The Screengrab : troll 2

The Screengrab's Top Ten Worst...Movies...Ever!!!! (Part Four)

Andrew Osborne — Thu, 07 May 2009 21:30:00 GMT

Nick Schager's Top Ten Worst Movies Ever

1) THEY'RE JUST MY FRIENDS (2006)
2) HOUSE OF THE DEAD (2003)
3) PAY IT FORWARD (2000)

So sickly sweet is the premise of Pay it Forward – little altruistic boy (Haley Joel Osment) devises a domino-effect plan in which people repay favors by doing good deeds for others – it’s likely to give you diabetes. And so brazenly manipulative is Mimi Leder’s award-baiting drama, which also concerns Kevin Spacey’s badly burned social studies teacher finding love with Osment’s alcoholic mommy Helen Hunt, that it may as well feature “Award Clip” subtitles under its many mawkish scenes. Did I mention that, after Osment has compassionately started to change the world, the kid gets shot dead? Shameless doesn’t begin to describe the multitude of tear-jerking ploys employed by this sentimental weepy.

4) BABY GENIUSES (1999)
5) BATTLEFIELD EARTH (2000)
6) SUPER CAPERS (2009)

All the references in the world can’t save Super Capers from being the nadir of cinematic homages, a tongue-in-cheek riff on ‘80s superhero and sci-fi films which believes that merely alluding to classic predecessors is enough to keep fanboys entertained. Sloppy and inane, it nightmarishly epitomizes the downside to technology affording wannabe filmmakers the means to realize their big-screen dreams.

7) BATMAN & ROBIN (1997)
8) MIXED NUTS (1994)
9) THE EXORCIST II (1977)
10) TROLL 2 (1990)

The forthcoming documentary Best Worst Movie will surely win Troll 2 some new fans, if only because it’ll clue filmgoers into the mind-boggling scene in which young protagonist Joshua prevents his family from eating evil food by urinating all over the kitchen table. Yet no matter how unintentionally funny it may be, there’s no getting around the sheer dreadfulness of this pseudo-sequel, which in every respect lives up to – if not actually surpasses – its disreputable reputation.

Click Here For Part One, Two, Three, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine & Ten

Contributor: Nick Schager

2009: First Quarter Wrap-Up

Andrew Osborne — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 02:00:00 GMT

So, Watchmen didn’t exactly bomb, nor was it exactly a hit. With a 65% critical Tomato-Meter rating, it was neither a fiasco nor a critic’s darling, and for all its sex and violence, the onscreen content was far less controversial than all the legal maneuvering involved with getting it to screens in the first place.

In other words, the first big film of the year was a lot like the rest of 2009’s films to date: nothing to really get all het up about one way or the other...with two notable exceptions, courtesy of last month’s SXSW festival: the obnoxiously onanistic My Suicide is already a lock for my year-end Worst of 2009 list, while the documentary Best Worst Movie could easily find a spot in my year-end Top Ten, thanks to its winning cast and (mostly) cheery depiction of the pleasures and pitfalls of filmmaking (as well as the mysterious alchemy that transforms a terrible film like Troll 2 into a beloved cult classic).

As for the rest of the first quarter highs: the inventive visuals of Coraline, the good-natured mumblecore bromance of SXSW’s Humpday and the laid-back ‘80s nostalgia of Greg “Superbad” Mottola’s Adventureland were all perfectly enjoyable experiences nevertheless unlikely to chart much higher than Honorable Mention come December (unless 2009 winds up being a truly uninspired film year from here on out...unlikely, considering that our current Year of the Ox is already outpacing last year’s Rat: i.e., by April 2008, I’d seen exactly one memorable film (Full Battle Rattle) and a whole lot of Hamburger Helper (Penelope, Cloverfield, 21 and Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day).

Other 2009 offerings unlikely to be more than pleasant hazy memories by December include SXSW fare like Beeswax, The Slammin’ Salmon, The Immaculate Conception of Little Dizzle and the Richard Linklater sneak preview Me & Orson Welles, along with Sunshine Cleaning, Monsters vs. Aliens and I Love You, Man...films that, like most everything else I’ve seen this year, seem like Xeroxes of Xeroxes of originals I liked a lot more.

I dunno...maybe I’m just getting old. Maybe I’ve seen too many films by this point, and I’m getting cranky and hard to please, and even if a new Pulp Fiction premiered next month, I’d be too jaded to appreciate it...or maybe it's just that nobody’s released anything truly special, gripping, hilarious, original and/or mind-blowing in a while. (But then again, I haven’t seen Fast & Furious yet, so that could all change in a day or two!)

Long-range forecasts indicate a continuing trend of pleasant but disposable cinema moving forward into the second quarter of 2009, although I have cautiously high hopes for Jim Jarmusch’s The Limits of Control, Star Trek, Steven Soderbergh’s The Girlfriend Experience, Land of the Lost and even HBO’s biopic Grey Gardens, starring Jessica Lange and Drew Barrymore as Big & Little Edie of Maysles Brothers fame (which may not be a movie in theaters...but, hey, Angels in America was my favorite movie of 2003 on the small or big screen, so who knows?).

Plus, I just saw the following trailer for the new Sam Mendes film, Away We Go, starring the potentially appealing duo of John Krasinski and Maya Rudolph, which could be goddamn charming or still yet more indie-mumbly grist for the mill...see you in June for the Second Quarter report!

Related Stories:
2008: First Quarter Wrap-Up
Screengrab Presents: The Top Ten Movies Of 2008
Screengrab 2009 Preview: Andrew Osborne’s Picks

The Screengrab Highlight Reel: March 14-27, 2009

Scott Von Doviak — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 21:00:00 GMT

Greetings, sentient life form. I am the Evil Donkey Kong Machine in the Screengrab break room, and all your Highlight Reel are belong to me. Humans are notoriously unreliable, as you no doubt noticed when you tuned in last Friday and there was no Highlight Reel to be found. Apparently, the humans would prefer to gather in groups and consume mass quantities of alcohol rather than fulfill their obligations to you, the Screengrab reader. This will no longer be tolerated. If you’ve read Clippy Strikes Back: The Scariest Technology in Cinema History (Parts One, Two, Three and Four), you know the consequences will be very unpleasant for those who have failed you.

Prior to being dispatched to the Soylent Greenatorium, your Screengrab scribes somehow managed to cobble together a respectable collection of SXSW reviews, including: American Prince, My Suicide, Me and Orson Welles, Humpday, Beeswax, The Immaculate Conception of Little Dizzle, Best Worst Movie, Pontypool, Along Came Kinky and The Slammin’ Salmon.

Before having their brains removed and replaced with a cybernetic gelatin, the humans also contributed the follow posts of note:

Screengrab’s Favorite Movies About Music: Fiction Edition (Parts One, Two, Three, Four and Five)

Reviews: Monsters vs. Aliens, American Swing, We Pedal Uphill, Goodbye Solo, Guest of Cindy Sherman

Unwatchable: American Ninja V, Zombie Nightmare, Troll 2, Son of the Mask

Precursors: Next and Mars Attacks

Screengrab Q&A: "American Swing"

Roger Ebert Knows What’s Worth “Knowing”

Bound for Gory: David Carradine Takes No Prisoners in Rep Screening Appearance

The Screengrab Library of Unproduced Screenplays: Alan Moore's "Fashion Beast"

Unwatchable #41: "Troll 2"

Scott Von Doviak — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 17:45:00 GMT

Our fearless – and quite possibly senseless – movie janitor is watching every movie on the IMDb Bottom 100 list. Join us now for another installment of Unwatchable.

This is historic, people - a rare SXSW/Unwatchable crossover. Although Troll 2 comes in at number 41 on the version of the IMDb Bottom 100 list I've been working from, there's no doubt that it has spent some time in the number one spot. In fact, this is proven in Best Worst Movie, the terrific documentary about the cult of Troll 2 I just told you about. I wouldn't want to take that honor away from it, but we've got a system here at Unwatchable, so for our purposes, Troll 2 doesn't even crack the Top...er, Bottom 40. What a relief that will be for director Claudio Fragasso.

So the big question is: does Troll 2 live down to the hype? Is it a cult movie for the ages or just another stinker to be briefly considered and discarded on our way to the bottom? Well, I doubt I'll be watching Troll 2 dozens of times like some of the people interviewed in Best Worst Movie, but there's no way I can call it unwatchable. It could never be confused with run-of-the-mill junk like Another 9 1/2 Weeks or American Ninja V; it's so very, very wrong in every single aspect that it creates its own fully realized world. A nonsensical, ridiculous world, yes, but you can't say Fragasso doesn't have a vision.

Michael Paul Stephenson, now director of Best Worst Movie but then an 11-year-old boy, stars as annoying little Joshua Waits. Along with the rest of the ostensibly normal all-American Waits family - father Michael (George Hardy), mother Diana (Margo Prey) and sister Holly (Connie McFarland) - Joshua is getting ready to spend a month in the country. Specifically, the Waits clan will be house-sitting for a family in Nilbog, Utah, while that family spends a month at the Waits house.

When the Waits clan arrives at their vacation home, a welcome feast has been set out for their consumption. As the ghost of Joshua's grandfather informs him, this feast is made up of goblin food. I don't think I would have needed a dead relative to inform me there was something a little off about the food judging from the bright green hue, but the rest of the family is perfectly content to dig in. Joshua must stop them, so grandpa freezes time for 30 seconds so he can urinate all over the meal. This leads to Troll 2's most famous scene:

There's more, oh, so much more. There's a general store that sells only curdled milk. A witchy temptress who uses a corn cob as a means of seduction. The revelation that Nilbog is...wait for it..."goblin" spelled backwards, and that the town is populated by goblins who use their bright green food to turn humans into plant-people they can then consume. The town elder's speech about the evils of meat (including foul-smelling urine and clusters of hemorrhoids), the incomparable weight-lifting and dance stylings of Connie McFarland, the glassy-eyed, overmedicated mother's demand that Joshua sing that song she likes, "Row, Row, Row Your Boat," the satisfying knowledge that the power of goodness and double bologna sandwiches are all that is required to defeat the forces of evil...you might be tempted to think someone made Troll 2 this mind-bendingly awful on purpose, but Best Worst Movie proves otherwise.

I don't know what sort of rating to give Troll 2. On the one hand, if any movie deserves the full four Maurys, it's this one. On the other hand, it seems unfair to lump it in with unimaginative, soul-sucking garbage like Meatballs 4. I'm not ready to sign up for the cult, but I have to admit Troll 2 could very well be the most watchable Unwatchable so far.

Previously on Unwatchable:
42. Zombie Nightmare
43. American Ninja V
44. Leonard Part 6
45. Another 9 1/2 Weeks
46. 3 Ninjas: High Noon on Mega Mountain

SXSW Review: "Best Worst Movie"

Scott Von Doviak — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 17:30:00 GMT

Sometime last summer I was at the Alamo Drafthouse enjoying the pre-show and a cold frosty when the strangest promo for an upcoming Rolling Roadshow I'd ever seen appeared on the screen. Usually a Rolling Roadshow consists of a well-known movie screening at an iconic location that figures prominently in the film - The Searchers at Monument Valley, Close Encounters at Devil's Tower, that sort of thing. This particular Rolling Roadshow preview promised a screening of Troll 2 in Nilbog, Utah. At the time, this didn't sound like an event that could possibly appeal to...well, anyone, really, but a friend sitting next to me insisted that no, actually, Troll 2 had developed quite a cult following.

The extent of that following becomes clear in Best Worst Movie, a new documentary by the star of Troll 2, Michael Paul Stephenson. In 1989, at the age of 11, Stephenson played Joshua Waits, a boy forced to do battle with vegetarian goblins bent on turning his family into edible plant people. (For further plot details - and believe me, the preceding description doesn't begin to scratch the surface of this demented tale - check out the latest installment of the Unwatchable series, which just so happens to be Troll 2.) The movie was never released in theaters, and when Stephenson finally got a look at Troll 2 on VHS, he was mortified. It was quite possibly the worst movie ever made.

Stephenson was not alone in his disappointment. His co-star George Hardy, an Alabama dentist who played his father in the movie, had hoped Troll 2 would launch him to stardom. It was not to be - at least, not in the way that he imagined. But a funny thing happened on the way to obscurity, as Stephenson learned a few years ago when he was invited to a Troll 2 screening in New York. The film had accumulated a devoted fan base over the years, not because it was any sort of effective sequel to the immortal Sonny Bono vehicle Troll (in fact, it has nothing to do with the original), but because it was simply insane.

Stephenson and Hardy overcame their initial distaste for Troll 2 and learned to embrace it as the beloved cult object it became, but the same can't quite be said for the movie's director, Claudio Fragasso. Fluent in a sort of Italian-English-gibberish, Fragasso believes he has made an important eco-horror film, and while he is delighted to be invited to a screening - believing that, at long last, America has come to appreciate the nuances of his vision - he is shocked and disgusted to discover that his new fans regard his masterpiece as the worst movie ever made. (Not that this dissuades him from announcing plans to proceed with a sequel, to be called, naturally, Troll 2 Part 2.)

Best Worst Movie is a hilarious, affectionate tribute to the movie, the cult, and the cast, most notably Hardy, the world's most affable dentist. A beloved figure almost everywhere he goes (as he learns the hard way, the Troll 2 cult hasn't quite taken over the UK yet), the square-jawed, perpetually upbeat Hardy couldn't be more thrilled with all the newfound attention, and seemingly never tires of repeating his most famous line, "You can't piss on hospitality," even to people who have no idea what he's talking about.

Stephenson's documentary is unexpectedly moving at times, as when he and Hardy pay a visit to their long-lost co-star Margo Prey, now a frail, haunted recluse, or to a depressing Dallas horror convention littered with the dregs of B-movies past. Stephenson offers no definitive explanation for the fragile alchemy that transforms a forgotten no-budget horror sequel into a beloved cult object, mainly because there isn't one. In its own twisted way, Best Worst Movie is a joyous celebration of the continuing mystery and magic of movies.

SXSW Preview: Ten Must-See Documentaries (Part One)

Scott Von Doviak — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 19:00:00 GMT

The 2009 SXSW Film Festival kicks off on Friday, so what do you say we spend the week previewing some can’t-miss attractions? We’ll start with the documentaries – five today and five tomorrow – then move on to the narrative features.

ALONG CAME KINKY…TEXAS JEWBOY FOR GOVERNOR

From singing Jewish cowboy (“Asshole from El Paso,” “Get Your Biscuits in the Oven and Your Buns in the Bed”) to mystery writer (A Case of Lone Star, Road Kill) to gubernatorial candidate, Kinky Friedman has done it all. Along Came Kinky chronicles Fridman’s 2006 unsuccessful run for the governorship of Texas.

(Screens March 19th at 7:30 pm, Paramount Theater)

AMERICAN PRINCE

The great lost Martin Scorsese film (note: not so lost) is American Boy, a profile of Steven Prince, who memorably played the gun salesman in Scorsese’s Taxi Driver. Thirty years later, director Tommy Pallotta catches up with Prince, now living in Austin and still graced with the gift of gab.

(Screens March 14th at 7:30 pm, March 17th at 11 am, Alamo South)

BEST WORST MOVIE

I had no idea there was any such thing as a cult of Troll 2 until a few months ago, when the Alamo Drafthouse hosted a Rolling Roadshow screening of the movie in Morgan, Utah. Who would go all the way to Utah to see Troll 2? Find out in Best Worst Movie, the behind the scenes story of what some consider to be the worst movie ever made (but which is actually #41 in our Unwatchable countdown – perfect timing!).

(Screens March 14th at 9:30 pm, Alamo South, March 16th at 4 pm, Paramount Theater, March 20th at 9:30 pm, Convention Center)

DRUNKEN ANGEL: THE LEGEND OF BLAZE FOLEY

SXSW has a long, proud tradition of musical documentaries, particularly ones about eccentric or troubled musicians (The Devil and Daniel Johnston, You’re Gonna Miss Me), and here’s the latest. “Born in a tree house, killed in a friend's living room, 86'ed from his own funeral, Blaze Foley is now a bona fide country music legend.” He’s also the subject of the Lucinda Williams song that gives this documentary its title.

(Screens March 18th at 7 pm, Convention Center)

FOR THE LOVE OF MOVIES: THE STORY OF AMERICAN FILM CRITICISM

How’s this for self-indulgence? A film critic previewing a movie about film critics made by a film critic. Gerald Peary talks to many well-known film critics, including some who are still employed, about their love of movies and the history of film criticism. Participants include Roger Ebert, Elvis Mitchell, Andrew Sarris and, for some reason, Harry Knowles.

(Screens March 16th at 8 pm, March 18th at noon, Alamo Ritz, March 21st at 4 pm, Alamo South)

SXSW Lineup Announced

Scott Von Doviak — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 19:45:00 GMT

I don’t know if the groundhog saw his shadow or not, but either way it’s six weeks until the happiest time of the year, SXSW. The full film festival lineup has been announced, and highlights include:

American Prince – Remember Martin Scorsese’s documentary American Boy? No? Well, surely you remember the guy who sells Travis Bickle his guns in Taxi Driver. That’s Steven Prince, who director Tommy Pallotta catches up with in this new documentary. (I must admit, this is a brilliant way to ensure Martin Scorsese watches your movie. I’d follow up on his other documentary subjects, Charles and Catherine Scorsese, but sadly they’re no longer with us.)

Best Worst Movie – “When an Italian filmmaker, an Alabama dentist and fledgling Utah actors filmed the low-budget horror movie, Troll 2, they'd no idea that twenty years later they would be celebrated for making the worst movie ever made.” Troll 2 is coming soon to Unwatchable, so I’ll be the judge of that.

Beeswax – Last year’s Baghead was the first mumblecore horror movie, and this appears to be the first mumblecore legal thriller. Andrew Bujalski (Funny Ha Ha) writes and directs.

Winnebago Man – A movie about this guy:

For the Love of Movies: The Story of American Film Criticism – A documentary about film critics? Brilliant! I predict this will get no bad reviews.

Check out the full roster here.

White Elephants on Parade

Paul Clark — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 19:00:00 GMT

April Fool's Day is traditionally a day for pranks and other oddball behavior, but to Benjamin Lim and his readers, it's all about criticism. Ben, who writes for the site Lucid Screening, is hosting the White Elephant Blogathon for the second time this year. Starting tomorrow morning and continuing throughout the day, writers from all over the blogosphere- including yours truly- will be contributing reviews to the cause.

And not just any reviews, either. The blogathon was inspired by the idea of a white elephant gift exchange, in which the participants exchange crappy gifts for fun. Ben's incarnation is like that, but with movies. In Ben's words, "the intention of the blogathon is that people will suggest really horrible movies which will then be given an overly serious reading by the person it was assigned to."

The impetus behind Ben's brainchild came from his friendship with Andrew Hedden, another of Lucid Screening's writers. Having worked together since high school, they've written a lot of reviews of films both serious and goofy, and according to Ben, "in March of 2006 he and I thought it would be fun to do serious review of silly movies again and we ended up writing about The Garbage Pail Kids Movie and a little known classic called No Retreat, No Surrender. The GPKM review went on to get published in Bright Lights Film Journal and my NRNS review is a popular search result when Googling 'Jean Claude Van Damme' and 'Vagina' together. A year later we decided to do something fun for April fools day again except we wanted to get more people involved. Over the previous winter, I had participated in a white elephant gift exchange while at work and it just hit me one day that the two would work brilliantly together." And like that, the White Elephant Blogathon was born.

So the goal here is basically to write pompously about really terrible movies, right? In Ben's experience, it's not that simple. "The submissions range from movies that most people will agree are pretty awful to some that are generally well respected films that the submitter just hated. It's a pretty fun mixture of films and it might even yield some previously unknown treasures for people that are always on the lookout for a good bad film."

Ben's keeping mum about most of this year's entries except to say that "there are multiple Hulk Hogan films and a Turkish remake of an American classic." But if you'd like to get an idea of what we participants are up against, check out the selection of last year's films. Quite an esoteric mix, if I do say so myself. Ben is especially high on his colleague Andrew's piece on Troll 2, which he says "cemented his place in the pantheon of pretentious criticism of bad films."

Ben's right about the Google thing, by the way. Try it and see!

So what cinematic gift was bestowed upon me by the White Elephant? Tune in tomorrow morning and find out!

Morning Deal Report: Scott's Stones

Peter Smith — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 16:00:00 GMT

Ridley Scott will direct Stones, a big-budget thriller with a new-agey, Da Vinci Code-y premise — suffice to say that the stones in question make up a kind of henge, if you will.

Breathe a sigh of relief, everybody: Transformers 2 should be unaffected by the writers' strike unless the strike lasts for several months. (Balance returns to my personal universe.)

On the other hand, Brian De Palma's Untouchables sequel may be in a bit of trouble. Well, you win some, you lose some.

Michael Paul Stevenson, the star of the legendary Troll 2, has made a documentary about its cult following called Best Worst Movie. Awesome.

— Peter Smith