Morning Deal Report: A Hobbit, a Gnome and a Poltergeist Walk Into a Bar…

Scott Von Doviak — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 14:00:00 GMT

The Good Idea Fairy is apparently still on vacation, so what the hell, let’s just go ahead and remake Poltergeist! Juliet Snowden and Stiles White, screenwriters of 2005’s Boogeyman and a thankfully stalled remake of The Birds, have signed on to script the remake of the 1982 horror classic. “The original Poltergeist, directed by Tobe Hooper from a script co-written by Steven Spielberg, miraculously skirted an R rating despite its children-in-constant-peril, toy clown-strangling, face-peeling, skeleton-swimming medley of horrors,” the Hollywood Reporter gleefully notes, before going on to mention that the original film “earned further cult status when two of the child actors in the movie died after the film's release. Two nerve-jangling sequels were produced.” Nerve-jangling? I think they mean ass-numbing.

Elsewhere in the land of fantastical critters, Guillermo del Toro’s The Hobbit finally has a screenwriting team aboard, and surprise, surprise, it’s Peter Jackson, Fran Walsh and Philippa Boyens. In case you’ve forgotten, Variety reminds: “Jackson, Walsh and Boyens teamed on penning the three screenplay adaptations of J.R.R. Tolkein’s The Lord of the Rings. The third pic, The Return of the King, won an Oscar for adapted screenplay.” The Hobbit is due in 2011, so don’t get in line just yet.

Yesterday we told you about Julius, the modern urban crime version of Julius Caesar. Today we regret to inform you of Gnomeo and Juliet, the…garden gnome version of Romeo and Juliet? Yes. That’s what it says here. The “loose and edgy” CGI Shakespeare adaptation will feature songs by Elton John. I’ve really got to get to work on that Morning Deal Report drinking game.

Related:
Del Toro on the Hobbit Trail
Nothing But Dark Skys From Now On

Morning Deal Report: Coen Brothers Get Serious

Scott Von Doviak — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 14:30:00 GMT

I have misled you once again. The Coens’ follow-up to Burn After Reading is actually described as a black comedy in this Variety report, but it is titled A Serious Man. Stage actor Michael Stuhlbarg and former Spin City regular Richard Kind will star. (I know, not exactly Pitt and Clooney, right?) “Set in 1967, story centers on Larry Gopnik (Stuhlbarg), a Midwestern professor whose life begins to unravel when his wife sets out to leave him and his socially inept brother (Kind) won't move out of the house. Shooting is set to start at the beginning of next month in Minneapolis.”

Here’s a sentence from the Hollywood Reporter that shouldn’t exactly shock anyone: “As Tom Cruise goes about writing the next chapter in his career, he's developing an interest in comic book movies.” Cruise is teaming up with Spider-Man maven Sam Raimi for an adaptation of Sleeper, and we can all be thankful it’s not a remake of the Woody Allen comedy. “Written by Ed Brubaker with art by Sean Phillips, Sleeper, which ran from 2003-05, centers on an operative whose fusion with an alien artifact makes him impervious to pain and allows him to pass it on to others through skin contact. He is placed undercover in a villainous organization by an intelligence agency and falls for a member of the group, named Miss Misery.” I smell Cruise’s Battlefield Earth.

Yet another graphic novel headed for the big screen is Julius, to be directed by F. Gary Gray (The Italian Job). Sadly, it’s not a biopic about the founder of Orange Julius, but rather an urban crime thriller based on Julius Caesar. Per Variety, Gray “has a vision for this adaptation that will satirize obsessive consumerism while providing a thrilling ride for audiences.” Good luck with that.

Related:
"Freaky Little People": The Coens Burn On
Tom Cruise Still Creepy, Still Not Funny

The Screengrab : julius

Morning Deal Report: A Hobbit, a Gnome and a Poltergeist Walk Into a Bar…

Morning Deal Report: Coen Brothers Get Serious