The Screengrab : meet dave

Unwatchable #36: “Daddy Day Camp”

Scott Von Doviak — Wed, 13 May 2009 19:30:00 GMT

Our fearless – and quite possibly senseless – movie janitor is watching every movie on the IMDb Bottom 100 list. Or is he? Join us now for another installment of Unwatchable.

I’ve got good news and bad news, Unwatchable fans. The bad news you probably already know. There’s no way I’m going to be able to complete my march to the top of the IMDb Bottom 100 list before the Screengrab shuffles off this mortal coil. The good news is that, despite this devastating setback, I am determined to complete the Unwatchable project one way or another.

Wait – that’s the good news? Well, it may not be good news for me or my psyche, but I’d hate to leave you all hanging. I’m searching for a new home for Unwatchable (make me an offer!), so be sure to check my blog frequently for updates.

There’s no time for eulogies just yet, however! Unless we’re talking about eulogies for Cuba Gooding’s career. Perhaps you dimly recall Daddy Day Care, one of Eddie Murphy’s more insipid family-friendly vehicle of recent vintage. Murphy opted out of the sequel – probably to make Norbit or Meet Dave or some other ungodly piece of shit – and the producers were left to rack their brains for a replacement. Could they possibly find an even more shameless, milquetoast, edgy-as-a-marshmallow African-American actor than Murphy has become over the past fifteen years? Who better than the star of Snow Dogs, Rat Race and Boat Trip – yes, none other than Radio himself, Cuba Gooding, Jr.

Gooding reprises Murphy’s role of affable dad Charlie Hinton, while some random fat white guy takes over for Jeff Garlin in the role of Charlie’s fat white guy friend, Phil. Having achieved tremendous success as the owners of Daddy Dad Care, Charlie and Phil face a new challenge when they take over the rundown summer camp they attended as youths. Camp Driftwood is facing foreclosure thanks to the popularity of the upscale camp across the lake, Camp Canola, run by Charlie’s childhood tormenter, Lance Warner (Lochlyn Munro).

Once the kids arrive at camp, we’re treated to two of the highest forms of humor: adorable tots who all speak like Catskills comedians, and emissions both gaseous and tangible emitting with increasing frequency from every bodily orifice. There’s a recreation of the famous Blazing Saddles campfire scene, except with belching instead of farting. But don’t worry – there’s also farting! Also vomiting, pooping, nut-punching and balloons filled with piss. All the classics! Gooding brings his usual dignity to the proceedings, which means his face is perpetually plastered with the same expression my dog sports whenever he’s left a special present hidden somewhere in the house. Speaking of which:

Previously on Unwatchable:
37. Bad Girls from Valley High
38. Chairman of the Board
39. The Invisible Maniac
40. Son of the Mask
41. Troll 2

Your 2008 Razzie Nominees

Scott Von Doviak — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 16:30:00 GMT

Getting the jump on the Oscar nominations by 24 hours, the contenders for this year’s coveted Golden Raspberry Awards have been announced. It should come as no surprise that The Love Guru leads the pack with seven nominations, including Worst Picture, and Worst Actor (Mike Myers). (The Love Guru has already suffered the disappointment of being named the Screengrab’s Worst of the Year, so this should be a cakewalk.)

Check out the major nominees after the jump.

WORST PICTURE

Disaster Movie
The Happening
The Hottie and the Nottie
The Love Guru
Meet the Spartans

WORST ACTOR

Mike Myers (The Love Guru)
Eddie Murphy (Meet Dave)
Al Pacino (88 Minutes and Righteous Kill)
Mark Wahlberg (The Happening)
Larry the Cable Guy (Witless Protection)

WORST ACTRESS

Jessica Alba (The Eye and The Love Guru)
The Cast of The Women
Cameron Diaz (What Happens in Vegas)
Paris Hilton (The Hottie and the Nottie)
Kate Hudson (Fool’s Gold and My Best Friend’s Girl)

The Worst Career Achievement award goes, of course, to Uwe Boll. The full list of nominees can be found at the official Razzies site.

DVD Digest for November 25, 2008

Paul Clark — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 15:00:00 GMT

This week, a surprisingly small selection leading into the so-called “biggest shopping day of the year.”

Recent releases coming to DVD include Will Smith and Charlize Theron in Hancock (Sony, also Blu-Ray), Vince Vaughn making a grab for your Christmas cash in Fred Claus (Warner, also Blu-Ray), Eddie Murphy inside Eddie Murphy in Meet Dave (Fox, also Blu-Ray), and Andy Samberg going from talking to animals as Mark Wahlberg to playing a talking animal himself in Space Chimps (Warner, also Blu-Ray).

In classics this week, Criterion releases two seminal nineties films, Wes Anderson’s debut effort Bottle Rocket and Wong Kar-wai’s awesome and Tarantino-approved Chungking Express. But don’t fret, Blu-Ray fans- they’ll be coming out in that format in December, so don’t cross them off the Christmas list.

In TV on DVD, this week brings the season-bridging special 24: Redemption (Fox), plus everyone’s fake wingnut in A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All (Paramount).

Finally, this week’s Blu-Ray only releases are a Jamie Foxx double feature, Jarhead and The Kingdom (both Universal).

Morning Deal Report: “School of Rock” Rolls Again

Scott Von Doviak — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 14:00:00 GMT

Hellboy II: The Golden Army raised hell at the box office over the weekend, taking in an estimated $35.9 million. The public’s appetite for digitally rendered Brendan Fraser proved larger than I would have guessed as Journey to the Center of the Earth garnered $20.6 million, good for third place behind Hancock in its second weekend. Eddie Murphy made Mike Myers feel better about things as Meet Dave crashed and burned with only $5.3 million, one of the worst opening weekends in the history of the Murphyverse.

Richard Linklater should really have better things to do than a sequel to School of Rock, shouldn’t he? (I won’t even suggest that screenwriter Mike White does.) Nevertheless, the director is attached to School of Rock 2: America Rocks, as is original star Jack Black as rockin’ substitute teacher Dewey Finn. Variety reports that White’s screenplay “picks up with Finn leading a group of summer school students on a cross-country field trip that delves into the history of rock 'n' roll and explores the roots of blues, rap, country and other genres.” Could be worse, I guess. Linklater could be remaking The Bad News Bears Go to Japan.

In even less surprising news, Jon Heder will play “a Napoleon Dynamite-like oddball who becomes contaminated with a substance that gives him what might arguably be considered superpowers” in Loudermilk, per the Hollywood Reporter. The comedy was pitched to Universal by Heder and his brother Doug, and will be rewritten and directed by Craig Zobel (Great World of Sound). In the funniest sentence I’ve read this morning, Doug Heder proclaims, “Loudermilk is definitely intended to set the tone for Greasy Entertainment.”

Related:
Hellboy: The Letting Go
Eddie Murphy Exhumes "Beverly Hills Cop"

Eddie Murphy Exhumes “Beverly Hill Cop”

Scott Von Doviak — Thu, 29 May 2008 14:30:00 GMT

There must be some sort of misunderstanding. See, the other day I wrote about reviving another '80s action hero in the wake of successful return visits from Rambo and Indiana Jones. But I was talking about Mad Max. Some signals must have gotten crossed because I definitely didn’t mean Beverly Hills Cop.

Yet here it is in Variety: “On the heels of the successful revival of the Indiana Jones franchise, Paramount has set in motion a fourth installment of Beverly Hills Cop. Eddie Murphy is attached to reprise his role as Detroit detective Axel Foley, and Brett Ratner is negotiating to direct.”

Whose bright idea was this? Unsurprisingly, it was the star of Norbit and Meet Dave himself. “Murphy approached the studio about reviving the franchise that cemented his status as a B.O. mega-star.” With such announced upcoming projects as The Incredible Shrinking Man and Untitled Eddie Murphy/Romeo and Juliet Project, you’d think his plate would be full, but hey, lucky us. Now we can only wait and wonder if Judge Reinhold is available.

Trailer Review: What Happens in Vegas

Paul Clark — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 16:00:00 GMT

Earlier this week, when I ran the trailer for Eddie Murphy's latest winner, Meet Dave, I thought I'd seen one of the least appealing trailers of 2008. Foolish me — if only I knew the horrors that awaited me, horrors surpassing even those found in The Love Guru trailer. How many kinds of terrible is this trailer? Let's begin by the central pairing — the increasingly intolerable Cameron Diaz opposite perhaps the most insufferable leading man in Hollywood, Ashton Kutcher. Then there's the contrived, godawful premise, which finds Cam and Kutch fighting over a shared $3 million windfall, never mind that most people would be ecstatic to take their half and run for the hills. And let's not forget that the characters are so asinine that they aren't able to notice when the toilet seat is missing, or so dense that they don't see anything wrong when dozens of hot women randomly show up at the apartment and start partying. And let's not forget that domestic violence joke at the end, sure to get a laugh from anyone who's ever had a friend in an abusive relationship, which is, oh, roughly 98% of the population. Not only does What Happens in Vegas look desperately unfunny, but it's out of touch with anyone in the audience who isn't already a movie star to an almost offensive degree. Normally, I try not to give away too much about a trailer, but I'm breaking my rule here because I really don't want you folks to watch this yourselves. Don't say I never did anything for you.

Trailer Review: The Life Before Her Eyes

Paul Clark — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 16:00:00 GMT

Well, it appears that it's Changed Title Week here at Trailer Review, first with Monday's Starship Meet Dave, and now this one, which was originally titled In Bloom. It was under this title that the film premiered to lukewarm reviews at last year's Toronto Film Festival, where Premiere's Glenn Kenny called it "basically Sophie's Choice meets Incident at Owl Creek Bridge meets Columbine." The trailer conveys this pretty effectively, with a sudden flash-forward from the teenage protagonist driving to the adult version behind the wheel. But what I have a hard time stomaching is the film's grief-porn aspect, for lack of a better word. Yes, a school shooting is a tragedy, but the film looks less like a complex examination of the psychological fallout from this central incident than a wallow in the heroine's misery. And in what universe does Evan Rachel Wood grow up into Uma Thurman without, uh, surgical enhancement? Just sayin'.

Trailer Review: Meet Dave

Paul Clark — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 16:00:00 GMT

It's a pretty hard and fast rule that if a trailer includes a bit of the hero strutting down the street to "Staying Alive" and movie being advertised isn't Saturday Night Fever, the movie is almost certain to be terrible. But then, why should we expect any more from Eddie Murphy? It's sad to see what's happened to the guy- Murphy was as funny as anyone ever was on SNL, but he has an spooky talent for gravitating toward crap that, given his popularity, he should have the clout to avoid. The premise for Meet Dave had real potential, but if the trailer is any clue then it's merely one bit of forced schtick after another. Even the title reeks of dumbing-down, as the movie was originally called Starship Dave until it was decided that the audience couldn't handle multisyllabic words. About the best thing I can say is that Murphy doesn't appear to engage in any ethnic humor here, unless of course he's the one made up to look like Elizabeth Banks. A possibility which, truth be told, I wouldn't rule out at this point. It would certainly explain the character's attraction to Murphy, come to think of it.