Unwatchable #74: “You Got Served”

Scott Von Doviak — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 18:00:00 GMT

Our fearless – and quite possibly senseless – movie janitor is watching every movie on the IMDb Bottom 100 list. Join us now for another installment of Unwatchable.

As regular readers of this column are all too aware, I am occasionally perplexed by the movies deemed worthy of inclusion on the IMDb Bottom 100 list. Actually, I’m often perplexed by the movies themselves; what I mean to say is that sometimes I’m not sure how a given movie acquired enough detractors to propel it to such derogatory depths. For instance, I can’t quite figure where all the You Got Served hateration is coming from. This isn’t because I think it’s a good movie – rather, I think it’s a movie of such generic mediocrity, I’m baffled that it’s been singled out from the ranks of Victory Through Dance cinema.

Here’s the deal (or the “dilly-o” in the very current and credible hippety-hop parlance of this 2004 release): David (Omarion Grandberry, if that is his real name) and Elgin (Marques Houston) are friends (or “boyz”) and partners in an L.A. hip-hop dance crew. No one can bust moves like these two, who always end up walking away with the cash prize at the warehouse dance-offs overseen by Mr. Rad (Steve Harvey, no one’s idea of “Mr. Rad,” but whatever). Apparently the dance money isn’t enough, because David and Elgin also sling drugs for crime lord Emerald – although we never see them do this onscreen and it’s not even clear exactly what they’re selling. Weed, crack, heroin? I guess we’re not supposed to worry about that.

When David hits it off with Elgin’s sister Liyah, a rift begins to develop between the friends – a rift that cracks wide open when Elgin is beaten down and robbed of his package from Emerald while David is out on a date. Of course, the timing couldn’t be worse, since the MTV Big Bounce dance-off is coming up, and the winning crew gets 50 G’s and an appearance in a Li’l Kim video. Can David and Elgin squash their beef in time to bring home the big prize? And did it really, really embarrass me to type the phrase “squash their beef” just now? The answer to both questions is the same.

As far as I can tell, the actual dancing in You Got Served is fine. I mean, sure, it makes me laugh to see these hardened street urchins doing their goofy baggy pants movements, but at least some of the laughter is intentional. The plot is more than a little creaky, though. I was particularly bemused by the resolution of Elgin’s dilemma with Emerald; what with Emerald’s product (whatever it may be) being ripped off, the large drug dealer is unhappy enough with Elgin to threaten him with extreme physical violence unless he makes financial restitution. This seemingly crucial plotline ends with an offhand comment from Mr. Rad, who assures us he’s taken care of it. Wow, he really is Rad!

Still, despite its dramatic shortcomings, You Got Served is not so egregiously worse than other films of its ilk as to deserve its fate as an Unwatchable. One could chalk its low ratings up to racism, but it’s just as likely that a large segment of the black audience found the movie itself to be a questionable portrait of African-American culture. (In addition to Elgin and David’s extracurricular corner boy activities, there is the out-of-the-blue drive-by shooting of the dance crew’s young mascot Lil Saint.) Who knows? Such mysteries are beyond the purview of your humble movie janitor.

Previously on Unwatchable:
75. The Last Sign
76. Kickboxer 3: The Art of War
77. BloodRayne 2: Deliverance
78. The Quick and the Undead
79. Anus Magillicutty

Family Annihilators

Phil Nugent — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 18:00:00 GMT

Colin Strause, 31, and Greg Strause, 32, are brothers, which means there are two of them. They are the co-directors of Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem. They went into the project determined to restore honor to both franchises by pumping up the violence and gore and making it up to fans for the inexplicably PG13-rated (and just generally inexplicable) first Alien vs. Predator. It's their first time out as directors, but they are life-long special effects geeks who, since forming their own boutique company Hydraulx, have worked on such pictures as 300, The Day After Tomorrow, Terminator 3, Looney Tunes: Back in Action, and the Fantastic Four films. They've been working professionally since their very early twenties, having basically jumped in right after high school, using what was supposed to be their college tuition as start-up money. All of which is to say that I would have regarded them as the coolest guys in the world when I was eleven, and there's no point in pretending that I don't find them impressive even now. Describing their long, strange path to Ron Magid, the Brothers Strause emphasize the importance of family. As young wizards-in-training, "We tried to freak our mom out by making her think a bloody latex wound I made was real. After that, she said we should do stuff on the computer instead." Now, all these years later, her cunning plan has paid off. Magid writes, " 'After we were [in Los Angeles] for about a year, our parents came to visit.' Colin said.'Three or four days later, they sold their house,' Greg added. Now Mom handles the books, Grandma hobnobbed with Bono on a video shoot, and Dad helps keep the PCs running -- among other chores. 'Dad's really good with a laser scanner, so he got to scan Lil' Kim naked for a rock video we were doing,' Colin said." Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

The Screengrab : li'l kim

Unwatchable #74: “You Got Served”

Family Annihilators