In Other Blogs: Seagalogy and its Discontents

Scott Von Doviak — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 17:00:00 GMT

The Indiewire blog Boredom at its Boredest has an appreciation of our erstwhile Screengrab colleague Vern’s scholarly film studies tome Seagalogy. Actually, calling it an appreciation doesn’t go far enough. Michael Tully calls the book “the definitive statement of film writing by a member of my generation. Laugh if you want, but it’s true. You can even quote me. Go ahead. I dare you. For the fact remains that there has never been a film writer whose voice so distinctly and accurately represents the bipolar blend of sarcasm and sincerity that defines the late 20th Century generation to which we belong. By celebrating, dissecting, and nitpicking through the entire oeuvre of Steven Seagal, Vern has turned other critics’ trash into his own unique art. If you think Seagalogy is all one big, funny joke, you’re missing the point. It’s not a joke. It’s dead serious. But it’s also hilarious. As in That Is The Funniest Fucking Thing I Have Ever Read In My Life hilarious.” Of course, you can’t make a claim like that without ruffling a few feathers, so be sure to check out the comments for an irate reaction and Vern’s even-tempered reply.

The House Next Door and Movie Geeks United have teamed up for a look back at…the Summer of ’83. Well now, there’s an idea! I’ll admit that this feature has opened my eyes to something I was not aware existed: the cult of Krull. “I have seen Krull 12,118 times,” writes Stephen Boone. “I have to agree that it wipes out any objectivity on my part. It is a perfect gem. I blame the music. James Horner was on some kind of fire in the 1980's. The scores to Krull and Star Trek II make me wanna swashbuckle just as badly as Wu Tang's 'Da Mystery of Chessboxin' makes me want to pull a heist in a ninja suit.”

At Popwatch, Gary Susman quibbles with the AFI’s latest boring rank-off. “As always, the AFI list prompts both quibbles and assent. First the quibbles, including one major beef: No horror? Horror's not a classic genre? (That sound you hear is Boris Karloff, pictured, spinning in someone else's grave.) Neither is the musical? Or film noir? What gives? And among the genres themselves, the romantic comedy list is especially disappointing. (Sleepless in Seattle is one of the 10 best romantic comedies ever? Better than Ninotchka, Trouble in Paradise, The Lady Eve, The Miracle of Morgan's Creek, Some Like It Hot, or His Girl Friday? Shoot me now.) City Lights is indeed a great film, but the essence of romantic comedy is sparkling dialogue, which is nonexistent in Chaplin's silent. And in Westerns, they found room for the unwatchable Cat Ballou but not for The Magnificent Seven, The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance, Tombstone, Destry Rides Again?”

And finally this week in List-o-Mania, Spoutblog offers 15 Films That Offended Religious Groups, in honor of the Love Guru kerfuffle. If I were Mike Myers, I would now turn to the camera, grin sheepishly and say, “I just said ‘kerfuffle.’”

Related:
Seagalogy: A Life in Badass Cinema
Mike Myers Will Uplift You

Seagalogy: A Life in Badass Cinema

Peter Smith — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 19:00:00 GMT

"You are about to go on a sacred journey. This journey will be good for all people. But you must be careful." — On Deadly Ground (1994, Steven Seagal)

Since the advent of the Internet, film criticism has grown considerably more diverse and democratic, with no subject deemed unfit for serious study. Thus, it was only a matter of time before someone got around to writing a comprehensive study of the career of Steven Seagal, one of the most galvanizing figures in Hollywood action cinema during the past twenty-five years. Who better for the task than occasional Screengrab contributor Vern, who is, above all, a noted connoisseur of what he terms "badass cinema?"

Anyone familiar with Vern’s inimitable prose style from his work on this site and Ain't It Cool News, his personal web page, or his book 5 On the Outside, knows exactly what to expect from Seagalogy. Vern's writing is compulsively readable, occasionally lewd but often uproariously funny, with some of the damnedest digressions and turns of phrase I’ve ever read.

But what comes through most clearly in Seagalogy is Vern’s unabashed love for his subject. Over nearly 350 pages, he examines every film in Seagal’s career, from the salad days of Hard to Kill and Marked for Death, to his most mainstream years in the mid-1990s, to his recent direct-to-video fare. Unlike most film writers, Vern is well-versed in Seagal and doesn’t condescend to his work, and even when he’s disappointed with the films themselves, as he was with Out for a Kill, his writing still comes from a place of respect and admiration.

In addition to reviews of every film Seagal has made to date, Seagalogy also features appendices on Seagal’s other appearances and productions, unfinished Seagal projects, thoughts on Steven Seagal’s Lightning Bolt Energy Drink, and a review of a Seattle performance by Seagal's blues band Thunderbox. Heck, there’s even an introduction written by All the Real Girls director (and old-school Seagal fan) David Gordon Green.

Advertisements for Seagalogy call it "the book that will shake the very foundations of film criticism, break their wrists and then throw them through a window." I haven’t watched a Seagal film in years, but the book took me back to my younger days, enjoying a guys-only video night with my dad and watching Out for Justice and Under Siege. For this reason, I call Seagalogy the film book I never knew I always wanted to read. Seagalogy can be purchased exclusively through Lulu.com, and is available both in print and download versions.

— Paul Clark

The Screengrab : seagalogy

In Other Blogs: Seagalogy and its Discontents

Seagalogy: A Life in Badass Cinema