It was specifically engineered by a team of Harvard linguists assigned to devise a shorthand description of Vanilla Ice. You see, at the time, no existing word quite did the trick. Sure, one could simply say he was an asshole, but there were lots of assholes around in the early '90s. One could describe him as “that fool in the baggy pants” or “that douche with the haircut,” but these are somewhat unwieldy phrases. Assclown says it all, really. Good work, Harvard linguists.

If you young whippersnappers don’t remember Vanilla Ice, well, he was sort of the Eminem of his day, minus any detectable talent. And if you don’t remember Eminem, well, you better be careful not to let your parents catch you messing around on Nerve.com. Born Rob Van Winkle – and really, if you were born Rob Van Winkle and decided to pursue a career in show biz, wouldn’t you call yourself Rip Van Winkle? This just seems like a no-brainer to me, unless you’re some sort of assclown – Mr. Ice rode a recycled riff from the Queen/David Bowie hit “Under Pressure” to the top of the pops and the dismay of hip-hop fans everywhere.

If we stick with the Eminem analogy, Cool as Ice is Vanilla Ice’s 8 Mile, the major difference being that 8 Mile is watchable and Cool as Ice…well, you see where we are. Ice plays Johnny Van Owen, and I’m sure my failure as an attentive viewer is to blame for the fact that I can’t tell you with any accuracy what Johnny is supposed to be. The easy answer is “a rebel without a clue,” but I think I’m a little late with that line. I guess he’s some sort of biker/musician/free spirit, but I could never quite figure out if he was supposed to be a famous rap star slumming in the burbs or just a schmuck who thought it would be cool to dress like Andrew Dice Clay doing an MC Hammer impression.

Anyway, boorish, uncharismatic Johnny is stuck in town while a member of his posse is getting his bike fixed, so he decides to pass the time by harassing high school student Kathy (Kristin Minter). Wait, I’m being judgmental again. To me it looks like harassment, but in Johnny’s tiny mind, I’m sure it’s just his primitive notion of courtship. And it works! Soon he and Kathy are frolicking through construction sites in a slow-motion montage, much to the consternation of Kathy’s dad (the long-suffering Michael Gross), who thinks Johnny is in league with the ex-cops who are harassing him. You see, Dad has a secret he’s never told Kathy: they’re actually in the Witness Protection Program! Dad was a cop who ratted out his dirty colleagues and they’ve finally tracked him down.

It’s not clear that Vanilla Ice himself entered the Witness Protection Program immediately following the release of Cool as Ice, but that’s as plausible an explanation as any. His acting is praiseworthy only by comparison to his weak rhymes, wack dance moves and woeful wigger wardrobe. The movie that surrounds him has a severe ‘80s hangover – it looks like a David Lee Roth video set in Pee-Wee’s Playhouse – and the tunes Ice provides failed to elevate the soundtrack to classic status, unless I blinked and missed the pop chart run of “Johnny Rox the Box.”

As fate would have it, Mr. Van Winkle has just issued a video apology on YouTube. He’s sorry for the music and the haircuts and the baggy pants. I’m almost ready to take back all the mean things I’ve said about him here. Except I can’t help but notice he does not apologize for Cool as Ice.

Previously on Unwatchable:
49. Laserblast
50. Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace
51. Simon Sez
52. In the Mix
53. Baby Geniuses

DVD Digest for November 18, 2008

Paul Clark — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 15:00:00 GMT

This week, some of summer’s biggest hits arrive in stores in time for the holiday shopping season, along with a handful of choice classics.

DVD of the week: With all the care Pixar devotes to creating their theatrical releases, it’s amazing that they have any time left for their DVDs. However, Pixar’s DVD editions are almost invariably first-rate, and this week’s release of WALL-E would appear to be no exception. We begin, of course, with the razor-sharp transfer of the movie itself, which comes directly from the digital master, making it arguably crisper than could be found in the theatre. But that’s only the beginning, with two animated shorts (one seen in theatres, the other a DVD original), featurettes on the film’s sound design, visual design, music, character design, and more. Finally, there are a number of features on WALL-E that take viewers into the world of the film, including a documentary about the movie’s robotic cast, and short films about the nefarious “Buy N Large” corporation from its inception to their Earth Exit plan, and beyond. Needless to say, WALL-E is an ideal DVD for kids, but it’s also a must-have even if you don’t have a family to buy for this holiday season.

Other recent releases coming to DVD this week: Ben Stiller’s Hollywood action satire Tropic Thunder (Paramount, also Blu-Ray); America Ferrara, Amber Tamblyn and friends in The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 (Warner, also Blu-Ray); and a quartet of acclaimed indie films- Werner Herzog’s Encounters at the End of the World (Image); the documentary Gonzo: The Life and Work of Hunter S. Thompson (Magnolia); Harmony Korine’s Mister Lonely (Genius); and Audrey Tautou in Priceless (First Look).

On the classics front, the big release this week is David Lynch: The Lime Green Box Set (Absurda), which includes the new-to-DVD Industrial Symphony No. 1, plus the remastered Eraserhead, a Lynch-approved 5.1-surround version of Blue Velvet, The Elephant Man, Wild at Heart, The Short Films of David Lynch, Dumbland, along with new extras for Elephant Man and Wild at Heart, the Eraserhead soundtrack, and a “Mystery Disc” full of exclusive Lynch goodies. Or if you’re looking for something a little more “classical”, pick up the new Criterion editions of Martin Ritt’s masterful adaptation of the John le Carre novel, The Spy Who Came In From the Cold, or the French swashbuckler Fanfan la Tulipe. Also worth mentioning is the release of Fred Schepisi’s long-unavailable classic of Australian cinema, The Chant of Jimmie Blacksmith (Ryko Distribution).

In a slow week for TV on DVD, the most noteworthy title is Bones Season 3 (Fox).

Finally, this week presents the most definitive argument that Blu-Ray has really arrived, with a plethora of mostly crappy Blu-Ray only releases. The exceptions are Curtis Hanson’s pretty-good Eminem vehicle 8 Mile (Universal) and the Neil Gaiman-scripted Mirrormask (Sony). But other than that, it’s looking pretty dire, with the Martin Lawrence double feature of Blue Streak (Sony) and National Security (Sony), Guy Ritchie’s Revolver (Sony), and Richard Kelly’s Southland Tales (Sony), which if nothing else remains the most definitive cinematic statement about the ongoing war over teen horniness. I’m for decriminalization, by the way.